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New website.....high speed and multi-functional.

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Make sure to reset your bookmarks and go directly to that site.  No more writing on this one.  See you there!

287. Alone

You will spend your whole life with them.  You will take advantage of them. Hurt them.  Beat them.  Ask them to take on far more than necessary.  You will be mean to them and brand them.  You will ignore everything that they really need and ask for.  You will demand more and more of them when they’ve given you all.  You will hold them to the highest of standards and will compare them to others, even when no one is around!  You will base who they are on the billboards of the freeway, the magazine covers and the television shows you watch.  You deprive them of sleep, overfeed them on crap food, fill their minds with news of everyone else and blame them for everything wrong in your life.  Some of you force drugs on them…illicit or jacked up opinion from others.  In fact, some of you kill them…figuratively and for a few, literally.  You will maim them and cut them deeper than they will ever know.  You will make them cry, scream, fall apart and hurt far greater than anyone else can. 

You are the one you will spend the most time with.  Ever.

You lie about you, make yourself out to be something that everyone else will like, force yourself to be seen as someone you may not be, because you are afraid of being you in front of others…of disappointing another for the sake of being true to yourself.  Can you live with that? Disappointing another in exchange for being you?  Not too often right?

Keep this in mind….

We all do this for the sake of being with other people.  We have the false belief that this is what we need to do in order to be accepted by the company of friends, family and those we love and want to be around.  We have to be what they want.  A false belief that we feel needs to be done in an attempt to keep company.  We do this to build ourselves up to try and be accepted and what we think they want in us. 

I’m not going to shove this all down your throats too much more...

You see the question I really want to point out is not whether you do this to keep the company you enjoy with others…

The question is if you can truly enjoy the company you keep in isolation.

Do you enjoy the company you have when no one else is around?

Can you sit in complete silence and isolation and enjoy the presence that you are?  Can you sit without distraction, television, book, radio or other and truly appreciate the person you are. 

Try it.  I dare you.

286. cool

-My first meme.  cool.

so uh...now what do I do with this thing?


oh yeah...stop. breathe. and just be.

285. Number 2 Pencil has one

I took an art class one time.  I was horrible at it...couldn't draw a straight line and for the life of me would always tear the paper as I would get so frustrated with myself and erase a lot.  I would draw a line...judge it as wrong and make a grab at my eraser to furiously try and make the line go away.  Ha...it never did.  

The greatest advice I got from that art teacher was this.  He said, "with art...you never erase...just keep drawing."  

I remember thinking..."wow...that's stupid."  

But to be honest...I think he was kind of right.  Really was.  Eventually as I would work on the piece of art…the “mistakes” and lines that I made, that I would furiously try to erase, were simply covered up by the art on top.  They were taken over by the whole of the piece and not dictated by the faint “mistake” that was underneath.

I believe this relates to regret.  I think that far too many people walk around with regret.  They think about all the things that they've done in their lives and they cannot help but focus on it.  This focus results in being the highlight of their life.  The thing that they think about most and let dictate how their lives are ran.  They find it hard to focus on the whole piece of art…their life.  Instead, they become caught up and worried about the little line that for a moment discolored the faint white paper. 

If you focus on the line you made…then try to erase it…you’ll only tear the whole thing.  Instead, focus on the big picture.  On the beautiful lines that you will make…on the colors that run over each other…use the whole fuckin’ crayon box and eventually you will not be able to see the faded line because the beauty of the whole piece has taken over. 

Throw your erasers away.  They do nothing but keep your attention in the wrong place. 

284. Today not tomorrow

Your problem?

You are too busy focusing on the feelings of tomorrow to acknowledge the feelings of today.


The solution?

Stop it.


People get caught up in the day to day moment of thinking about their plans for tomorrow.  They get caught up in the questions of "who will pick up the kids..." or "what will I make for dinner..." or "what will they think if I do...."

This breeds anxiety, stress and self anger.  A holding of yourself to expectations for things that have not come to pass yet.  Ever become stressed out for all the things that have to be done this week?  Sure...we all have.  But the difference is that you should not allow your future expectations and feelings of stress keep you from smiling in the moment.  Tomorrow doesn't fuckin' matter.  Today is your life.  Now is your chance.  And every moment between breaths is your opportunity to do different...feel different and be different.  

I couldn't tell you how many people have told me that while on vacation, their heads are thinking about work.  That while making love to their girl, they can't pull out and be in the moment with her. You are too busy living in the future.  You are too caught up in the "need to do" and the "has to be done" that you never let yourself be.  

This is living in the "what if" world.  

"what if I don't turn in this report on time"
"what if I can't make it to work because of traffic"
"what if I don't call her in two days and she dumps me"

This is all living in the future...in the "what if" world and it drives you nuts...stresses you out and drains your happy fuel.  Let all things fall as they will.  Do not aim to control or hold, which many people do when they plan and live in the future.  Do not strive to have every moment penned out and set.  Allow flexibility, movement and breath.

Stop.  Breathe. And just be.

Today

Dear Readers,

My stomach hurts like hell.

I feel like poop.  Hmm...that's ironic because that all that keeps coming out!


That is all.

You're welcome,

Psych!

283. Greek love

According to the ancient Greek playwright Aristophanes (as written by Plato in his Symposium), when the Earth was still young, human beings had a very different form than they do today. Each human being, he said, was comprised of two persons stuck together, so that each one had two faces and four arms, and they moved about on four legs by doing cartwheels. Moreover, instead of coming in the two sexes people do today, these proto-humans came in three varieties, each one with two sets of reproductive organs: male-male, female-female, and male-female. Despite having to move around like Vitruvius Man, they were content with this arrangement and prospered, for as far as they knew they were perfect.

Sooner or later the gods began to fear the humans' strength in this form, and they considered their options. Destroying humanity was not a desirable solution, so Zeus devised a plan whereby they might halve the humans' power so that they may never be able to challenge the gods, and at the same time create twice as many people to worship them: He took up his lightning bolts and split each human being in half, right down the middle.

What Zeus did not predict, however, was that instead of spending their time in worship, human beings now spent every waking moment in search of their missing halves. Inside each one was a primal memory of oneness that his present body alone could not fulfill; so he cried out for that other who would complete him body and soul, and tried to join with the possible candidates when he found them. That was the birth of love, Aristophanes said, and physical desire: A desire which is, at its heart, nothing more than the need to be, literally, re-made whole.

282. Our truths...February

"I finally won and it feels like shit..."

(Feb 3, 2013)


"I think I'm gay"
(Feb 5, 2013)


"She walked in on me and just watched me with her sister"
(Feb 6, 2013)


"I just get so angry sometimes...I don't know what to do with myself"
(Feb 9, 2013)


"I had the greatest time of my life"
(Feb 10, 2013)


"I was pissed at my husband and went to a club to cheat on him"
(Feb 12, 2013)

"Why the fuck does she always pick up my cloths?"

(Feb 13, 2013)


"...I wanted her so much that I gave up my life to be with her."
(Feb 21, 2013)


"I work as a mechanic but told her that I was a enjineer"
(Feb 23, 2013)


"I cheat on my taxes"
(Feb 24, 2013)


"I jerk off to my motherinlaw"
(Feb 25, 2013)


"my girl told me that I was to small for her...fuck her"
(Feb 26, 2013)


"I cant help like checkin' out women all the time"
(Feb 27, 2013)

-What growth can feel like.

281. I can't see it

My patient walks in and tells me, "why is this growth thing so hard...why can't I see myself getting better yet?"

I sat with that for a while.  Now, I hear these kinds of things...often. I get questions all the time about what "growth" is....how it looks and what it feels like when you finally have grown.

That's the stupid thing about growth.  You really will not feel it.  You really will not know that it's happening and most importantly/stupidly...you will not really know what you did to grow...most of the time.

You see growth is a process.  It is a constant dance, a marathon, a long haul, it doesn't happen overnight, "insert more cliche statements here".

So how do you know when it occurs?  When one day someone does something to you and you change the way you would normally react.  You realize that you are responding versus reacting to them.  You realize that you are taking the time to reflect on who you are in relation to your truth, your core and those around you.  You notice yourself taking the stairs more, driving a different route, pushing harder at the gym...growth occurs in the subtle moments and grand gestures.  It is something that demands constant attention and push.  This is why you will not really feel it until you take the time to notice it.

Before I was in the Marine Corps I weighed a good 300 pounds.  I was a big boy.  After joining, running a million miles and losing weight I was down to 180.  Yet when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but notice myself seemingly looking the same.  I felt the same, I didn't see a thin guy...I saw me.  It wasn't until I started noticing all the stretch lines and marks that I realized how much weight I had actually lost.  For me, growth and change left stretch marks.  My push and drive to be a marine resulted in a physical change leaving lines of my story.

I don't know if you can ever really "SEE" yourself growing and changing...mostly because we live in moments.  When you live in moments, every second is therefore your chance to grow and change.  Every second is a new opportunity for different, and every second leads you to the new you.  Growth therefore isn't the end result, it is a collection of you with added moments of change.

-Corner office.

MY BAD!!

Sorry folks...this whole time I thought it was posting but was really just saving drafts....

sigh.

Didn't notice it until a reader asked me if I died as I wasn't posting up...

280. Death grip

You are always held.  Always.  Whether literally by your partner at night...your religion...in the mind of your family or by your personal judgments.  Being held is something that we all strive for and yearn for.  

There is safety in it.  Security and hope...calm and peace in knowing that you are taken care of and watched over.  

Now flip it!!

Who do you hold onto?  What do you hold onto?  If you're like most of the patients I see...it's false beliefs and negativity.  It's judgments and anger.  Pain and regret.  It's past memories of a life that you once had.  "The old days of playing football...the girlfriend that was the 'best' you've ever had...your big break...that chance you didn't take...the school you should've gone to..."

These are examples of things that we hold onto that weigh us down and make it heavy to move.  Make it heavy for us to travel forward because we're holding onto the past.  

"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!"

-Art.

279. Ready...set...

Here is your cliche moment from Psych!

Today is not it.  Everything you are doing right now...in this moment...this time that you are reading this...everything is all occurring because of what you did yesterday and the day before that.  All chapters before this one led you to this exact moment of reading this blog.  Take a moment to think about that.

Somehow you learned about this blog...somehow your life took you in a direction that either led you to meet me, meet a friend or family member that told you to come here.  Perhaps you only knew that friend from going to college with them.  Perhaps you only went to that college because you didn't get into your first choice or second or third...or perhaps it was your first choice.  The point is that your life right now has all been a series of events that has brought you to this moment in time.  To this spot.  Wild.

I would even argue that any of those choices in your life could have been changed, resulting in you never coming here or finding this.

That means that everything we've done from the past has brought us to today.  In turn, everything that we do today and the choices we make, the decisions we scribe to, the hearts we break, the love we make only lead us to tomorrow.

Think of your current romantic relationships.  When I reflect on my future wife I can't help but think about every step that it took for her to choose me.

I realize that every break up I've had...every tear I've shed and every lonely moment in my life was needed so that I would be the perfect match for her.  I learned from those break ups where I needed to grow...I learned from the anger I've had towards myself was needed for me to stretch and become the person that I needed to be.

Every love letter that was written was merely practice for the ones that I would write you one day.  Every romantic comedy I saw was meant to be my training ground for our own love story.  Every poetic verse, love song or soft moment in my life helped me to be the person that fit you just right.  Today.  My life's timing has met your life's timing.

But this isn't just about love...it's about life.  Everything that you are today only happened because of who you were yesterday.  Read that again.

It's not about thinking of past relationships or experiences, good or bad, as stepping stones to who you are today...it's about accepting that  each step was the most important step of your life because it led you to where you are today.

Each decision, every break up, every angry moment, every thought of failure and pain needed to occur in order for you to know who you are and what you are capable of.  Your ability to read this now tells me that you have succeeded.  Tells me that you have overcome obstacles and life challenges that have slapped you around but not kept you down.

I urge you to continue pushing.  To remind yourself daily that your actions right now are needed to make your future self who they are.  To own that the decisions you make today will form the foundation and basis of who you are tomorrow.

For me...I don't want to ask what will my life look like in 10 years.  I want to ask myself, what kind of life did I live...to be who I am today.

278. Big fish

You are big. You have Girth..no...you have fuckin weight. So why the hell do you keep forgetting that? Why do you let the little things push you around? Why do you keep letting the things that don't matter...suddenly matter?

Someone looking at you wrong, your car breaking down, your belief that bad luck follows you, your coworker that doesn't like you, your parents that don't understand you.   It's all bullshit. Those things are just small cuts...pin pricks...and you are letting pin pricks bleed you out. Letting the small things dictate and drive your life. Letting them guide you. 

Your life has movement and breathes heavy. It heaves.  Makes noise.  Heavy chested, you pump out an energy that affects people...a giant-ass gravitational pull that speaks and calls to life, and all those around you. Own it.  Own it because it's true. Everyday that you have been alive has been a day that you touched someone. I guarantee it because you don't live in space and vacuum.  I promise that you live in a world where someone loves you and that's what matters. 

This is the difference between splinters and daggers.  Splinters annoy and bother us.  Small.  The small things don't make us feel alive.  The small things are sprinkles on ice cream...they add flare and fun but the real flavor comes from the big stuff...the stuff that matters.  The small things  don't make us feel alive because they're safe and easily added.  

This is why to really feel alive...to really feel the movement it has to be as big as you.  Love, growth, connection, meaning...these things are big.  These things have their own pull and weight...a charge to them that should affect you and make you feel alive.  Big ass tools and gifts that when you have them, everything changes.  This is why when these big ass things collide with the force that you bring...a thunderous Sumo wrestler match over the last bowl of rice happens.  Power occurs.  A collision of such magnitude, of such strength, that when it happens it reverberates and sends out a tsunami...changing the face of the future.  Yours.  That's how big you are.  That's the kind of weight you pull.  That's the kind of life you are.  Huge.


Remember that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive...is too small for you. 

277. Today and repeat

Start today.  Take flight.  Today.  Don't wait.  Do something new, different and slightly scary.  Fall in love. Kiss hard. Lick it.  Taste something odd. Run into something.  Break walls.  Get up just one more time.  Be in the moment.  Breathe hard and deep.  Yell from your core.  Break something... hopefully the glass ceiling you try to hide underneath.  Stumble.  Laugh so you can't breathe.  Drink.  Call someone baby.  Be vulnerable.  Be in control.  Roar at something.  Scare yourself.  Squeeze... Squeeze... Squeeze out every bit of nectar you can.  Repeat.

276. Your superpowers

"There's a feeling to it. You told us once that the most difficult thing for a photographer to capture is the essence and soul of the person in the photo. The photographer has to really care about the subject to do that. Otherwise, it just looks like a photo with a transparent wall in front of it. And the photo of that guy has that essence thing."

I sat for hours staring at this collection of pictures of me.  Yes, granted I'm sexy...kidding.

Kinda.

But I stared at them because there was something in me that was connecting to them.  I truly do hate pictures...I believe that I do not photo well but for some reason, I got lost in these ones.  This amazing collection of pictures, only two of which I actually put up, spoke to me in a way that I never had heard before.  What it said to me was that although I may have an idea of how I look or who I am...it may not match that what others see of or in me.

I think this is the bigger lesson.  I believe that we all walk around thinking that we are these separate little beings that are unaffected and living in our own worlds.  This leads to us having our set beliefs about ourselves and set expectations from ourselves.  Good or bad...these beliefs result in distorted thinking that closes us off to the gifts that we have and the gifts that other recognize in us.  I couldn't tell you the number of times that I've been complimented and simply shrugged it off in disbelief.  Telling myself, "oh yeah...they are just saying that to be nice..." Yet, how twisted is it that I would hold onto my own distorted beliefs of myself, beat myself up, and hold onto the insults that others would throw at me instead?  How many of you are guilty of that?  

It's time to recognize the gifts and beauty that others can see in you.  It's time to own the superpowers that you have... be it, listening well, a willingness to help, supporting others, having a beautiful smile, having insatiable drive and hunger or a firm handshake and the ability to give someone a kick in the ass when they need it.  Own the things that others feel and see in you.  Respect their opinion and hold it as true as the times that you hold onto your own jacked up voice.  Because it is just as valid and real.  Be your own hero.

275. It's miracle grow...for the soul

I just covered this topic with some colleagues of mine that I feel warrant an entry.   

I believe that although there are many characteristics and things that we need as humans...there are two big umbrellas, under which all other things fall, that feed our souls...one is our ability to continue growing and the second is the need to give of our selves to others...

Now, let's open these up a bit more.  Growth is something I have been writing about for a while throughout this blog.  Something that I've brought out in my writings over and over again.  Growth is the continued challenging of our perceived limits.  It is the self reflection and thoughts that fuel who we are as people.  It is the death of the hero that has fueled most of our early life and the birth of the soul that seeks meaning and life in all things.  Growth is the chalk lines we set and the bars that we strive to continue pushing.  It is the self reflection and the continued to drive for more from ourselves...more from what we have put onto ourselves.  It is questioning our beliefs and the continued challenging of what we hold as true and of value.  Yes, challenge your own values and beliefs.  

I also believe that in order to birth a stronger soul, one needs to focus on the ability to give to others.  The need to realize that we are no longer the center of the world, but simply a warrior in it.  A warrior who needs to give.  Now this comes out in a variety of ways.  It can come in the form of being a good father...a man who listens rather than hears...a man who knows the difference between kind and nice...a man who focuses on others without expectation or reward.  The type of person that gets up day after day to do what needs to be done to feed the children.  Tired.  Sweaty.  Worn.  I believe that greatest gift we have as man is not our ability to "think" or "weigh options" it is our ability to love.  Love therefore isn't about you...love is about the other.  It is about the selfless act of giving for the benefit of another despite you own.  

So...what am I asking you to do?  Well...nothing really...but should you like to.  It's time to take an inventory of these things.  If you are fearful of something...the dark...cat things...heights...love...force yourself and choose to engage with these things despite your feelings and worries.  Push your boundaries ..re-set your lines...challenge your perceptions.  It will stretch your soul and force it to grow.  The more you work it...just like going to the gym...the more you will grow and the more it will grow stronger.  

Secondly, focus on what it is to give to others.  I'm not saying give money if you don't have it...I'm saying give time and attention.  Spend an extra 5 minutes of your day with something or someone else. Push yourself to donate and give even if you have nothing.  Offer compliments to those around you. Pat someone on the back.  Provide support and help to people that you normally wouldn't.  These smalls things will make a world of a difference...I promise.

-Sorry...you really are just a speck of dust in the universe.  

But I'll give you two choices.  Fade into the night sky looking at all of the others...or choose to try and shine brighter than them.  

274. I'm afraid of me, with you

Q: 
Im waiting for this guy to dump me psych!  He is just so amazing and I really like him but am like thinking hes just going to let me go and I feel myself pulling away from him eventhough he tells me how happy and great we are together.  He tells me he likes me and wants a family with me but I cant help but think that its all going to fall a part and Im going to lose him.  What gives? 

A:

I actually wrote this up a while ago and never posted it...seems like a good time to do it.  I hope this helps anonymous86.

You’re in a relationship and things are going great.  You click, the family likes tolerates you and you can’t help but feel like they are the “one”. 

Yet there is something underneath it…something scary and worrisome…resistance…

Feeling resistant comes in a variety of ways and from a variety of places.  We feel something so great that it can shake our core…an earthquake moving the ground and us on stilts trying to keep balance.  You’re waiting for the other shoe to fall…waiting for the phone call that says, “we need to talk” waiting for them to tell you some deep horrible secret of theirs so that you can fall back into the dating scene…again.  You end up waiting for it to end…because “it always does.” A horrible spin cycle on high.  But yet…they are in your life…and they are staying.  WTF?  You have finally ended up finding someone?  Really?  Me?!?!  You?!?! And yet you cannot help to feel this weird sense about you two.

This is normal and natural.  To have such a wonderful connection and relationship with someone that it shakes you.  Moves you.  Breaks your expectations and makes you feel like you’re scattering.

Someone with whom you can connect with so deeply…that what you end up feeling is fear.  We have all been burned…hurt and broken…this has resulted in deep seated hesitation, fear and burn out.  We are tired of the game.  Annoyed with it.  The same damn flavor of ramen soup.  Then finally when we do find someone and can’t find anything “wrong” with them…we grow unsure…it’s new…it’s different…it’s not the same ramen anymore…this one is different…this one has added flavor…intoxicating…strange and therefore…scary.  It’s outside of our expectations and we don’t know how to react.  It’s outside what we’re used to and so our brain, heart and soul haven’t learned how to move with it. 

Think of times that you did something that you were fearful of.  For me, heights has always been a thing that scared me.  Even when I would jump out of planes regularly I was always afraid of the first step and looking over.  Although I knew I would be safe my fear always stops me for a second.   Every time.  This is done for self-preservation…self containment…and protection.  When we don’t know how to react to something, like fear, our body gets confused and unsure.

I believe that this happens when we find a new partner and start to grow deeper into them…we feel a sense of connection and acceptance from them that…well, it gets scary.  In that moment we realize that we are getting all the things that we never thought we could get.  Never thought we would ever see…the stupid ass Disney movie plotline and we are the princess…we get acceptance, partnership, love, support and care.  All for us.  No strings attached…no agenda…no receipt required…someone that accepts you for you and it scares the shit out of you.  Your head goes into overdrive, “what if they leave me?”  “what if I fuck it up?” “what if they realize that I’m not all that they think I am?”  what if…what if…what if?????

A few things.  First off, know that fear is healthy.  Damn healthy!  It helps define where our bars are, our personal records, so that we can aim to shatter them.  Know what to shoot for.  Secondly, fear which can = resistance, tells us how to grow.  When we are resistant and unsure about doing something…know that you need to do it.  Oh yes.  Do it hard.  Our ability to push past resistance will stretch us and in the end will grow us.  Lastly, accept fear.  When you can accept what you fear…you are really accepting you.  You are accepting the things that make you second guess…you are accepting the “weak” points in you…you are accepting the holes that you have, that make you whole.  When we acknowledge fear, we accept us because fear is as real and necessary as love, happiness, pain and ache.  

p.s. 
I realize I may have inadvertently called myself a princess back there...

273. What is date night?

Date night is about the food, lighting and atmosphere.  Bull shit.  No it’s not.

What is the importance of date night?  The importance of date night is a celebration of who you and your partner are.  You see a partnership is the joining of two people…the bringing together of two individuals to act together and move together. 

More than that, date night is the open acknowledgment and reminder of the gift that they each willingly bought into.  Date night is a time to create something unique.  Something only you two will have.  It is your chance to create memories, thoughts, and experiences to revisit in your mind when you’re day dreaming. 

The greatest part of dating and growing old with someone?  The ability to revisit your experiences and memories with one another.  Being 80 years old, regretting nothing and saying, “remember when we went to…” or “how about that time we…”  You see, there is no greater feeling than knowing that the greatest thoughts, emotions and memories of your life were shared with someone who holds your heart and world all at the same time.  It is never about the restaurant, location or what happened.  It’s about you two.  It’s always about you two.  At home, in public, in the dark, in the light, coffee shop or adult bookstore…it is always about your time together.  Always.  Date night is all about experiences…yours, theirs and together.

Men:  When you see her with her make up done or not…her hair just right or bedhead…the sweet smell that her skin naturally has (you know what I’m talking about)…that huge smile that only she has and only throws at you.  Oh yes, let her light you up…because she chose you.  I promise…she chose you.  Breathe her in, pull her close to you and hold her tightly.  She is your gift.  She is the prize that you’ve always wanted.  The greatest thing that could be given to you.  Let her know.  Acknowledge her.  Gawk at her.  Perv on her.  Protect and hold her.  She deserves it.  She is the cure.  Your greatest medicine. 

Women:  Make him feel like superman.  Impenetrable.  Bullet proof.  Remind him that of all the men you could have chosen, he was the one worth more than any other.  It’s true and because it’s true…tell him.  Smile widely at him and laugh at his jokes no matter how many times you have heard it.  Rest your head on him.  Be assertive but open.  

Did I miss anything?