http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALXVr6eclcU
hey guys....I don't often advertise...but YOU HAVE TO CHECK THIS OUT!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Let it be known to the world, I love you,
not just because of your sultry summer curves,
because you are human inside and out.
There is no one like you in the world
so filled with spring of the soul,
with such romantic fire in your heart.
You have made me realize you are worthwhile,
that your life is not just material,
but of the mind, heart and soul.
You've enabled me to feel the stars,
not just see their glistening light,
but to feel their warmth in my reality.
Such passion was never imagined
until I met you, knew you, breathed you in,
deep, deep into the autumn of my life.
As it turns colder you are my heat,
the days shorter, the nights longer,
your words will be my passion in my wintered existence.
not just because of your sultry summer curves,
because you are human inside and out.
There is no one like you in the world
so filled with spring of the soul,
with such romantic fire in your heart.
You have made me realize you are worthwhile,
that your life is not just material,
but of the mind, heart and soul.
You've enabled me to feel the stars,
not just see their glistening light,
but to feel their warmth in my reality.
Such passion was never imagined
until I met you, knew you, breathed you in,
deep, deep into the autumn of my life.
As it turns colder you are my heat,
the days shorter, the nights longer,
your words will be my passion in my wintered existence.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
139. It's All About Me
I have about 15 minutes before training starts so I thought I would take a quick moment to write something out that I have been thinking about.
The idea of Selfishness.
What is selfishness? Truly, selfishness is about the ability to self-fulfill...to give ourselves what we need to have. When I think about my life, there have been so many people that come to me and talk to me about their feelings and thoughts...their irritations with others...their annoyance with expectations that others put onto them.
This is called projection. Projection is when someone, or thing, or family, or (fill in the blank) throws their own personality onto you.
For example: A man goes out to try and become the next Sesame Street Big Bird...he doesn't get it. He then gets soooooo freakin pissed that he then blames his wife for his failure to get it. Instead of accepting that he is responsible for his own anxiety...he then throws it onto another person. THAT'S BAD!
So back to selfishness.... I want us to understand that selfishness does not have to be bad. It doesn't. For you see...problems occur when we wish from others only what we fail to give ourselves. Read that again slowly.
"when we wish from others only what we fail to give ourselves" - This means that we are too busy projecting and not owning what we want...that problems occur.
If you live through the footsteps of another...through the thoughts, wishes and desires of others...you will be miserable!! Because no matter what you do..it is for another...for them...your life dedicated to him/her/it/them. This is not good! You must be willing to give yourself what others have been doing for you.
Therapy is about a patient's ability to become more self indulgent...they need to learn how to be more selfish and more effective in their use of their own personal power.
NOT GREEDY! that is different...that's when you care for no one else but yourself (which is good and bad...talk about that later).
This is the catch...we love and yearn for what we lack. Think aobut it....the desire we have and the drive to fulfillment is from others...they give us what we think we are lacking. We need to learn that we must try and understand what we are asking for/looking for as a way to give OURSELVES those things...only then will we be able to find our happiness.
True Story:
I know a wonderful gal that wants to open up a strip club. Sexy I know! anyways, she wants to open up a place because she has amazing ideas on what she can do in order to make it mroe successful than other places. Her fear? Her parents will judge her, her friends will make fun of her, her future dating prospects will think "less" of her...ultimately...she is worried about what others will think of her. I understand how she would be worried about these things...lets be real...we all worry about that stuff.
The question to be asked is then: What are all these people providing her that she is not providing herself? Can the readers expand on that one? It comes down to questioning how much of your life is lived for others, how much of it is lived through others...but ultimately...how much of your life should be lived for what you believe in.
Be selfish readers....be selfish.
The idea of Selfishness.
What is selfishness? Truly, selfishness is about the ability to self-fulfill...to give ourselves what we need to have. When I think about my life, there have been so many people that come to me and talk to me about their feelings and thoughts...their irritations with others...their annoyance with expectations that others put onto them.
This is called projection. Projection is when someone, or thing, or family, or (fill in the blank) throws their own personality onto you.
For example: A man goes out to try and become the next Sesame Street Big Bird...he doesn't get it. He then gets soooooo freakin pissed that he then blames his wife for his failure to get it. Instead of accepting that he is responsible for his own anxiety...he then throws it onto another person. THAT'S BAD!
So back to selfishness.... I want us to understand that selfishness does not have to be bad. It doesn't. For you see...problems occur when we wish from others only what we fail to give ourselves. Read that again slowly.
"when we wish from others only what we fail to give ourselves" - This means that we are too busy projecting and not owning what we want...that problems occur.
If you live through the footsteps of another...through the thoughts, wishes and desires of others...you will be miserable!! Because no matter what you do..it is for another...for them...your life dedicated to him/her/it/them. This is not good! You must be willing to give yourself what others have been doing for you.
Therapy is about a patient's ability to become more self indulgent...they need to learn how to be more selfish and more effective in their use of their own personal power.
NOT GREEDY! that is different...that's when you care for no one else but yourself (which is good and bad...talk about that later).
This is the catch...we love and yearn for what we lack. Think aobut it....the desire we have and the drive to fulfillment is from others...they give us what we think we are lacking. We need to learn that we must try and understand what we are asking for/looking for as a way to give OURSELVES those things...only then will we be able to find our happiness.
True Story:
I know a wonderful gal that wants to open up a strip club. Sexy I know! anyways, she wants to open up a place because she has amazing ideas on what she can do in order to make it mroe successful than other places. Her fear? Her parents will judge her, her friends will make fun of her, her future dating prospects will think "less" of her...ultimately...she is worried about what others will think of her. I understand how she would be worried about these things...lets be real...we all worry about that stuff.
The question to be asked is then: What are all these people providing her that she is not providing herself? Can the readers expand on that one? It comes down to questioning how much of your life is lived for others, how much of it is lived through others...but ultimately...how much of your life should be lived for what you believe in.
Be selfish readers....be selfish.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
138. Random
I decided to sit here and write. I read an article this morning about the drive to "fit in"..the drive to be "normal." It stirred something in me...I can only think to myself...
"please show me a 'healthy' man and I will fix him" There is no normal folks...there is only a functioning of social expectations. We are expected to act like others....
In fact, if you think about it...it is the truly healthy man that does not cause harm to others...instead, usually, it is the man who has been beaten that tends to beat others. Only the person that has passed through the fires of their own hell, has had the courage to face their own demons and strife, will be able to overcome them- will be able to speak to others without judgments and disdain but with passion and love. His actions will be the greatest teacher of character and love...not his words...
Does this mean he is never sad or angry? NO! in fact, quite the opposite...he is able to know his feelings and emotions and acknowledge their breath within himself. As Jung says, "the word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness"
Be willing to be sad...to be angry...to be happy...live passionately...love painfully...kiss hard...screw softly...squeeze death...learn to bear the pain and happiness for you cannot move or grow until you accept what the world throws at you.
There is no meaning of life...only a meaning of YOUR life...an understanding of where you are coming from and where you are floating next. Let go of control...let go of trying to capture the world in the lens of a needle...learn that it is bigger than you and that your life is no more or less important as another.
By truly understanding ourselves...we will understand others. For knowing our own shadow, our own judgments, our own pains and soft spots, it will grant us the method and tools for dealing with the darkness in other people...for this is a real fact...if we do not mind our own souls, psyche, and love...we will be changed by the evil of others and pushed to be like them.
"please show me a 'healthy' man and I will fix him" There is no normal folks...there is only a functioning of social expectations. We are expected to act like others....
In fact, if you think about it...it is the truly healthy man that does not cause harm to others...instead, usually, it is the man who has been beaten that tends to beat others. Only the person that has passed through the fires of their own hell, has had the courage to face their own demons and strife, will be able to overcome them- will be able to speak to others without judgments and disdain but with passion and love. His actions will be the greatest teacher of character and love...not his words...
Does this mean he is never sad or angry? NO! in fact, quite the opposite...he is able to know his feelings and emotions and acknowledge their breath within himself. As Jung says, "the word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness"
Be willing to be sad...to be angry...to be happy...live passionately...love painfully...kiss hard...screw softly...squeeze death...learn to bear the pain and happiness for you cannot move or grow until you accept what the world throws at you.
There is no meaning of life...only a meaning of YOUR life...an understanding of where you are coming from and where you are floating next. Let go of control...let go of trying to capture the world in the lens of a needle...learn that it is bigger than you and that your life is no more or less important as another.
By truly understanding ourselves...we will understand others. For knowing our own shadow, our own judgments, our own pains and soft spots, it will grant us the method and tools for dealing with the darkness in other people...for this is a real fact...if we do not mind our own souls, psyche, and love...we will be changed by the evil of others and pushed to be like them.
137. I Can Hear You World
This blog I think is an extention of an earlier written one. As I've been too lazy to go and find...I will just write about it again. I think. The idea for this blog came from a recent movie I saw that starred George Clooney called, "men who stare at goats"
he says in it...
“Your life is like a river. If you’re aiming for a goal that isn't your destiny, you will always be swimming against the current. Young Gandhi wants to be a stock car racer? Not gonna happen. Little Anne Frank wants to be a high school teacher? Tough Anne. That's not your destiny. But you will go on to move the hearts and minds of millions. Find out what your destiny is and the river will carry you. Sometimes events in life give an individual clues as to where their destiny lies."
What does this mean? It means that not everyone that aims to be a actor is going to get it. Well duh! Now..they may work their butts off...they may do some small roles here and there...but perhaps their destiny was not in the stars to be an actor. The fact is that as you live your life, you will slowly begin to find your destiny...your drive and what you are meant to do. Listen to the world telling you where to go.
I have a friend that recently told me that he has a general grumpiness and loss of hope in people...then a day later he finds an article on yahoo that says that Accountants are the #1 job for people that don't like people- which is what he does!
Think about it. Have you ever felt that you don't belong where you are? This is a tough question...it forces you to consider the signs of the world that speak to you...but more, it forces you to almost let go of your goals and dreams...I'm not saying go and quit your jobs...and I'm not saying to throw it all away...I'm simply saying that you should always consider where you are...who you are and what you are doing.
If you have a hankering to act and can see nothing else but that...I would ask about your obsession and in turn what is your obsession holding you back from? Sometimes we get soooooo obsessed and STUCK with a thought, that no other light can come in. If you are that stuck and focused...consider how you are also blinded by it.
Not everyone will be an actor....but instead of fighting against the current...find something that the world wants you to. Go into the calling...flow with the river...not against it.
When you are willing to give into the calling of the world...it will reward you with millions calling back to you...you will find yourself brighter...open...responsive...alive and truly happy.
Consider this...if you are only into acting...yet everywhere you look...you see ballet shoes...pink tights...advertisements for dancing shows...broadway musicals...this is the world giving you a symbol...a calling almost...perhaps you should consider stripping. :)
he says in it...
“Your life is like a river. If you’re aiming for a goal that isn't your destiny, you will always be swimming against the current. Young Gandhi wants to be a stock car racer? Not gonna happen. Little Anne Frank wants to be a high school teacher? Tough Anne. That's not your destiny. But you will go on to move the hearts and minds of millions. Find out what your destiny is and the river will carry you. Sometimes events in life give an individual clues as to where their destiny lies."
What does this mean? It means that not everyone that aims to be a actor is going to get it. Well duh! Now..they may work their butts off...they may do some small roles here and there...but perhaps their destiny was not in the stars to be an actor. The fact is that as you live your life, you will slowly begin to find your destiny...your drive and what you are meant to do. Listen to the world telling you where to go.
I have a friend that recently told me that he has a general grumpiness and loss of hope in people...then a day later he finds an article on yahoo that says that Accountants are the #1 job for people that don't like people- which is what he does!
Think about it. Have you ever felt that you don't belong where you are? This is a tough question...it forces you to consider the signs of the world that speak to you...but more, it forces you to almost let go of your goals and dreams...I'm not saying go and quit your jobs...and I'm not saying to throw it all away...I'm simply saying that you should always consider where you are...who you are and what you are doing.
If you have a hankering to act and can see nothing else but that...I would ask about your obsession and in turn what is your obsession holding you back from? Sometimes we get soooooo obsessed and STUCK with a thought, that no other light can come in. If you are that stuck and focused...consider how you are also blinded by it.
Not everyone will be an actor....but instead of fighting against the current...find something that the world wants you to. Go into the calling...flow with the river...not against it.
When you are willing to give into the calling of the world...it will reward you with millions calling back to you...you will find yourself brighter...open...responsive...alive and truly happy.
Consider this...if you are only into acting...yet everywhere you look...you see ballet shoes...pink tights...advertisements for dancing shows...broadway musicals...this is the world giving you a symbol...a calling almost...perhaps you should consider stripping. :)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Viktor Frankl
I woke up this morning with some random thoughts. I had decided to flip through an old book on my shelf and as I was reading through the pages...things popped out at me. So I thought I would put some of them down...not really as a blog...but instead...things for me to think about throughout the day.
The meaning to suffering, love and life.
Just some words from Viktor Frankl's Book "Man's Search For Meaning"
"...but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way...there is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings...
"if there is meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannont be complete. The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity-even under the most difficult circumstances-to add a deeper meaning to his life...or in the bitter fight for self preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for man either to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not."
"...but my mind clung to my wife's image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise...for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth-that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire...the salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved..."
"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actuallized."
The meaning to suffering, love and life.
Just some words from Viktor Frankl's Book "Man's Search For Meaning"
"...but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way...there is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings...
"if there is meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannont be complete. The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity-even under the most difficult circumstances-to add a deeper meaning to his life...or in the bitter fight for self preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for man either to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not."
"...but my mind clung to my wife's image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise...for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth-that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire...the salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved..."
"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actuallized."
Thursday, November 11, 2010
To my dearest girl
25 College Street
My dearest Girl,
This moment I have set myself to copy some verses out fair. I cannot proceed with any degree of content. I must write you a line or two and see if that will assist in dismissing you from my Mind for ever so short a time. Upon my Soul I can think of nothing else - The time is passed when I had power to advise and warn you again[s]t the unpromising morning of my Life - My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my Life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving - I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. I should be afraid to separate myself far from you. My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit now to my love - You note came in just here - I cannot be happier away from you - 'T is richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threat me even in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion - I have shudder'd at it - I shudder no more - I could be martyr'd for my Religion - Love is my religion - I could die for that - I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet - You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist: and yet I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often "to reason against the reasons of my Love." I can do that no more - the pain would be too great - My Love is selfish - I cannot breathe without you.
Yours for ever
John Keats
My dearest Girl,
This moment I have set myself to copy some verses out fair. I cannot proceed with any degree of content. I must write you a line or two and see if that will assist in dismissing you from my Mind for ever so short a time. Upon my Soul I can think of nothing else - The time is passed when I had power to advise and warn you again[s]t the unpromising morning of my Life - My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my Life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving - I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. I should be afraid to separate myself far from you. My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit now to my love - You note came in just here - I cannot be happier away from you - 'T is richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threat me even in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion - I have shudder'd at it - I shudder no more - I could be martyr'd for my Religion - Love is my religion - I could die for that - I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet - You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist: and yet I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often "to reason against the reasons of my Love." I can do that no more - the pain would be too great - My Love is selfish - I cannot breathe without you.
Yours for ever
John Keats
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
136. Just Smile
Shall we start with the loud grunting? how about skin tight clothing? Oh I know the buckets of sweat pouring down? How tired you end up feeling afterward? The hard breathing and ultimately crappy feeling you get when you're done! no no no i'm not talking about sex people...I'm talking about a gym.
There is so much material to write about at gyms that I really don't know where to start. So I've found myself going to the gym a lot more...probably because I've had trouble sleeping at night...so since I'm up anyways...I might as well go work out.
Psych!sense question. When you go to the gym do you focus more on yourself...or more on others?
Everyone has this funeral look on their face...seriously...all tense and held in the strongest bearing...it's sad.
In fact if we take a quick impromptu survey...I wonder if the women who go to gyms look at themselves more or the other women? I also wonder the same with men. If anyone want to coin in on that one hit the "philosophize" button and let me know your sex and which you look at more (yourself or others)...anyways...
I feel as if many of them, feel as I do. "I'm not strong enough...I don't look 'good' enough...I don't lift as much as s/he does...I can't grunt that loud..."
Whereas others may feel as if the gym is "me" time. It is time to focus on yourself and shut out the world for the next hour or so.
People will just stare into the mirrors holding their own eye sight and staring, oggling, or cursing their body. The range of emotions from anger, disappointment and frustration to the personal experience of success and triumph.
PSYCH!SENSE says, the most dominant form of biological information gathering is visual processing. If we see it, we then are more likely to believe it. The difficulty with this is that many of us go to the gym...do some leg or arm exercises and psychologically want to see the difference as soon as we're done. Even though we know it doesn't work like that...a part of us expects to see it.
We may even convince ourselves that there is a difference in that second...yet when we see someone that is just the bit more slender, toned, cut, blah blah blah...we suddenly feel not good enough again. sigh. I know I've been subject to this. Despite some of my readers not agreeing with me...you have had your moments as well ;)
What's interesting is that what has helped me continue going was not the drive for the perfect body...but instead just smiling at myself. Yes yes yes...weird! I know! but what I have been doing is simply looking in the mirror and smiling at my image.
What effect does this have? Like I said, visual cortex is the most dominant form of information gaterhing...my smiling in the mirror as my checks are red, my gut falling out of my speedo workout thong, and sweat dripping off my unmentionables just makes me laugh. I smile and suddenly realize that all is okay. My smiling at myself tells me to relax and be happy...life is too good and too short to let it bring you down.
So smile my good readers...smile, live long and prosper (was that just a star trek references...sigh...totally nerding out).
There is so much material to write about at gyms that I really don't know where to start. So I've found myself going to the gym a lot more...probably because I've had trouble sleeping at night...so since I'm up anyways...I might as well go work out.
Psych!sense question. When you go to the gym do you focus more on yourself...or more on others?
Everyone has this funeral look on their face...seriously...all tense and held in the strongest bearing...it's sad.
In fact if we take a quick impromptu survey...I wonder if the women who go to gyms look at themselves more or the other women? I also wonder the same with men. If anyone want to coin in on that one hit the "philosophize" button and let me know your sex and which you look at more (yourself or others)...anyways...
I feel as if many of them, feel as I do. "I'm not strong enough...I don't look 'good' enough...I don't lift as much as s/he does...I can't grunt that loud..."
Whereas others may feel as if the gym is "me" time. It is time to focus on yourself and shut out the world for the next hour or so.
People will just stare into the mirrors holding their own eye sight and staring, oggling, or cursing their body. The range of emotions from anger, disappointment and frustration to the personal experience of success and triumph.
PSYCH!SENSE says, the most dominant form of biological information gathering is visual processing. If we see it, we then are more likely to believe it. The difficulty with this is that many of us go to the gym...do some leg or arm exercises and psychologically want to see the difference as soon as we're done. Even though we know it doesn't work like that...a part of us expects to see it.
We may even convince ourselves that there is a difference in that second...yet when we see someone that is just the bit more slender, toned, cut, blah blah blah...we suddenly feel not good enough again. sigh. I know I've been subject to this. Despite some of my readers not agreeing with me...you have had your moments as well ;)
What's interesting is that what has helped me continue going was not the drive for the perfect body...but instead just smiling at myself. Yes yes yes...weird! I know! but what I have been doing is simply looking in the mirror and smiling at my image.
What effect does this have? Like I said, visual cortex is the most dominant form of information gaterhing...my smiling in the mirror as my checks are red, my gut falling out of my speedo workout thong, and sweat dripping off my unmentionables just makes me laugh. I smile and suddenly realize that all is okay. My smiling at myself tells me to relax and be happy...life is too good and too short to let it bring you down.
So smile my good readers...smile, live long and prosper (was that just a star trek references...sigh...totally nerding out).
Thursday, November 4, 2010
135. Online Dating
So because I tell myself that I need to get back on the horse with women and stop spazzing out, I joined a few dating sites. Yep. Good times. So a few interesting things have developed.
Number 1. I have discovered that dating sites are a more effective way of getting turned down faster and more often. Good times
Number 2. I have also discovered that in trying to attract women, the "asshole" approach in profiles works in the number of responses. SERIOUSLY!
For example: the old profile I had up said somethign along the lines of, "College educated, able to talk about a variety of things and is willing to try and make you smile with the random useless information I contain"
The number of responses: 1 out of 60 sent out (estimates)
the "asshole" profile instead read: "I can outsmart you...I am so freakin brilliant that I will read your mind and everything about you before you even know it :) Yes I can read minds. I can feel where you are coming from and hear you out...OH NO! "a guy that is willing to listen to you and learn who you really are"...what a shame!
The number of responses: 10 out of 52 sent out (estimates)
Another example: the old profile up said something else along the lines of, "I am extremely hard working, I do have a lot going on but enjoy my daily work and enjoy the benefits I get from it. I hope to find someone that is open to experiences and willing to enjoy life with me"
The number of responses: 1 out of 60 sent out (same profile as above)
the "asshole" profile instead read: "between my three private offices, my university teaching, my psychological assessments for state and government agencies, my medication and hospital contract work, a book being published....I'll probably force you not to pay for the first date, buy you pretty things, and demand we take trips everywhere, as we travel, but be strong enough to let you pick up the tab if you want to...Still believe in romance while being secure enough to let the woman of my life do what she wants...I'm such a punk!!"
The number of responses: 10 out of 52 sent out (same profile as the second example)
So although my "experiment" is still going on...I'm slowly beginning to notice a trend. Very, very interesting. I suppose the pick-up artist patient I had a while back ago was right...treat them badly, act cocky and they will swoon for your every embrace. ...sigh
Where is the love? ya know? Don't we just miss the feelings of being in love? the feelings of relying and knowing that for that moment they are all that matter to us. The fact that they begin to evolve...our love begins to take on new meaning in our lives...
As an old patient once told me...."the world has a new way to spin...it spins around Helen." Or as George Bernard Shaw says, "love is when we are overestimating the differences of one woman over another" hahaha...
You are able to list all the bad things you can't stand about them...and simply toss that aside and focus intently on all the things you do like about them...Thank you Chaucer "Love is blind."
Ever notice how when you're in love...their car in a structure full of cars...is truly different from everyone elses car....how their wine glass is truly special among everyone elses at the dinner table.
You feel absolute joy when things are goign well...and mood swings and despair when they are sad and down...."Anything s/he likes...I like....to fight the world, she but need ask me to"
When did you last love?
Reference: Fisher, H. "Why We Love"
Number 1. I have discovered that dating sites are a more effective way of getting turned down faster and more often. Good times
Number 2. I have also discovered that in trying to attract women, the "asshole" approach in profiles works in the number of responses. SERIOUSLY!
For example: the old profile I had up said somethign along the lines of, "College educated, able to talk about a variety of things and is willing to try and make you smile with the random useless information I contain"
The number of responses: 1 out of 60 sent out (estimates)
the "asshole" profile instead read: "I can outsmart you...I am so freakin brilliant that I will read your mind and everything about you before you even know it :) Yes I can read minds. I can feel where you are coming from and hear you out...OH NO! "a guy that is willing to listen to you and learn who you really are"...what a shame!
The number of responses: 10 out of 52 sent out (estimates)
Another example: the old profile up said something else along the lines of, "I am extremely hard working, I do have a lot going on but enjoy my daily work and enjoy the benefits I get from it. I hope to find someone that is open to experiences and willing to enjoy life with me"
The number of responses: 1 out of 60 sent out (same profile as above)
the "asshole" profile instead read: "between my three private offices, my university teaching, my psychological assessments for state and government agencies, my medication and hospital contract work, a book being published....I'll probably force you not to pay for the first date, buy you pretty things, and demand we take trips everywhere, as we travel, but be strong enough to let you pick up the tab if you want to...Still believe in romance while being secure enough to let the woman of my life do what she wants...I'm such a punk!!"
The number of responses: 10 out of 52 sent out (same profile as the second example)
So although my "experiment" is still going on...I'm slowly beginning to notice a trend. Very, very interesting. I suppose the pick-up artist patient I had a while back ago was right...treat them badly, act cocky and they will swoon for your every embrace. ...sigh
Where is the love? ya know? Don't we just miss the feelings of being in love? the feelings of relying and knowing that for that moment they are all that matter to us. The fact that they begin to evolve...our love begins to take on new meaning in our lives...
As an old patient once told me...."the world has a new way to spin...it spins around Helen." Or as George Bernard Shaw says, "love is when we are overestimating the differences of one woman over another" hahaha...
You are able to list all the bad things you can't stand about them...and simply toss that aside and focus intently on all the things you do like about them...Thank you Chaucer "Love is blind."
Ever notice how when you're in love...their car in a structure full of cars...is truly different from everyone elses car....how their wine glass is truly special among everyone elses at the dinner table.
You feel absolute joy when things are goign well...and mood swings and despair when they are sad and down...."Anything s/he likes...I like....to fight the world, she but need ask me to"
When did you last love?
Reference: Fisher, H. "Why We Love"
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
134. S.I.T.
What in the world is S.I.T.?!?!?
oh come on! it's soooo obvious? how about now? now? ...geez...
Now yes...what I'm about to write really, really, really is prejudice!...sorry...Guilty! ..right here.
JUST FYI....do not read if you don't feel like getting frazzled a bit...
okay you've been warned!
So I've decided in this moment to say that "SIT" stands for "slut in training"
What does that mean? Holloween just passed. YAY! everyone get all dressed up? get yo' hair and nails did all holloween style?
How many freakin vampires were there? SIGH...good ol' Happy Tooth decay and Skankwear day!
Imagine this if you will.
You are driving down the road...pulling into your driveway, a burger king...whatever...when you look up and see the the skimpiest outfit you've ever seen. Oh you know what i'm talking about...a two piece swimsuit that just covers the nipples....a bottom that is more like a thong and a couple pieces of toilet paper at their feet...what are they supposed to be?
The little mermaid.
NOw I understand this...I do...we all want to be our favorite characters and such...but why would you dress up your 5,6,7,8,9 etc....year old in that kind of wear!??!?!
How many mother's and father's allowed their children to dress in the skimpiest, sluttiest, most revealing clothing ever just in the name of holloween? I don't get it. Parents have such an effect on their children...SUCH AN EFFECT...everything you let them get away with...they will..not because they are trying to manipulate you...but because you let them. This 5 year old two piece wearing baby will is learning that it's okay to dress to openly.
Granted, I understand that it was a holiday...I get it. The question remains though...why o' why does a 5 year old wear booty thongs?
Someone give me some psychobabbo sense on that one!
oh come on! it's soooo obvious? how about now? now? ...geez...
Now yes...what I'm about to write really, really, really is prejudice!...sorry...Guilty! ..right here.
JUST FYI....do not read if you don't feel like getting frazzled a bit...
okay you've been warned!
So I've decided in this moment to say that "SIT" stands for "slut in training"
What does that mean? Holloween just passed. YAY! everyone get all dressed up? get yo' hair and nails did all holloween style?
How many freakin vampires were there? SIGH...good ol' Happy Tooth decay and Skankwear day!
Imagine this if you will.
You are driving down the road...pulling into your driveway, a burger king...whatever...when you look up and see the the skimpiest outfit you've ever seen. Oh you know what i'm talking about...a two piece swimsuit that just covers the nipples....a bottom that is more like a thong and a couple pieces of toilet paper at their feet...what are they supposed to be?
The little mermaid.
NOw I understand this...I do...we all want to be our favorite characters and such...but why would you dress up your 5,6,7,8,9 etc....year old in that kind of wear!??!?!
How many mother's and father's allowed their children to dress in the skimpiest, sluttiest, most revealing clothing ever just in the name of holloween? I don't get it. Parents have such an effect on their children...SUCH AN EFFECT...everything you let them get away with...they will..not because they are trying to manipulate you...but because you let them. This 5 year old two piece wearing baby will is learning that it's okay to dress to openly.
Granted, I understand that it was a holiday...I get it. The question remains though...why o' why does a 5 year old wear booty thongs?
Someone give me some psychobabbo sense on that one!
Friday, October 15, 2010
133. Hidden Code
"I know I drink. It's really normal for me now. But as I've started to drink more at home and when I'm out with my friends I've slowly began to develop a craving for it. Is that normal? I think I sometimes need it to help ease me down or help me think a bit more clear...that's something I'm not sure everyone experiences right?"
Dear Anonymous...
let me tell you something about "normal". To put it simply...normal is a setting on my dryer.
That's all.
Often times when people ask me, "is this normal? am I normal?" that is their hidden code for "am I okay?"
When they say, "is it normal to fantasize about (blah) (blah)" we need to hear that as, "am I okay to fantasize about (blah) (blah)"
The rule I hold to when talking about addiction/disorder is when something is interrupting with your daily functioning. Now, this "daily functioning" measuring stick can be a friend, family member, support person or just your own gut.
Let's break it down (realistically):
I can understand having a beer to help ease us down a bit. Having 4 or 5 beers to do it....too much
I can understand wanting to feel happy and relaxed. Always having to drink to achieve it...too much
I can understand having a drink at a party with friends. Having a drink and then groping his mother while having his dad watch....too much
I can understand gently grinding on the fine little thang at the club. Not realizing it's a guy dressed as a girl that you went home with that one time and kept the lights off only to realize the mistake the next morning...too much
All jokes aside- I want to applaud you. It takes a lot to actually ask this kind of question openly. Thank you for trusting me with it. The simple fact is that you are askign which means that either your gut or someone in your support network noticed it.
Here's what you do:
Take the time to re-evaluate your behaviors
Learn, learn, learn (read material and information related to alcohol addiction)
Consider going to a group just to get information
visit these sites for any additional help you may feel you need.
www.aa.org
http://alanonla.org/html2/index.html
Dear Anonymous...
let me tell you something about "normal". To put it simply...normal is a setting on my dryer.
That's all.
Often times when people ask me, "is this normal? am I normal?" that is their hidden code for "am I okay?"
When they say, "is it normal to fantasize about (blah) (blah)" we need to hear that as, "am I okay to fantasize about (blah) (blah)"
The rule I hold to when talking about addiction/disorder is when something is interrupting with your daily functioning. Now, this "daily functioning" measuring stick can be a friend, family member, support person or just your own gut.
Let's break it down (realistically):
I can understand having a beer to help ease us down a bit. Having 4 or 5 beers to do it....too much
I can understand wanting to feel happy and relaxed. Always having to drink to achieve it...too much
I can understand having a drink at a party with friends. Having a drink and then groping his mother while having his dad watch....too much
I can understand gently grinding on the fine little thang at the club. Not realizing it's a guy dressed as a girl that you went home with that one time and kept the lights off only to realize the mistake the next morning...too much
All jokes aside- I want to applaud you. It takes a lot to actually ask this kind of question openly. Thank you for trusting me with it. The simple fact is that you are askign which means that either your gut or someone in your support network noticed it.
Here's what you do:
Take the time to re-evaluate your behaviors
Learn, learn, learn (read material and information related to alcohol addiction)
Consider going to a group just to get information
visit these sites for any additional help you may feel you need.
www.aa.org
http://alanonla.org/html2/index.html
Thursday, October 14, 2010
132. Opposites
"So you wrote about opposites in your last blog and how you have to watch for signs. i gues i'm thinking if life is always going to have opposites? like if it will always make you choose between things or if it ever gives you a straight answer- unlike you! lol
Long time reader, first time writter"
Now we're talking reader. Now we're talking!!! What an amazing question... psychological but more philosophical question. Now this will be interesting to write about...why re-invent the wheel. For the answer to this I will turn to Dr. Carl Jung.
In his book, "Man and his Symbols" he writes this:
"The sad truth is that man's real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end."
We all need challenges. You need strife and difficulty to build your own resiliency (the ability to overcome a challenge or stress) and ability to overcome...it is necessary for sound mental health. These characterisitcs are like muscles. You have to work them for them to get stronger...the heavier weight you give yourself, the bigger and stronger the muscle will grow. So bring on the opposities, bring on the challenge- it gives me a chance to grow stronger ;)
Long time reader, first time writter"
Now we're talking reader. Now we're talking!!! What an amazing question... psychological but more philosophical question. Now this will be interesting to write about...why re-invent the wheel. For the answer to this I will turn to Dr. Carl Jung.
In his book, "Man and his Symbols" he writes this:
"The sad truth is that man's real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end."
We all need challenges. You need strife and difficulty to build your own resiliency (the ability to overcome a challenge or stress) and ability to overcome...it is necessary for sound mental health. These characterisitcs are like muscles. You have to work them for them to get stronger...the heavier weight you give yourself, the bigger and stronger the muscle will grow. So bring on the opposities, bring on the challenge- it gives me a chance to grow stronger ;)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
THANKS!
I'd like to first off thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog. Coming up to me...stopping me...calling me....writing me...it truly means so much to me. I am thankful for all of you.
Keep Philosophizing!
Keep Philosophizing!
Friday, October 8, 2010
131. Dis' or Dat'
"This may be abit random PSYCH! but like, y is it that you like always have choices? I can imagine the joke already bout that. As in like I feel like im always stuck between chosing things. Sometimes its good stuff and bad stuff or between two girls or like going to a party or not. Sometimes like right now i guess im writing bout being stuck between two jobs. I dont know which is better. Can you tell me? one has more hours less money but is something im interested in and the other has more money but it kinda sucks. What would you do? something you love for less or something thats just okay for more? :) Jake"
Hi jake!
I totally get what you mean by the holding of opposites! I totally know it....it could be something like trying to figure out if you should hang out with the boys tonight or stay in with the gal...buy the car with better gas mileage or the better looking german one....scratch your butt or pick your nose....stick with missionary position or switch into the full-slammin' pastrami sandwich handglider....the old one dollar bill with two strippers in front of you dilemma......ahhhh...choices.
It so wonderful that you are writing about the very topic that I read about this weekend. No joke. Very very very cool. SO check it out...here is your PSYCH!SENSE words of the day...the "TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION"......now...what the hell is that?
IT IS A VERY DEEP AND UNCONCIOUS DIVISION...but for the sake of simplicity and for readers not to get bored of me...lets describe it like this.
this function is from a doctor named Carl Jung. It is the opposition of two really, really, really strong opposites in the mind...Now...Jung says that in the holding of the tensions...in the holding of two opposites (in this case your two jobs)...in the tension and the tug o'war that is going on...a third "thing" (usually the answer) will always come out. It will point to one side...or often it will provide a new option all together to answer you... THis is the transcendent function. This is your answer.
TRUE STORY!
A long time ago ...I was in Santa Barbara (I live in Los Angeles by the way) talking to some friends and generally shooting the crap...I had began to talk to them about a gal that I knew only in passing in LA and how I knew she was working a "tic tac throw" game that night in LA while I was up in SB....
....eventhough I thought I couldn't get her...no way could I build the courage to talk to her and ask her out when I got back (because if she said no, I thought it would break me)...I was stuck...do I talk to her...or not? In fact, I had been thinking about her so much, without even knowing her...I knew nothing about her....TOTAL STALKERISH STYLE! I KNOW! but I knew that she was everywhere I looked...oh you know..."every song sings of her...every voice is hers...every car passing is probably hers" blah, blah, blah, yeah...I had it bad...
So the choice? Well...like I said I was in Santa Barbara at a bar and grill for lunch when on the television screen, only now do I recall this, what flashed on screen was a ferris wheel. This was my transcendent function...this was my sign, my symbol, my telling me the choice I had to make.......what did I do?
I drove my "transcendent function ass" back down to LA that very minute...
4 hours and 26 minutes later (traffic doesn't stop in LA even when you get a transcendent function...sigh) I was at the carnival to try and hit on the love of my life...I left from Santa Barbara area and drove down to talk to her rehearsing my lines and what I would say to her when I got there........what happened?
....
....
....
....
....
....
My transcendent function ass got a piece of ass....LOL....as I hear some of my readers laughing...not that night mind you...but by holding the two choices (talk to her or not) the answer came to me. I then ran with that answer and started an amazing yet far too short relationship with her.
the old' ace of base song, "I SAW THE SIGN...And it opened up my eyes..." The answer will come...hold the tension...hold the polarities...hold the ends...
also known as: "something's gotta give" hold the two choices...listen to the world...wait for divine intervention...breathe and wait...your answer will come. Have faith that you will know which is better for you.
Hi jake!
I totally get what you mean by the holding of opposites! I totally know it....it could be something like trying to figure out if you should hang out with the boys tonight or stay in with the gal...buy the car with better gas mileage or the better looking german one....scratch your butt or pick your nose....stick with missionary position or switch into the full-slammin' pastrami sandwich handglider....the old one dollar bill with two strippers in front of you dilemma......ahhhh...choices.
It so wonderful that you are writing about the very topic that I read about this weekend. No joke. Very very very cool. SO check it out...here is your PSYCH!SENSE words of the day...the "TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION"......now...what the hell is that?
IT IS A VERY DEEP AND UNCONCIOUS DIVISION...but for the sake of simplicity and for readers not to get bored of me...lets describe it like this.
this function is from a doctor named Carl Jung. It is the opposition of two really, really, really strong opposites in the mind...Now...Jung says that in the holding of the tensions...in the holding of two opposites (in this case your two jobs)...in the tension and the tug o'war that is going on...a third "thing" (usually the answer) will always come out. It will point to one side...or often it will provide a new option all together to answer you... THis is the transcendent function. This is your answer.
TRUE STORY!
A long time ago ...I was in Santa Barbara (I live in Los Angeles by the way) talking to some friends and generally shooting the crap...I had began to talk to them about a gal that I knew only in passing in LA and how I knew she was working a "tic tac throw" game that night in LA while I was up in SB....
....eventhough I thought I couldn't get her...no way could I build the courage to talk to her and ask her out when I got back (because if she said no, I thought it would break me)...I was stuck...do I talk to her...or not? In fact, I had been thinking about her so much, without even knowing her...I knew nothing about her....TOTAL STALKERISH STYLE! I KNOW! but I knew that she was everywhere I looked...oh you know..."every song sings of her...every voice is hers...every car passing is probably hers" blah, blah, blah, yeah...I had it bad...
So the choice? Well...like I said I was in Santa Barbara at a bar and grill for lunch when on the television screen, only now do I recall this, what flashed on screen was a ferris wheel. This was my transcendent function...this was my sign, my symbol, my telling me the choice I had to make.......what did I do?
I drove my "transcendent function ass" back down to LA that very minute...
4 hours and 26 minutes later (traffic doesn't stop in LA even when you get a transcendent function...sigh) I was at the carnival to try and hit on the love of my life...I left from Santa Barbara area and drove down to talk to her rehearsing my lines and what I would say to her when I got there........what happened?
....
....
....
....
....
....
My transcendent function ass got a piece of ass....LOL....as I hear some of my readers laughing...not that night mind you...but by holding the two choices (talk to her or not) the answer came to me. I then ran with that answer and started an amazing yet far too short relationship with her.
the old' ace of base song, "I SAW THE SIGN...And it opened up my eyes..." The answer will come...hold the tension...hold the polarities...hold the ends...
also known as: "something's gotta give" hold the two choices...listen to the world...wait for divine intervention...breathe and wait...your answer will come. Have faith that you will know which is better for you.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Poem
Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all die. So do we.
And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.
Think what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
~ Robert Fulghum ~
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all die. So do we.
And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.
Think what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
~ Robert Fulghum ~
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
130. Swingin' My Stick
"Do guys have to settle down? Why can't they simply live free and frollic?
can i man wonder the rest of his life and just having girlfriends? Does a man always have to settle down...i feel like im not meant for marriage...just random girlfriends or random sex"
Often times when people ask me questions in generalities I like to challenge them to make it personal. The real question then becomes:
"Do I have to settle down? Why can't I simply live free and frollic?" notice how in his question he actually wrote, "can i man wonder the..." he was already asking from his perspective...the ol' freudian slip...anyways...
Notice how this simple change will almost create a different feeling and one that is a bit more "in your face" with an answer. This is important for everyone. Our ability to take something, make it personal, chew on it and mold it into something new and different. With that said...
I once wrote about the idea about "levels of men". First off, there is nothing wrong with wanting to live free and frollic. Remember...nothing you feel or experience is bad....only what you do with it...and how it affects others.
No, you do not have to settle down. This is your journey. I will speak from my own experience. I wrote about "levels of men" before and the idea that we must be willing to look at ourselves and decide the "level of man" you want to be.
For example, What Tiger Woods did "on the animal man scope" is not wrong. He was being the animal man. He is doing what evolution has taught him to do...screw, screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
So if that's the animal man...what's the other type? (I'M GLAD I ASKED MYSELF)
There are the spiritual men and the animal men. You can see the difference here. The animal will do what he feels and play and frollic...the spiritual man will instead rise above his instinct and be a different level of man. Granted, many of our women want us to ravage them and tear into them...they want to feel the animal man...but often times it takes the spiritual man to get them to that point.
The spiritual man will invest in something more than physical lust and drive...he will make his body and cravings his slave and resist the urge to break the bond that he has developed with the woman of his life...it is about investment and restraint
The animal man is about living through natural drives and pushes. The one that punches first and asks later...the gun tottin, heavy bearded, strong handed man who gives no care to others than his own drives and desires.
The spiritual man is different. He is the balance of animal and spirit. He is the one that strives for more of a connection, more of a hold with someone. He will pop you in the face and kick you in the groin if you mess with him or his family. He will kiss you lightly in them morning and have you screamin' in the evening ;)
The spiritual male is the one that suffers through the pain of controlling his urges...he does not easily give into cravings...he lets them pain him knowing that what he gets in return is true spirituality, self control and love...control your urges...do not be enslaved by them...He is a different level of man. A different level of person. The balance between animal and spirit.
This is the balance though, you must be willing to balance out your spiritual man and animal man. Live the spiritual life, and when you are with your love...."tear into that pootang!!!" Be the animal. This is the balance. If you do not find balance for your animal he will break loose on the first piece of jungle-swingin'-booty-tang that walks by.
Control your animal...ravage your woman...love hard...live the soulful existence...bare the pain...feel the sweet suffering...
and until you find the woman of your life...screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
can i man wonder the rest of his life and just having girlfriends? Does a man always have to settle down...i feel like im not meant for marriage...just random girlfriends or random sex"
Often times when people ask me questions in generalities I like to challenge them to make it personal. The real question then becomes:
"Do I have to settle down? Why can't I simply live free and frollic?" notice how in his question he actually wrote, "can i man wonder the..." he was already asking from his perspective...the ol' freudian slip...anyways...
Notice how this simple change will almost create a different feeling and one that is a bit more "in your face" with an answer. This is important for everyone. Our ability to take something, make it personal, chew on it and mold it into something new and different. With that said...
I once wrote about the idea about "levels of men". First off, there is nothing wrong with wanting to live free and frollic. Remember...nothing you feel or experience is bad....only what you do with it...and how it affects others.
No, you do not have to settle down. This is your journey. I will speak from my own experience. I wrote about "levels of men" before and the idea that we must be willing to look at ourselves and decide the "level of man" you want to be.
For example, What Tiger Woods did "on the animal man scope" is not wrong. He was being the animal man. He is doing what evolution has taught him to do...screw, screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
So if that's the animal man...what's the other type? (I'M GLAD I ASKED MYSELF)
There are the spiritual men and the animal men. You can see the difference here. The animal will do what he feels and play and frollic...the spiritual man will instead rise above his instinct and be a different level of man. Granted, many of our women want us to ravage them and tear into them...they want to feel the animal man...but often times it takes the spiritual man to get them to that point.
The spiritual man will invest in something more than physical lust and drive...he will make his body and cravings his slave and resist the urge to break the bond that he has developed with the woman of his life...it is about investment and restraint
The animal man is about living through natural drives and pushes. The one that punches first and asks later...the gun tottin, heavy bearded, strong handed man who gives no care to others than his own drives and desires.
The spiritual man is different. He is the balance of animal and spirit. He is the one that strives for more of a connection, more of a hold with someone. He will pop you in the face and kick you in the groin if you mess with him or his family. He will kiss you lightly in them morning and have you screamin' in the evening ;)
The spiritual male is the one that suffers through the pain of controlling his urges...he does not easily give into cravings...he lets them pain him knowing that what he gets in return is true spirituality, self control and love...control your urges...do not be enslaved by them...He is a different level of man. A different level of person. The balance between animal and spirit.
This is the balance though, you must be willing to balance out your spiritual man and animal man. Live the spiritual life, and when you are with your love...."tear into that pootang!!!" Be the animal. This is the balance. If you do not find balance for your animal he will break loose on the first piece of jungle-swingin'-booty-tang that walks by.
Control your animal...ravage your woman...love hard...live the soulful existence...bare the pain...feel the sweet suffering...
and until you find the woman of your life...screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
129. Don't take it personally...no wait...do!
"I read through your writing and it sometimes seems very deep and open but at other times very dry, course and often out in left field. You always refer to being single, sex, and pole dancing. I guess I'm just wondering how you are as a person
Just a passerby"
What an amazing question? heheh...I love how very open and straight you were. I truly feel like you totally hit me on the head...me being a nail...or perhaps a different head :) oh and yes...I do refer to sex a lot! Let me open by saying this.
I love life.
Now don't get me wrong...loving life doesn't mean I am always happy, optimistic and open...instead I simply live my emotions. I think about what i'm feeling throughout the day and truly consider my feelings and how my actions affect others. I take things at face value but also consider the underlying foundation and meaning. We must be willing to take what the world/soul/others/etc give to us and what it is doing for us.
I turn events into experiences, I personalize the world around me...I look for the flying bird at my window...I notice the guy picking his nose in the car next to me...I stare at the hot coffee shop patrons...not because I'm trying to get some (not all the time anyways)...but because I'm trying to feel out the world as it presents things to me. I don't blow up the world with my feelings or express them on open forums (facebook crap)...but instead work through, self talk and find the meaning in things.
This is why I find myself more happier than not. Why i'm smiling and touching the voice of the world in ways that many don't care to. In my work with patients I help them get through their COWs (crisis of the week) but also, I like to focus on the bigger picture and message in life. I like to help people see the world as a place open to experience, free from too much judgment and that is filled with laughter and smiles- it exists...let yourself see it.
When was the last time someone made you smile? truly, truly made you laugh until your stomach hurt? or even reminded you that there are really good people out there? I like to try and fill that role...I like meeting, talking and associating with others that feel the same and believe that sex jokes, laughing at ourselves, stumbling on untied shoe strings, falling off of bikes and picking your nose daily will lead to that happier world.
So laugh it off...play it off...accept the criticism...piss on a bush...lick a toad...pick your nose...make sex jokes...wear something smelly...pick on your friends...fall off a bike...give money to the homeless...work lively...find meaning in a glue stick...look at the sprinklers giving life to grass...taste something slow...look for understanding in all things...pole dance in a library...don't interpret...do and do not assume...wrestle in chocolate pudding and licorice g-strings....and screw, screw, screw, screw (with the love of your life)!
"In order to love everything, in order to pity everything, human and extra-human, living and non-living, you must feel everything within yourself, you must personalize everything. For everything that it loves, everything that it pities, love personalizes...we only love- that which is like ourselves...it is love itself...that reveals these resemblances to us...Love personalizes all that it loves. Only by personalizing it can we fall in love with an idea." -Miguel de Unamuno
"Loving is a way of knowing, and for loving to know, it must personify. Personifying is thus a way of knowing, especially knowing what is invisible, hidden in the heart." -Hillman
Just a passerby"
What an amazing question? heheh...I love how very open and straight you were. I truly feel like you totally hit me on the head...me being a nail...or perhaps a different head :) oh and yes...I do refer to sex a lot! Let me open by saying this.
I love life.
Now don't get me wrong...loving life doesn't mean I am always happy, optimistic and open...instead I simply live my emotions. I think about what i'm feeling throughout the day and truly consider my feelings and how my actions affect others. I take things at face value but also consider the underlying foundation and meaning. We must be willing to take what the world/soul/others/etc give to us and what it is doing for us.
I turn events into experiences, I personalize the world around me...I look for the flying bird at my window...I notice the guy picking his nose in the car next to me...I stare at the hot coffee shop patrons...not because I'm trying to get some (not all the time anyways)...but because I'm trying to feel out the world as it presents things to me. I don't blow up the world with my feelings or express them on open forums (facebook crap)...but instead work through, self talk and find the meaning in things.
This is why I find myself more happier than not. Why i'm smiling and touching the voice of the world in ways that many don't care to. In my work with patients I help them get through their COWs (crisis of the week) but also, I like to focus on the bigger picture and message in life. I like to help people see the world as a place open to experience, free from too much judgment and that is filled with laughter and smiles- it exists...let yourself see it.
When was the last time someone made you smile? truly, truly made you laugh until your stomach hurt? or even reminded you that there are really good people out there? I like to try and fill that role...I like meeting, talking and associating with others that feel the same and believe that sex jokes, laughing at ourselves, stumbling on untied shoe strings, falling off of bikes and picking your nose daily will lead to that happier world.
So laugh it off...play it off...accept the criticism...piss on a bush...lick a toad...pick your nose...make sex jokes...wear something smelly...pick on your friends...fall off a bike...give money to the homeless...work lively...find meaning in a glue stick...look at the sprinklers giving life to grass...taste something slow...look for understanding in all things...pole dance in a library...don't interpret...do and do not assume...wrestle in chocolate pudding and licorice g-strings....and screw, screw, screw, screw (with the love of your life)!
"In order to love everything, in order to pity everything, human and extra-human, living and non-living, you must feel everything within yourself, you must personalize everything. For everything that it loves, everything that it pities, love personalizes...we only love- that which is like ourselves...it is love itself...that reveals these resemblances to us...Love personalizes all that it loves. Only by personalizing it can we fall in love with an idea." -Miguel de Unamuno
"Loving is a way of knowing, and for loving to know, it must personify. Personifying is thus a way of knowing, especially knowing what is invisible, hidden in the heart." -Hillman
Monday, September 13, 2010
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128. I don't exist
"Dear Sexy Blogger man,
Let me first start by saying how sexy you are :) I love how you write and can feel how much you really care about others. Here's what's going on in my life. I've been dating the same guy for about 2 months. It's going really, really good. My only problem is that he is always on his phone when were together. I spoke to myself about what you may say and first approached him about it and spoke to him. His response was, 'well I'm still with you' I kinda accepted that because he is. I just don't feel like it's right. I feel almost annoyed and frustrated because I don't have his full attention, am I just being sensitive? What is going on with me?
-Charles"
....ya know charles...sigh...when you opened up with "how sexy you are" I could feel myself start to smile because I thought, "bam!!! the whole point of this blog was to meet sexy, smart women..." then I read you had a boyfriend and I sank a bit...then I read your name was Charles....DAMMIT! Not that you were hitting on me...but I realized right there...I send off a gay vibe. Dammit. Not that it matters...other then me not being gay....lets move on
I have to admit, I am in this same boat with you. I used to be the one on the phone trying to work, read emails, reply to others...etc...sigh. It was horrible because often times I was with friends that found it rude.
PSYCH!SENSE question: is it rude to be playing on your phone when you're with company
I will start with this. Yes and No. I say yes because often times our physical presence isn't enough for two people to be with one another. Imagine you and your girl (or guy in this case) are going at it...BAM BAM BAM then you ask, "are you liking it?" and she says, "oh yeah I am...do you think I should take a salsa classes?"
See it? random! She is not in the moment...she may be physically with you but not completely with you. You are right to feel annoyed and frustrated because he should be giving you the time you deserve. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that when someone is playing on their phone...they would rather be doing "that" than being with you. Can you hear the argument??? "but I'm with him/her...so I'm doing both...what's the big deal?" Remember mr. miyagi from the original karate kid? he said,
"Daniel san, street...walk left side road- safe....walk right side road- safe....walk middle sooner or later - *SQUEEEK just like grape" If you do something, do it with your whole heart...do it full souled do it and experience it with your all. Trying to spread yourself across the world and conversations will stretch you out making you weaker and not completely present for anyone. If someone is willing to sit with you and give you their whole and all attention...give it back. They deserve it.
I would tell him again how frustrated you are and if he needs to check his phone let him know that he can check it once every hour or so just quickly ...but that's it. No full on chatting, no messaging or writing emails...
You may be sensitive....but so what? The only real thing in life is how we feel...what we experience from an individual perspective.
Let me first start by saying how sexy you are :) I love how you write and can feel how much you really care about others. Here's what's going on in my life. I've been dating the same guy for about 2 months. It's going really, really good. My only problem is that he is always on his phone when were together. I spoke to myself about what you may say and first approached him about it and spoke to him. His response was, 'well I'm still with you' I kinda accepted that because he is. I just don't feel like it's right. I feel almost annoyed and frustrated because I don't have his full attention, am I just being sensitive? What is going on with me?
-Charles"
....ya know charles...sigh...when you opened up with "how sexy you are" I could feel myself start to smile because I thought, "bam!!! the whole point of this blog was to meet sexy, smart women..." then I read you had a boyfriend and I sank a bit...then I read your name was Charles....DAMMIT! Not that you were hitting on me...but I realized right there...I send off a gay vibe. Dammit. Not that it matters...other then me not being gay....lets move on
I have to admit, I am in this same boat with you. I used to be the one on the phone trying to work, read emails, reply to others...etc...sigh. It was horrible because often times I was with friends that found it rude.
PSYCH!SENSE question: is it rude to be playing on your phone when you're with company
I will start with this. Yes and No. I say yes because often times our physical presence isn't enough for two people to be with one another. Imagine you and your girl (or guy in this case) are going at it...BAM BAM BAM then you ask, "are you liking it?" and she says, "oh yeah I am...do you think I should take a salsa classes?"
See it? random! She is not in the moment...she may be physically with you but not completely with you. You are right to feel annoyed and frustrated because he should be giving you the time you deserve. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that when someone is playing on their phone...they would rather be doing "that" than being with you. Can you hear the argument??? "but I'm with him/her...so I'm doing both...what's the big deal?" Remember mr. miyagi from the original karate kid? he said,
"Daniel san, street...walk left side road- safe....walk right side road- safe....walk middle sooner or later - *SQUEEEK just like grape" If you do something, do it with your whole heart...do it full souled do it and experience it with your all. Trying to spread yourself across the world and conversations will stretch you out making you weaker and not completely present for anyone. If someone is willing to sit with you and give you their whole and all attention...give it back. They deserve it.
I would tell him again how frustrated you are and if he needs to check his phone let him know that he can check it once every hour or so just quickly ...but that's it. No full on chatting, no messaging or writing emails...
You may be sensitive....but so what? The only real thing in life is how we feel...what we experience from an individual perspective.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
127. THAT's what you think of me?!?!?!
This topic was presented to me by GetOutTm (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Get-Out-TM/233690253864)
but to be honest it was reinforced by my general streak lately...although let's be honest...we've all been there before.
Now...
There is a time when your friends/neighbors/porn store operator tell you, "hey...I know someone perfect for you!!!"
what happens next? well they talk all about the other person (but let's be honest for the most part we just want to know how they look)...anyways...they start telling you..."yeah man...she's....(fill in the blank)" often times they totally hype her up.
So you go on the date and when you go you see them and right there...right in that moment you realize what?
You realize what your friends opinion of you is. HAAHHAHAAH.....
lets say you see the blind date and they are just a freakin FUGLY mix of crap, whip cream and crap cream sauce.
The first thought in your head? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?"
now every so often you get the friend that hooks you up with someone just absolutely outside your league and world...you see them and know..."OH DAMN...this isn't going to work..but at least for one night I got something hot to look at"
and what is that date thinking? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?!"
PSYCH!SENSE says that often times our friends are truly a great way to measure not only how they feel about you...but often times, how they see you matching with others. "HUH?" what I mean is that we must consider that our friends match us many times based off of what they feel is the image that we give to them. So blame them? yes a bit...but blame yourself? OH HELL YEAH. Next time you start to go off on the friend...truly think about the type of image and person you have put into their head in the first place :)
you get the point right...it's a funny blog about the best way to find your friend's opinion of you. Now go forth readers! share your opinions of one another!
but to be honest it was reinforced by my general streak lately...although let's be honest...we've all been there before.
Now...
There is a time when your friends/neighbors/porn store operator tell you, "hey...I know someone perfect for you!!!"
what happens next? well they talk all about the other person (but let's be honest for the most part we just want to know how they look)...anyways...they start telling you..."yeah man...she's....(fill in the blank)" often times they totally hype her up.
So you go on the date and when you go you see them and right there...right in that moment you realize what?
You realize what your friends opinion of you is. HAAHHAHAAH.....
lets say you see the blind date and they are just a freakin FUGLY mix of crap, whip cream and crap cream sauce.
The first thought in your head? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?"
now every so often you get the friend that hooks you up with someone just absolutely outside your league and world...you see them and know..."OH DAMN...this isn't going to work..but at least for one night I got something hot to look at"
and what is that date thinking? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?!"
PSYCH!SENSE says that often times our friends are truly a great way to measure not only how they feel about you...but often times, how they see you matching with others. "HUH?" what I mean is that we must consider that our friends match us many times based off of what they feel is the image that we give to them. So blame them? yes a bit...but blame yourself? OH HELL YEAH. Next time you start to go off on the friend...truly think about the type of image and person you have put into their head in the first place :)
you get the point right...it's a funny blog about the best way to find your friend's opinion of you. Now go forth readers! share your opinions of one another!
Friday, September 3, 2010
126. I was alive before?
Let's say you have identical twins separated at birth.
One of them lives with an ultra safe and very proper family who demands perfection and their child to be a priest...because of this he then grows up to be a stripper. When I say stripper...I mean one of those nipple tassle, beaded hair glittery type o' strippers.
The other twin grows up in a home where his family were absolute hippies...pot smoking, meth dealing, artsy type o' peeps that believed in orgies, pig parties and swashlers (made up those last two). anyways...this twin then grows up to also be a stripper.
what happened?!?!?
They grew up in different households but ended up having the same dang job! (by the way i'm totally jealous of their ability to wear nipple tassles....don't ask)...anyways...psychology calls this: "COMPENSATION THEORY"
all together now.....YAY!!! a word with more than 3 syllables in it...
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that compensation theory is the meat of the psychological world. Meaning that our parents and upbringing ultimately create the person that we are today. If i'm from ultra super conservative family, I may rebel and say, "screw you! I want to lap dance for a living." on the other side, if i'm from a laid back, chilled out type of family I may grow up saying, "man...I want my life to always be like this...I want to collect dollar bills and make change when I grow up"
PSYCH! kinda finds this sad. Why?!?! because you can then say, I have created a complete understanding of how we are as adults with the compensation theory. You rebel or comply with the family. we are always under control from them!?!?!
So what am I saying?...I'm saying consider one more option. what if you chose your family before you were born? what if your soul/god/spirit/daimon chose who you were to be and the parents you were to have before you were born? What if you purposely chose your life path before the 8 million spermy guys were sent on their race where only 1 would win?
"WAIT?!?!? you're saying that I chose the life I had? crappy or happy? I picked it for myself?"
I am saying...maybe...yes. Your soul/spirit/god/daimon chose your parents and life for you in order for you to find your calling that it was meant to fulfill. Ever hear someone say, "you're an old soul" or perhaps even, "you seem so much older than I thought" or even little children that seem sooooo freakin' brilliant that you have to question, "where the hell did you learn that kid? how did you know that?" perhaps it came from an earlier life...their life before...their spirit remembered that.
In a way, your fmaily didn't have you...You had your family. You chose the circumstances that you were meant to rise up to and meet....take your life experiences are you soul's way of jumping hurdles...of overcoming/meeting what you were always meant to do. hell...you picked it.
or...you can always just become to nipple tassler...geez what is it with me and tassles this morning...
One of them lives with an ultra safe and very proper family who demands perfection and their child to be a priest...because of this he then grows up to be a stripper. When I say stripper...I mean one of those nipple tassle, beaded hair glittery type o' strippers.
The other twin grows up in a home where his family were absolute hippies...pot smoking, meth dealing, artsy type o' peeps that believed in orgies, pig parties and swashlers (made up those last two). anyways...this twin then grows up to also be a stripper.
what happened?!?!?
They grew up in different households but ended up having the same dang job! (by the way i'm totally jealous of their ability to wear nipple tassles....don't ask)...anyways...psychology calls this: "COMPENSATION THEORY"
all together now.....YAY!!! a word with more than 3 syllables in it...
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that compensation theory is the meat of the psychological world. Meaning that our parents and upbringing ultimately create the person that we are today. If i'm from ultra super conservative family, I may rebel and say, "screw you! I want to lap dance for a living." on the other side, if i'm from a laid back, chilled out type of family I may grow up saying, "man...I want my life to always be like this...I want to collect dollar bills and make change when I grow up"
PSYCH! kinda finds this sad. Why?!?! because you can then say, I have created a complete understanding of how we are as adults with the compensation theory. You rebel or comply with the family. we are always under control from them!?!?!
So what am I saying?...I'm saying consider one more option. what if you chose your family before you were born? what if your soul/god/spirit/daimon chose who you were to be and the parents you were to have before you were born? What if you purposely chose your life path before the 8 million spermy guys were sent on their race where only 1 would win?
"WAIT?!?!? you're saying that I chose the life I had? crappy or happy? I picked it for myself?"
I am saying...maybe...yes. Your soul/spirit/god/daimon chose your parents and life for you in order for you to find your calling that it was meant to fulfill. Ever hear someone say, "you're an old soul" or perhaps even, "you seem so much older than I thought" or even little children that seem sooooo freakin' brilliant that you have to question, "where the hell did you learn that kid? how did you know that?" perhaps it came from an earlier life...their life before...their spirit remembered that.
In a way, your fmaily didn't have you...You had your family. You chose the circumstances that you were meant to rise up to and meet....take your life experiences are you soul's way of jumping hurdles...of overcoming/meeting what you were always meant to do. hell...you picked it.
or...you can always just become to nipple tassler...geez what is it with me and tassles this morning...
125. "It wasn't me...it was my ego"
I have been missing...my bad! but look for Psychobabbles on amazon soon! wow...can you believe it? one of my readers wants to publish all this made up crap? wow...
anyways...here we are.
"Dear psyche! my partner always tells me that I will remember all the bad things she does but that I never, EVER remember the sweet things she does. I try to talk to her about it but for some reason she doesn't think I love her enough to notice the small things. The fact is that I do remember the good things she does and tell her but I think she's just remembering the bad for some reason. HELP!
-Anne"
Hi there anne, this is an interesting thing right here. The truth is that we often tend to remember that bad things because usually those are the things that hurt us. Why? ...a whole mess of reasons why.
One of the biggest ones is that we are always "in control" meaning...our Ego (which is the guy in charge of our psychological balance) is always controlling stuff.
"I'm the hottest gal around" -ego
"I can get a hotter chick than him" -ego
"I'm the most awesomest person ever" -PSYCH! (kidding)
Soooo...when we are insulted it is because our ego was thrown off balance. Something messed it up..something threw it a curve ball. When we are insulted it sticks to us because it forces the ego to consider what was said to be true:
a girl tells me, "hey, your clothes smell weird" even if they do not, my ego is thinking, "oh damn...I thought I was in control... and knew that my clothes were clean"
This is why we will remember those "attacks" more than the compliments. Are you the type that doesn't take compliments well??? It may be because you don't believe the other person! You don't believe them because if the ego didn't create it ...it doesn't exist. Funky ey?
Make sense?
an insult from another ? - Ego loses control making it feel attacked by the other
a compliment from another? - Ego says, "it can't be true...because I didn't create it myself"
So when your partner is saying you don't notice the good things...consider how much of that is true...and consider if she/you are not letting your egos run in charge
anyways...here we are.
"Dear psyche! my partner always tells me that I will remember all the bad things she does but that I never, EVER remember the sweet things she does. I try to talk to her about it but for some reason she doesn't think I love her enough to notice the small things. The fact is that I do remember the good things she does and tell her but I think she's just remembering the bad for some reason. HELP!
-Anne"
Hi there anne, this is an interesting thing right here. The truth is that we often tend to remember that bad things because usually those are the things that hurt us. Why? ...a whole mess of reasons why.
One of the biggest ones is that we are always "in control" meaning...our Ego (which is the guy in charge of our psychological balance) is always controlling stuff.
"I'm the hottest gal around" -ego
"I can get a hotter chick than him" -ego
"I'm the most awesomest person ever" -PSYCH! (kidding)
Soooo...when we are insulted it is because our ego was thrown off balance. Something messed it up..something threw it a curve ball. When we are insulted it sticks to us because it forces the ego to consider what was said to be true:
a girl tells me, "hey, your clothes smell weird" even if they do not, my ego is thinking, "oh damn...I thought I was in control... and knew that my clothes were clean"
This is why we will remember those "attacks" more than the compliments. Are you the type that doesn't take compliments well??? It may be because you don't believe the other person! You don't believe them because if the ego didn't create it ...it doesn't exist. Funky ey?
Make sense?
an insult from another ? - Ego loses control making it feel attacked by the other
a compliment from another? - Ego says, "it can't be true...because I didn't create it myself"
So when your partner is saying you don't notice the good things...consider how much of that is true...and consider if she/you are not letting your egos run in charge
Monday, August 16, 2010
124. LOL, LMFAO, ROFLMFAO, G2G
"Why is it that I will sometimes text the girl I'm seeing but she will sometimes take hours to text me back, or doesn't return it at all. I've asked her about it but usually she'll just tell me that she doesn't see it or that she's busy to answer it. Come on, it take 20 seconds to answer someone! is she being honest or just blowing me off"
Hey there...eekk...and ugh...I'm absolutely just like her. Except without the boobs. although I have been gaining weight lately...
anyways, I have a few different answers for you. First off, I would challenge your narcisstic drive, meaning- you thinking that it's all about you.
sorry...the world doesn't revolve around you...(it's busy revolving around me :)
WHA!??!?! yep...when you text someone right in the moment that you feel it and expect them to automatically be available to you in that moment...you are assuming that they are not busy and have the time to answer you. In a deep psychological way...you are expecting the world to contour and fit to your needs when you want it. "I will text the girl...but she will take hours to text me back" this is a control issue. Perhaps texting is not her thing? maybe she's more of a "call me" type of girl.
On the other side...I don't know how long you've been seeing her but telling her your concern and being honest with her may be the way to go- it may seem that she isn't being respectful to you, if she never messages you back especially. If you need her to text you back because that is what you feel you need as a value..then you need to tell her how you feel.
With some self reflection consider your own needs...if you're the type that feels love through attention from another when you need it..let her know it. YOu must be willing to tell her/people what does it for you...what you need. If she cannot do what you feel you need (and vice versa) then she may not be the one for you.
Hey there...eekk...and ugh...I'm absolutely just like her. Except without the boobs. although I have been gaining weight lately...
anyways, I have a few different answers for you. First off, I would challenge your narcisstic drive, meaning- you thinking that it's all about you.
sorry...the world doesn't revolve around you...(it's busy revolving around me :)
WHA!??!?! yep...when you text someone right in the moment that you feel it and expect them to automatically be available to you in that moment...you are assuming that they are not busy and have the time to answer you. In a deep psychological way...you are expecting the world to contour and fit to your needs when you want it. "I will text the girl...but she will take hours to text me back" this is a control issue. Perhaps texting is not her thing? maybe she's more of a "call me" type of girl.
On the other side...I don't know how long you've been seeing her but telling her your concern and being honest with her may be the way to go- it may seem that she isn't being respectful to you, if she never messages you back especially. If you need her to text you back because that is what you feel you need as a value..then you need to tell her how you feel.
With some self reflection consider your own needs...if you're the type that feels love through attention from another when you need it..let her know it. YOu must be willing to tell her/people what does it for you...what you need. If she cannot do what you feel you need (and vice versa) then she may not be the one for you.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
123. I know i'm right!!!! right?
"It was great seeing you a few months ago PSYCH! I loved the group let me know when the next one will happen. Well ever since that group me and my husband visit your site, which by the way isnt updated daily! is that false advertising? Heres the problem, my husband tells me that sometimes I'm just to stubburn about things. He says that sometimes he will see things that im missing and am not being open to what he is saying. I just think that im right on many of things we argue about :) This is the problem. He thinks he is always right and I think im always right. So in order to be fair to him I decided to ask you.
-girl with flower shirt"
When you look at a beach ball you are able to see different colors on it. Well duh?!?! what's the point?
PSYCH!SENSE question: What child is seeing the true color of the ball?
No matter what the angle you will often see different colors. if I am the little asian girl then I see, and think, the color of the ball is purple. If I'm the little white child on the right, I may think "hmm...the color of the ball is green..." if i'm the little mexican kid in the back...who knows what color I see...
(actually...this is like the most diverse beach ball backyard party I have ever seen...)
anyways...
My point is this...no matter what side you are looking at the beach ball..the perspectives are all right and all wrong at the same time.
The asian girl would be right to say, "I see the ball as purple..." whereas the little white kid would also be right in saying, "I see the ball as green" Yet both would be wrong if they were trying to argue what the ball looks like to another person.
Does that make sense?
Often times we will see only one side of the argument. We only are exposed to one side of the action...one side of the story...one side of same ball...
The trick is learning how to read and consider everyone's perspective to be true...but also staying true to your perspective.
It is a balance that is quite difficult to hold...I have to be willing to consider your side as true just as I consider mine to be true..there is an answer and no answer...there is an understanding and almost trusting faith in what you see as your side of the ball as truth.
Arguing is the same way. We often will engage with a person who may see things from a different angle..it is not our job/position to force them to see ours...it is merely our responsibility to walk with them and offer our perspective while also considering theirs. The problem is that sometimes...it gets too difficult....we get so absorbed in our own personal truths we forget to see the other side and dismiss it.
Therapy...soul searching...individuation...in fact just being a better person is not about problem solving as it more about seeing perspectives...and in the new perspectives problems will automatically move...be fluid in your life's journey...be open to the new side of things and allow yourself the openness to seeing the other person's color of the ball.
-girl with flower shirt"
When you look at a beach ball you are able to see different colors on it. Well duh?!?! what's the point?
PSYCH!SENSE question: What child is seeing the true color of the ball?
No matter what the angle you will often see different colors. if I am the little asian girl then I see, and think, the color of the ball is purple. If I'm the little white child on the right, I may think "hmm...the color of the ball is green..." if i'm the little mexican kid in the back...who knows what color I see...
(actually...this is like the most diverse beach ball backyard party I have ever seen...)
anyways...
My point is this...no matter what side you are looking at the beach ball..the perspectives are all right and all wrong at the same time.
The asian girl would be right to say, "I see the ball as purple..." whereas the little white kid would also be right in saying, "I see the ball as green" Yet both would be wrong if they were trying to argue what the ball looks like to another person.
Does that make sense?
Often times we will see only one side of the argument. We only are exposed to one side of the action...one side of the story...one side of same ball...
The trick is learning how to read and consider everyone's perspective to be true...but also staying true to your perspective.
It is a balance that is quite difficult to hold...I have to be willing to consider your side as true just as I consider mine to be true..there is an answer and no answer...there is an understanding and almost trusting faith in what you see as your side of the ball as truth.
Arguing is the same way. We often will engage with a person who may see things from a different angle..it is not our job/position to force them to see ours...it is merely our responsibility to walk with them and offer our perspective while also considering theirs. The problem is that sometimes...it gets too difficult....we get so absorbed in our own personal truths we forget to see the other side and dismiss it.
Therapy...soul searching...individuation...in fact just being a better person is not about problem solving as it more about seeing perspectives...and in the new perspectives problems will automatically move...be fluid in your life's journey...be open to the new side of things and allow yourself the openness to seeing the other person's color of the ball.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
122. It was a comment...
Anonymous said...
I always find myself hanging out with my girls that are less attractive. I never really put it into words until now. I feel horrible. I do tink I do it so that I can feel prettier. Am I a horrible person? I just think that I enjoy the attention I get from guys.
August 3, 2010 11:19 AM
Psych! said...
Hi anon: ya know..often times we find ourselves searching for attention because of our drive to be seen and acknowledged. Many times stemming from our family...If no one sees us or acknowledges us....how do we know we exist? So I understand your enjoying attention. I would simply suggest that you take the time to consider your time out with your girls as a time for feminine bonding and friendship. Learn to differentiate between positive attention and negative attention. Getting attention is great from the opposite sex...quite honestly...we all want that...but getting attention in a healthy way from family and friends with true love behind it will always out do the drunken douche bag looking to get laid. Love yourself and feel the emotion from your girls...you are not a horrible person, you just forgot for a second how amazingly beautiful you already are.
August 3, 2010 11:22 AM
I always find myself hanging out with my girls that are less attractive. I never really put it into words until now. I feel horrible. I do tink I do it so that I can feel prettier. Am I a horrible person? I just think that I enjoy the attention I get from guys.
August 3, 2010 11:19 AM
Psych! said...
Hi anon: ya know..often times we find ourselves searching for attention because of our drive to be seen and acknowledged. Many times stemming from our family...If no one sees us or acknowledges us....how do we know we exist? So I understand your enjoying attention. I would simply suggest that you take the time to consider your time out with your girls as a time for feminine bonding and friendship. Learn to differentiate between positive attention and negative attention. Getting attention is great from the opposite sex...quite honestly...we all want that...but getting attention in a healthy way from family and friends with true love behind it will always out do the drunken douche bag looking to get laid. Love yourself and feel the emotion from your girls...you are not a horrible person, you just forgot for a second how amazingly beautiful you already are.
August 3, 2010 11:22 AM
121. Bring It BABY!
"Yo yo blogger dude! Check this shit out. Y is it that wen I think I'm over a big like obstacle or sumthing that sumthing else pops up in my life. It's like when my baby was born I had to deal with that, then things got good in life an I got a good job but then my girl starts cheating on me with a homie. What the fuck? why is life trying to fuck me in the ass, when do I get a break?"
Yo yo, baby...
ya know...the thing about life is that it will always try to fuck you in the ass. I know that may not sound very therapeutic or PC but the fact is that you will always find a new challenge that life wants from you. For this I refer to an old personal quote of mine...
"Life asks of you what it knows you can overcome" Or quoting a movie title, "somethings got to give"
I feel as if we are always playing "catch up" meaning that we are always trying to move forward and life being how it is...will always try to give us a new obstacle and lesson to learn. You must learn to become more in tune with the world and what it is telling you. You must be willing to take every challenge as an opportunity to grow.
I've written this before...but "things that irritates and bother us in situations lead to a greater understanding of ourselves." I understand feeling overwhelmed and almost bullied by life...but understand that you will not BEAT life...you can only learn to grow from it.
It's not about beating life it's about learning to take the punches while still moving forward. Holding love, peace and soul close will always remind of what life is asking you to overcome.
This is the resiliency factor...think of it like going to the gym. When you go to the gym you will do a million push ups and as you do them..your chest will grow stronger. Resiliency is the same way...you have to exercise your resiliency muscle so that when life challenges you, you will become stronger for it. Learn to see every obstacle and challenge as a new defining moment. As a new chance for you to own the crap that life throws at you.
Lose your job...this is a great chance to see what new experience you can have
Girl cheating on you...this is a great chance to practice your assassination skills (kidding)....this is a good chance for you to find your true penguin....
Find the positives in life and stop letting yourself play victim and broken...you are an amazing person...own it
You say, "life is always screwing you in the ass," I say, "stop being the ass."
Yo yo, baby...
ya know...the thing about life is that it will always try to fuck you in the ass. I know that may not sound very therapeutic or PC but the fact is that you will always find a new challenge that life wants from you. For this I refer to an old personal quote of mine...
"Life asks of you what it knows you can overcome" Or quoting a movie title, "somethings got to give"
I feel as if we are always playing "catch up" meaning that we are always trying to move forward and life being how it is...will always try to give us a new obstacle and lesson to learn. You must learn to become more in tune with the world and what it is telling you. You must be willing to take every challenge as an opportunity to grow.
I've written this before...but "things that irritates and bother us in situations lead to a greater understanding of ourselves." I understand feeling overwhelmed and almost bullied by life...but understand that you will not BEAT life...you can only learn to grow from it.
It's not about beating life it's about learning to take the punches while still moving forward. Holding love, peace and soul close will always remind of what life is asking you to overcome.
This is the resiliency factor...think of it like going to the gym. When you go to the gym you will do a million push ups and as you do them..your chest will grow stronger. Resiliency is the same way...you have to exercise your resiliency muscle so that when life challenges you, you will become stronger for it. Learn to see every obstacle and challenge as a new defining moment. As a new chance for you to own the crap that life throws at you.
Lose your job...this is a great chance to see what new experience you can have
Girl cheating on you...this is a great chance to practice your assassination skills (kidding)....this is a good chance for you to find your true penguin....
Find the positives in life and stop letting yourself play victim and broken...you are an amazing person...own it
You say, "life is always screwing you in the ass," I say, "stop being the ass."
Friday, July 30, 2010
120. I'm Hot and Not
Ever go to a club, a party, a friends house, a bar mitzvah or sometimes a rainforest party and see a hot person? most likely...the hot person will have equally hot friends.
It must be said that we live in a society where physical appearance and looks are important. They do play a factor in attraction (sexually, intimately and within relationships)...they do. Although many can have the ability to see more than looks and work hard at accepting people as they are (usually because we can't accept ourselves) physical appearance is still important...sigh. Usually we'll all prefer to be with Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie than John Candy and the old school bus driver, who smelled of one and was about the size of one... With that being said...
PSYCH!SENSE question: Are you friends/hang out with those who are equally attractive as you are?
As a male there are millions of time when I go to a club, party, zoo, star trek dinner, wherever and when I go will see a pretty girl and automatically think, "hhmmmm..most likely she's gonna have hot friends....I'm gonna keep an eye out for some hot eye candy" For the most part you come to realize, "wait a minute...she freakin does....hook me up!!" The same can be said, for the most part, about those who are just...well...dog ugly (physically folks).
You may find a really unattractive person and realize, "wow...your friends are equally as unattractive as you are!...don't hook me up"
PSYCH!SENSE says a few things about this...
1. You will often surround yourself with those who you strive to be like
example: I want to be successful so I will surround myself by those who only want the same for themself
2. You will often surround youself with those who you feel are a reflection of yourself.
example: All of you are freakin gorgeous! I will put myself in your company because you remind me of who I am
3. You will often surround yourself with those who may provide competition with yourself
example: I'm gonna hang out with the best strippers in the world. This way I can learn some tricks and use them to become better than them!
4. You will often surround youself with those who may provide an ego boost for youself.
example: Because I'm so hot, if I surround myself with those who are "dog ugly" I will instantly be put out as the most attractive! (close to the idea of competition).
Which are you? only when being honest with yourself can you start to realize and see which category you fall into. You must be willing to challenge your own sense of choice and understanding in the attempt to become the whole and more full person.
Find your balance...if you notice you only hang out with hot friends...consider why you do it...think about how you feel around them and truly feel out if you do it for the sake of feeling close, connected and open with them...or because you're just being an ass.
On the other side, if your friends are not the most attractive also consider how you see yourself with them. Do you yourself feel as if you are not attractive? do you feel as if you aren't worthy of hanging out with supermodels because you yourself are not one?
This goes back to blog #119, "screw you princess" those who are great looking do not turn your head up to people or hold yourself as "better" than them because they aren't as hot or have hot friends like you...simply be open to the person and amazing character that they have. For those who feel they are unattractive consider how you feel internally and your own sense of personal attraction. Because quite honestly...after you hang out with anyone long enough...they begin to feel attractive...they begin to feel handsome or beautiful...they become so much "better" physically than when you first met them...usually...
It's good for you ;)
It must be said that we live in a society where physical appearance and looks are important. They do play a factor in attraction (sexually, intimately and within relationships)...they do. Although many can have the ability to see more than looks and work hard at accepting people as they are (usually because we can't accept ourselves) physical appearance is still important...sigh. Usually we'll all prefer to be with Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie than John Candy and the old school bus driver, who smelled of one and was about the size of one... With that being said...
PSYCH!SENSE question: Are you friends/hang out with those who are equally attractive as you are?
As a male there are millions of time when I go to a club, party, zoo, star trek dinner, wherever and when I go will see a pretty girl and automatically think, "hhmmmm..most likely she's gonna have hot friends....I'm gonna keep an eye out for some hot eye candy" For the most part you come to realize, "wait a minute...she freakin does....hook me up!!" The same can be said, for the most part, about those who are just...well...dog ugly (physically folks).
You may find a really unattractive person and realize, "wow...your friends are equally as unattractive as you are!...don't hook me up"
PSYCH!SENSE says a few things about this...
1. You will often surround yourself with those who you strive to be like
example: I want to be successful so I will surround myself by those who only want the same for themself
2. You will often surround youself with those who you feel are a reflection of yourself.
example: All of you are freakin gorgeous! I will put myself in your company because you remind me of who I am
3. You will often surround yourself with those who may provide competition with yourself
example: I'm gonna hang out with the best strippers in the world. This way I can learn some tricks and use them to become better than them!
4. You will often surround youself with those who may provide an ego boost for youself.
example: Because I'm so hot, if I surround myself with those who are "dog ugly" I will instantly be put out as the most attractive! (close to the idea of competition).
Which are you? only when being honest with yourself can you start to realize and see which category you fall into. You must be willing to challenge your own sense of choice and understanding in the attempt to become the whole and more full person.
Find your balance...if you notice you only hang out with hot friends...consider why you do it...think about how you feel around them and truly feel out if you do it for the sake of feeling close, connected and open with them...or because you're just being an ass.
On the other side, if your friends are not the most attractive also consider how you see yourself with them. Do you yourself feel as if you are not attractive? do you feel as if you aren't worthy of hanging out with supermodels because you yourself are not one?
This goes back to blog #119, "screw you princess" those who are great looking do not turn your head up to people or hold yourself as "better" than them because they aren't as hot or have hot friends like you...simply be open to the person and amazing character that they have. For those who feel they are unattractive consider how you feel internally and your own sense of personal attraction. Because quite honestly...after you hang out with anyone long enough...they begin to feel attractive...they begin to feel handsome or beautiful...they become so much "better" physically than when you first met them...usually...
It's good for you ;)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
119. Click Clack
Ever sit somewhere and as you doing whatever you are doing you hear the click clack of high heels...
what image do you get when you hear them?
oh come on...we all know what image comes to mind..
Sexy Chick.
What is that? where does that come from. As I've taken my informal survey many people have told me that when they hear high heels what immediately comes to mind is the picture of a sexy chick. Despite knowing what they look like you suddenly have an image in your head of a hottie.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that the image that comes into mind many times may be the ingrained response and idea from media. With men, as this is the only reference I can give, many times, the idea of skirts, stalkings, heels, button shirts and glasses pops in our head. The thought of the secretary...the thought of "forbidden fruit" will often come into mind as well.
A good friend of mine, Leeds says that "the idea of heels leads us to automatically think someone looks nice...and therefore hot." Don't we all have those images that automatically click with us. We have been trained to listen to and absolutely think of sexy.
If I said, "firefighter" many women....and men...would think sexy
A favorite of mine...when I see women mouthing along to a song at a random local place...I find it absolutely cute and amazingly sexy...
Same thing when something is high up and they have to tip toe to reach it...
Learn to find those things in your life that bring you to smile...that bring you to associate pictures in your life.
I write this blog as a way to demonstrate how many people associate various sounds with images which can be good and bad. Learn to recognize what you find sexy and fun as well as sad and low. This is a way to help build your own open-ness.
Unless you happen to hear high heels, turn around and see a half naked 6 foot 2 inch tranny walking down the street...hows that for an image :)
what image do you get when you hear them?
oh come on...we all know what image comes to mind..
Sexy Chick.
What is that? where does that come from. As I've taken my informal survey many people have told me that when they hear high heels what immediately comes to mind is the picture of a sexy chick. Despite knowing what they look like you suddenly have an image in your head of a hottie.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that the image that comes into mind many times may be the ingrained response and idea from media. With men, as this is the only reference I can give, many times, the idea of skirts, stalkings, heels, button shirts and glasses pops in our head. The thought of the secretary...the thought of "forbidden fruit" will often come into mind as well.
A good friend of mine, Leeds says that "the idea of heels leads us to automatically think someone looks nice...and therefore hot." Don't we all have those images that automatically click with us. We have been trained to listen to and absolutely think of sexy.
If I said, "firefighter" many women....and men...would think sexy
A favorite of mine...when I see women mouthing along to a song at a random local place...I find it absolutely cute and amazingly sexy...
Same thing when something is high up and they have to tip toe to reach it...
Learn to find those things in your life that bring you to smile...that bring you to associate pictures in your life.
I write this blog as a way to demonstrate how many people associate various sounds with images which can be good and bad. Learn to recognize what you find sexy and fun as well as sad and low. This is a way to help build your own open-ness.
Unless you happen to hear high heels, turn around and see a half naked 6 foot 2 inch tranny walking down the street...hows that for an image :)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
118. Screw You Princess!
Lets start from the beginning...
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess...who smelled of cookies and ginger bread...she would wake up everyday from her lavender scented bedding, the sheer shaw that hung over her window would glow with the morning light as the breeze and scent of roses and flowers awoke the princess everyday...and out that same window the princess would await for her prince...await for his coming...await for him to save her.
....
what do they not tell you?
The prince wakes up, loads on 80 pounds of tin...sweats his ass off in it...rides for days on end, likely without food or drink ...fights a freakin dragon, a gargoyle, godzilla, your mom and some sort of witch or evil queen...does the old school stairmaster and climbs up the staircase of death, jumps over a fire pit of hell to find the princess laying there saying, "I've been waiting for so long...where have you been?"
The prince's response, "I have found you that's all the matters"
The prince's REAL feelings, "SCREW YOU BI-OTCH....do you know what I had to do to get here!!?!?!?"
-----------------
We all know the fairy tale...we all know the common storyline and the drive to save the woman...but how does that translate today? how? for that I turn to the modern day club scene and the mating rituals there.
I was speaking to a friend yesterday who tells me, "When my ladies and I go to the club...sometimes we don't even have to take money..."
The idea was that in order to talk to her and her friends...the guys have to buy them a drink. Now PSYCH!SENSE tells me that this is their "price of admission" in order to be worthy of their time...you have to buy them a drink. Does this seem wrong?
Instead of being able to talk to a woman and just make conversation with you...you have to buy your way in? if that was the case...damn i'd buy sex all the time, skip the pleasantries and move in for the giggidy-ness.
But this is the fairy tale today. The guy walks into the club...finds a pretty gal...has to buy them a drink, fight with her wingwomen...ya know...the dragon, gargoyle, godzilla, evil witch (cause damn..some of them look like that) just to get to the princess ...offer her a drink and have her say, "get lost...i'm not interested"
Where did we lose the translation? It's sad to think that many woman (not all as I can hear the hordes of you screaming at me) will often go out to a club under the pretense of "I don't go out looking for anything..." knowing damn well that just by sitting there at a bar and puckering your lips, not doing anything...waiting for your prince charming- you are expecting to swept off your feet. It's true, many go under the false thought, "im just going for fun..." You can get free drinks without the need to do anything and without the intention of trying to get to know someone on a deeper level.
Talking to women is hard...if you don't have a certain look...a certain six pack or rippling arms the most you get is the opportunity to buy the girl a drink (because she doesn't want to spend her money) while she makes out with the fireman...(although lets me real some of them are hot...wait..what?) Over the course of one evening a woman will have about 15 men walk up to her and try to talk to her...I understand being selective...but often they only select for the hottest thing in there as oppose to talking to them...is this bad? well..technically no...whether or not you care...you have stopped growing when you do this. You have stopped moving towards the higher level of being that you can be when all you care about is their ass.
but trust me when I say...there is something damn hot about a tight ass than a saggy one..so I get it. The challenge is overcoming those drives and urges in exchange for something more.
Remember ladies...although I realize your type may be "tall, dark and asshole" (as I stole that from Rayna) it's those that have had to work hard and build personality that are the true winners.
Favorite fairy tales? Shrek and Beauty and the Beast
See the connection? monsters, ugly "princes" who are able to be loved outside of what they look like...
2 challenges?
1. the next time a shrek walks up to you at a bar...offer to buy him a drink...nothing intended...nothing expected...make sure he knows that...but talk to him..you'll make his world and in the process you yourself will grow.
2. there are some damn hot readers out there...damn hot. You know who you are. I challenge you to walk up to someone that may not be very hot...who may not have been gifted with absolute sexiness and chat them up...just for the experiment...see if they are anymore interesting than the rippling firefighter. Not to mention...you will absolutely change his world for the better...and like I said earlier..you will have grown in the process
For my less attractive readers, when you see the hot princess at the club...ignore them because they don't care about you in the slightest bit...but if you just have the absolute drive to talk to them..the drive and personal mission to get the hottest thing in the club...
here is your tip. Buy her drink...add Roofie. ta-da!
(for more reading see...blog 110 "I've got sssssteam heat" this is about how women may only be confident because they are used to men always hitting on them...it's false self esteem...also consider 109 "Play the game" sometimes we just have to suck it up and play the game/role that the environment expects of us)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess...who smelled of cookies and ginger bread...she would wake up everyday from her lavender scented bedding, the sheer shaw that hung over her window would glow with the morning light as the breeze and scent of roses and flowers awoke the princess everyday...and out that same window the princess would await for her prince...await for his coming...await for him to save her.
....
what do they not tell you?
The prince wakes up, loads on 80 pounds of tin...sweats his ass off in it...rides for days on end, likely without food or drink ...fights a freakin dragon, a gargoyle, godzilla, your mom and some sort of witch or evil queen...does the old school stairmaster and climbs up the staircase of death, jumps over a fire pit of hell to find the princess laying there saying, "I've been waiting for so long...where have you been?"
The prince's response, "I have found you that's all the matters"
The prince's REAL feelings, "SCREW YOU BI-OTCH....do you know what I had to do to get here!!?!?!?"
-----------------
We all know the fairy tale...we all know the common storyline and the drive to save the woman...but how does that translate today? how? for that I turn to the modern day club scene and the mating rituals there.
I was speaking to a friend yesterday who tells me, "When my ladies and I go to the club...sometimes we don't even have to take money..."
The idea was that in order to talk to her and her friends...the guys have to buy them a drink. Now PSYCH!SENSE tells me that this is their "price of admission" in order to be worthy of their time...you have to buy them a drink. Does this seem wrong?
Instead of being able to talk to a woman and just make conversation with you...you have to buy your way in? if that was the case...damn i'd buy sex all the time, skip the pleasantries and move in for the giggidy-ness.
But this is the fairy tale today. The guy walks into the club...finds a pretty gal...has to buy them a drink, fight with her wingwomen...ya know...the dragon, gargoyle, godzilla, evil witch (cause damn..some of them look like that) just to get to the princess ...offer her a drink and have her say, "get lost...i'm not interested"
Where did we lose the translation? It's sad to think that many woman (not all as I can hear the hordes of you screaming at me) will often go out to a club under the pretense of "I don't go out looking for anything..." knowing damn well that just by sitting there at a bar and puckering your lips, not doing anything...waiting for your prince charming- you are expecting to swept off your feet. It's true, many go under the false thought, "im just going for fun..." You can get free drinks without the need to do anything and without the intention of trying to get to know someone on a deeper level.
Talking to women is hard...if you don't have a certain look...a certain six pack or rippling arms the most you get is the opportunity to buy the girl a drink (because she doesn't want to spend her money) while she makes out with the fireman...(although lets me real some of them are hot...wait..what?) Over the course of one evening a woman will have about 15 men walk up to her and try to talk to her...I understand being selective...but often they only select for the hottest thing in there as oppose to talking to them...is this bad? well..technically no...whether or not you care...you have stopped growing when you do this. You have stopped moving towards the higher level of being that you can be when all you care about is their ass.
but trust me when I say...there is something damn hot about a tight ass than a saggy one..so I get it. The challenge is overcoming those drives and urges in exchange for something more.
Remember ladies...although I realize your type may be "tall, dark and asshole" (as I stole that from Rayna) it's those that have had to work hard and build personality that are the true winners.
Favorite fairy tales? Shrek and Beauty and the Beast
See the connection? monsters, ugly "princes" who are able to be loved outside of what they look like...
2 challenges?
1. the next time a shrek walks up to you at a bar...offer to buy him a drink...nothing intended...nothing expected...make sure he knows that...but talk to him..you'll make his world and in the process you yourself will grow.
2. there are some damn hot readers out there...damn hot. You know who you are. I challenge you to walk up to someone that may not be very hot...who may not have been gifted with absolute sexiness and chat them up...just for the experiment...see if they are anymore interesting than the rippling firefighter. Not to mention...you will absolutely change his world for the better...and like I said earlier..you will have grown in the process
For my less attractive readers, when you see the hot princess at the club...ignore them because they don't care about you in the slightest bit...but if you just have the absolute drive to talk to them..the drive and personal mission to get the hottest thing in the club...
here is your tip. Buy her drink...add Roofie. ta-da!
(for more reading see...blog 110 "I've got sssssteam heat" this is about how women may only be confident because they are used to men always hitting on them...it's false self esteem...also consider 109 "Play the game" sometimes we just have to suck it up and play the game/role that the environment expects of us)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
117. Hear Me!
The entire world is on Facebook. Everyone! I had a 79 year old patient that was talking to me about watering plants in his farmville garden because "it reminded me of the one I had growing up that I would have to work on" ....I was thinking..."cool...you had a farmville garden when you were 7 years old? about..72 years ago?" no, no I'm being mean. But you get the idea i'm sure.
what an interesting trend...you can absolutely see the type of personality that a person has simply by the type of crap they put on their status updates.
Types of Facebookers:
1. Quote writers
2. Joke makers
3. Drama queens
4. Attention whores
5. Half thought
1. You have the quote writers that will put a daily quote on their facebook, usually something deep and meaningful..."the butterfly will only flap it's wings if the junebug in vietnam has sex with a grasshopper and cums into the wind"
Or they put something scary as a way to show how strong and manly they are..., "Ancient chinese wisdom: take the sword from your hilt and cut off his balls while drinking the blood gushing from his torn throat that your pet vampire did..."
2. then you have the joke makers "...I have a great vocabulary, except during sex- usually I only use three words...'oh'....'ah'....and 'Im sorry'"
3. Oh my favorite...the Drama queen....you'll read in the morning how wonderful and beautiful the day is "wow..the birds woke me up this morning" ..then by about mid afternoon it turns into, "oh someone gave me a dirty look when I stuck my finger in the cats ass" then towards the evening, "OH MY GOD...FML (fuck my life) I just want to die now that I stepped in gum..."
4. Finally the attention whores. those are the ones who will put up a new status every 5 minutes. "just got up..." "no, I went back to bed" "wait...i'll get up now..." "hmm should I have eggs or oatmeal?" "I decided to go back to bed...goodnight" "no wait i'm up now..." hahah...they put every moment in their life...then they use status updates as their personal therapist...right? they start to put things on there about their girlfriend that slept with their poodle and how horrible life is yet only minutes ago loving it.
5. The half thought guys are the ones that secretly want attention (although don't we all) but will not admit it...instead they like put a quote or statement that would require someone in the facebook world to say, "what are you talking about?" for example, "today is the day..." or even, "I saw this pigeon screwing another one so I went up to them and..." Although everyone wants to be acknowledged on facebook but secretly will not admit it...the "half thoughters" are the ones that will instead say something to pull your attention...to pull your acknowledgment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that being the social animal that we are we need to have that constant connection and life-feeling moments. The avenue to express ourselves. I'm not saying any of this is bad...I'm simply saying that our generation is part of a development of human psychology where we strive for connection and want to feel less lonely in our existance with status updates giving us the opportunity to do that.
We all want to be acknowledged with what we say too. Just like in regular conversation. You put something on your status and you feel great that someone hit the damn little "like" button or even that someone quotes/says something back...because in those moments we have been acknowledged.
PSYCH!SENSE says that Our drive to be acknowledged is what fuels our lust for status updates. Maybe the person that puts updates every 10 seconds never received the needed attention from parents or while growing up and so in their adulthood- they now have an opportunity to be heard and will make sure ot it. No one will regulate them on status updates.
Although it is fun to almost sit in the background reading facebook updates, find your balance. Find where you can put part of your life into a digital medium but also find those closest to you as a way to express your emotion, pain, happiness and life with.
Take the time to make real human connection...real friends...real emotional bridges...not with just anyone...but at least with someone where facebook status updates can be balanced with your psychological ties to others.
what an interesting trend...you can absolutely see the type of personality that a person has simply by the type of crap they put on their status updates.
Types of Facebookers:
1. Quote writers
2. Joke makers
3. Drama queens
4. Attention whores
5. Half thought
1. You have the quote writers that will put a daily quote on their facebook, usually something deep and meaningful..."the butterfly will only flap it's wings if the junebug in vietnam has sex with a grasshopper and cums into the wind"
Or they put something scary as a way to show how strong and manly they are..., "Ancient chinese wisdom: take the sword from your hilt and cut off his balls while drinking the blood gushing from his torn throat that your pet vampire did..."
2. then you have the joke makers "...I have a great vocabulary, except during sex- usually I only use three words...'oh'....'ah'....and 'Im sorry'"
3. Oh my favorite...the Drama queen....you'll read in the morning how wonderful and beautiful the day is "wow..the birds woke me up this morning" ..then by about mid afternoon it turns into, "oh someone gave me a dirty look when I stuck my finger in the cats ass" then towards the evening, "OH MY GOD...FML (fuck my life) I just want to die now that I stepped in gum..."
4. Finally the attention whores. those are the ones who will put up a new status every 5 minutes. "just got up..." "no, I went back to bed" "wait...i'll get up now..." "hmm should I have eggs or oatmeal?" "I decided to go back to bed...goodnight" "no wait i'm up now..." hahah...they put every moment in their life...then they use status updates as their personal therapist...right? they start to put things on there about their girlfriend that slept with their poodle and how horrible life is yet only minutes ago loving it.
5. The half thought guys are the ones that secretly want attention (although don't we all) but will not admit it...instead they like put a quote or statement that would require someone in the facebook world to say, "what are you talking about?" for example, "today is the day..." or even, "I saw this pigeon screwing another one so I went up to them and..." Although everyone wants to be acknowledged on facebook but secretly will not admit it...the "half thoughters" are the ones that will instead say something to pull your attention...to pull your acknowledgment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that being the social animal that we are we need to have that constant connection and life-feeling moments. The avenue to express ourselves. I'm not saying any of this is bad...I'm simply saying that our generation is part of a development of human psychology where we strive for connection and want to feel less lonely in our existance with status updates giving us the opportunity to do that.
We all want to be acknowledged with what we say too. Just like in regular conversation. You put something on your status and you feel great that someone hit the damn little "like" button or even that someone quotes/says something back...because in those moments we have been acknowledged.
PSYCH!SENSE says that Our drive to be acknowledged is what fuels our lust for status updates. Maybe the person that puts updates every 10 seconds never received the needed attention from parents or while growing up and so in their adulthood- they now have an opportunity to be heard and will make sure ot it. No one will regulate them on status updates.
Although it is fun to almost sit in the background reading facebook updates, find your balance. Find where you can put part of your life into a digital medium but also find those closest to you as a way to express your emotion, pain, happiness and life with.
Take the time to make real human connection...real friends...real emotional bridges...not with just anyone...but at least with someone where facebook status updates can be balanced with your psychological ties to others.
116. I Have Purpose
Hello my wonderful readers...in the mist of everything in life...it was hard to actually sit down and do some meditative writing. I hope you took this opportunity to read previous entries! of course you did guys...right?
This topic was brought up by a friend of mine. Lately he has been on fire with ideas about various topics and suggestions...
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it about waiting in line for the latest fad?
I saw this news report about people standing in line for like 10 days in advance in downtown LA waiting for the latest twilight movie. 10 days? YES! 10 days.
"Hey john so what did you do on your vacation?"
"yeah...I went to stand in line for the twilight movie, tried to hit on the 13 year old girls, then got desperate and slept with a life size cardboard cut out of bella on the cold hard concrete...it was hot."
There is a certain addiction that people have with these things.
1. Use it as a way to escape their own lives
2. Use it to feel on the "in" crowd
3. Boredum
4. Trying to get laid
5. Instant popularity
As people we all need our goals. What are we striving for? what's next for me? where do I go from here? Many times the latest fad gives us purpose. It allows us to feel connected as we stand in line and talk about it to others. To nerd out, dress up like the characters and fully embrace that perhaps in some weird way the movie in this example, is "just like my life"....ya know...being fought over by a wolf and vampire.
Release dates give us something to wait for..something to aim for...something that will instantly connect us with others. For the time afterward and the days/weeks sometimes that follow we will automatically have a topic to discuss, we will have people that will relate and we will be on the "IN" as others ask us about it...give us attention about it...and allows us to tell the story as if it was our own.
It then goes to say that you must be willing to find your other purposes. Now yes, these great things allow us to escape for a moment...dive into a different world and psyche...yes...but so does meth. or...great sex..or...life itself.
I'm absolutely guilty of standing in line for releases...it was fun..."backdoor sluts 9" is something worth standing in line for...
but ultimately you must be willing to find other goals and ways to have purpose and connection to people. Find your purpose.
This topic was brought up by a friend of mine. Lately he has been on fire with ideas about various topics and suggestions...
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it about waiting in line for the latest fad?
I saw this news report about people standing in line for like 10 days in advance in downtown LA waiting for the latest twilight movie. 10 days? YES! 10 days.
"Hey john so what did you do on your vacation?"
"yeah...I went to stand in line for the twilight movie, tried to hit on the 13 year old girls, then got desperate and slept with a life size cardboard cut out of bella on the cold hard concrete...it was hot."
There is a certain addiction that people have with these things.
1. Use it as a way to escape their own lives
2. Use it to feel on the "in" crowd
3. Boredum
4. Trying to get laid
5. Instant popularity
As people we all need our goals. What are we striving for? what's next for me? where do I go from here? Many times the latest fad gives us purpose. It allows us to feel connected as we stand in line and talk about it to others. To nerd out, dress up like the characters and fully embrace that perhaps in some weird way the movie in this example, is "just like my life"....ya know...being fought over by a wolf and vampire.
Release dates give us something to wait for..something to aim for...something that will instantly connect us with others. For the time afterward and the days/weeks sometimes that follow we will automatically have a topic to discuss, we will have people that will relate and we will be on the "IN" as others ask us about it...give us attention about it...and allows us to tell the story as if it was our own.
It then goes to say that you must be willing to find your other purposes. Now yes, these great things allow us to escape for a moment...dive into a different world and psyche...yes...but so does meth. or...great sex..or...life itself.
I'm absolutely guilty of standing in line for releases...it was fun..."backdoor sluts 9" is something worth standing in line for...
but ultimately you must be willing to find other goals and ways to have purpose and connection to people. Find your purpose.
Monday, June 21, 2010
115. It Burns On The Inside
"Yo,
I find myself always blowing up on people. I know that its not like their fault and stuff but somtimes I just get mad and like scream at people. The other day I got home from work and when I walked in my wife came to kiss me and I could just feel myself like irratated or something for reals. I'm like not sleeping regular and I am not eating the same either, its weird. I don't like hit anyone and I dont hit things but like I feel like I gotta to let out my anger. Drinking helps so I just have like 2 a nite to help me do better. Do I need like anger management clases or something. what is going on with me."
-Angry Guy
First off Angry let me say that it takes a whole lot of cajones to ask something like this...big ol' cajones...like..huge bigger than my cajones big...
okay okay lets be real...
no way are they bigger.
Anyways, you are lashing out at others...screaming at others....irritated....not sleeping well...and not eating well...
I would say you're angry sure...but actually...I think you're depressed.
It's true...I think you're sad really underneath all the anger. Here's the thing...when you are a baby and lack the ability to talk (with words), lack the ability to text or type out your feelings...you cried. Babies will cry as a means of expression for their feelings...this is how they get what they need...YOU CRY for the entire world to hear.
The baby is experiencing
"I'm hungry" = Crying
"I'm wet" = Crying
"Where are you" = Crying
"I'm sad" = Crying
see where you fit in? Adults have the same method of getting attention...we adults "can't" cry because well..let's be honest...we men don't cry right? but what do we do? WE GET MAD! We don't know how to let it out in any other way because we haven't been taught how to or told that it's okay to let it out in another way...
Imagine an Iceberg
See that top part? that's anger...that's the only thing we see. But really underneath the water is all that other crap. Underneath the water is where you see sadness, despair, depression...
Usually you will find that with people. come on readers!!! we know this if you have been reading the blog long enough...what you see is fake...I mean it's real anger and emotion...but it's not the real feeling that's under the water. Only when you chip away at the top does the iceberg begin to rise and rise and rise (heyo! giggidy).
So when you are angry really feel and try and pinpoint where the anger is coming from...what in your life is underneath the anger...underneath the water...besides sharks...damn sharks scare me...anyways...yeah.
Drinking...drugs...etc are ways for you to avoid feeling...to numb yourself...this is why so many use drugs...they numb themselves to everything as a way to feel peace. You should not numb..you should engage...as for hitting things...well I'm torn on that because you don't want to train yourself to physically lash out on something...because then you train yourself to do it even when you may not want to...say on a person.
Learn to talk about your feelings. If you come home and are irritated I want you to think about your day...or week...or random conversation you had with someone that just absolutely pissed you off or upset you...more than likely you got mad at someone or something and are taking it out on someone else. Only when you do this will you actually understand where your anger is from and let it out calmly.
For example:
customer comes in says, "hey you, last night I was with your mom and jabba the hutt at the same time as she was going down on my wookie"
you then say, "would you like fries with that"
....
see...instead of engaging (which I know many of you would) you instead push it off...you suffocate your feelings...then you forget about it...go home and get pissed at your family or friends and don't know why. The answer is because you were saddened and upset at the earlier comment but didn't let it out. You are sooo angry with yourself (internal angry at self) for not letting it out that you are saddened (depression) by it. You then go home and kill the neighbors without knowing why (anger).
When you feel the rage come on:
1. Recognize you are angry or irritated
2. Think about your day or week or situation that may be the real reason for anger and sadness
3. Talk about your anger or irritation and where it is from
4. Engage with something to help work out the emotional energy (no punching!) I absolutely suggest talking to something that can hear you completely without saying anything in return but simply listening without trying to fix it.
VOILA! easier said than done but that's how you do a cleveland steamroller ....no I mean...work with anger.
I find myself always blowing up on people. I know that its not like their fault and stuff but somtimes I just get mad and like scream at people. The other day I got home from work and when I walked in my wife came to kiss me and I could just feel myself like irratated or something for reals. I'm like not sleeping regular and I am not eating the same either, its weird. I don't like hit anyone and I dont hit things but like I feel like I gotta to let out my anger. Drinking helps so I just have like 2 a nite to help me do better. Do I need like anger management clases or something. what is going on with me."
-Angry Guy
First off Angry let me say that it takes a whole lot of cajones to ask something like this...big ol' cajones...like..huge bigger than my cajones big...
okay okay lets be real...
no way are they bigger.
Anyways, you are lashing out at others...screaming at others....irritated....not sleeping well...and not eating well...
I would say you're angry sure...but actually...I think you're depressed.
It's true...I think you're sad really underneath all the anger. Here's the thing...when you are a baby and lack the ability to talk (with words), lack the ability to text or type out your feelings...you cried. Babies will cry as a means of expression for their feelings...this is how they get what they need...YOU CRY for the entire world to hear.
The baby is experiencing
"I'm hungry" = Crying
"I'm wet" = Crying
"Where are you" = Crying
"I'm sad" = Crying
see where you fit in? Adults have the same method of getting attention...we adults "can't" cry because well..let's be honest...we men don't cry right? but what do we do? WE GET MAD! We don't know how to let it out in any other way because we haven't been taught how to or told that it's okay to let it out in another way...
Imagine an Iceberg
See that top part? that's anger...that's the only thing we see. But really underneath the water is all that other crap. Underneath the water is where you see sadness, despair, depression...
Usually you will find that with people. come on readers!!! we know this if you have been reading the blog long enough...what you see is fake...I mean it's real anger and emotion...but it's not the real feeling that's under the water. Only when you chip away at the top does the iceberg begin to rise and rise and rise (heyo! giggidy).
So when you are angry really feel and try and pinpoint where the anger is coming from...what in your life is underneath the anger...underneath the water...besides sharks...damn sharks scare me...anyways...yeah.
Drinking...drugs...etc are ways for you to avoid feeling...to numb yourself...this is why so many use drugs...they numb themselves to everything as a way to feel peace. You should not numb..you should engage...as for hitting things...well I'm torn on that because you don't want to train yourself to physically lash out on something...because then you train yourself to do it even when you may not want to...say on a person.
Learn to talk about your feelings. If you come home and are irritated I want you to think about your day...or week...or random conversation you had with someone that just absolutely pissed you off or upset you...more than likely you got mad at someone or something and are taking it out on someone else. Only when you do this will you actually understand where your anger is from and let it out calmly.
For example:
customer comes in says, "hey you, last night I was with your mom and jabba the hutt at the same time as she was going down on my wookie"
you then say, "would you like fries with that"
....
see...instead of engaging (which I know many of you would) you instead push it off...you suffocate your feelings...then you forget about it...go home and get pissed at your family or friends and don't know why. The answer is because you were saddened and upset at the earlier comment but didn't let it out. You are sooo angry with yourself (internal angry at self) for not letting it out that you are saddened (depression) by it. You then go home and kill the neighbors without knowing why (anger).
When you feel the rage come on:
1. Recognize you are angry or irritated
2. Think about your day or week or situation that may be the real reason for anger and sadness
3. Talk about your anger or irritation and where it is from
4. Engage with something to help work out the emotional energy (no punching!) I absolutely suggest talking to something that can hear you completely without saying anything in return but simply listening without trying to fix it.
VOILA! easier said than done but that's how you do a cleveland steamroller ....no I mean...work with anger.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
114. E = MC-utie
"HEY BLOGGER I'M PISSED ABOUT THIS OLD ARTICLE! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT?"
http://www.livescience.com/health/080410-couples-beauty.html
Hello there writer...why all the caps? why are you yelling at me? hehe.
Turns out, for attraction..Females need to look good. Males need to have good personalities.
WHAT?!?!?
yes it's true apparently, as men are more into physical attractiveness and women are into the entire whole, it goes to show one of simplest differences in the male and female biology/psychology.
Apparently a woman needs to find a male that, although looks initially attract, has a good personality. Men on the other hand need to find a good looker. period.
One of my really good friends and philosopher tells me,
"my uncle told me something as a teenager that stuck with me these 20 some odd years...he told me...men can be bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly....bithches you need to shower twice...stay curvy, thin, and looking good."
WOW!!! that is just sad...
Although I understand it...women I suppose tend to be harder on themselves physically than men...I suppose they must also be in constant competition from other women which is really sad...for women....great for bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly guys.
What do we do about this? As you have heard me preach about before -learn to challenge your own perceptions and perspectives!!!
First off..women..screw the whole competition thing!!! screw it! There is something in the psychology world called "contrast effect" this is when women base their looks off of the things that surround them. SO if you base your looks off of models and actors and sexy people...you will feel ugly...if you base it off of the average person or those slightly uglier than you...you will feel pretty.
With that being said, stop comparing yourselves to the cover model and instead find the amazingly pretty things that you already have. Imagine this... if everyone is worried about how they look and how horrible they appear...then it goes to say that they don't really pay that much attention to others.
That's the hard part though...our brains have a hot or not meter in us that is always collecting data based off our past our family and how others have treated us.
Here's your PSYCH!SENSE example:
If you think...what do I want to look like? you think let me check out a cover model or beach body or magazine and compare myself to it...THIS IS WRONG!
If you think...how smart am I? You don't think...hmm....Einstein...now let me compare myself to him...
Yet this is what people do all the time...they see an "ideal body" and aim to have one just like it...yet when thinking "I want to be smart" they don't compare themselves to Einstein...get it?
We have lost the drive to put soul and intelligence into our lives in exchange for the hot piece of ass without the brains or soul. Remember that CHARM can always trump the beauty card.
Men...get your heads out of your ass! Find the love and soul in the female in your life...learn to focus outside of her looks outside how she looks in a two piece...focus on the person she is..
...and if she can cook
http://www.livescience.com/health/080410-couples-beauty.html
Hello there writer...why all the caps? why are you yelling at me? hehe.
Turns out, for attraction..Females need to look good. Males need to have good personalities.
WHAT?!?!?
yes it's true apparently, as men are more into physical attractiveness and women are into the entire whole, it goes to show one of simplest differences in the male and female biology/psychology.
Apparently a woman needs to find a male that, although looks initially attract, has a good personality. Men on the other hand need to find a good looker. period.
One of my really good friends and philosopher tells me,
"my uncle told me something as a teenager that stuck with me these 20 some odd years...he told me...men can be bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly....bithches you need to shower twice...stay curvy, thin, and looking good."
WOW!!! that is just sad...
Although I understand it...women I suppose tend to be harder on themselves physically than men...I suppose they must also be in constant competition from other women which is really sad...for women....great for bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly guys.
What do we do about this? As you have heard me preach about before -learn to challenge your own perceptions and perspectives!!!
First off..women..screw the whole competition thing!!! screw it! There is something in the psychology world called "contrast effect" this is when women base their looks off of the things that surround them. SO if you base your looks off of models and actors and sexy people...you will feel ugly...if you base it off of the average person or those slightly uglier than you...you will feel pretty.
With that being said, stop comparing yourselves to the cover model and instead find the amazingly pretty things that you already have. Imagine this... if everyone is worried about how they look and how horrible they appear...then it goes to say that they don't really pay that much attention to others.
That's the hard part though...our brains have a hot or not meter in us that is always collecting data based off our past our family and how others have treated us.
Here's your PSYCH!SENSE example:
If you think...what do I want to look like? you think let me check out a cover model or beach body or magazine and compare myself to it...THIS IS WRONG!
If you think...how smart am I? You don't think...hmm....Einstein...now let me compare myself to him...
Yet this is what people do all the time...they see an "ideal body" and aim to have one just like it...yet when thinking "I want to be smart" they don't compare themselves to Einstein...get it?
We have lost the drive to put soul and intelligence into our lives in exchange for the hot piece of ass without the brains or soul. Remember that CHARM can always trump the beauty card.
Men...get your heads out of your ass! Find the love and soul in the female in your life...learn to focus outside of her looks outside how she looks in a two piece...focus on the person she is..
...and if she can cook
113. I want it NOW!
"Why is it that there is a need for younger kids to have things 'right now' instead of saving and building"
I was talking to an old friend of mine recently who was talking to me about his younger brother wanting to buy a home. The younger brother is in his early twenties, is recently married and holds a stable job. Up until he got married he had lived with his older brother (my friend) for many years..saving money...working..etc.
My older friend tells me, "How is it that he wants to buy a home already? My wife and I had to pay rent for yeeeeaaaarrsss...had to buy used appliances, had to wait for anything...."
I think this show's a prime example of our time. The drive for "now"....the drive for I want/need it this moment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that many hardworking older generation people truly had to save, build and wait for their goods...as they had children, their children did not have to work so hard...in fact...they didn't know the difference between used or new clothes...between "good" food and "bad" food...they just knew food. Were they forced to find a job? no...were they forced to work for anything?
I only mention this because our newer generation I feel has lost the traditional values of working and saving. We have become so stuck with how something looks and presents that we've lost contact and sense with what "is" and how we hold things dearly. It's like an all or nothing attitude.
I will get the best looking car!
I will buy my home right now and be in debt for the rest of my life so that I can look good.
Now there are certain younger generations who have found the ability to save what they have...most likely it was because they were brought up with the ideals of saving and working hard as they were probably forced to work hard as a young child.
These are things though that only the wise can explain. They have lived through it, have created their home and have worked hard for what they have...it is only through their teaching that this can all be seen and learned. Challenge yourself to not have it "now" instill the old ideas of "layaway" and the ideals of patience. Things that many of us have forgotten about....
I was talking to an old friend of mine recently who was talking to me about his younger brother wanting to buy a home. The younger brother is in his early twenties, is recently married and holds a stable job. Up until he got married he had lived with his older brother (my friend) for many years..saving money...working..etc.
My older friend tells me, "How is it that he wants to buy a home already? My wife and I had to pay rent for yeeeeaaaarrsss...had to buy used appliances, had to wait for anything...."
I think this show's a prime example of our time. The drive for "now"....the drive for I want/need it this moment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that many hardworking older generation people truly had to save, build and wait for their goods...as they had children, their children did not have to work so hard...in fact...they didn't know the difference between used or new clothes...between "good" food and "bad" food...they just knew food. Were they forced to find a job? no...were they forced to work for anything?
I only mention this because our newer generation I feel has lost the traditional values of working and saving. We have become so stuck with how something looks and presents that we've lost contact and sense with what "is" and how we hold things dearly. It's like an all or nothing attitude.
I will get the best looking car!
I will buy my home right now and be in debt for the rest of my life so that I can look good.
Now there are certain younger generations who have found the ability to save what they have...most likely it was because they were brought up with the ideals of saving and working hard as they were probably forced to work hard as a young child.
These are things though that only the wise can explain. They have lived through it, have created their home and have worked hard for what they have...it is only through their teaching that this can all be seen and learned. Challenge yourself to not have it "now" instill the old ideas of "layaway" and the ideals of patience. Things that many of us have forgotten about....
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
112. Are We There Yet?
Quick! what's your next goal?
come on...
come on...
what's next?
Now..maybe I'm not old enough to know what is next...perhaps i'm just not quite quick enough to think of the answer but like many people out there...we really dont' know. I'm not saying that can't live without a goal...I'm simply say that you must be willing to find your direction.
Many people that I see often tell me..."I don't know where I'm going in my life...I don't know what's going to happen..I don't know even what makes me happy"
That's a different blog topic in itself...What makes you happy....
anyways, a lot of these people have no future goal...no future "happy" place...think about it...when growing up...we thought...damn..the school year is over for summer in 1 month...you let the anticipation grow....you let it build and when it finally gets here what happens? you feel sooooo free! SOOOOOO FREE!! you hear the bell ring and suddenly you are the happiest person alive knowing that you have vacation.
Remember that crush you had back in grade school? you see them walking...you want to talk to them...to hook up with them to have them ya know...do stuff ...with you. yeah. you know. Then weeks before the big dance you work up the courage to ask them out, pick out your clothes, you reherse what you're going to say, you pick out the day of the week to do it...most likely a friday so that they dont have to see you the next day...and then you ask them out...and they say...."no" but then you find them dumped at the dance...drunk and you get to make out with them without all the work...this is a goal moment. j/k.
see the power of goals though? they push us...they create a sense of urge and drive in us that we need to follow. Goals help to lead us to do what is necessary to get there. Vacation is coming..I need to get good grades....the girl is hot...I need to work out more....
What do we have as adults in relation to that?
A better question is...what do we have as adults that we can strive for? many work the nine to five...day in and day out not knowing where to go next...they may have stopped growing. Others continue to go to school...I did this degree...now I should do this one...now I should do this one...and on and on and on....
If you have a family....perhaps your goal now becomes raising a strong loving child...that's is amazing..what other goal do you have for yourself? maybe learn an instrument...learn to knit....learn to strip...learn to write...find your own goal..find your own motivation...
When people come see me and tell me that they have no drive, motivation or purpose...I ask them to find one. I work with them in finding something in their life to build on and work towards.
Some choose to try and learn an instrument..others drive to learn how to cook...while others devote themselves to reading my blog....push yourself to be a more complete person...don't do it something new once and say, "i'm not interested" then move on-
...challenge yourself to try it many times before making a judgment...aim for a goal- only then will you be a better person..a more complete person...someone slowly becoming more whole.
what is your goal? where to next?
are you there yet?
come on...
come on...
what's next?
Now..maybe I'm not old enough to know what is next...perhaps i'm just not quite quick enough to think of the answer but like many people out there...we really dont' know. I'm not saying that can't live without a goal...I'm simply say that you must be willing to find your direction.
Many people that I see often tell me..."I don't know where I'm going in my life...I don't know what's going to happen..I don't know even what makes me happy"
That's a different blog topic in itself...What makes you happy....
anyways, a lot of these people have no future goal...no future "happy" place...think about it...when growing up...we thought...damn..the school year is over for summer in 1 month...you let the anticipation grow....you let it build and when it finally gets here what happens? you feel sooooo free! SOOOOOO FREE!! you hear the bell ring and suddenly you are the happiest person alive knowing that you have vacation.
Remember that crush you had back in grade school? you see them walking...you want to talk to them...to hook up with them to have them ya know...do stuff ...with you. yeah. you know. Then weeks before the big dance you work up the courage to ask them out, pick out your clothes, you reherse what you're going to say, you pick out the day of the week to do it...most likely a friday so that they dont have to see you the next day...and then you ask them out...and they say...."no" but then you find them dumped at the dance...drunk and you get to make out with them without all the work...this is a goal moment. j/k.
see the power of goals though? they push us...they create a sense of urge and drive in us that we need to follow. Goals help to lead us to do what is necessary to get there. Vacation is coming..I need to get good grades....the girl is hot...I need to work out more....
What do we have as adults in relation to that?
A better question is...what do we have as adults that we can strive for? many work the nine to five...day in and day out not knowing where to go next...they may have stopped growing. Others continue to go to school...I did this degree...now I should do this one...now I should do this one...and on and on and on....
If you have a family....perhaps your goal now becomes raising a strong loving child...that's is amazing..what other goal do you have for yourself? maybe learn an instrument...learn to knit....learn to strip...learn to write...find your own goal..find your own motivation...
When people come see me and tell me that they have no drive, motivation or purpose...I ask them to find one. I work with them in finding something in their life to build on and work towards.
Some choose to try and learn an instrument..others drive to learn how to cook...while others devote themselves to reading my blog....push yourself to be a more complete person...don't do it something new once and say, "i'm not interested" then move on-
...challenge yourself to try it many times before making a judgment...aim for a goal- only then will you be a better person..a more complete person...someone slowly becoming more whole.
what is your goal? where to next?
are you there yet?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
111. Flying solo
So I went to a party the other day where we started talking about our weekends. I had told them that I went to the movies and their response? "ohhhhh damn...dr. drew's got a hot date..nice...who is she? where is she from? what does she do?"...my response? "I went by myself.." their response, "What? are you depressed? lonely? sad? gay? whats wrong? dude! lets find you a prostitute..damn! we're sorry..."
the entire world had crumbled in their eyes if I had gone to the movies alone. WTF?!?!
PSYCH!SENSE question: Going to the movies alone...are you seen as weird or lonely?
Now I haven't quite figured out the question so i'm sorry. One of my friends had told me..."You just don't go to the movies alone...it shows that you're sad and lonely"
now apparently as he was growing up it was just second nature to have someone go with you..a brother, a sister...a neighbor...something. He would go with another person...all the time. Maybe it was about safety..maybe it was about having company..but in either case, it was about not being the loner.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our family of origin and our family /cultural beliefs kinda instill this idea. If you were raised going out with others..being around others..you'll find comfort in continuing this habit.
Which means...anything outside this belief is weird and outside the "norm"
For example: Those who were beat as little kids...those who were abused will have a higher chance of hitting their children when they have them because their parents did it to them...and most likely in that community...the neighbor's kids were beat as well. This is learned behavior..it is "normal" to hit kids...
Here's the thing though...our potential for growth...our drive to be better stems from our ability to do things outside our comfort zone- Outside what we've always known to be "normal" and "true"
Despite your feeling comfortable and happy in your comfort zone...try and face that which irritates, frustrates, worries or scares you. We must be willing to lean over the edge of our fears...walking the fine line between fear and peace. Challenge the cliff...don't jump. Do what bugs you!...this is how you grow as a person.
anyways...I recently saw an article about how to "look less awkward when eating alone" that was on yahoo. It was things like..."bring a book with you...play on the phone...bring papers with you so you look like you're busy..."
although this is all find and dandy...why does it have to say "look less awkward..." There is nothing wrong with eating alone...sitting alone and people watching...having peaceful meal...and enjoying the time. Sit in the moment and love what you are experiencing..fully live in that moment. When you do it...try and focus on what you feel...you may feel lonely...you may feel sad...you may feel upset...but whatever it is...fully engage with the feelings and explore where it comes from. Grow my wonderful philosophers...GROW!!!
For those that find this difficult I challenge you to eat out alone...to go to the movies alone...to find peace in solitude...on the other hand...for those like me who enjoy the quiet solitutde...find a eating partner...a movie goer..someone that challenges your sense of solitutde. This will allow for you to face the feelings you get from going out with others. Those will others may get feelings of having to please the other person...having to make it comfortable for them...having to try and fill the silence with talk which may be too troublesome...whatever it is..allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with it.
Now of course I can already hear the responses, "I can go out alone if I want to....I can go out in groups if I want to...." for many of you...that wonderful...but for other readers...they may find it hard to do these because of the awkward feelings they get.
challenge yourself.
the entire world had crumbled in their eyes if I had gone to the movies alone. WTF?!?!
PSYCH!SENSE question: Going to the movies alone...are you seen as weird or lonely?
Now I haven't quite figured out the question so i'm sorry. One of my friends had told me..."You just don't go to the movies alone...it shows that you're sad and lonely"
now apparently as he was growing up it was just second nature to have someone go with you..a brother, a sister...a neighbor...something. He would go with another person...all the time. Maybe it was about safety..maybe it was about having company..but in either case, it was about not being the loner.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our family of origin and our family /cultural beliefs kinda instill this idea. If you were raised going out with others..being around others..you'll find comfort in continuing this habit.
Which means...anything outside this belief is weird and outside the "norm"
For example: Those who were beat as little kids...those who were abused will have a higher chance of hitting their children when they have them because their parents did it to them...and most likely in that community...the neighbor's kids were beat as well. This is learned behavior..it is "normal" to hit kids...
Here's the thing though...our potential for growth...our drive to be better stems from our ability to do things outside our comfort zone- Outside what we've always known to be "normal" and "true"
Despite your feeling comfortable and happy in your comfort zone...try and face that which irritates, frustrates, worries or scares you. We must be willing to lean over the edge of our fears...walking the fine line between fear and peace. Challenge the cliff...don't jump. Do what bugs you!...this is how you grow as a person.
anyways...I recently saw an article about how to "look less awkward when eating alone" that was on yahoo. It was things like..."bring a book with you...play on the phone...bring papers with you so you look like you're busy..."
although this is all find and dandy...why does it have to say "look less awkward..." There is nothing wrong with eating alone...sitting alone and people watching...having peaceful meal...and enjoying the time. Sit in the moment and love what you are experiencing..fully live in that moment. When you do it...try and focus on what you feel...you may feel lonely...you may feel sad...you may feel upset...but whatever it is...fully engage with the feelings and explore where it comes from. Grow my wonderful philosophers...GROW!!!
For those that find this difficult I challenge you to eat out alone...to go to the movies alone...to find peace in solitude...on the other hand...for those like me who enjoy the quiet solitutde...find a eating partner...a movie goer..someone that challenges your sense of solitutde. This will allow for you to face the feelings you get from going out with others. Those will others may get feelings of having to please the other person...having to make it comfortable for them...having to try and fill the silence with talk which may be too troublesome...whatever it is..allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with it.
Now of course I can already hear the responses, "I can go out alone if I want to....I can go out in groups if I want to...." for many of you...that wonderful...but for other readers...they may find it hard to do these because of the awkward feelings they get.
challenge yourself.
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