50. Work out

Why go to therapy? Why go to try and talk about your feeligns and thoughts..."YOU'RE SO GAY...YOU'RE SO PSYCHO...YOU'RE SO STUPID" ahhhhh yes that many many responses you can recieve. I was talking to a friend of mine who is a track coach. He tells..."ya know dude...my kids are not working as hard as they can be...my best girl only ran 80 miles this week..." my response is somewhere along the lines of, "you mean...uh...WTF...80 MILES!!!...sounds like hard work to me." his response was "well I mean yeah..you have to keep working at it and working at it and working at it..."

My PSYCH!SENSE came on...

So as i've come to deduce...marathon runners...have to keep running in order to stay marathon runners...weight lifters have to keep weight lifting to stay strong...wouldn't it pass the test to state that maybe those who are mentally sane should at least be willing to talk to someone at times to stay mentally sane?

If you have to continue to stay healthy by eating right and exercising continually...it sounds about right to be willing to go to therapy (and I use this loosely because therapy can be a friend...a dog...a cat...a journal) that will allow for use to stay mentally healthy. Just my 2 cents.

49. Meaning of life...kinda

I often get into interesting discussions about the psychological world and where we are now. When I try and speak about the language and soul of the world I am usually thrown an awkward eye...an almost teasing glance. Many regular people get it though...it's usually the smart and most intelligent ones that don't. Funny huh? I find myself always talking to other physicians about their beliefs of meaning in life. Usually they'll ask me,

"Do you REALLY believe that meaning exists in all things?"

my response..."absolutely!...life is full of meaning..everything...from the smallest rock to the largest body of people..."

"oh come on now...how could you truly believe that? I can understand that meaning and soul in people...and I can understand how telling patient that kind of stuff will make them feel better...but seriously...rocks? things? objects?"

I love smiling and letting them vent on and on about their beliefs...

My response if usually along these lines..."Do you have a picture of your family?"

Usually they do...in their office or wallet or seomthign of the sort...

I then grab at it and start to pretend and tear it...

"HEY THATS MY PICTURE!!! THAT"S MY FAMILY...WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!?!?"

I smile and ask them..."what do you mean? to me it's simply ink on a piece of paper that has people on it that YOU recognize as family...in reality it's just ink"

hahahah...of course they take a second refuse to acknowledge it and instead start on new conversations. The fact is that we attach meaning to all things...look at wedding rings...look at pictures...look at baseball logos! the soul and meaning of things and in turn are exactly what we put into it.

48. Attraction theory

In the world there exists a natural "living" language and entity. The anima and animus. FOr the sake of simplicity...I will only about about the spirit of the anima. She is the ideal image of a woman...the perfect capitulation of what a perfection would be. As we are born the mother becomes almost like a living entity of that said spirit. She is the embodiment of the perfect image. Unforunately mother also is not perfect...she makes mistakes and it is on us to help remedy this and build ourselves up from this "disappointment." As we grow up we continue trying to find the original mother...the original anima (eventhough she is already with us) and will go to any length to try and find her. We grow up with a feeling of emptiness...a feeling of not being complete. We find ourselves strving for what we have never had. This is where bad relationships start. The power or attraction...the power of opposites...the unruling force that is the anima and attraction. How beautiful she is. The abused child will seek the abuser...the rape victim will look for a ruling male....the gender confused child will find exactly what she/he needs. This is the difficulty. Isn't it interesting how the child of a substance abuse mother will in turn to a lover with an addiciton problem.

How cyclic! how horribly sweet it is to find and strive for the exact person that you once felt was horrible and unavailable. We are trying to find the woman that is just like our mother or father...trying to find the person that will bring up back to completeness and wholeness. You must be willing to face your opposite (because you'll probably be unexplicably attracted to them)and when given the opportunity...or if you forced to take the opportunity you must be willing to spit him in the face and shove a finger in his face. Identification with that lustful and needed image does allow for a shallow connection but will fall in the long run. Be willing to hold yourself to a high level or courage and be willing to throw out all the things that you feel are right for you...yes it sucks...yes it hurts...you will try to fix your problems through them and you will try and seek the part of yourself in them but unltimately you must leanr to find a new part...build a new part...become part of a new part of yourself and others. Empty your cup...and let someone else...through someone else...in someone or something else refill it up along with your soul. Do not be seduced by the beautiful sirens of the endless ocean.

47. Timeframe

This motivation came from a reading I did a few weeks back. I have discovered that there exist 2 types of time. The real time that is held on your wrist and the psychological time that exists in our mind. The real time is decently easy...it's what we are doing in this exact moment...this exact time frame. Whereas psychological time is the time in which the past experiences we've lived and the future ones we will live exist. HUH?!! What i'm saying is that...hmm..what am I saying...if we look back at our lives...how many of us can actually say, "fuck..what was I thinking? why did I let him or her do that to me? was I really that naiive?...why did I wear that outfit?" We can look back at our past life and truly start to see our mistakes. When we look to our future we always hold some sort of idealized state of mind..."I will lose weight by going to the gym 8 times a day and eating healthy and donating....blah blah blh" that is our future psychological time. Isn't is funny how that works out? We are seemingly holding this amazing idealized/perfect time in our minds. We are enlightened as the buddha would say....we can easily see where we have gone wrong and how we can change where we are going.

But why then...why do we then fall back into bad situations and hold these horrible habits? It is because in our real time...our present time...the ego has taken control of our voice and minds. "THE WHAT!?!?!?" ...ya know...the ego. The ego will live in the moment (sometimes the past and future too..but lets not get into that) and will force us to live out our horrible feelings. It has been designed to protect us and mold our situations. It will continue to force us to move and work in it's direction without thought. This is why we are still obese and unable to stick to our plan...this is why we still hold prejudice and bias...this is why we are living the way we are.

We must learn to live in the uncomfortable...we must learn to hold ourselves to a different level of expectation and build the "mental toughness" that resiliency to overcome our hurt and pain.

Build your mental toughness.

46. Brilliant Kids

So working with kids, teens and adults has really given me an idea of general cognitive functions among the very wide age frames. Let me tell you about a 5 year old I have. or...allow me to let him show you how smart he is...

"Hey..uhm...why is it that my daddy likes to be treated like a baby by my mommy? ...so you're saying that when I get bigger i'll want to be treated like a baby again?...that's dumb"

"Why would we name a state after a female part?" (talking about virginia)

"Why don't kids like my age read pokemon books more?...well I figure that if 5 year old asian kids can read things like, 'Charizard battled balbasaur for the minxy cup in the finale', i'm sure that they could read things like, 'jack followed jane up a hill'....ohhhh is that why asian's are smarter than us?"

"my daddy tells me that women never change...but I always see my mom in different clothes so what's he talking about?"

45. Coffee Shop

In my tour of San Gabriel I have come upon numerous places to eat and enjoy exploring. My run has led me to a coffee shop. tattoos....tattoos...tattoos....that's the first thing that pops up in my head. Almost the mascot of the place (no offense), ms. tattoo absolutely captures your eye. What is it about her? (see my earlier post about tattoos). PSYCH!SENSE goes off telling me the need to show the world who they feel like in a very personal way....huh? as in...the visible depiction on the body shows much of their inner work...really? interesting...anyways...isn't is amazing how everywhere in life on your Heroes Journey you find those that captulate the stereotype? She is the pinnacle "hot girl." Like in friends...the girl at the copy center that the guys go to stare at. haha. The girl in 3rd grade that all the boys would try and trip...There also is an interesting sadness in her...or....cover up for something else. maybe.

Ms. Boston. Well..how personable was she..a very sweet lady that holds a certain mix of spunk, attitude and connection. I can feel a sense of wanting to connect to others...a sense of wanting to make acquaintances and hear stories...while telling others hers as well. She must have sat with me no more than 2 times and I can easily write a book about her family, ex relationships and current situation. No ill meant towards her...she is just seemingly comfortable with who she is...or perhaps...hmmm...my PSYCH!SENSE tells me that maybe she is just happy. Perhaps her ability to openly discuss herself and her life is a measure of happiness of her current situation....I like that. One could argue that her expression of her life to a stranger would hint at personal venting...but why go there? My gut tells me that she is able to open up to others and try and make them feel comfortable because of her comfort with herself.

Mr. Hotdog. (spelling?) is a very open guy. Talks a lot about flying...such a love he has for it...to the point of having to mention it often during the course of a single conversation. Ya know...I don't have much to say about him...the couple of times i've ran into him he is able to effectively dish out information and give bits of himself in the process. He is more than willing to give you his opinion...but quite honestly he has a great personality. Where else do you find a bike riding, airplane flying, salesman who wants to open up a hot dog cart without having to build 3 sinks....then in this place. hahahah...i mean...what a wonderful description...bike riding, airplane flying, salesman who longs to own a hot dog cart. I love it. Such amazing backgrounds and stories. A special note is his connection to many others. He was the first person i met who in turn introduced me to Ms. Tattoo, Ms. A, Ms M and Ms. K.

Big C. I come in and ask for my signature bagel in a microwave...i know i know, it's weird...anyways...he goes off into a flurry and will not do it for me. instead he kinda gets grumpy and walks out the door. Good times...good impression already...but i love the first reaction i get from people...tells me a lot about who they are. He ends up sitting with me the next day and asks a series of questions one after another:

your name
your last name
what do you do
where you from
what's the length of your penis
can i have your first born

I was to say the least thrown...but i'll play the game. He ends up venting to me about a recent local that had unfortunately passed and as Big C starts to express himself he then pops his head up asks me what i'm drinking and then offers me a shot of tequila...hahahhaha...I guess i'm in.

So they all end up telling me about local restaurants and local hot spots to go and try. Suppose it's time to try them all out. I also hear along the way about many other locals from Mr. G (i will call him mr. 3rd grade b/c of a crush he's had on a girl from here), Mr/s transvestite, Ms Conrad, and uh..a copule others. Man...i'm gonna learn a lot here.

44. Playful Adults

ya know...on my iphone i've come across a program that states that children laugh likes 400 times a day and adults about 0 - 80. That struck me. Being in the field of psychology I wonder why this is so? I've read numerous texts and transcripts but someone that truly speaks to it is a Dr. Romanyshyn from Pacifica. He tells stories that adults must take the time to play. Even my own favorite writers, Jung wrote about his own playfulness and sand tray work when depressed. Have adults forgotten how to play? We've all heared the phrase,

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

so Dr. Romanyshyn speaks much about taking the time to play. Letting our imagination run free and allow the interacion of our imaginations to our surrounding worlds. He will meet random people and tell them that he is an architect, or sculptor or nuclear physicist! I love it....until you get caught in a random conversation with someone who actually is a physicist....doh. This is why I find it fun to randomly play with strangers...tell them different things and enjoy life..all the while studying the reaction to various respones...."I'm a pole dancing stripper....i'm a pillow stuffer...i'm a hair fabricator..." it's amazing. Take the time to play in life...with kids...with games...with sand...with others...learn to laugh, love and enjoy the time spent in your imagination. Sure it may be lying...but that says that a 5 year old claiming to be an astronaut therefore has problems...learn to play...learn to laugh...be happy.

43. Stuffed Sandwich

Isn't amazing how we can all randomly find these connections to things and places around us. Just think about it...how many times have you really had an "ah-huh" moment when you knew you were exactly where you needed to be when you needed to be there. It's amazing...my friend gail told me about a place in san gabrield called stuffed sandwich around my bday and told me that since i like beer that that was the place to go. SO I went a few weeks later (late july) and really really enjoyed it. it was awesome. Then here i am in october moving 1 block away from the place and revisiting it again...damn good times. So i walk in with "E" and as i'm thinking about what to get sam the owner walks out. He has a massive hunched back which automatically made me want to sit up straight from fear of having the issue later in life too. He starts ragging on me and telling me about how I know nothing about beers and would joke around about not having the polish sandwich because "you're too wimpy" PSYCH!SENSE tells me that this guy has some sort of "i have to be better than you" complex in his own restaurant! for reals...i had this inklings that he needed to feel in the "i'm better than you" position. Seemed interesting.....so i argue with him back and forth and generally enjoy his company. It's great...he's funny...puts nicknames of people and laughs with others as regulars bite back at him. All fun times. Just interesting ey? it's so interesting to think that the first thing he does when he meets someone is take the crap outta them. why? showing welcome? showing dominance? what is he doing?

42. The Crest

So there I was on a late thursday night with absolutely nothign to do. I thought I was tired...but no...no no no I was not...instead I was craving something. Do you guys ever get those random cravings...cravings for what? ya know...cravings for anything. I found myself at this local bar called the crest which have 8 dollar steak dinners. I immediately walk in and the bar tender starts screaming at the 3 people that were in there, "HEY IT"S MY B-DAY" now of course being the random social butterfly that I am i randomly sat there and said, "let me buy you a drink" He introdcues himself to me and shakes my hand but immediately twists it to have his on top of mine...my psych! mind tells me...""dude...he needs to feel empowered and above me"" man..it stinks to have my psych!sense always tingling. So he continues screaming all night and for some reason i really couldn't figure out why he would need to like feel above me...greater than me...body language would suggest that his hand on top of mine means his need to feel better than me. Oh my...

So i'm sitting there having a randomly stella and 2 couples walk in. two white couples (i only put that down because i live in an asian community and it threw me off) they start yelling screaming and taking drinks...one of the two gals puts her head on the bar and look kinda green as she starts to hurl all over the bar and the other gal and two guys are simply laughing...interesting times...they end up buying me a random jaeger bomb and introducing themselves simply as "the regulars" Good times in san gabriel..good times.

41. Moving

Isn't moving to a new place exciting? I mean it can be...I have found myself enjoying the prospect of new locations and trying out new places but lately i have been able to really explore my new surroundings. The greatest part of all this is learning about new foods, restaurants and people. How amazing is it to study the random people that cross your path and move around you. I have been to many new restaurants and new places to try and learn. For instance...just in my area i've seen and tried new foods like: MUNG BEAN (yeah...i know WTF!?), duck tongue, pig intestine and aztec mochas. I've had the chance to hang out in new bars and lounges which I will be sure to put down on this thing soon enough.

40. Blog update

Where have I been? well...when my last blog site died and destroyed my blogs on it...man..i was pissed. it was as if losing the first edition novel of my life...so much has changed...hearing stories at numerous clinics, private offices and public places. Meeting people and passing by others daily. I have lived with armenians, mexicans, iraqis (which funny enough reminded me of my old neighborhood), and now asians. Quite the diversity. My latest endeavor is in the city of San Gabriel. That's right I now live here in san gabriel having my motorcycle hit and knocked over and also walking out to the enchanting scent of asian food daily. Good times? I'm meeting new people and soon enough will be adding my stories of them as well.