19. Losing sleep?

So I wake up...not too sure what time it is...or ...actually I do...as I slyly glimpse at the clock in the corner of my screen. hehe. But as I do that I think about the reasons i'm awake...and bam it hits me...working night shift. Now for those of you who know me...know that I had been working night shift for like...6 months or something...not too sure how long...but i realize that in the midst of all that my sleeping patterns are all jacked up!!! So here I am..and instead of doing Ph.D professional number counting..i'm instead writing a thoughtless blog about the great effects of being a night case worker.
I think research shows that even losing one day of sleep causes the body to slow down and potentially create a higher risks of like...uh...a million different things to which i cannot begin to pronounce...or spell in this state...but damn..ha!
Let me just say this..yes, having 4 days (sometimes 5) off at a time is simply amazing..I had time to plan my classes...do homework, finish my research, pick up a second job, create new hobbies and discover a million new ways to pass the time at 3:00 am ...hahahah!!! but...on the other hand...here I am...4 am unable to sleep...hmm...I now think...was it worth it!??! ha! ask me later when I think i'm not sleeping
The question then becomes is free time really worth low pay and restless nights forever after...or at least for a while after? hmmm..you decide.

18. Therapy

I find myself continually questioning the role of a therapist...i mean..i find myself continually asking about my role in the life of another person. Now granted I see the idea and feelings behind therapy and even to an extant full heartedly believe in it's power..i mean come on..if i didn't why would I be wasting all this time? Anyways...I jsut find myself questioning the role that I play in others' lives...I'm taking 5 minutes right now before I have to go in and teach a psych class about things that don't entirely make sense to me...where am I going with this rant and rave? I really have no idea...I guess really I question about ..at what point does a psychologist, therapist, friend...blah blah blah throw his hands up in sweet surrender and retreat from the client's war within themself. At what point do you just say, "fuck this..i'm tired and you're not helping me, help you..."
I realize that at some point, our position is simply meant to find our own tolerance and line for working with clients...and even in CPR training you're told not to stop unless you yourself are too tired to continue trying to save them...wtf ya know? as a therapist do we stop breathing life into them when they refuse to breathe themself? ugh..there is no answer...but for some reason and somehow I have to go into class tonight and tell an auditorium that same information..ugh..no answer. I guess i am trying to find an answer...an idea behind the philosophy behind our thankless job...the therapist will hold every bit of pain..every bit of anger and emotion from everyone around them...carry it and build the tolerance not to scream out for peace from their own personal life...
or maybe it's all in me...if there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves....
...meh
Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that are easily snapped off....