The next question is the idea of having opposite sex friends.
PSYCH!SENSE question...can we have opposite sex friends?
Now there are levels of friends...See my blog on types of friends...
Many of the men i've spoken to about this say "NO" they cannot have opposite sex friends. Many times, the only way they can do it is if their friend is absolutely not of physical interest to the guy...if the guy does not feel physical attraction to her then perhaps it can work out...difficulty is that many guys claim the ability to have friendship with women but I feel that they really harbor the drive to screw them.
Come on gents...lets be real...we all kinda feel it...just not as strongly as others at times...but we have this sense of "I wonder...." right? we wonder what it would be like...plus there is the biological sense of spreading the seed, dominance...blah blah blah...i'll get into that another time. When we are single many times we make friends with women because of the potential to "HIT THAT" Few peeps can make a friend with someone else because of the potential for deep connection...
haha...how many guys would say, "Man I really want to damn!..walk up to that girl...sit her down next to her and totally have a deep conversation with her..." (unless you're me...no wonder...) most would say, "i'm gonna walk right up to her and say WHATEVER it takes to tap that ass..." it's sad but true.
...I once had a girlfriend that truly cared for and when I was in Iraq fighting for the good ol' red, white and blue...she ended up cheating on me- with my best friend at the time. UGH! I know. I got back and she told me that she wanted to be friends since she was with my best friend now and she still felt connected to me...I told her, "get lost bitch, you cum gurgling walking sperm bank" (what do you expect I was in the Marine Corps for 7 years..and I just got back from war...she's lucky I didn't go all serial killer on her). I cut them both out of my life (not literally). Years later after no communication...I got an invitation to their wedding...did I go? many of my readers would not have gone...but I did. Why? Well one...free booze and food...and two I started to see the power of psychology and the power of peace and happiness...I told myself...if she was going to cheat on me, i'm glad she did it with the man she'd end up marrying.
When I used to compete in martial arts...I hated losing...like we all do..but what made me feel better was to think...if I lose to someone...it better be the guy that wins the whole damn competition...
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that friendship, deep ones anyways, are about the ability to have mutual service to one another. I have my best friends because I know...I could call them and ask for 30 bucks and they would say, "I'll be there to drop it off in an hour..." For them, they know that they can call me and say, "dude...I got a random girl pregnant" and I would say, "get me my surgical knife..." ......KIDDING!!!! it's the shock factor readers...JUST KIDDING! why would I want to cut my friend because he got a girl pregnant...geez.
I challenge my readers to question the roles of friends in your life. THere are levels of friendship....there are!!! I've had people that I tried to make best friends with, tried to incorporate with and have lifelong connections with only to discover that they secretly were jealous and starting personal investigation into my life history, criminal record and credentials...instead of retaliation my relationship now with them is simple "hi" and "bye".
There are too many people in world to hold anger with...you can simply learn to change your role in their life and their role in yours. AGAIN! it's about mutuality and respect...do not friend a girl...if you plan on getting in her pants..(unless thats all you want)...do not friend a person under the fake idea of friendship only to attack them afterward...you will end up lonely and feeling empty. Only a certain few can have friends with the opposite sex that can be platonic...only few can do this. When you think of your friends or acquantances (sp?) consider what they do for you and what you do for them.
There is nothing wrong with harboring feelings sexual or whatever towards another person...but it may be wrong to act on every feeling you get that could be detrimental to their life, your own life or your happy relationship. Sure...sometimes it's worth it...but be very careful with that. Many of you i'm sure have friends of the opposite sex and if you're a guy perhaps friends that you wouldn't mind seeing/hearing her "O" face...it's okay to have these fantasies...but at the cost of what you have...make sure it's worth it. Learn to appreciate you already have...learn to feel the love that you two hold in a way that is beyond the physical...sure it's hard...and damn near impossible...but so what...man up
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
92. My Ex/Best-Friend
I've gotten quite the opposite responses on this one. So I throw it out to the readers who try and keep up with my PSYCH!SENSE stuff. Here is the question:
PSYCH!SENSE question: Can you be friends with your ex?
Lets say you have been with your ex b/f or ex g/f for 2 years or so...you guys have a huge break up but it was done out of mutuality (if that exists). Meaning...you didn't want him/her and she didn't want you either. They suddenly pull out the "lets be friends card" ...we've probably all heard that one...or given it to someone...or written a song about it...but I bring it up because if the person who gets that card is not ready for it...damn...the one giving it should have just said, "hey you piece of horse manure, grass eating donkey ball licking sucky sucky five dollar son of a bitch....help me move today"
When the one receiving this message to be friends is not ready for it...it can be heart wretching...why? because it hurts us.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me exactly what one of my philosophers told me..."when someone is that close to you that they learn and know things about you that your friends don't know...you are vulnerable...when they leave...you are left hurting and with scars."
I agree, with a different example...When you build a relationship they know so much about you...they begin to fill the scars and holes in your soul and heart with their own energy and love. They "complete" you (austin powers). When they leave, those holes and scars are left empty again. and sex was probably awesome.
Time passes and they want to be friends again...but our scars and holes remember the joy that it once had to be with that person...but ultimately the pain they created as well.
I've heard mixed answers on this one. Many women say that they can continue to have the ex as a friend...but many guys will say the opposite. Women want to prolong the emotional support from anyone...they want the ability to bounce between friends in their life journey who can provide help in any way possible. Men I feel do not have this type of feeling. Men instead have the ability to break ties with people, although it hurts, in order to self preserve themselves. I'm not saying that the two roles cannot interchange but I am saying that a majority of the gender think this way (yes it is a generalization!).
Here is PSYCH! opinion. In fact I think I read this somewhere too...but whatever..i'll take credit for it until someone corrects me...
I've had a girlfriend that was still friends with her ex...now at first it was difficult for me because I always thought to myself..."FUCK! he just wants to wreck that piece o' booty..." but because I pride myself on being a PSYCH!SENSE philosopher I try and consider perspectives and alternative opinions. THis is what helped me. I told myself..."she once loved this person..and still does but in a different way...and despite their break up she will keep him close and choose what part to keep close to her heart...instead of getting pissed off...I realized that for the time being...she chooses me...completely and fully...if she is connected like this to her ex...imagine how amazingly loving and beautiful she can be when she is with me."
...the fact is that we must be willing to acknowledge that a woman will keep the parts of things she wants in her life...and discard the rest. If she still holds connection to her ex...but chooses you to be her world...how lucky are you?
I once had a patient tell me about her boyfriend that always wore a watch that his ex gave him when they were together but later broke up. Mind you that he never spoke to her after they broke up but...he did wear her watch because he liked it and my patient found it hard to accept that he still had a piece of her. I can remember telling my patient..."it sounds as if he's a smart man....he chooses the things he likes and discards the things he doesn't...and right now...he chooses you completely." They ended up getting married.
This is my next challenge to the readers...how emotionally stable are you? although being a friend with an ex is difficult...many times...impossible...what level of friendship and what level of connection do you want to have with this person? I'd like to think that someone who is trying to be stronger and a more balanced person could try and fill a role or a part of their ex's life...if that ex can do the same for you...can your ex fill a role or part in your own life as well...if not? then why be friends?
You must be willing to be honest with youself and respectful to what your own soul is telling you. Be honest with yourself..if it's too hard for you...don't do it. You may not be ready...you may need years upon years to get over her...If you can find a place to try and be part of their life...try it. Just remember this isn't for everyone as it can also be seen as torture if you too it too soon. Find your line and walk it...lean over your edge but don't cross it.
or
when they say, "can we be friends?" you can just say, "FUCK YOU!"
PSYCH!SENSE question: Can you be friends with your ex?
Lets say you have been with your ex b/f or ex g/f for 2 years or so...you guys have a huge break up but it was done out of mutuality (if that exists). Meaning...you didn't want him/her and she didn't want you either. They suddenly pull out the "lets be friends card" ...we've probably all heard that one...or given it to someone...or written a song about it...but I bring it up because if the person who gets that card is not ready for it...damn...the one giving it should have just said, "hey you piece of horse manure, grass eating donkey ball licking sucky sucky five dollar son of a bitch....help me move today"
When the one receiving this message to be friends is not ready for it...it can be heart wretching...why? because it hurts us.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me exactly what one of my philosophers told me..."when someone is that close to you that they learn and know things about you that your friends don't know...you are vulnerable...when they leave...you are left hurting and with scars."
I agree, with a different example...When you build a relationship they know so much about you...they begin to fill the scars and holes in your soul and heart with their own energy and love. They "complete" you (austin powers). When they leave, those holes and scars are left empty again. and sex was probably awesome.
Time passes and they want to be friends again...but our scars and holes remember the joy that it once had to be with that person...but ultimately the pain they created as well.
I've heard mixed answers on this one. Many women say that they can continue to have the ex as a friend...but many guys will say the opposite. Women want to prolong the emotional support from anyone...they want the ability to bounce between friends in their life journey who can provide help in any way possible. Men I feel do not have this type of feeling. Men instead have the ability to break ties with people, although it hurts, in order to self preserve themselves. I'm not saying that the two roles cannot interchange but I am saying that a majority of the gender think this way (yes it is a generalization!).
Here is PSYCH! opinion. In fact I think I read this somewhere too...but whatever..i'll take credit for it until someone corrects me...
I've had a girlfriend that was still friends with her ex...now at first it was difficult for me because I always thought to myself..."FUCK! he just wants to wreck that piece o' booty..." but because I pride myself on being a PSYCH!SENSE philosopher I try and consider perspectives and alternative opinions. THis is what helped me. I told myself..."she once loved this person..and still does but in a different way...and despite their break up she will keep him close and choose what part to keep close to her heart...instead of getting pissed off...I realized that for the time being...she chooses me...completely and fully...if she is connected like this to her ex...imagine how amazingly loving and beautiful she can be when she is with me."
...the fact is that we must be willing to acknowledge that a woman will keep the parts of things she wants in her life...and discard the rest. If she still holds connection to her ex...but chooses you to be her world...how lucky are you?
I once had a patient tell me about her boyfriend that always wore a watch that his ex gave him when they were together but later broke up. Mind you that he never spoke to her after they broke up but...he did wear her watch because he liked it and my patient found it hard to accept that he still had a piece of her. I can remember telling my patient..."it sounds as if he's a smart man....he chooses the things he likes and discards the things he doesn't...and right now...he chooses you completely." They ended up getting married.
This is my next challenge to the readers...how emotionally stable are you? although being a friend with an ex is difficult...many times...impossible...what level of friendship and what level of connection do you want to have with this person? I'd like to think that someone who is trying to be stronger and a more balanced person could try and fill a role or a part of their ex's life...if that ex can do the same for you...can your ex fill a role or part in your own life as well...if not? then why be friends?
You must be willing to be honest with youself and respectful to what your own soul is telling you. Be honest with yourself..if it's too hard for you...don't do it. You may not be ready...you may need years upon years to get over her...If you can find a place to try and be part of their life...try it. Just remember this isn't for everyone as it can also be seen as torture if you too it too soon. Find your line and walk it...lean over your edge but don't cross it.
or
when they say, "can we be friends?" you can just say, "FUCK YOU!"
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
91. Partner or Prostitute
To PSYCH!SENSE writer, I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months now. We still have the heat and chemistry and still fuck like bunny rabbits. I really love this woman and I know she loves me but she is getting expensive! When we go out I end up taking out my wallet, when she gets a food craving, I end up taking out my wallet, when we go to the mall and she sees something she likes, you get the idea. I mean I know in the beginning it's my job to do it, but as she gets paid more than me and does not like for me to make her something to eat at home- what can I do? Using your language, can the next PSYCH!SENSE question be, "when should your girlfriend start to pick up the bill for things?"
p.s. what does the word PSYCH!SENSE mean by the way? is that some sort of psychological term?
p.s.s. I love the way you smell (this is the only thing I may or may not have added)
Now this is a really good question...the answer? when you tell her to start doing it. Ta da!
also! actually I made up the word PSYCH!SENSE. It's supposed to be my made up word for when I start to feel the deeper answer to psychology. It's my Spidey-sense, you know...when in danger spiderman's spidey-sense buzzes to warn him...my PSYCH!SENSE is used when I start buzzing about interpretation or understanding...
on to the question:
We are absolutely in a very interesting time in life. We have women that are independent, make their own money, have their own things yet will throw up their "traditional" card when it's convenient. "Pay the tab, kill the pig, open my door"....if not then they complain "there are no good men out there!" despite their ever growing drive to hook up with the tatoo, cheating S.O.B. who treats them like crap and "save the bad boy" instead of dating the sexy blog guy...I mean the nice guy. ugh...i'll blog about that another day.
Dont worry ladies...guys have a similar card...it's called the baby card. We are tough and strong and want to be in charge...but "goo goo ga ga take care of me" :( I will also blog about this later.
so anyways...women I feel are torn between the idea of wanting to be traditional and their "modern" independent beliefs. In your case, I don't know if she foots the bill ever but I would start to question your roles...think about it!
You guys go out and you pay, she may sleep over wake up and say, "i'm hungry...take me to denny's" ...you said you "fuck like bunny rabbits" so I would start to question your role...is she your prostitute?
I don't mean to be rude..but if the most you are getting from her is sex...you could probably save yourself some money by going to those sexy asian massage places...like the one on Colorado and Eagle Rock...oh yeah...they treat you well..they know what makes a man happy...anyways...
What can also bug us guys is the idea that many times women will play the "traditional" card when it suits them best. She may not realize that she is doing that...which means...it comes off to us guys as her expecting us to do it.
Trust me, sometimes the hardest part and most annoying is that they begin to expect it. They will not make an attempt...they will not reach for the purse but when the bill comes they are halfway out the door while you pay. Many times if she would at least be willing to reach for her purse that can help us feel better. In fact, it's the attempt or willingness ladies!
Like having a roommate! You buy all the food but they eat it all and don't put out any money. If you guys split the electricity, they end up leaving their computer on all day and all the lights on..but insist on splitting the bill down the center. They fill up the trash bag but will wait for you to take it out. must be real nice!
so here you are:
On intimacy: Intimacy is when two people consciously choose to serve one another.
This means both make a conscious attempt to understand what the other is experiencing and doing. They must be willing to serve you in exchange...not sexually because in that scenario both are being served...but truly consider what your partner is doing in service to you. What does she do for you? If you are paying all the time, she must be willing to understand that it is a partnership and dance that you both must be open to.
On investment: A clear representation of Investment is the active redirection of resources/assets (emotional and physical) to creating benefits in the future for both. In other words, "I'm giving this to you and us because I want us"
How much is she investing in your relationship, physically and emotionally, and how is she showing you that she feels a future? This is why buying a dog or cat together can be stressful because it means you two are making a committment to take care of it and invest equally into it. Even little things as her paying for the bill every so often can be an indicator of her investment in your relationship.
On courtesy and being a lady or gentleman: The conscious attempt to make others around you as comfortable as possible. In other words, "what more can I do to make you feel better?"
Your partner must be willing to question their actions in relation to yours. They must think about your needs as well...for example:
THIS IS THE MORE PG EXAMPLE (DON'T READ THE NEXT EXAMPLE IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY SENSITIVE)
If you are eating together at home and they pick up your dirty plates and take them/wash them. They are being courteous to you.
THIS IS TOTALLY GROSS EXAMPLE...DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SEXUAL IMAGE!
like when you are totally going at it from behind and right before you pop you pull out and finish on her back(we know that's happened)...it's courtesy to clean her up.
You must be willing to speak up to her, express your concerns clearly and be honest with your feelings. If it is bugging you that much...approach her with it. DONT BACK DOWN! Depending on her reaction to your approach you'll know what type of woman she is and if she is willing to take her game and your relationship to the deeper level. Who knows you may find out that she is a money hungry girl that is used to guys taking care of her and all her needs, which is okay if you want that.
Also consider how that can change your relationship and your own feelings as well. We guys do have this weird macho thing about paying for the bill..if she started to pay for the bill more would you feel less of a man? ouch! you may...but that isn't bad...it's just something that you have to work through.
Let me add this one tid bit from personal experience. I usually pick up the bill until she is willing to say, "No I got this one"...and kinda fights me for it. I find that this and most guys would agree, that this is extremely sexy...that tells me that she is willing to invest into us and although I will not expect her to pay for all the things to come...her making this gesture tells me how much of a higher level woman she is. This symbolic act is an example of her willingness to invest in us, her courtesy and respect for me pickign up past tabs, and her willingness to show me she is invested for a future together.
p.s. what does the word PSYCH!SENSE mean by the way? is that some sort of psychological term?
p.s.s. I love the way you smell (this is the only thing I may or may not have added)
Now this is a really good question...the answer? when you tell her to start doing it. Ta da!
also! actually I made up the word PSYCH!SENSE. It's supposed to be my made up word for when I start to feel the deeper answer to psychology. It's my Spidey-sense, you know...when in danger spiderman's spidey-sense buzzes to warn him...my PSYCH!SENSE is used when I start buzzing about interpretation or understanding...
on to the question:
We are absolutely in a very interesting time in life. We have women that are independent, make their own money, have their own things yet will throw up their "traditional" card when it's convenient. "Pay the tab, kill the pig, open my door"....if not then they complain "there are no good men out there!" despite their ever growing drive to hook up with the tatoo, cheating S.O.B. who treats them like crap and "save the bad boy" instead of dating the sexy blog guy...I mean the nice guy. ugh...i'll blog about that another day.
Dont worry ladies...guys have a similar card...it's called the baby card. We are tough and strong and want to be in charge...but "goo goo ga ga take care of me" :( I will also blog about this later.
so anyways...women I feel are torn between the idea of wanting to be traditional and their "modern" independent beliefs. In your case, I don't know if she foots the bill ever but I would start to question your roles...think about it!
You guys go out and you pay, she may sleep over wake up and say, "i'm hungry...take me to denny's" ...you said you "fuck like bunny rabbits" so I would start to question your role...is she your prostitute?
I don't mean to be rude..but if the most you are getting from her is sex...you could probably save yourself some money by going to those sexy asian massage places...like the one on Colorado and Eagle Rock...oh yeah...they treat you well..they know what makes a man happy...anyways...
What can also bug us guys is the idea that many times women will play the "traditional" card when it suits them best. She may not realize that she is doing that...which means...it comes off to us guys as her expecting us to do it.
Trust me, sometimes the hardest part and most annoying is that they begin to expect it. They will not make an attempt...they will not reach for the purse but when the bill comes they are halfway out the door while you pay. Many times if she would at least be willing to reach for her purse that can help us feel better. In fact, it's the attempt or willingness ladies!
Like having a roommate! You buy all the food but they eat it all and don't put out any money. If you guys split the electricity, they end up leaving their computer on all day and all the lights on..but insist on splitting the bill down the center. They fill up the trash bag but will wait for you to take it out. must be real nice!
so here you are:
On intimacy: Intimacy is when two people consciously choose to serve one another.
This means both make a conscious attempt to understand what the other is experiencing and doing. They must be willing to serve you in exchange...not sexually because in that scenario both are being served...but truly consider what your partner is doing in service to you. What does she do for you? If you are paying all the time, she must be willing to understand that it is a partnership and dance that you both must be open to.
On investment: A clear representation of Investment is the active redirection of resources/assets (emotional and physical) to creating benefits in the future for both. In other words, "I'm giving this to you and us because I want us"
How much is she investing in your relationship, physically and emotionally, and how is she showing you that she feels a future? This is why buying a dog or cat together can be stressful because it means you two are making a committment to take care of it and invest equally into it. Even little things as her paying for the bill every so often can be an indicator of her investment in your relationship.
On courtesy and being a lady or gentleman: The conscious attempt to make others around you as comfortable as possible. In other words, "what more can I do to make you feel better?"
Your partner must be willing to question their actions in relation to yours. They must think about your needs as well...for example:
THIS IS THE MORE PG EXAMPLE (DON'T READ THE NEXT EXAMPLE IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY SENSITIVE)
If you are eating together at home and they pick up your dirty plates and take them/wash them. They are being courteous to you.
THIS IS TOTALLY GROSS EXAMPLE...DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SEXUAL IMAGE!
like when you are totally going at it from behind and right before you pop you pull out and finish on her back(we know that's happened)...it's courtesy to clean her up.
You must be willing to speak up to her, express your concerns clearly and be honest with your feelings. If it is bugging you that much...approach her with it. DONT BACK DOWN! Depending on her reaction to your approach you'll know what type of woman she is and if she is willing to take her game and your relationship to the deeper level. Who knows you may find out that she is a money hungry girl that is used to guys taking care of her and all her needs, which is okay if you want that.
Also consider how that can change your relationship and your own feelings as well. We guys do have this weird macho thing about paying for the bill..if she started to pay for the bill more would you feel less of a man? ouch! you may...but that isn't bad...it's just something that you have to work through.
Let me add this one tid bit from personal experience. I usually pick up the bill until she is willing to say, "No I got this one"...and kinda fights me for it. I find that this and most guys would agree, that this is extremely sexy...that tells me that she is willing to invest into us and although I will not expect her to pay for all the things to come...her making this gesture tells me how much of a higher level woman she is. This symbolic act is an example of her willingness to invest in us, her courtesy and respect for me pickign up past tabs, and her willingness to show me she is invested for a future together.
Monday, April 26, 2010
90. Kinkos girl, Mail man, Pool boy, Babysitter
Crushes!
We've all had them. yes, yes, yes...that one or in my case 18 million crushes that are in our lives. It could be that guy at work..you know the one...that one guy with the beach blond hair and green eyes...the copy girl who you think about all day just because she gave you that little smile that for some reason filled you up.
Ever notice how you act around them? Think about it...you see them and suddenly, us guys stand up a bit more straight...you ladies perk up the two ladies and stick out the lovely lady lump...but when you see them you can FEEL their energy. Almost magnetic there is just something right...something that just draws you into them...some sort of invisible male or female essence that you just can't help but breathe into your own life. Ever notice how with a simply hello...a simple compliment from them your day just seems that much better?
Now i'm not talking about infatuation (inappropriate aggression, overly engaged, fanatic over them, stalking them, following them, etc...the crazy stuff)...i'm talking about just the types of crushes we have, like the one I have with my female orthodontist or male guitar teacher (god he's sexy...j/k about me being gay ..not kidding about him being sexy) but I do wonder about the type of amazing warmth and exhiliration (sp?) you get from just being around them.
PSYCH!SENSE question...do we need to have crushes? and if so...do we act on them?
Here is what I tell my patients and clients all the time. I tell them, "it's important that you surround youself with those that are successful and want the best for themselves...because they will in turn expect that from you."
It's true! if you surround youself with good people that are hard working and successful you will want that for yourself and in turn they will expect that from you...they challenge you to be the very best because they only want that for themselves. Have we all not heard that saying, "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." ...well if you haven't...now you have.
If you hang out with gang members all the time, but you're not in the gang...you are affilitated by association...you kinda become one because of the people you hang out with.
If you hang out with the girls at school that are known for going behind the bleachers and satisfying the football team...most likely, even if you are not one of them...you'll be seen as one of them lollipop gaggers...
Let me use a random waitress as an example. Lets say at my local bar there is a waitress that I find myself aboslutely attracted to..maybe it's her hair...or her curves...or the way her voice sounds...or just her essence or energy....whatever....what will I do before I go to this place? I'm going to pick myself up...probably shower despite it not being wednesday...lay on the designer jeans and put on loads of cologne...I may even go as far as doing some push ups before seeing her...why? because I want to impress her...but more I want her to see me at my best.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that...crushes drive us to be our best. It's not that we want/need to screw them (although sometimes that's the case) but more we kinda want their energy..we want them to want us in return..they bring out the best in us. We are attracted to them because they make us better people. They make us feel good about ourselves if only they would smile that cute little smile at us.
The next question...should we do anything about them? should we come out to our crushes and tell them? here is a difficult one. I don't have the answer for you...but for the sake my of PSYCH!SENSE I will create a challenge for the Philosophers.
We at times will not come out to others with our crushes because of our embarrassment or self esteem. If they reject us...then the image that we have of them is almost shattered. The ideal thing that we think they are is then seen as "evil" and "mean" because they reject us. This is my challenge...i'm not saying go out and break up a marriage if your crush is married...or even break up a relationship because of your selfish need to tell them...but instead I challenge you to focus on what it is about them that draws you in...what is it about this person that just sucks you in...
here are your two options:
1. You come out and tell them that you think their ass looks great in those jeans and you want to go out with them...at the potential cost of your ideal image and at the cost of your self esteem a bit (if they reject you)... or they say yes and move on from there...read my blog entitled, "Can you hear me now?" for connection to someone.
2. You simply do nothing about it and learn to enjoy and relish in their energy without saying anything. Consider this..sometimes the image and sexy, sexy imagination you have with them is actually better than the real life thing. I feel like we've all been there right? You see a hot little thing..move in on them...actually get them and realize..."WTF?!?! what the hell was I thinking!!"...eeek...like soooooooooooooooo many of my relationships...
Find you crush psych!sense philosophers...find your crush...let them create a more confident and stronger you...
p.s.
I do not intend to suggest that self confidence and self esteem is only built from crushes...but instead I suggest that they can remind us of how wonderful we all are but forget to remember at times.
We've all had them. yes, yes, yes...that one or in my case 18 million crushes that are in our lives. It could be that guy at work..you know the one...that one guy with the beach blond hair and green eyes...the copy girl who you think about all day just because she gave you that little smile that for some reason filled you up.
Ever notice how you act around them? Think about it...you see them and suddenly, us guys stand up a bit more straight...you ladies perk up the two ladies and stick out the lovely lady lump...but when you see them you can FEEL their energy. Almost magnetic there is just something right...something that just draws you into them...some sort of invisible male or female essence that you just can't help but breathe into your own life. Ever notice how with a simply hello...a simple compliment from them your day just seems that much better?
Now i'm not talking about infatuation (inappropriate aggression, overly engaged, fanatic over them, stalking them, following them, etc...the crazy stuff)...i'm talking about just the types of crushes we have, like the one I have with my female orthodontist or male guitar teacher (god he's sexy...j/k about me being gay ..not kidding about him being sexy) but I do wonder about the type of amazing warmth and exhiliration (sp?) you get from just being around them.
PSYCH!SENSE question...do we need to have crushes? and if so...do we act on them?
Here is what I tell my patients and clients all the time. I tell them, "it's important that you surround youself with those that are successful and want the best for themselves...because they will in turn expect that from you."
It's true! if you surround youself with good people that are hard working and successful you will want that for yourself and in turn they will expect that from you...they challenge you to be the very best because they only want that for themselves. Have we all not heard that saying, "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." ...well if you haven't...now you have.
If you hang out with gang members all the time, but you're not in the gang...you are affilitated by association...you kinda become one because of the people you hang out with.
If you hang out with the girls at school that are known for going behind the bleachers and satisfying the football team...most likely, even if you are not one of them...you'll be seen as one of them lollipop gaggers...
Let me use a random waitress as an example. Lets say at my local bar there is a waitress that I find myself aboslutely attracted to..maybe it's her hair...or her curves...or the way her voice sounds...or just her essence or energy....whatever....what will I do before I go to this place? I'm going to pick myself up...probably shower despite it not being wednesday...lay on the designer jeans and put on loads of cologne...I may even go as far as doing some push ups before seeing her...why? because I want to impress her...but more I want her to see me at my best.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that...crushes drive us to be our best. It's not that we want/need to screw them (although sometimes that's the case) but more we kinda want their energy..we want them to want us in return..they bring out the best in us. We are attracted to them because they make us better people. They make us feel good about ourselves if only they would smile that cute little smile at us.
The next question...should we do anything about them? should we come out to our crushes and tell them? here is a difficult one. I don't have the answer for you...but for the sake my of PSYCH!SENSE I will create a challenge for the Philosophers.
We at times will not come out to others with our crushes because of our embarrassment or self esteem. If they reject us...then the image that we have of them is almost shattered. The ideal thing that we think they are is then seen as "evil" and "mean" because they reject us. This is my challenge...i'm not saying go out and break up a marriage if your crush is married...or even break up a relationship because of your selfish need to tell them...but instead I challenge you to focus on what it is about them that draws you in...what is it about this person that just sucks you in...
here are your two options:
1. You come out and tell them that you think their ass looks great in those jeans and you want to go out with them...at the potential cost of your ideal image and at the cost of your self esteem a bit (if they reject you)... or they say yes and move on from there...read my blog entitled, "Can you hear me now?" for connection to someone.
2. You simply do nothing about it and learn to enjoy and relish in their energy without saying anything. Consider this..sometimes the image and sexy, sexy imagination you have with them is actually better than the real life thing. I feel like we've all been there right? You see a hot little thing..move in on them...actually get them and realize..."WTF?!?! what the hell was I thinking!!"...eeek...like soooooooooooooooo many of my relationships...
Find you crush psych!sense philosophers...find your crush...let them create a more confident and stronger you...
p.s.
I do not intend to suggest that self confidence and self esteem is only built from crushes...but instead I suggest that they can remind us of how wonderful we all are but forget to remember at times.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
89. I do you, you do me, you do me- while you do he
This one is kinda hard to explain in wirting but I will do my very best to try and explain it. This was done at a random group meeting at:
Cafe Roule (where the staff is half as good as the coffee!...wait...what?)
anyways...here is what we spoke about. Before you go on reader you must think about your answer to these two questions:...it's kinda a survey
READ THESE BELOW BEFORE YOU READ MORE....GIVE YOUR ANSWERS!
_____________________________________________
1. Are you okay with having your partner imagine someone else when you're having sex?
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: YES or NO (IF YOU ANSWER...'IT DEPENDS' THAT'S A YES ANSWER)
If you are having sex with your partner and when you finish your partner rolls over and says, "hey _____ when we were having sex right now I imagined you as ____"
for example: Hey Robert, when we were having sex right now I imagined you as Brad Pitt
is this okay for you? here are the rules though. It cannot be with someone familiar...meaing a best friend, or close relative...lets say it's with an actor
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you be okay with your partner imagining that s/he is doing someone else at times?
-------------------
2. Would you rather have your partner say, "Hey ______ I kinda have fallen in love with my friend ______ , I'm not going to sleep with ________ because I still want to be with you."
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: I would rather have him physically sleep with someone over emotionally fall for someone
For example: "Hey Jessica I kinda have fallen in love with my friend Maria, I'm not going to sleep with Maria because I still want to be with you"
or would you rather them say, "Hey _____ I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with __________, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over."
For exampe: "Hey Jessica I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with Maria, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over"
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you rather your partner emotionally cheat on you or physically cheat on you?
-----------------------------
think about it...
think about it...
think about it...
seriously...think about it...
DO NOT READ THE ANSWERS BELOW UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHICH TWO YOU WOULD CHOOSE
OKAY!!! so here are the answers....
I asked 15 people in a group and of the answers- here is what I found...which I didn't think I would find
--------------------
YES, it's okay to imagine another person while having sex
I'd rather my partner emotionally cheat on me than physically cheat
VERSUS
No to imagine another person while we're having sex
I'd rather my partner physically cheat on me than emotionally cheat on me
---------------------
in other words...those that said yes to imagine another also said i'd rather them emotionally cheat than physically cheat....
wild right? there were exceptions of course..2 peole had mixed answers which I can get into later...but amazing to think how the emotional people felt similar in both cases when those who were not as emotional felt another way...yes, yes, yes...we all know that but try and see where your answers fall in and match
Here was the reasoning from the group:
those who answered the top one said, "I do it all the time...sometimes when you have a lot of sex with your partner things kinda die down..so you think of someone else to keep it going...it's okay because you're with him/her but at times...not all the time...you let your head run off to brad pitt or angelina jolie....it's normal"
they also said,
"I'd rather my b/f or g/f emotionally fall for someone else and not do anything about it..because I feel as if they respect our relationship and me. Because of our relationship they will not physically do anything despite having a crush on someone...it's about having respect for eachother"
Here was the reasoning from the second group:
"when we're having sex...I need to know that he's mentally attached to me...I need to know that he is having sex with me and not an image or fantasy of another woman...our intimate time is with one another..not an actress or actor."
They also said,
"I'd rather them get drunk and in a drunken stupor have sex with someone than emotionally fall for someone else....if there is emotion attached they are more likely to leave...if it was just a fuck...then i'll give them crap for it...but we could move on."
Ultimately, those that said it's okay to imagine another person in bed were males and males would prefer for their woman to emotionally fall for another first rather than sleep with them.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that this is normal for guys...guys tend to be less emotional and as such will often allow their minds to wander to other women...it's in our biology...its in our evolution...men were designed to plant seeds and continue the generations...we are screwing machines..yes, I know..gross..but get over it..we have a drive to screw anything that walks if in the right circumstances and yes, I can hear some of my philosophers screaming...not all guys will mess around physically (we can talk about what a higher level man does though...he doesn't get caught...kidding)
men tend to be more physical and less emotional. It's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...this is why men develop bigger muscles and physically mature faster than women...we had to back in the day in order to "kill pig and feed family."
women being more emotional would find it harder to hear that her man is thinking of another and would also find it hard to hear that he is fallign for another woman emotionally despite his not doing anything with her. It's as if the female focus is on relationship, communication and stability. The female essence wants her partner full focused and gravitated towads her. She will dedicate herself to family, love, partnership and ass kicking of any woman who tries to take her man....women are absolutely amazing that way...full of love and dedication for the one she loves...
women tend to be more emotional and less physical. Again, it's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...that's why you can have deep conversations about life and the world at age 12 while we are still picking our noses trying to keep up with you.
Last PSYCH!SENSE point:
We men tend to be "in the world" what does that mean Blog guy? look at our biology..our ding dongs are in the world...if naked you see our junk...we are part of the outside physical world whereas women have their biology inside their body. They are more "on the inside" as their sexual organs are inside. get it? men are "in the world" as our thangs hang out and women are more emotional and internally based as their sexual organs are inside themselves and not in the world.
gentlemen...if you have a good partner....be good to them and they will open the world to you.
ladies....if you have a good partner...take care of them and allow them to enter your world...and screw them all the time :)
Cafe Roule (where the staff is half as good as the coffee!...wait...what?)
anyways...here is what we spoke about. Before you go on reader you must think about your answer to these two questions:...it's kinda a survey
READ THESE BELOW BEFORE YOU READ MORE....GIVE YOUR ANSWERS!
_____________________________________________
1. Are you okay with having your partner imagine someone else when you're having sex?
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: YES or NO (IF YOU ANSWER...'IT DEPENDS' THAT'S A YES ANSWER)
If you are having sex with your partner and when you finish your partner rolls over and says, "hey _____ when we were having sex right now I imagined you as ____"
for example: Hey Robert, when we were having sex right now I imagined you as Brad Pitt
is this okay for you? here are the rules though. It cannot be with someone familiar...meaing a best friend, or close relative...lets say it's with an actor
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you be okay with your partner imagining that s/he is doing someone else at times?
-------------------
2. Would you rather have your partner say, "Hey ______ I kinda have fallen in love with my friend ______ , I'm not going to sleep with ________ because I still want to be with you."
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: I would rather have him physically sleep with someone over emotionally fall for someone
For example: "Hey Jessica I kinda have fallen in love with my friend Maria, I'm not going to sleep with Maria because I still want to be with you"
or would you rather them say, "Hey _____ I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with __________, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over."
For exampe: "Hey Jessica I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with Maria, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over"
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you rather your partner emotionally cheat on you or physically cheat on you?
-----------------------------
think about it...
think about it...
think about it...
seriously...think about it...
DO NOT READ THE ANSWERS BELOW UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHICH TWO YOU WOULD CHOOSE
OKAY!!! so here are the answers....
I asked 15 people in a group and of the answers- here is what I found...which I didn't think I would find
--------------------
YES, it's okay to imagine another person while having sex
I'd rather my partner emotionally cheat on me than physically cheat
VERSUS
No to imagine another person while we're having sex
I'd rather my partner physically cheat on me than emotionally cheat on me
---------------------
in other words...those that said yes to imagine another also said i'd rather them emotionally cheat than physically cheat....
wild right? there were exceptions of course..2 peole had mixed answers which I can get into later...but amazing to think how the emotional people felt similar in both cases when those who were not as emotional felt another way...yes, yes, yes...we all know that but try and see where your answers fall in and match
Here was the reasoning from the group:
those who answered the top one said, "I do it all the time...sometimes when you have a lot of sex with your partner things kinda die down..so you think of someone else to keep it going...it's okay because you're with him/her but at times...not all the time...you let your head run off to brad pitt or angelina jolie....it's normal"
they also said,
"I'd rather my b/f or g/f emotionally fall for someone else and not do anything about it..because I feel as if they respect our relationship and me. Because of our relationship they will not physically do anything despite having a crush on someone...it's about having respect for eachother"
Here was the reasoning from the second group:
"when we're having sex...I need to know that he's mentally attached to me...I need to know that he is having sex with me and not an image or fantasy of another woman...our intimate time is with one another..not an actress or actor."
They also said,
"I'd rather them get drunk and in a drunken stupor have sex with someone than emotionally fall for someone else....if there is emotion attached they are more likely to leave...if it was just a fuck...then i'll give them crap for it...but we could move on."
Ultimately, those that said it's okay to imagine another person in bed were males and males would prefer for their woman to emotionally fall for another first rather than sleep with them.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that this is normal for guys...guys tend to be less emotional and as such will often allow their minds to wander to other women...it's in our biology...its in our evolution...men were designed to plant seeds and continue the generations...we are screwing machines..yes, I know..gross..but get over it..we have a drive to screw anything that walks if in the right circumstances and yes, I can hear some of my philosophers screaming...not all guys will mess around physically (we can talk about what a higher level man does though...he doesn't get caught...kidding)
men tend to be more physical and less emotional. It's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...this is why men develop bigger muscles and physically mature faster than women...we had to back in the day in order to "kill pig and feed family."
women being more emotional would find it harder to hear that her man is thinking of another and would also find it hard to hear that he is fallign for another woman emotionally despite his not doing anything with her. It's as if the female focus is on relationship, communication and stability. The female essence wants her partner full focused and gravitated towads her. She will dedicate herself to family, love, partnership and ass kicking of any woman who tries to take her man....women are absolutely amazing that way...full of love and dedication for the one she loves...
women tend to be more emotional and less physical. Again, it's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...that's why you can have deep conversations about life and the world at age 12 while we are still picking our noses trying to keep up with you.
Last PSYCH!SENSE point:
We men tend to be "in the world" what does that mean Blog guy? look at our biology..our ding dongs are in the world...if naked you see our junk...we are part of the outside physical world whereas women have their biology inside their body. They are more "on the inside" as their sexual organs are inside. get it? men are "in the world" as our thangs hang out and women are more emotional and internally based as their sexual organs are inside themselves and not in the world.
gentlemen...if you have a good partner....be good to them and they will open the world to you.
ladies....if you have a good partner...take care of them and allow them to enter your world...and screw them all the time :)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
88. How much is enough
I was sitting in an asian boba tea joint, people watching, with my friend as we began to talk about all kinds of crap...
There were some women that were peacocking there...(peacocking definition: an individual that flairs or spices up their wardrobe in an attempt to get more attention)
So these women appeared to want some attention...between their sparkling shoes, lavish reflective surfaces, long straight hair, tiny little frames....damn...this is getting hot...so..yeah...my friend and I began to talk about stress and the need for more and our need to show and want more.
Let's be clear...there is nothing wrong with wanting more out of life...aiming for goals...aiming for the "better" in our lifetimes...we all do it.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Does our drive for more material things create stress and sadness?
Now the buddhists would say yes...they would say our attachment to things is what creates pain and sadness. let's open this up a bit more.
You buy your first car...an old clunker with bucket seats, duct tape all over the leather...the weird clanking noise under the hood, that smell that you never really got out....
why are we okay with this? because it's our first car!! of course it's okay...because we always tell ourselves...i'll get something better later. Now for many times- functional reasons...our clunker dies and you end up getting a new car.
But now you have a nice car..but it's not *enough for you...you see the shiny black thing pass you by on the freeway and suddenly we want more...
Here's the thing...we will not be able to have everything we want. Lets be real. We will never have everything we want...if that were the case I would have my private island, my terminal of fighter jets, a room full of play things to fulfill all my wildest fantasies...(hahah...you know what I mean....yeah...lego blocks..that would be cool) and a beautiful wife.
This is where stress and sadness is from. Our drive for more and our eventual realization that we cannot have it all creates stress in our lives. Read that again! Our drive for the next best thing, our drive for more and more and more creates stress because of our inability to realize them all.
Right now...many people have a picture of a car or thing that they have as a goal. Again this is not bad...but you work your butt off...you push and stress...do over time hours...sell your kidney, your first born and other random stuff...and in time you get it. But what happens when you get it? in time you grow bored with it and want the next best thing. SO the cycle starts all over again...all over again and with it the stress of that new goal.
Now yes...many would say this is normal...and it is...but as always allow me to challenge you...instead of aiming for bigger material goals and in turn the creation of stress...why not allow yourself the challenge of putting love and soul into the things you already have? because stress is good...it forces mental resiliency and discipline...it also creates a sense of purpose and goal orientation in life...but just consider for a moment why this type of stress and mental toughness and resiliency cannot be put towards something intangible, something not material. Like love, your partner, your children, your family, your old clunker, your own personal issues. Life would be that more amazing if we had the drive to put so much work and attention into the things in our lives that are already there.... instead of that new 15000 sq ft home or streamline turbo twin engine plane.
Consider wi how much of your new goal is meant for peacocking as oppose to function.
Reference:
Kugelmann - In stress: Nature and history of engineered grief.
There were some women that were peacocking there...(peacocking definition: an individual that flairs or spices up their wardrobe in an attempt to get more attention)
So these women appeared to want some attention...between their sparkling shoes, lavish reflective surfaces, long straight hair, tiny little frames....damn...this is getting hot...so..yeah...my friend and I began to talk about stress and the need for more and our need to show and want more.
Let's be clear...there is nothing wrong with wanting more out of life...aiming for goals...aiming for the "better" in our lifetimes...we all do it.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Does our drive for more material things create stress and sadness?
Now the buddhists would say yes...they would say our attachment to things is what creates pain and sadness. let's open this up a bit more.
You buy your first car...an old clunker with bucket seats, duct tape all over the leather...the weird clanking noise under the hood, that smell that you never really got out....
why are we okay with this? because it's our first car!! of course it's okay...because we always tell ourselves...i'll get something better later. Now for many times- functional reasons...our clunker dies and you end up getting a new car.
But now you have a nice car..but it's not *enough for you...you see the shiny black thing pass you by on the freeway and suddenly we want more...
Here's the thing...we will not be able to have everything we want. Lets be real. We will never have everything we want...if that were the case I would have my private island, my terminal of fighter jets, a room full of play things to fulfill all my wildest fantasies...(hahah...you know what I mean....yeah...lego blocks..that would be cool) and a beautiful wife.
This is where stress and sadness is from. Our drive for more and our eventual realization that we cannot have it all creates stress in our lives. Read that again! Our drive for the next best thing, our drive for more and more and more creates stress because of our inability to realize them all.
Right now...many people have a picture of a car or thing that they have as a goal. Again this is not bad...but you work your butt off...you push and stress...do over time hours...sell your kidney, your first born and other random stuff...and in time you get it. But what happens when you get it? in time you grow bored with it and want the next best thing. SO the cycle starts all over again...all over again and with it the stress of that new goal.
Now yes...many would say this is normal...and it is...but as always allow me to challenge you...instead of aiming for bigger material goals and in turn the creation of stress...why not allow yourself the challenge of putting love and soul into the things you already have? because stress is good...it forces mental resiliency and discipline...it also creates a sense of purpose and goal orientation in life...but just consider for a moment why this type of stress and mental toughness and resiliency cannot be put towards something intangible, something not material. Like love, your partner, your children, your family, your old clunker, your own personal issues. Life would be that more amazing if we had the drive to put so much work and attention into the things in our lives that are already there.... instead of that new 15000 sq ft home or streamline turbo twin engine plane.
Consider wi how much of your new goal is meant for peacocking as oppose to function.
Reference:
Kugelmann - In stress: Nature and history of engineered grief.
87. It's how big?
This idea was brought to me in conversation with one of my best good buds.
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it with women and big engagement/wedding rings?
As I write this I hope that many of my female readers will put their opinion on here. My friend tells me that at his work place a younger woman had just gotten engaged...as she's talking about her proposal she shows the office her ring. An older woman takes a gander and is floored! her response, "Damn...I need to get a bigger one" (hmm..I feel like I should insert a joke here).
I ask my buddy about this and he tells me, "ya know...it goes back to tradition...back in the day a man went to the family's home and would give livestock in exchange for their woman's hand."
I ask one of my co-workers and she tells me, "it just goes back because we like jewelry." and I say, "that's it?" and she says, "yup.......and the bigger it is the more he loves us."
hahahah...imagine that..the bigger the ring...the more you love your woman..
so the question is...if you had the choice between a HUGE cubic zirconian (sp?) and a small diamond ring, which would you prefer?
the real one or the fake one? Her response was, "well..it depends on how fake it looks and who knows it's fake?"
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that a woman has a huge ring as like men imagine having ya know...schlongs. We have this imaginary belief that the bigger our *thang is, the more worth of a man we are. The bigger ring a woman has, the more love and better man she has.
I suppose if a woman could get a bigger ring...she would. How many of us guys, if told there was a breakthrough product...
not talking about extenze...stupid ass thing that doesn't even work..or that cream...or that suction pump thing...but it did feel good...or those collagen injection shots, at least those kinda worked but then it wasn't quite even enough and one side was droopy...I mean, come on...am I really still talking about this..)
...anyways...if a guy was given an opportunity to make himself bigger would he take it? ha! i'm sure he would.
See...men have kind of a cheating thing...we wear pants all day. By doing this we can say anything we want, buff up our shoulders, raise our chest pound on it and pronounce loudly, "I have a HUGE BEEFSTICK" and no one would know other than his partner. But women can't do this...they wear it in public all day...they can't lie about it's size.
GOing back to the question...although big rings and huge ding dongs may represent some grand gesture of being *worth more...are they really? We all know the answer to this...but few are willing to admit it...no
"it's not the size that counts..." it's the symbol of it that means more....the representtation of it. A bigger ring does not mean he loves you more or that you are worth more...a big ol' *third leg doesn't mean that you are more of a man or that you are stronger than any other man...it probably just means you have back problems. You must be willing to get over the idea of bigger size as being better...
(unless you're hung like a baby's arm holding an apple)
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it with women and big engagement/wedding rings?
As I write this I hope that many of my female readers will put their opinion on here. My friend tells me that at his work place a younger woman had just gotten engaged...as she's talking about her proposal she shows the office her ring. An older woman takes a gander and is floored! her response, "Damn...I need to get a bigger one" (hmm..I feel like I should insert a joke here).
I ask my buddy about this and he tells me, "ya know...it goes back to tradition...back in the day a man went to the family's home and would give livestock in exchange for their woman's hand."
I ask one of my co-workers and she tells me, "it just goes back because we like jewelry." and I say, "that's it?" and she says, "yup.......and the bigger it is the more he loves us."
hahahah...imagine that..the bigger the ring...the more you love your woman..
so the question is...if you had the choice between a HUGE cubic zirconian (sp?) and a small diamond ring, which would you prefer?
the real one or the fake one? Her response was, "well..it depends on how fake it looks and who knows it's fake?"
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that a woman has a huge ring as like men imagine having ya know...schlongs. We have this imaginary belief that the bigger our *thang is, the more worth of a man we are. The bigger ring a woman has, the more love and better man she has.
I suppose if a woman could get a bigger ring...she would. How many of us guys, if told there was a breakthrough product...
not talking about extenze...stupid ass thing that doesn't even work..or that cream...or that suction pump thing...but it did feel good...or those collagen injection shots, at least those kinda worked but then it wasn't quite even enough and one side was droopy...I mean, come on...am I really still talking about this..)
...anyways...if a guy was given an opportunity to make himself bigger would he take it? ha! i'm sure he would.
See...men have kind of a cheating thing...we wear pants all day. By doing this we can say anything we want, buff up our shoulders, raise our chest pound on it and pronounce loudly, "I have a HUGE BEEFSTICK" and no one would know other than his partner. But women can't do this...they wear it in public all day...they can't lie about it's size.
GOing back to the question...although big rings and huge ding dongs may represent some grand gesture of being *worth more...are they really? We all know the answer to this...but few are willing to admit it...no
"it's not the size that counts..." it's the symbol of it that means more....the representtation of it. A bigger ring does not mean he loves you more or that you are worth more...a big ol' *third leg doesn't mean that you are more of a man or that you are stronger than any other man...it probably just means you have back problems. You must be willing to get over the idea of bigger size as being better...
(unless you're hung like a baby's arm holding an apple)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
86. Laundry list
Right now think about what you should be doing...come on...think about it! that stack of paperwork to fill out...the next patient, customer or client coming in soon...your laundry to be put away...your scheduled butt scratching session....
I mention this because how many of us really have the time to do nothing...or perhaps a blog...
We find ourselves constantly running around...you ever find yourself pushing yourself to finish an everlasting list of things to do? It can be hard...you end up pushing yourself so hard to the point of stress and sometimes frustration with something that you really have no clue what it is...we find ourselves hardly ever celebrating the little things in life because there is always "the next thing to do".
Although it may be different and close to impossible my PSYCH!SENSE philosophers, I push for all of you to find your place in the day to pull your mind away.
Here's why hobbies work: 2 reasons!
one they allow you to vent out frustrations and daily things that begin to eat at you...
two is that they allow you to not think about your daily crap.
think of it this way....
We walk around daily...at times we even have to run, usually from angry husbands that see the smile face on my butt as I jump out the window...but as we stay on our feet all day you have to sit down eventually that allows your feet and legs to rest a bit. In our daily lives we are so full of "laundry lists" from dropping kids at school, drving to work...dealing with drama there...going home and cooking....then going to bed and rinse and repeat the next day...
allowing yourself time every day to sit and do nothing is like resting your feet or legs...you must be willing to sit in emptyness or in a place where you don't have to think...for any of you that play instruments...when you practice or try to learn something new you have to focus sooo much on the material you cannot allow your mind to sit anywhere else...this is a break from the daily routine....
This is why meditation....when you can master it, works sooooo well...they have learned to let their mind go blank...
SEX!!! yes...wake up...when you are having great, good, ol' booty bumping action you you forget about all the crap that goes on around you...you focus so much on the friction...the rhythm...and the enjoyment of the love between the two (or three, giggidy) of you. Granted orgasm does help...but more...our minds are pulled away from the drama, stress and pain that we see and feel everyday.
The point?
find your blank mind. learn an instrument so that you have to focus so much on it you cant focus on anything else...paint or draw because you must try and focus on the image...some love exercise....it picks up endorphins....but you can "run" out the pain..and gay, like tom cruise.
I mention this because how many of us really have the time to do nothing...or perhaps a blog...
We find ourselves constantly running around...you ever find yourself pushing yourself to finish an everlasting list of things to do? It can be hard...you end up pushing yourself so hard to the point of stress and sometimes frustration with something that you really have no clue what it is...we find ourselves hardly ever celebrating the little things in life because there is always "the next thing to do".
Although it may be different and close to impossible my PSYCH!SENSE philosophers, I push for all of you to find your place in the day to pull your mind away.
Here's why hobbies work: 2 reasons!
one they allow you to vent out frustrations and daily things that begin to eat at you...
two is that they allow you to not think about your daily crap.
think of it this way....
We walk around daily...at times we even have to run, usually from angry husbands that see the smile face on my butt as I jump out the window...but as we stay on our feet all day you have to sit down eventually that allows your feet and legs to rest a bit. In our daily lives we are so full of "laundry lists" from dropping kids at school, drving to work...dealing with drama there...going home and cooking....then going to bed and rinse and repeat the next day...
allowing yourself time every day to sit and do nothing is like resting your feet or legs...you must be willing to sit in emptyness or in a place where you don't have to think...for any of you that play instruments...when you practice or try to learn something new you have to focus sooo much on the material you cannot allow your mind to sit anywhere else...this is a break from the daily routine....
This is why meditation....when you can master it, works sooooo well...they have learned to let their mind go blank...
SEX!!! yes...wake up...when you are having great, good, ol' booty bumping action you you forget about all the crap that goes on around you...you focus so much on the friction...the rhythm...and the enjoyment of the love between the two (or three, giggidy) of you. Granted orgasm does help...but more...our minds are pulled away from the drama, stress and pain that we see and feel everyday.
The point?
find your blank mind. learn an instrument so that you have to focus so much on it you cant focus on anything else...paint or draw because you must try and focus on the image...some love exercise....it picks up endorphins....but you can "run" out the pain..and gay, like tom cruise.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
85. Butter Face
Urban Dictionary: butter face butter face - 59 definitions - n. A girl who is hot, except for her (but her, butter) face.
Now you make sure to read my blog called, "Can you hear me now" in order to understand why physical attraction is important at times. This blog topic was submitted to me by a reader...she writes:
"Dear Sexy, Amazing and not at all weird Blog guy,
When I met my man he was sexy and I found myself really attracted to him. He would make me feel even better as he would be very gentlemanly (not as sexy as you..but close) and would treat me right (not as great as you could). When we broke up (because I wanted to try my chances with you) I started going out on dates more (because you turned me down because of your superior intellect and education) and when I would go out, most of the guys I met were not very handsome. They were smart, witty and we could talk about anything, but they didn't turn me on physically (because lets face it they weren't as hot as you). I asked my girlfriends about this (giggidy) and they said that all initial attraction is based on how cute he is. What do you think about this (and will you please pole dance for me later)."
***the views expressed in this letter are real and were that of an actual person. Wording and phrases have been added to protect the identity of one and enhance the sexiness of another.
PSYCH!SENSE question...Is physical attractiveness the key to dating initially?
now lets think about this one...be real!!! When you're single you girl/guy friends will try and hook you up with someone they know, a friend, cousin, sister, sexy grandma...what is the first thing you say? come on....
you say, "what do they look like?" or some variation of it. (except for maybe a minor few)
Even when your friends goes out on a date with someone...one of the first things you ask your friend was, "what does he look like?" "is he cute?"
we want to know what the person looks like and if they are attractive. Now yes...biologically and I believe evolutionary we tend to aim for those that are most physically attractive. Why? the more pretty/handsome a person is, the expected healthy-ness of their genes are to be passed on to our children. We need someone that is somewhat attractive as a way to ensure our children will be healthy. It's biological peeps....
Attraction = good genes ----> healthy kids
that is the extent of the my mathematical prowess.
But what about all the other things I wrote about in the other blog (emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection)? They do exist...they do but is our attractive based on the initial bite.
One of my co-workers tells me, "if you have something workable in looks...it's cool...maybe homeboy needs a haircut or a new wardrobe and I can get with him..." aparently to her, they have to be someone *cute..."workable" (I don't truly understand that concept yet) and the other three connections will only add to his workableness.
A friend at Cafe Roulee told me that initially physical connection and attraction is key. She said that she would want to be able to take him home...and yeah...you know...get all giggidy with it...but she is a "Ni Su Bah Poh"..so whatever. She even said her fiance right now had to be somewhat attractive for her to be willing to be with him initially...now it doesn't matter so much now because she's grown to love him for other reasons...but at first it did matter.
Here's an example:
Back in the day we had Jordan shoes...remember those? I mean the classic high top ones. Oh yeah...the ones you save up all summer for and when you finally buy them...that bully two grade levels higher jack me for them and then kicks me in the nuts with them later that afternoon...yeah...those ones.
Now lets say later that day I start a revolt against him and gather up all the third graders to beat him up. I get the shoes back...By this point...they are dusty...kinda dirty...but the worse part is that he had stepped in a massive piece of shit earlier that day with them.
As I look at them...I think to myself...well look at all the other thngs about them...they are jordans! they are popular! they are expensive! but damn..they look like shit.
A part of me would think...I can clean them and break the dried piece of shit off them...now they will always be stained...always have the dark stain where the giant piece of shit was...but that's okay because all the other things will make up for it.
What if I couldn't take the piece of shit off? what if the shit he stepped in was mutative and would never be taken off? would it still be worth to wear them?
It's an awkward example...but do we understand it? When you first meet someone physical attractiveness does play a key to things. If you had gone to a swap meet and picked up a pair of jordans like this...would you be willing to take them home with the massive piece of mutative shit that doesn't come off? I would think not despite all the other things about them.
The silver lining?
One who lives a psychological life will try and see past the shit. They will go out with someone on many dates trying to see if the connection on other levels will out do the one that is not working. The psychological life will try and wear the shoes despte what they have on them in an effort to feel the comfort of fit.
This style of life is not easy...it is very difficult...you must be willing to put one of your connections (in this example physical) to the side in order to try and let another connection outweigh it. We must see past the initial...which I encourage all people to do. Challenge yourself to go out on a date with someone that is fugly..perhaps it will challenge your sense of self identity...it will challenge your own views of what you find pretty. It will force you to see things and people in amazing new ways outside of the superficial...I dare you!
There is no right or wrong to this...like most of my blogs...but two things that I would want the PSYCH!SENSE philosophers to comment on is this:
Is physical attractiveness the key to relationships/dating initially?
Can you really, really, see past the piece of shit for something to connect in other ways? ---would you date someone that was absolutely tore up from the floor up if everything else in their life was amazing...intellectual, emotional, spiritual.....and had oogles of money, money, money ...(j/k about the last one)
Now you make sure to read my blog called, "Can you hear me now" in order to understand why physical attraction is important at times. This blog topic was submitted to me by a reader...she writes:
"Dear Sexy, Amazing and not at all weird Blog guy,
When I met my man he was sexy and I found myself really attracted to him. He would make me feel even better as he would be very gentlemanly (not as sexy as you..but close) and would treat me right (not as great as you could). When we broke up (because I wanted to try my chances with you) I started going out on dates more (because you turned me down because of your superior intellect and education) and when I would go out, most of the guys I met were not very handsome. They were smart, witty and we could talk about anything, but they didn't turn me on physically (because lets face it they weren't as hot as you). I asked my girlfriends about this (giggidy) and they said that all initial attraction is based on how cute he is. What do you think about this (and will you please pole dance for me later)."
***the views expressed in this letter are real and were that of an actual person. Wording and phrases have been added to protect the identity of one and enhance the sexiness of another.
PSYCH!SENSE question...Is physical attractiveness the key to dating initially?
now lets think about this one...be real!!! When you're single you girl/guy friends will try and hook you up with someone they know, a friend, cousin, sister, sexy grandma...what is the first thing you say? come on....
you say, "what do they look like?" or some variation of it. (except for maybe a minor few)
Even when your friends goes out on a date with someone...one of the first things you ask your friend was, "what does he look like?" "is he cute?"
we want to know what the person looks like and if they are attractive. Now yes...biologically and I believe evolutionary we tend to aim for those that are most physically attractive. Why? the more pretty/handsome a person is, the expected healthy-ness of their genes are to be passed on to our children. We need someone that is somewhat attractive as a way to ensure our children will be healthy. It's biological peeps....
Attraction = good genes ----> healthy kids
that is the extent of the my mathematical prowess.
But what about all the other things I wrote about in the other blog (emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection)? They do exist...they do but is our attractive based on the initial bite.
One of my co-workers tells me, "if you have something workable in looks...it's cool...maybe homeboy needs a haircut or a new wardrobe and I can get with him..." aparently to her, they have to be someone *cute..."workable" (I don't truly understand that concept yet) and the other three connections will only add to his workableness.
A friend at Cafe Roulee told me that initially physical connection and attraction is key. She said that she would want to be able to take him home...and yeah...you know...get all giggidy with it...but she is a "Ni Su Bah Poh"..so whatever. She even said her fiance right now had to be somewhat attractive for her to be willing to be with him initially...now it doesn't matter so much now because she's grown to love him for other reasons...but at first it did matter.
Here's an example:
Back in the day we had Jordan shoes...remember those? I mean the classic high top ones. Oh yeah...the ones you save up all summer for and when you finally buy them...that bully two grade levels higher jack me for them and then kicks me in the nuts with them later that afternoon...yeah...those ones.
Now lets say later that day I start a revolt against him and gather up all the third graders to beat him up. I get the shoes back...By this point...they are dusty...kinda dirty...but the worse part is that he had stepped in a massive piece of shit earlier that day with them.
As I look at them...I think to myself...well look at all the other thngs about them...they are jordans! they are popular! they are expensive! but damn..they look like shit.
A part of me would think...I can clean them and break the dried piece of shit off them...now they will always be stained...always have the dark stain where the giant piece of shit was...but that's okay because all the other things will make up for it.
What if I couldn't take the piece of shit off? what if the shit he stepped in was mutative and would never be taken off? would it still be worth to wear them?
It's an awkward example...but do we understand it? When you first meet someone physical attractiveness does play a key to things. If you had gone to a swap meet and picked up a pair of jordans like this...would you be willing to take them home with the massive piece of mutative shit that doesn't come off? I would think not despite all the other things about them.
The silver lining?
One who lives a psychological life will try and see past the shit. They will go out with someone on many dates trying to see if the connection on other levels will out do the one that is not working. The psychological life will try and wear the shoes despte what they have on them in an effort to feel the comfort of fit.
This style of life is not easy...it is very difficult...you must be willing to put one of your connections (in this example physical) to the side in order to try and let another connection outweigh it. We must see past the initial...which I encourage all people to do. Challenge yourself to go out on a date with someone that is fugly..perhaps it will challenge your sense of self identity...it will challenge your own views of what you find pretty. It will force you to see things and people in amazing new ways outside of the superficial...I dare you!
There is no right or wrong to this...like most of my blogs...but two things that I would want the PSYCH!SENSE philosophers to comment on is this:
Is physical attractiveness the key to relationships/dating initially?
Can you really, really, see past the piece of shit for something to connect in other ways? ---would you date someone that was absolutely tore up from the floor up if everything else in their life was amazing...intellectual, emotional, spiritual.....and had oogles of money, money, money ...(j/k about the last one)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
84. Two is better than one?
Can you love more than one person at a time? Now the simple answer is yes..but the more complicated, gray (grey?) area is ...YES and NO.
Who's your favorite? bert or ernie? (sesame street)
homer simpson or peter griffin?
pepsi or coke?
Me or Me?
as you can see the ideas of loving and feeling the connection to two things can exist..now of course this doesn't answer the question:
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can I be in love with more than one person?
This idea was summitted to me by one of my readers who asked me about relationships...(HA! people actually ask for my opinion...ha!!) anways...she had told me that she loves her husband but when they separated she fell for another guy...perhaps it was his massive....ya know..his giants huge....socks. And we know what they say about guys with big socks right? yeah...big penis. So she tells me that she loves both of her men. WIth her husband she had built a family...a home...a life...and after they separated...she found solace in another man (with a giant sock) who she wanted to be with.
THis is the dilemma...does she love them both? yes! Perhaps the life she has built with one is a type of love that is grounded in investment, experience, life, and consistency...where her other man is grounded in possibilities, potential, and new life.
Perhaps this is the difference...marriage many times has the strength to last because of their:
Investment (the time put into someone)
Experience (we have memories..like that one time we tried to smuggle illegal prescription viagara over the border)
Life (we have kids together...lets try and not screw them up too badly...dammit too late!!!)
Consistency (it's dress up as a rodeo clown or bull night...because it's wednesday)
We think of these things and can see how the opposite also fits our attention and love:
Possibilities (the new things that could happen...you start working out more...you start loving more fully...as if regenerated...you end up *finishing like 8 times in a night compared to maybe once a week with your husband/wife)
Potential (having this new feeling and experience reminds me that i'm alive..almost as if starting new)
New Life (I am now a person that is a happier (in a new way) and brighter when I see this new person...they make me feel more alive)
Consider this metaphor...When I go to hometown buffet I know what to expect...and some of us know exactly what's on the menu right? friday night is fish...wednesday night is ribs...etc...we grow to love it because we can expect and see what's there...it's comfortable, it's consistent, it's known, it's there....
but then...BAM!!! in walks the sexy Asian buffet house down the block...OH baby...fish night every night? oh yeah..you know what i'm talking about...they have some of the same choices at hometown buffet but with a slightly different taste and smels...hahahha...this is disgusting...hahaha....but your eye raises...you get curious..you go and find out that damn..."vanilla was nice...but I'd rather have some south east asian rice" ... you get the idea...
you then have two choices: you can invest time into Asian Buffet and start to learn their calendar and food choices potentially learning that you can't stand Crab night (hahah sick) and in turn slowly lose track of hometown buffet's schedule because you spend too much time at the other...or...you can continue to focus on what you know has been there and stay true to the original. Big question. gross answers.
REFERENCES:
the "vanilla nice...to asian rice" are lyrics from GetOuttm...cdbaby them...or myspace...or facebook...song is called Asian Girls.
Who's your favorite? bert or ernie? (sesame street)
homer simpson or peter griffin?
pepsi or coke?
Me or Me?
as you can see the ideas of loving and feeling the connection to two things can exist..now of course this doesn't answer the question:
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can I be in love with more than one person?
This idea was summitted to me by one of my readers who asked me about relationships...(HA! people actually ask for my opinion...ha!!) anways...she had told me that she loves her husband but when they separated she fell for another guy...perhaps it was his massive....ya know..his giants huge....socks. And we know what they say about guys with big socks right? yeah...big penis. So she tells me that she loves both of her men. WIth her husband she had built a family...a home...a life...and after they separated...she found solace in another man (with a giant sock) who she wanted to be with.
THis is the dilemma...does she love them both? yes! Perhaps the life she has built with one is a type of love that is grounded in investment, experience, life, and consistency...where her other man is grounded in possibilities, potential, and new life.
Perhaps this is the difference...marriage many times has the strength to last because of their:
Investment (the time put into someone)
Experience (we have memories..like that one time we tried to smuggle illegal prescription viagara over the border)
Life (we have kids together...lets try and not screw them up too badly...dammit too late!!!)
Consistency (it's dress up as a rodeo clown or bull night...because it's wednesday)
We think of these things and can see how the opposite also fits our attention and love:
Possibilities (the new things that could happen...you start working out more...you start loving more fully...as if regenerated...you end up *finishing like 8 times in a night compared to maybe once a week with your husband/wife)
Potential (having this new feeling and experience reminds me that i'm alive..almost as if starting new)
New Life (I am now a person that is a happier (in a new way) and brighter when I see this new person...they make me feel more alive)
Consider this metaphor...When I go to hometown buffet I know what to expect...and some of us know exactly what's on the menu right? friday night is fish...wednesday night is ribs...etc...we grow to love it because we can expect and see what's there...it's comfortable, it's consistent, it's known, it's there....
but then...BAM!!! in walks the sexy Asian buffet house down the block...OH baby...fish night every night? oh yeah..you know what i'm talking about...they have some of the same choices at hometown buffet but with a slightly different taste and smels...hahahha...this is disgusting...hahaha....but your eye raises...you get curious..you go and find out that damn..."vanilla was nice...but I'd rather have some south east asian rice" ... you get the idea...
you then have two choices: you can invest time into Asian Buffet and start to learn their calendar and food choices potentially learning that you can't stand Crab night (hahah sick) and in turn slowly lose track of hometown buffet's schedule because you spend too much time at the other...or...you can continue to focus on what you know has been there and stay true to the original. Big question. gross answers.
REFERENCES:
the "vanilla nice...to asian rice" are lyrics from GetOuttm...cdbaby them...or myspace...or facebook...song is called Asian Girls.
82. Who are you?
I think I was just driving along one day when I came upon this idea...oh wait I remember now...it was when I had left a patient's house and he was telling me about having different personalities with different people. SO here we are...
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can you have the same personality with different groups of friends?
So the breakdown is this...I realize that we must have a certain sense of courtesy and professionalism at work and around maybe porn shops...but what about your friends?
Pushing that aside think about your groups of friends...you have those from the neighborhood, those from high school, from college, from bars, from where ever you met them...do you change who you are as a person when you are around those groups?
I had one woman who said, "I'm the same around all my friends..I go out and be me...I party with everyone!....even my mom" hahahah...that's hilarious...PSYCH!SENSE would tell me that she has the ability to be that much more individual than others. Perhaps her ability to stay uniquely her is because she's older? or has cut through all the crap of life by being just her.
For example, I know people that will say whatever they want, do what they like in front of friends as well as in front of parents...now i'm not talking about full frontal nudity..but...maybe they would? The next question would go to the idea of being courteous to other people in life.
My mind goes to one of my friends where we always get together to eat Korean BBQ...now I could do that will all my friends...but our relationship has been built upon the backs of slave serving korean waitresses that bring us loads of meat...see my point? this is our relationship to one another...trying bbq places. I suppose based upon the relationship and context to which you know the person...your personality and ideas too change. I suppose I challenge you ...and me....to take the time to try and find the same personality with everyone...
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can you have the same personality with different groups of friends?
So the breakdown is this...I realize that we must have a certain sense of courtesy and professionalism at work and around maybe porn shops...but what about your friends?
Pushing that aside think about your groups of friends...you have those from the neighborhood, those from high school, from college, from bars, from where ever you met them...do you change who you are as a person when you are around those groups?
I had one woman who said, "I'm the same around all my friends..I go out and be me...I party with everyone!....even my mom" hahahah...that's hilarious...PSYCH!SENSE would tell me that she has the ability to be that much more individual than others. Perhaps her ability to stay uniquely her is because she's older? or has cut through all the crap of life by being just her.
For example, I know people that will say whatever they want, do what they like in front of friends as well as in front of parents...now i'm not talking about full frontal nudity..but...maybe they would? The next question would go to the idea of being courteous to other people in life.
My mind goes to one of my friends where we always get together to eat Korean BBQ...now I could do that will all my friends...but our relationship has been built upon the backs of slave serving korean waitresses that bring us loads of meat...see my point? this is our relationship to one another...trying bbq places. I suppose based upon the relationship and context to which you know the person...your personality and ideas too change. I suppose I challenge you ...and me....to take the time to try and find the same personality with everyone...
Monday, April 12, 2010
83. BFF to BPF (totally made up BPF)
soooo...here we go....best friend forever to best partner forever (again totally made that up)
I once knew a girl that said, "once you're in the friend zone with a girl..it's over." Haven't we guys heard that too? "damn kid don't get in the friend zone or else it's not going to happen!!!" Seriously! getting into the friend zone with your hot friend is like becoming her gay pal accessory...you just aint gonna get any. THe most you'll end up getting is maybe a little nipple action/shot when she's trying on clothes or maybe in a drunken stupor she falls on you and bam...full frontal impact with you...hhahah...we've all had that experience..(too bad it was with a 12 year old cousin)....
anyways...
I've met two people lately...one of them at cafe roule (free advertising!) who told me that her boyfriend of many years now was first her BFF. Apparently..they had grown soooo close and so tight with one another that one night..it happened...he moved from the BFF to the BPF (I'll work on the letters).
Another friend of mine had told me that her BFF was around so much during her stressful times that it was easy to want and embrace him fully...So I suppose the question changes a bit...does being the BFF turn into the greatest way to meet someone?
Yet another person has told me...once they become your friend they become less attractive...sexually. As in that friend (that is a girl) you made starts losing her intimate partner appeal. She begins to change form and not be as attractive as when you first met her...they lose their attraction (does that make sense...i'll pretend it does)SO this gentleman tells me that he finds it hard to see them as anything more than just a friend....
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it is only in these intimate relationships with others that we can truly be ourselves...when a person is able to know all of your crap and be okay with it, that is love. Whether it starts out with friendship, club hook up or that one night at your friend's sexy grandma's house- Our ability to feel connected and held by someone is much stronger of love than is the traditional standard of "make sure she's knows you want it because she makes you a friend" We must be willing to give ourselves complete to another and sometimes...friends are the way to do that first.
Perhaps the hidden secret to having a lasting relationship is our ability to tolerate our friendships and allow them to bloom as oppose to aiming for the quick hook up...
Now i'm not saying that the traditional way to a partner's heart doesn't work...you walk up to a lady at a club and say, "damn baby..your pants must be a mirror cuz I can see myself in them"....or perhaps, "I love what you're wearing...but it'd look better on my bedroom floor"
you get the idea...this does work...but perhaps the secret to lasting and "forever" ones are those that begin once foundation has been created.
I once knew a girl that said, "once you're in the friend zone with a girl..it's over." Haven't we guys heard that too? "damn kid don't get in the friend zone or else it's not going to happen!!!" Seriously! getting into the friend zone with your hot friend is like becoming her gay pal accessory...you just aint gonna get any. THe most you'll end up getting is maybe a little nipple action/shot when she's trying on clothes or maybe in a drunken stupor she falls on you and bam...full frontal impact with you...hhahah...we've all had that experience..(too bad it was with a 12 year old cousin)....
anyways...
I've met two people lately...one of them at cafe roule (free advertising!) who told me that her boyfriend of many years now was first her BFF. Apparently..they had grown soooo close and so tight with one another that one night..it happened...he moved from the BFF to the BPF (I'll work on the letters).
Another friend of mine had told me that her BFF was around so much during her stressful times that it was easy to want and embrace him fully...So I suppose the question changes a bit...does being the BFF turn into the greatest way to meet someone?
Yet another person has told me...once they become your friend they become less attractive...sexually. As in that friend (that is a girl) you made starts losing her intimate partner appeal. She begins to change form and not be as attractive as when you first met her...they lose their attraction (does that make sense...i'll pretend it does)SO this gentleman tells me that he finds it hard to see them as anything more than just a friend....
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it is only in these intimate relationships with others that we can truly be ourselves...when a person is able to know all of your crap and be okay with it, that is love. Whether it starts out with friendship, club hook up or that one night at your friend's sexy grandma's house- Our ability to feel connected and held by someone is much stronger of love than is the traditional standard of "make sure she's knows you want it because she makes you a friend" We must be willing to give ourselves complete to another and sometimes...friends are the way to do that first.
Perhaps the hidden secret to having a lasting relationship is our ability to tolerate our friendships and allow them to bloom as oppose to aiming for the quick hook up...
Now i'm not saying that the traditional way to a partner's heart doesn't work...you walk up to a lady at a club and say, "damn baby..your pants must be a mirror cuz I can see myself in them"....or perhaps, "I love what you're wearing...but it'd look better on my bedroom floor"
you get the idea...this does work...but perhaps the secret to lasting and "forever" ones are those that begin once foundation has been created.
Friday, April 9, 2010
81. Mission Accomplished
This is a blog first!!!! I was recently sent a request about a situation with one of my readers. I think this is an amazing idea!!! So I will also open up this possibility to others...I encourage you to ask questions that I can blog about it and that the readers can then respond to help with whatever is going on. Brilliant...here's the question....modified of course!
she writes:
Dear sexy guy,
why is it that with your superior intellect and education you do not know what a plethora is...
j/k
anyways:
"Us wives are acused of nagging from time to time. Is it considered nagging when the husband isn't keeping up with his chores and you the wife has to constantly bring them up to the husbands attention? For example I cleaned out the girls baby clothes. It filled a huge trash bag. This isnt stuff that they are ever going to wear again. I asked him to please put them up in the attic. The bag is to heavy for me to carry up the stairs. THAT WAS 2 WEEKS AGO! They have been sitting on the kitchen floor. He has even stepped over it a couple of times. And he never remembers to take out the trash I have to remind him the night before and sometimes he still forgets. Maybe we wouldnt nag if the men would take care of business. What do you think?"
WE ALL HAVE MISSIONS...(as marine corps memories flood me)
Let's be real here...yes it is nagging. It is, plain and simple. I want to try and think about this past the question though. We must all be willing to look past the problem, as images of that movie with robin williams pops up in my head...the one where he's a doctor?...nvm...anyways...it sounds as if he is not respecting your home in a way that YOU find it necessary to do so. He goes to work...and you stay at home taking care of the kids...cleaning...cooking..etc..but he leaves daily without showing you the love that you need to feel from him in regards to the things that you need. Lets talk about the masculine energy....
Men will find themselves in the "do mode" often. They are totally focused, intent on getting a task done. They will do whatever it takes for mission accomplishment. They are sooooo intent on getting it done that questions...breaks...jokes are just not going to be responded to...it's like when they are really into a game or movie...you cannot break them because they are absolutely focused on the butts of other players..I mean...the game and score...in fact they zombified!! except if you strip down and show them the goods. Because let me real again...we're guys. Anyways...
He is so focused on his life mission...this is good. He makes money for the family...his priority is go to work..come home...play with the kids...then play with the wife (you're welcome).....your mission may be to clean up the house, make sure the kids are good, and in this case..organize the house with the trash being thrown out and the clothes being stored away.
Here's the thing...his mission and your mission do match in some ways...but not in all ways (which is okay). He is not reflecting enough on his need to think about your purpose as his wife. In other words....
Lets say it's dinner time. Your mission and goal is to make a plate of food. His mission and goal is to eat the food. As you are cooking though you try and reach up to get a big bowl to mix things into but you can't reach it.
you have two choices:
You can get a chair to stand up and reach it...
or he can come over and grab it for you...
if you go with number one you have to expend some effort...yes...you have to do it in order to accomplish your mission and in turn his...
if you go with number two he will have to understand that he must do it for your mission and his mission to be complete...
I would try and make sure that he understands how important it is for him to reflect and focus on some of the things that are part of your mission and goals. Also...check yourself with him as well...are you being reflective to what is important in his mission and goal? perhaps taking out the trash isn't part of his plan...but perhaps if you held out the "goods" for a few hours ...or perhaps put yourself on a stick for him to follow as you stroll out to the trash can he would get the point. HA!
she writes:
Dear sexy guy,
why is it that with your superior intellect and education you do not know what a plethora is...
j/k
anyways:
"Us wives are acused of nagging from time to time. Is it considered nagging when the husband isn't keeping up with his chores and you the wife has to constantly bring them up to the husbands attention? For example I cleaned out the girls baby clothes. It filled a huge trash bag. This isnt stuff that they are ever going to wear again. I asked him to please put them up in the attic. The bag is to heavy for me to carry up the stairs. THAT WAS 2 WEEKS AGO! They have been sitting on the kitchen floor. He has even stepped over it a couple of times. And he never remembers to take out the trash I have to remind him the night before and sometimes he still forgets. Maybe we wouldnt nag if the men would take care of business. What do you think?"
WE ALL HAVE MISSIONS...(as marine corps memories flood me)
Let's be real here...yes it is nagging. It is, plain and simple. I want to try and think about this past the question though. We must all be willing to look past the problem, as images of that movie with robin williams pops up in my head...the one where he's a doctor?...nvm...anyways...it sounds as if he is not respecting your home in a way that YOU find it necessary to do so. He goes to work...and you stay at home taking care of the kids...cleaning...cooking..etc..but he leaves daily without showing you the love that you need to feel from him in regards to the things that you need. Lets talk about the masculine energy....
Men will find themselves in the "do mode" often. They are totally focused, intent on getting a task done. They will do whatever it takes for mission accomplishment. They are sooooo intent on getting it done that questions...breaks...jokes are just not going to be responded to...it's like when they are really into a game or movie...you cannot break them because they are absolutely focused on the butts of other players..I mean...the game and score...in fact they zombified!! except if you strip down and show them the goods. Because let me real again...we're guys. Anyways...
He is so focused on his life mission...this is good. He makes money for the family...his priority is go to work..come home...play with the kids...then play with the wife (you're welcome).....your mission may be to clean up the house, make sure the kids are good, and in this case..organize the house with the trash being thrown out and the clothes being stored away.
Here's the thing...his mission and your mission do match in some ways...but not in all ways (which is okay). He is not reflecting enough on his need to think about your purpose as his wife. In other words....
Lets say it's dinner time. Your mission and goal is to make a plate of food. His mission and goal is to eat the food. As you are cooking though you try and reach up to get a big bowl to mix things into but you can't reach it.
you have two choices:
You can get a chair to stand up and reach it...
or he can come over and grab it for you...
if you go with number one you have to expend some effort...yes...you have to do it in order to accomplish your mission and in turn his...
if you go with number two he will have to understand that he must do it for your mission and his mission to be complete...
I would try and make sure that he understands how important it is for him to reflect and focus on some of the things that are part of your mission and goals. Also...check yourself with him as well...are you being reflective to what is important in his mission and goal? perhaps taking out the trash isn't part of his plan...but perhaps if you held out the "goods" for a few hours ...or perhaps put yourself on a stick for him to follow as you stroll out to the trash can he would get the point. HA!
Monday, April 5, 2010
80. "But you gotta have friends..."
I've found myself in so many places meeting new people and taking the time to connect with so many others and in my quest I've made only a few good friends. Now i'm not complaining..I figure that's less people to help move or lend money to. But I mention it because come to think of it...how many of us make new friends? I MEAN REAL FRIENDS! now sure...definition will be up for grabs..all of you can stew with it...
for the sake of this blog..i'll call friends someone that you would invite to your home to play taboo or scattergories on a nice summer night while drinking a few fuzzy navels and furry shoes, extra furry...(what?!? yes, they exist!)
PSYCH!SENSE question? As you get older...do you find yourself making fewer new close friends?
I realize as we are growing up we find ourselves in situations where we travel around...schools, jobs, traveling...all these things are done while we are younger. Usually on our own we seek out others in a way to build relationships and company. As you get older though, new priorities take place...family, career stability, housemaking...pole dancing clientelle...
One gentleman at the coffee shop said that he has no need to actually make new friends...he told us that as he's gotten older he's become more selective...more picky with those he acquiants himself with. This was interesting to me because I can relate...I have some good friends that I talk to often and although they appear annoying to those who have not met them before...I love them....but If i had met someone like them today...I would get annoyed as well.
Here's an example: I have a buddy that cheats on her boyfriend...UGH!!! I do not condone it...and she knows it too...but I've known her for about...uh...10 years and so I in a way kinda brush it off...but if I were to meet her today I would absolutely try to avoid friendship with someone like that. Get it? (that may be a different topic)
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we change. Check this out people (i'm working on a theory here) our cells/body biological cells actually take about ohhh 7 years to fully die off and create a new one in response...what does this mean? this means that every 7 years...we've replaced all our old cells...perhaps with this experience...with this change in biological construct we change in flavor and taste. Our tastes become more refined...more keen. Perhaps this is why older people enjoy classical music, Jazz, wine and "tastier" food because our bodies have adapted into stronger sense (another topic to write about later)....anyways....
I had someone in the coffee shop as well called "art girl" (actually I named her that because she draws amazingly well)...so she stated that as she works at a computer all day she actually feels the drive and need to go out and socialize more. Imagine that!!! less interaction forces us to want to make new friends? (on a side note she does not use facebook or myspace which could warrant the question...if she did use them would she feel less inclined for social interaction?)
Another gentleman pointed out that when he takes his elderly father out to even Homie Depot (for my latin friends)..his father will make it a point to introduce and strike up conversation with anyone in the store...as if he feeds off of it...as if he needs it. I LOVE THAT! Although...seriously...I think many, many, old people do that. Why???? probably as one gentleman pointed out...back in the day...when you had friends over to entertain at home..they were usually those that you worked with at the office...they learned to socialize without the use of a computer screen.
how many of my readers can actually say they are best friends with every person at their worksite? although...if I worked at disneyland..that would be cool...i'd totally have a disney cast party where people would have to come dressed up...imagine that! haha...I would totally have snow white passed out at the door as pooh bear mixes cocktails, the beast does the macarena and captain hook playing pin the tail on eeyore
for the sake of this blog..i'll call friends someone that you would invite to your home to play taboo or scattergories on a nice summer night while drinking a few fuzzy navels and furry shoes, extra furry...(what?!? yes, they exist!)
PSYCH!SENSE question? As you get older...do you find yourself making fewer new close friends?
I realize as we are growing up we find ourselves in situations where we travel around...schools, jobs, traveling...all these things are done while we are younger. Usually on our own we seek out others in a way to build relationships and company. As you get older though, new priorities take place...family, career stability, housemaking...pole dancing clientelle...
One gentleman at the coffee shop said that he has no need to actually make new friends...he told us that as he's gotten older he's become more selective...more picky with those he acquiants himself with. This was interesting to me because I can relate...I have some good friends that I talk to often and although they appear annoying to those who have not met them before...I love them....but If i had met someone like them today...I would get annoyed as well.
Here's an example: I have a buddy that cheats on her boyfriend...UGH!!! I do not condone it...and she knows it too...but I've known her for about...uh...10 years and so I in a way kinda brush it off...but if I were to meet her today I would absolutely try to avoid friendship with someone like that. Get it? (that may be a different topic)
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we change. Check this out people (i'm working on a theory here) our cells/body biological cells actually take about ohhh 7 years to fully die off and create a new one in response...what does this mean? this means that every 7 years...we've replaced all our old cells...perhaps with this experience...with this change in biological construct we change in flavor and taste. Our tastes become more refined...more keen. Perhaps this is why older people enjoy classical music, Jazz, wine and "tastier" food because our bodies have adapted into stronger sense (another topic to write about later)....anyways....
I had someone in the coffee shop as well called "art girl" (actually I named her that because she draws amazingly well)...so she stated that as she works at a computer all day she actually feels the drive and need to go out and socialize more. Imagine that!!! less interaction forces us to want to make new friends? (on a side note she does not use facebook or myspace which could warrant the question...if she did use them would she feel less inclined for social interaction?)
Another gentleman pointed out that when he takes his elderly father out to even Homie Depot (for my latin friends)..his father will make it a point to introduce and strike up conversation with anyone in the store...as if he feeds off of it...as if he needs it. I LOVE THAT! Although...seriously...I think many, many, old people do that. Why???? probably as one gentleman pointed out...back in the day...when you had friends over to entertain at home..they were usually those that you worked with at the office...they learned to socialize without the use of a computer screen.
how many of my readers can actually say they are best friends with every person at their worksite? although...if I worked at disneyland..that would be cool...i'd totally have a disney cast party where people would have to come dressed up...imagine that! haha...I would totally have snow white passed out at the door as pooh bear mixes cocktails, the beast does the macarena and captain hook playing pin the tail on eeyore
Sunday, April 4, 2010
79. Are we all Mr. Grinch?
I was out at the local coffee shop "Cafe Roule"...if only they will give me a free cup of tea because of advertising....oh wait...that leads right into my next topic. GREED!!..SELFISHNESS!!...yes yes yes...
PSYCH!SENSE question...are all the friends you have made because of your initial selfishness?
think about it...are all your friendships based on the idea of getting something from them? Now I realize it's not as simple as that...but more I question our intentions with other people. Think about it...think of a friend right now...think of someone that you met and made a friend of and think if you initially met them because they gave you something...me for example...I paid for her "services" over and over again, many times a week resulting in her becoming one of my best friends and me her best customer!! kidding...kinda...anyways
Let me give you a real example...I once had a friend in high school that knew taekwondo. Here's the interesting thing...when I met him I had seen him practicing one day and because of this I wanted to be his friend...although I didn't know it at the time. The reason I wanted to get to know him was because I felt I could teach him something...he fed into my ego...in exchange..maybe he learned new moves, new techniques...or whatever...
When you take up a new hobby...lets say...archery...you join a club and try and make friends with others as a way to learn from them...learn how to do things with your bow...this is your selfish need...in turn perhaps they get the feeling of "i'm helping someone...i'm a good person..." or "ha! i'm the man...I taught you something..." this is their selfish need.
Just like when you go out and want to hit on a really hot girl...you hit and make friends with her ugly friend as a way to get in! I know, I know...horrible..
Some of us guys hang out with really, really hot opposite sex friends...from them we get the feeling of them "being with us" despite them not "being with us", we get the feeling of "check me out random guys in the street..she's with me"...we get an ego boost...perhaps women get the feeling of protection or having good company (because they aren't as shallow as we are).
Now i'm not saying that we keep our friends for those reasons...but it is interesting to think that our relationships are founded by the selfishness in ourselves..the idea of "what can I get from them?" Over time that does change though...it does...we begin to see the wonderful connection above the level of "what can they do for me.." we begin to appreciate their company, the relationship, the feeling of being close to someone...
I suppose I would challenge people of the world to truly consider their ability to meet new friends without the intention of getting something from them...but out of the intention of meeting someone new...although isn't that selfish as well? I truly don't know...
Ultimately I can try and make new friends of strangers with the intention of selflessness...but geez...does anyone think that's possible?
p.s.
If any of you know a massage therapist willing to be a friend with selflessness intent...boy o' boy I could use it!!!!
PSYCH!SENSE question...are all the friends you have made because of your initial selfishness?
think about it...are all your friendships based on the idea of getting something from them? Now I realize it's not as simple as that...but more I question our intentions with other people. Think about it...think of a friend right now...think of someone that you met and made a friend of and think if you initially met them because they gave you something...me for example...I paid for her "services" over and over again, many times a week resulting in her becoming one of my best friends and me her best customer!! kidding...kinda...anyways
Let me give you a real example...I once had a friend in high school that knew taekwondo. Here's the interesting thing...when I met him I had seen him practicing one day and because of this I wanted to be his friend...although I didn't know it at the time. The reason I wanted to get to know him was because I felt I could teach him something...he fed into my ego...in exchange..maybe he learned new moves, new techniques...or whatever...
When you take up a new hobby...lets say...archery...you join a club and try and make friends with others as a way to learn from them...learn how to do things with your bow...this is your selfish need...in turn perhaps they get the feeling of "i'm helping someone...i'm a good person..." or "ha! i'm the man...I taught you something..." this is their selfish need.
Just like when you go out and want to hit on a really hot girl...you hit and make friends with her ugly friend as a way to get in! I know, I know...horrible..
Some of us guys hang out with really, really hot opposite sex friends...from them we get the feeling of them "being with us" despite them not "being with us", we get the feeling of "check me out random guys in the street..she's with me"...we get an ego boost...perhaps women get the feeling of protection or having good company (because they aren't as shallow as we are).
Now i'm not saying that we keep our friends for those reasons...but it is interesting to think that our relationships are founded by the selfishness in ourselves..the idea of "what can I get from them?" Over time that does change though...it does...we begin to see the wonderful connection above the level of "what can they do for me.." we begin to appreciate their company, the relationship, the feeling of being close to someone...
I suppose I would challenge people of the world to truly consider their ability to meet new friends without the intention of getting something from them...but out of the intention of meeting someone new...although isn't that selfish as well? I truly don't know...
Ultimately I can try and make new friends of strangers with the intention of selflessness...but geez...does anyone think that's possible?
p.s.
If any of you know a massage therapist willing to be a friend with selflessness intent...boy o' boy I could use it!!!!
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