14. Sleepwalking zombie

sooo my working hours are now from 10 pm to 8 am. Responsibilities include:
1. Stay awake
2. Drink coffee to accomplish number 1
3. Entertain myself on the internet
4. Check on children in the home to verify they are okay (please note its position on the list)
5. Continue to try and stay awake with more coffee
So allow me to explain how this house is...the house is estimated at 6 rooms/5 bathrooms on the top floor (long hallway)
Main floor has a kitchen, living room, dining room, multipurpose room, office, 4 bedrooms/5 bathrooms and again long hallway.
Has a basement, front patio, back and side patios, two laundry rooms outside and a 2.5 car garage.
At night the house is dark because the kids have to sleep (very dark) and it is my responsibility to walk around and see kids and check on the residents and such...well...what happens at the dead of the night when you're alone in such a huge house? YOU HEAR NOISES!!!
I swear I hear noises, that I don't care to think about, all night that freak me out...now yes i'm in the marines and yes seen some ugly things...but let me tell you something...ghosts cannot be shot, struck with a blunt object, or even bribed.....not that i've tried- doh!
So i hear things all the time...anyways...one night i hear a noise upstairs and begin my walk upstairs in the darkness to investigate this thumping..i know what you're thinking,
'you fool! run out the house leave the kids to die at the hands of whatever it is, burn down the place and blame it on the neighbor!'
but instead i head upstairs in the darkness to investigate the noise...sure enough as i am climbing the stairs, standing directly to my left at the top of the stairs is a figure that is just standing there...again...JUST STANDING THERE....i flash my flashlight at it and realize i'm not imagining this figure...again i can hear you...
'told ya so, now you're feed for worms that eventually cows will eat, digest and spew out their ass to make fertilizer with'
so I put my flashlight on it and notice that it's standing limp, arms down, head slightly tilted to the right, lips parted and eyes half closed, with only the outline being seen, i figure out it's one of the residents...telling the resident to go back to bed, i stay far from him because screw my ass being jumped at by this freaky asian zombie thing, trust me, i've seen Dawn of the Dead.
Soooo....i eventually work up the courage to walk up to him and poke him with my flashlight...i notice his eyes are rolled back and drool coming out of his mouth along with mumbling and slight twitching (very slight)...imagine that!! slight twitching, limp, eyes rolled back and open, with incomprehensible mumbling coming out (i'm not paid enough for death by asian undead boy)...after poking him with the flashlight some more, (almost beating him with it I should say) i grab his shoulders, spin him around and lead him back to his room...he goes with it, doesn't jump at my neck to kill me, but instead lays down and goes to sleep...or I guess I should say continues to do it in a non-standing up position.
I retreat to my office corner and spend the remaining time to praying that no other zombie kid arises from the thought dead....
phew....none did. ;-)

13. Latest adventures

Where to begin...things that i've recently come across:
1. Men at age 45 to 53 can still have arguments that go along the lines of "it's way better than that, i'd have to say it's about an infinity amount better than that..."
2. At my bartending job, we have the house soup every day called Cock N' Leaky Soup (rice, chicken and leaks). If that's not funny enough, imagine a woman estimated at age 77 who isn't quite sure of the name of the soup coming up and saying, "i'd like an order of that...ya know..that one soup...that...Leeky Cock Soup...it takes so good going down my throat..."
Oh yeah..needless to say i'm dying on the other side listening to her say this
3. Going to starbucks tired as hell and asking for a large black coffee. I ask the guy if there is anything stronger than that...his response? how about I give you a black eye? My response of WTF?!?!?! his response, relax it's just two shots of espresso in the coffee....
.......i'm working from 10 pm to 8 am now folks..feel free to bug me at any time of the night!!!! ;-)