I'm gonna jot this one down really quickly before my next patient comes in. I want to talk about our ability to see things. Now sure...we can all "see" (unless you're blind...in which case, my bad) but what I mean to talk about is the idea of truly seeing.
What the hell do you mean PSYCH!???? I'm glad you asked imaginary fans...
there are three levels of seeing...
1. Glancing. Most people in live life in a state of glance, a time at which people simply catch a quick look and turn away. As you drive for instance, you are constantly glancing and checking things out...
2. Looking and Seeing. This is when people actually take the time to see things and notice what it is and begin to memorize things about it. The color, the shape, the texture, if they are soft, hard, rough, wet, sticky, smooth, warm and moist (anyone get a sexual feeling from those?....sickos!).
3. Clarity and understanding. This is when you truly understand and work through what the "thing" means to you and how it fits into your life. This is what most people do NOT do. They lack the ability to actively incorporate "whatever" it is into the fabric of their lives, the knitting of their breath.
Now the thing is that not everything will fit into the knitting of your breath, and not everything will fit into who you are, the thing one must do is take the time to try and use clarity and understanding to figure out if things CAN fit into your life.
It is a yo-yo act. You move in and out of things...you connect to and pull away from random stuff....you try....you open up...you pull away your fear and consider the possible....consider the role that you and this "whatever" can do for you. This whatever can be anything...a car, a pencil, a eraser, a new lover, a hobby, a new type of porn....anything! Take the time to find clarity in all things.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
154. gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme
So here's an interesting question....
PSYCH!SENSE question: When dating someone...is giving/buying them things often in the beginning, too much?
Now what the hell does that mean? Okay..let's break it down...lets say you meet someone randomly...oh I don't know...in a strawberry field...you two hit it off and you start dating...
Because of watching way too many damn Disney movies growing up or even actually having both a mother and father that actually made it and are still together...despite them getting pregnant with you in a porta-potty...you end having this sense of what love and relationships should be.
You end up then giving a lot to your partner in the beginning...meaning you buy them flowers every time you see them, you take them on trips to .....wherever....you pay for dinners and treat them often...you see what I mean? You are a complete gentleman, paying for things, sending them flowers and listening to them and getting them gifts randomly.
Now some philosophizers have told me that they find this as a major "NO-NO"
The female philosophizers (one married and one in a long term relationship) both said that when a man does that for a woman, she will most likely become immune to it which will result in flowers at work becoming stagnant and boring. In other words, if you send flowers and gifts to your partner at work often, it loses it's fun and surprise and becomes "boring"
Their solution? Make the woman work for it. Make the woman miss if and yearn for it and then you will have her heart when you do finally send it. They also say that doing it often makes the giver more often to being taken advantage of...especially if they date around a lot.
Despite them both saying, "we're really good women! but we've taken advantage of our guys...until we they get mad and remind us what they do for us." I suppose their opinion is that it becomes less special...(does it always have to be special? as oppose to being just a reminder?)
What do my other philosophizers think?
PSYCH!SENSE is telling me that although this could happen (being taken advantage of)...I feel that a "good" woman (or man) would be willing to acknowledge that they are being given a lot and instead of taking advantage of it...would try and step their game up if they want that person in their life.
I believe a good person who is being given a lot would, instead of taking advantage or instead of becoming "used" to being given lots of stuff...should be willing to look at themselves and say, "hey...he gave me a dozen roses at work for no reason...I should....give him a blow job later" hahahhaha...kidding....kinda.
But you see what I mean? someone who takes advantage of you would instead say, "oh he sent me flowers again....meh....he always does that...no big deal." Am I saying that you should give flowers or give equal amount of stuff in return? no! I'm simply saying that you have to be willing to look at yourself and consider your partner's actions in relation to yours.
True story. I dated a woman for about 2 months a while back ago that LOVED chocolate (personally, I can't stand it that much...) anyways...I would send her chocolate when I could....she would tell me, "Andrew! I don't know what to do for you...I feel so bad that you send me so much chocolate!!!"
I simply told her..."I can slow it down...but instead of feeling bad and having me stop all together...lets try and get you to give back..." so what did she do?
...she gave me blow jobs :) kidding.
Instead she began making me cards and sending hand written notes that I absolutely loved! that was the equalizer.
Remember ladies and gentlemen...flowers and random gifts are nice, not because of the actual gift (well sometimes) but because it tells your partner that you thought of them in that moment that you bought it for them. It tells your partner, "I saw this and thought of you...or...I was thinking of you and decided to get you these." that's the real magic behind gifts...they represent care and thoughtfulness to the receiver.
It must be said that a good woman/man would be willing to ask themselves..."does my partner give me more than I give them?" If so- you need to fix yourself. A partner who is unwilling to look at themselves in relation to their other is living for themselves instead of ourselves.
Again...readers what do we think?
If a guy (or gal) gives a lot to their partner early in the relationship because it's just the type of person they are....they believe in buying gifts and being loving and thoughtful in many ways other than/or in addition to words and physical affection...
Does giving a lot to an early dating relationship create a situation where they end up being taken advantaged of?
or
Does giving a lot to an early dating relationship help them weed out those that are not worth their time if they are taken advantaged of?
PSYCH!SENSE question: When dating someone...is giving/buying them things often in the beginning, too much?
Now what the hell does that mean? Okay..let's break it down...lets say you meet someone randomly...oh I don't know...in a strawberry field...you two hit it off and you start dating...
Because of watching way too many damn Disney movies growing up or even actually having both a mother and father that actually made it and are still together...despite them getting pregnant with you in a porta-potty...you end having this sense of what love and relationships should be.
You end up then giving a lot to your partner in the beginning...meaning you buy them flowers every time you see them, you take them on trips to .....wherever....you pay for dinners and treat them often...you see what I mean? You are a complete gentleman, paying for things, sending them flowers and listening to them and getting them gifts randomly.
Now some philosophizers have told me that they find this as a major "NO-NO"
The female philosophizers (one married and one in a long term relationship) both said that when a man does that for a woman, she will most likely become immune to it which will result in flowers at work becoming stagnant and boring. In other words, if you send flowers and gifts to your partner at work often, it loses it's fun and surprise and becomes "boring"
Their solution? Make the woman work for it. Make the woman miss if and yearn for it and then you will have her heart when you do finally send it. They also say that doing it often makes the giver more often to being taken advantage of...especially if they date around a lot.
Despite them both saying, "we're really good women! but we've taken advantage of our guys...until we they get mad and remind us what they do for us." I suppose their opinion is that it becomes less special...(does it always have to be special? as oppose to being just a reminder?)
What do my other philosophizers think?
PSYCH!SENSE is telling me that although this could happen (being taken advantage of)...I feel that a "good" woman (or man) would be willing to acknowledge that they are being given a lot and instead of taking advantage of it...would try and step their game up if they want that person in their life.
I believe a good person who is being given a lot would, instead of taking advantage or instead of becoming "used" to being given lots of stuff...should be willing to look at themselves and say, "hey...he gave me a dozen roses at work for no reason...I should....give him a blow job later" hahahhaha...kidding....kinda.
But you see what I mean? someone who takes advantage of you would instead say, "oh he sent me flowers again....meh....he always does that...no big deal." Am I saying that you should give flowers or give equal amount of stuff in return? no! I'm simply saying that you have to be willing to look at yourself and consider your partner's actions in relation to yours.
True story. I dated a woman for about 2 months a while back ago that LOVED chocolate (personally, I can't stand it that much...) anyways...I would send her chocolate when I could....she would tell me, "Andrew! I don't know what to do for you...I feel so bad that you send me so much chocolate!!!"
I simply told her..."I can slow it down...but instead of feeling bad and having me stop all together...lets try and get you to give back..." so what did she do?
...she gave me blow jobs :) kidding.
Instead she began making me cards and sending hand written notes that I absolutely loved! that was the equalizer.
Remember ladies and gentlemen...flowers and random gifts are nice, not because of the actual gift (well sometimes) but because it tells your partner that you thought of them in that moment that you bought it for them. It tells your partner, "I saw this and thought of you...or...I was thinking of you and decided to get you these." that's the real magic behind gifts...they represent care and thoughtfulness to the receiver.
It must be said that a good woman/man would be willing to ask themselves..."does my partner give me more than I give them?" If so- you need to fix yourself. A partner who is unwilling to look at themselves in relation to their other is living for themselves instead of ourselves.
Again...readers what do we think?
If a guy (or gal) gives a lot to their partner early in the relationship because it's just the type of person they are....they believe in buying gifts and being loving and thoughtful in many ways other than/or in addition to words and physical affection...
Does giving a lot to an early dating relationship create a situation where they end up being taken advantaged of?
or
Does giving a lot to an early dating relationship help them weed out those that are not worth their time if they are taken advantaged of?
Monday, April 11, 2011
153. Connection - a revisit
okay folks...first in a long time as I've been pretty daaaaaamn busy. But here we go...
A while back ago I proposed this idea of relationships having to be based on four levels of connection. For a relationship to work or for them to last there must be some remnant of these four things.
Physical - Do they get me off in bed? or specifically, "am I physically attracted to them"
Emotional - how do they make me feel after getting off in bed/ are they sweet and nice and caring...blah blah blah....do they make me feel good.
Intellectual - Can we talk about more than the absorbancy power of a sponge
Spiritual - Can they understand and respect my values and beliefs
The difficulty as I wrote before is that often times we only rely on one or two of these things and when we hit hard or rough patches in our relationships, the whole damn thing falls apart. For more detail guys look at my blog earlier called, "Can you hear me now" it's early on....it's a great one.
Anyways....some people have asked me a lot about this theory and would often tell me that they didn't feel "physically" attracted to their partner at first...which got me thinking..."maybe they don't 'fit' that idea"...so after more thinking and questioning people about relationships I think I found another theory that I feel addresses this issue...
I am here to propose an extension and revamping of the original four.
Emotional - How do they make me feel
Intellectual - can we talk about more than the absorbancy power of a sponge
Spiritual - can they understand and respect my values and beliefs
Social - Can my family/group of friends deal/accept/get along with my new relationship
You need these four things in order for the fifth one to "work"
physical - Can they get me off in bed/do I feel physically into this person
So in many cases I propose that you need this new one...social connection... as a means of relationship connection. I realize that many may not agree, but the simple fact is that your family and/or social circle must at times give a blessing to the relationship.
If you have the above four in place: Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual, Social then Physical will then fall into place.
TAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAA
p.s. keep sending your questions to me...I will get to them...also...post your replies by hitting "philosophize"....it grows with your comments ;)
A while back ago I proposed this idea of relationships having to be based on four levels of connection. For a relationship to work or for them to last there must be some remnant of these four things.
Physical - Do they get me off in bed? or specifically, "am I physically attracted to them"
Emotional - how do they make me feel after getting off in bed/ are they sweet and nice and caring...blah blah blah....do they make me feel good.
Intellectual - Can we talk about more than the absorbancy power of a sponge
Spiritual - Can they understand and respect my values and beliefs
The difficulty as I wrote before is that often times we only rely on one or two of these things and when we hit hard or rough patches in our relationships, the whole damn thing falls apart. For more detail guys look at my blog earlier called, "Can you hear me now" it's early on....it's a great one.
Anyways....some people have asked me a lot about this theory and would often tell me that they didn't feel "physically" attracted to their partner at first...which got me thinking..."maybe they don't 'fit' that idea"...so after more thinking and questioning people about relationships I think I found another theory that I feel addresses this issue...
I am here to propose an extension and revamping of the original four.
Emotional - How do they make me feel
Intellectual - can we talk about more than the absorbancy power of a sponge
Spiritual - can they understand and respect my values and beliefs
Social - Can my family/group of friends deal/accept/get along with my new relationship
You need these four things in order for the fifth one to "work"
physical - Can they get me off in bed/do I feel physically into this person
So in many cases I propose that you need this new one...social connection... as a means of relationship connection. I realize that many may not agree, but the simple fact is that your family and/or social circle must at times give a blessing to the relationship.
If you have the above four in place: Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual, Social then Physical will then fall into place.
TAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAA
p.s. keep sending your questions to me...I will get to them...also...post your replies by hitting "philosophize"....it grows with your comments ;)
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