29. Greatest Versus of all time

Okay okay okay...So I read this on a blog a while back ago and since just recently (my last blog) someone said that Godzilla is stronger than The KONG! allow me to open up the blog conversation...Godzilla Versus The KongI reference good ol' wikipedia for this one...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Kong_vs._GodzillaResult: The KongPirates Versus NinjasAt Sea1. Okay...so a horse versus a ship? right..regardless of how well trained a ninja is, he's just not equipped to handle a pirate ship. 2. The fighting crane method is no match for a 32 gun Galleon. 3. With it's sails furled, a pirate ship could reach 12-15 knots. A ninja, while swimming, couldn't reach half that. On Land1. Let's face it. A one-eyed man with a peg-leg isn't going to win too many fights with a ninja. 2. The pirate has won on occasion by using the "Argh, matey, look out behind ye!" ploy. This statistically works on 1 out of every 4 ninjas. So, if you ever come across the exam question, "What beats dumb ninjas?" you can respond with confidence, "Clever pirates."In The AirNeither ninjas nor pirates are known for their flying skills. In fact, the only thing close to a pirate flying was Errol Flynn, who played a pirate in "Captain Blood" and went on to star in "Those Magnificent Men and Their Flying Machines." In most cases the ninjas will dismantle their plane's wings to make huge throwing stars. The pirates always try and drink the plane's fuel, which most claim is weaker than the typical pirate grog. The Result: Neither encounter proves either side victorious, and this scenario ends in a draw.Alien Versus Predatorreference to the movies...and comics...I kinda see the alien as a weird rabid dog thing...and the predator as a sophito-macated machine with invisibility..come on...the only ways aliens would win would be with sheer numbers...Sorta like my job...the kids outnumber the counselors...hmm...scary if they all decide to flip out...The Result: Predator Taco Bell Dog Versus Paris Hilton DogYa know..this is a hard one...1. Taco Bell Dog is Mexican..come on now..those guys fight dirty...2. Paris hilton dog is rich and probably hired a hit man...3. Referring to South Park (which I love) paris could probably make him her pet and he would then kill himself because of it4. Taco Bell dog could trick paris hilton dog into eating tomatoes from his restaurants, which we all know were like..poisoned or something..The Result: Taco Bell DogAfterward: After a blossoming relationship with the Paris Hilton Dog he fell hard on drugs and went to rehab right before getting a security job with Gary ColemanDracula Versus Frankenstein1. Dracula is immortal2. I don't think Frankenstein is alive (quoting the line, "it's alive")3. Pitch forks and fire did frankenstein in4. Garlic and wooden crosses did Dracula in...5. Dracula could turn lots of people into vampires and have them gang up on him6. Frankenstein is the composition of many different body parts...what if they took like the best parts of the greatest people out there...bruce lee hands, ali's feet, michael phelps core, andrew's amazing butt...he'd be awesome...7. Dracula is undeadThe Result: DraculaAlf Versus E.T.1. Alf has spunk and loves eating cats...so blood doesn't phase him2. E.T. has the patented "E.T. Phone Homies" technique...so back up is always around3. Alf works out, can ride his own bike and can bad trash to the little blob..that's some serious mental work4. E.T. has longer fingers allowing for the ol' three stooges eye gouge trickThe Result: E.T. Jack Versus Ronald McDonald1. The jack is known for his killer head butt attack2. Ronald has been seen throwing a child or two at the Jack3. Jack appears to have a massive head that may help cushion the blows from the Ronald4. Ronald has a posse..the giant purple blob, the hamburgler...and the little bird that no one really knows the name ofThe Result: RonaldJust too many to keep going...Snow white Vs. CinderellaTerminator Vs. RobocopStewie Griffen Vs. CartmanBarney Vs. TeletubbyMichael Jackson Vs. PeeWee HermanGrouch Vs. The Cookie MonsterEaster Bunny Vs. Toothfairy (see my profile for a video of the easter bunny)Feel free to add more or...place your bets

28. Broken phone phun

So this last weekend during my wonderful wonderful adventures I accidentally cracked my cell phone."OH NO!" right?My phone is this LG Voyager Touch screen sexiness that basically exudes awesomeness...and here I am breaking the touch screen and essentially ruining a 500.00 dollar phone. That sucks...So now i'm basically forced to answer all my calls because I can't find/doesn't have the function to not answer when flipped open. Here I am then answering every single phone call from fear that it might be one of my marines and have to pick up their phone calls because most likely they have some random stupid emergency...anyways...I go to Verizon and of course start thinking of a million and one lies to tell them so that I can get them to replace it for me for free..."While walking a baby was on fire in a house and I ran in to save it..." -no..don't like babies"A car crash sent a flying woman into the air and I jumped off my motorcycle to catch her before she landed into traffic..." -no...I wouldn't sacrifice my bike for a human"Godzilla crashed into my house smashing my phone but only cracking the screen" -no..king kong is way stronger than himSO i walk up to the cashier and tell her...you know I'm sorry to say that when I first got my phone it had a small crack in it and over the last 6 months the tiny crack grew and eventually now my phone cracked...the cashiers response?"i'm sorry sir, well since it sounds like a manufacturer mishap i'll take your phone, send it to the company and you'll have a new one back in about 4 business days"my response "DOH!! 4 days...do you have like...loaner phones?"her response "well, had you accidentally broke it by say, sitting on it...you can just call your insurance and have it tomorrow...but clearly it's a manufacturers mishap so I have to take it"my response "DOUBLE DOH!!!...you mean I lied for nothing?"her response "well...no you didn't lie for nothing...you just learned that your lie just wasn't any good."jerk...:)