PSYCH!SENSE question: if someone asks your honest opinion and you know that it will hurt them, do you say the truth?
I recently had this question and was wondering about it. For the most part, people often say that if it comes down to it, you must be willing to say the truth. But let's be honest...for the sake of the "other" you at times *have to lie a bit.
In fact, anyone who has been in a relationship for more than a day knows this to be true. When it comes down to it...when your partner asks you something...it is automatic that you LIE.
Examples:
Question: Does my butt look good in these pants?
Response: Yes, of course! (I secretly think they look bad)
Question: Does size matter?
Response: No (thank you FRIENDS, the answer is NO and "it goes for both genders")
Question: Do you want to do my sister?
Response: No! you know I'm into your little brother.
You see...we have all been guity of these things before. Many would say you should not lie. That you must be willing to give your honest truth at all times. I would argue that although it is necessary to be honest and truthful "most of the time" you must be willing to tell a lie for the sake or your partner.
It is important to be honest to your partner. VERY IMPORTANT! the difficulty is that there is always a "line" you must be willing to cross should you need to.
For instance, I do not want to kill people anymore...but I will cross my line should my own life be in danger.
I do not want to join the circus as a beaded, yoga, self satisfying, two headed snake handler...but...no..wait...yes I do.
Anyways....
Lets say your partner was recently fired from his job. He drives home, has a flat tire, trips on his shoe laces, breaks a nail and stubs his toe...he walks in and changes into his favorite ragged shirt, that you hate, right before you two go out to dinner and he asks you how he looks...for goodness sake, LIE!
You must draw a line. Many times our partner will be experiencing something in their life and a good partner will take the time to notice that they are "off"
what this means is that when our partners are "off" sometimes giving them an undeserved compliment, or giving them a lie is absolutely needed! I know it stinks. I know it does.
You give the compliment during these times because the compliment isn't about you, the person that gives the compliment, the compliment is about them. The compliment is about giving them a sense of connection and acceptance and love.
Am I saying lie openly? NO! I'm saying draw a line. When needed...to help another...to help them smile...you must give the other person something they need sometimes.
what do you guys think?!?!?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
152. Licking my wounds
I've had a few responses in regard to love and my latest posts. I thought I would take some time to devote to the recent broken heart.
I believe that ultimately when something "bad" is done to us we often will take two stances. The victim or the victor.
I believe that both exist. You must pay respect to the victim role and the feelings, pain and hardship that being dumped or hurt can bring you. You must respect the feelings of your heart being opened up and your wound being expose. We walk around with a wound from early life. This internal hole that truly does hurt. When we find a partner they fill that wound and for a while they help us see that the world doesn't really blow and that ultimately we are capable of being loved. Now we all know that we are capable of being loved...the difference is that when we find someone that we care for...we fill that hole with their essence...their life and their energy. Our wound begins to scab over...begins to close up and scar over.
When the person leaves it is the equivalent of an internal brazilian wax job...on your heart (wow, I went there). It stings and practically every sad song is a reflection of your feelings.
It is only in time that we are able to put a bandage over the wound that is left behind...that is when you are able to move on.
The victim you see is the one that feels this pain but instead of putting the bandage on is the one that uses this pain as a disease to infect others. They use the wound as an infection that they pass onto those around them...but mostly, the victim is the one who believes their wound will not be filled again. The victim believes that the only person in the ENTIRE world that can fill that wound is the one that they just lost.
This is the difference with the victor. The victor is willing to accept the pain of the wound...willing to hold the infection and is willing to expose it. IT SUCKS MIND YOU. But they know that every broken relationship, every lost love, every wound that is reopened leads them to a greater understanding of themselves and therefore closer to their life partner. You may lose your love right now...but know that every one you lose brings you ever closer to your soul's reflection in another.
I believe that ultimately when something "bad" is done to us we often will take two stances. The victim or the victor.
I believe that both exist. You must pay respect to the victim role and the feelings, pain and hardship that being dumped or hurt can bring you. You must respect the feelings of your heart being opened up and your wound being expose. We walk around with a wound from early life. This internal hole that truly does hurt. When we find a partner they fill that wound and for a while they help us see that the world doesn't really blow and that ultimately we are capable of being loved. Now we all know that we are capable of being loved...the difference is that when we find someone that we care for...we fill that hole with their essence...their life and their energy. Our wound begins to scab over...begins to close up and scar over.
When the person leaves it is the equivalent of an internal brazilian wax job...on your heart (wow, I went there). It stings and practically every sad song is a reflection of your feelings.
It is only in time that we are able to put a bandage over the wound that is left behind...that is when you are able to move on.
The victim you see is the one that feels this pain but instead of putting the bandage on is the one that uses this pain as a disease to infect others. They use the wound as an infection that they pass onto those around them...but mostly, the victim is the one who believes their wound will not be filled again. The victim believes that the only person in the ENTIRE world that can fill that wound is the one that they just lost.
This is the difference with the victor. The victor is willing to accept the pain of the wound...willing to hold the infection and is willing to expose it. IT SUCKS MIND YOU. But they know that every broken relationship, every lost love, every wound that is reopened leads them to a greater understanding of themselves and therefore closer to their life partner. You may lose your love right now...but know that every one you lose brings you ever closer to your soul's reflection in another.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
151. 1 point me...
Lets call this one the ball busting complex.
Lets start with the beginning. What the hell is a ball buster?
Essentially ball busting is when someone has this weird knack in their personality to insult you ("you can't be with her because you have herpes of the mouth"), backhand compliment you ("you look so handsome...when you're not talking") or generally give you a hard time ("oh you again? aren't you dead already?"). Now is there anything wrong with this?
The answer is......NO!....kinda
Psych!sense says that there is nothing wrong with these people. The types that give you a hard time or challenge your every imperfection. The reason it is not bad is because they will call you out of your crap. They will challenge you to reconsider things about yourself...they are the ones that when you ask, "hey does my butt look big in these pants?" they will respond, "yeah...and your face is ugly too".
See what I mean? they will give it like it is. The problem? they do not like to be challenged. They will shrink down in the presense of realness and love.
The PSYCH!SENSE question then becomes...."then what's the big deal?"
The big deal is that sometimes...a person is naturally a ball buster because of their childhood and world and will not have consideration for others or their feelings. What gives a ball buster their power is their ability to have "1 up on others."
When you meet a ball buster, you may feel that they will often insult you or try and call out your flaw as a way to have the upper hand with you. They automatically judge you without knowing who you are or where you come from.
PSYCH!SENSE would say that when first meeting a person, a ball buster will not be open to who they are, but instead will already have constructed a plan in their mind about the person or who they are based off of little information.
They also tend to be the ones that plan out in advance and have preconceptions about EVERYTHING already in their world. Although this is good in some ways, a ball buster will assume the world based on their plan...if things do not go according to plan they freak out...get crazy and get frustrated...and ultimately do not think "IT" is good enough...
see how it works? ball busters have an awkward drive to control and be in control. To judge and off handedly try and get "one up" on people. They will throw the best parties, because they control every part of it....they will have great relationships if they are not challenged too much...they will compete with you on every detail if they feel you will get "1 up on them"...they will make friends with those that compliment their control and big energy complexes.
Do you know anyone like this? (other than me ;)
and again, is there anything wrong with this? Yes and no.
If you first go into a situation where you are making a first impression, whether you are the one with this complex or are partnered with someone with this complex or are friends with someone with this complex....you/they will walk into any situation "looking" for something..planning ahead to the point where nothing is meant to surprise them, but that instead they already have a preconception about the situation. good and bad.
"What do you do if you or someone you know is experiencing the Ball buster complex?"
SLAP THEM! kinda. You have to challenge their or your own feelings of knowing it all. Of having a plan for everything...or worrying about getting "1 up" on others.
challenge yourself or others to let the other "win" to let others get a "point" on you. Because they often will feel challenged by others. Allow yourself or them to act on a "whim" to do something unplanned "like throw a party without too much planning".
Give others, ESPECIALLY strangers, the opportunity to talk about themselves while you stay open to who they are....and also without talking about your "bigger" accomplishments.
the difficulty? many times we/they do not think we are doing this. In fact, we often don't know our own complexes or crap that we do/experience.
My suggestion, although weird, is to think about your relationships...not with friends (well sometimes...) but more so with people that you have recently met. What is your feelings with the recent people you have met? Did they upset you? are you lying to yourself when you say they don't? Perhaps they get under your skin? did they make you feel bad? less than? off? consider recent relationships and connections with people as a good thermometer for your complexes and crap.
There is a need for self-awareness and consideration with others when doing this kind of work...for we are often blind to our crap...you must be willing to consider yours...even if you think it's crap :)
-Psych!
Lets start with the beginning. What the hell is a ball buster?
Essentially ball busting is when someone has this weird knack in their personality to insult you ("you can't be with her because you have herpes of the mouth"), backhand compliment you ("you look so handsome...when you're not talking") or generally give you a hard time ("oh you again? aren't you dead already?"). Now is there anything wrong with this?
The answer is......NO!....kinda
Psych!sense says that there is nothing wrong with these people. The types that give you a hard time or challenge your every imperfection. The reason it is not bad is because they will call you out of your crap. They will challenge you to reconsider things about yourself...they are the ones that when you ask, "hey does my butt look big in these pants?" they will respond, "yeah...and your face is ugly too".
See what I mean? they will give it like it is. The problem? they do not like to be challenged. They will shrink down in the presense of realness and love.
The PSYCH!SENSE question then becomes...."then what's the big deal?"
The big deal is that sometimes...a person is naturally a ball buster because of their childhood and world and will not have consideration for others or their feelings. What gives a ball buster their power is their ability to have "1 up on others."
When you meet a ball buster, you may feel that they will often insult you or try and call out your flaw as a way to have the upper hand with you. They automatically judge you without knowing who you are or where you come from.
PSYCH!SENSE would say that when first meeting a person, a ball buster will not be open to who they are, but instead will already have constructed a plan in their mind about the person or who they are based off of little information.
They also tend to be the ones that plan out in advance and have preconceptions about EVERYTHING already in their world. Although this is good in some ways, a ball buster will assume the world based on their plan...if things do not go according to plan they freak out...get crazy and get frustrated...and ultimately do not think "IT" is good enough...
see how it works? ball busters have an awkward drive to control and be in control. To judge and off handedly try and get "one up" on people. They will throw the best parties, because they control every part of it....they will have great relationships if they are not challenged too much...they will compete with you on every detail if they feel you will get "1 up on them"...they will make friends with those that compliment their control and big energy complexes.
Do you know anyone like this? (other than me ;)
and again, is there anything wrong with this? Yes and no.
If you first go into a situation where you are making a first impression, whether you are the one with this complex or are partnered with someone with this complex or are friends with someone with this complex....you/they will walk into any situation "looking" for something..planning ahead to the point where nothing is meant to surprise them, but that instead they already have a preconception about the situation. good and bad.
"What do you do if you or someone you know is experiencing the Ball buster complex?"
SLAP THEM! kinda. You have to challenge their or your own feelings of knowing it all. Of having a plan for everything...or worrying about getting "1 up" on others.
challenge yourself or others to let the other "win" to let others get a "point" on you. Because they often will feel challenged by others. Allow yourself or them to act on a "whim" to do something unplanned "like throw a party without too much planning".
Give others, ESPECIALLY strangers, the opportunity to talk about themselves while you stay open to who they are....and also without talking about your "bigger" accomplishments.
the difficulty? many times we/they do not think we are doing this. In fact, we often don't know our own complexes or crap that we do/experience.
My suggestion, although weird, is to think about your relationships...not with friends (well sometimes...) but more so with people that you have recently met. What is your feelings with the recent people you have met? Did they upset you? are you lying to yourself when you say they don't? Perhaps they get under your skin? did they make you feel bad? less than? off? consider recent relationships and connections with people as a good thermometer for your complexes and crap.
There is a need for self-awareness and consideration with others when doing this kind of work...for we are often blind to our crap...you must be willing to consider yours...even if you think it's crap :)
-Psych!
Monday, March 7, 2011
150. Sky dive
I was recently motivated by a friend to write this one...
I have been in an interesting place in life. I find myself not worried about much, concerned with much or very much bothered by much. I suppose I feel an awkwardness...a funky love in the world.
now that's an interesting things in itself there...love.
I've written about it before and yet it never ceases to amaze me that the beauty of love can never be expressed or spoken about precisely for all to understand...but by it's simple four letter we all individually "know" what it is.
Love is a ravaging thing isn't it? it demands all of us...it forces us to consider the world around us...angrily or lovingly...it controls us.
I believe this is the hardest part of love. It demands an opening of the soul..of the person. I see love on a few different levels all of which I will NOT get into today. But most amazing about it is it's odd underlying meaning.
When two people are in love, you end up having to expose the worse things about yourself...the most painful qualities you have to another person. Especially hard is knowing that often times we are too timid to expose these things to ourselves...to truly acknowledge that we are not in control of ourselves and that we truly are jacked up...if we cannot accept that...how do we expect someone that we want to take us in.
Both people must be willing to serve to the other. As you give your partner, know that you must be given in return. But that's the beauty and curse. Again, love requires an opening to the soft gooey center within us. The worry about love comes from our inability to handle it...from our inability to grasp it and control it. It is demanding, painful, variable, and if you're not looking- it will get the jump on you and kick you in the ass. Yet love is just that...it is a dangerous and demanding thing that forces us to grow and be punched in the nuts (or boobs). A sky diving rush, where the sting and force of the wind in your face is always more fun than the landing. Having love isn't the rush...fighting...growing and trying for it is. The sky dive is...the speeding down the highway is...the "UGH, FUCK, SHIT, YES, BAM, PLEASE, URGE" is the real rush. You must let love infect you.
Go be in love now.
I have been in an interesting place in life. I find myself not worried about much, concerned with much or very much bothered by much. I suppose I feel an awkwardness...a funky love in the world.
now that's an interesting things in itself there...love.
I've written about it before and yet it never ceases to amaze me that the beauty of love can never be expressed or spoken about precisely for all to understand...but by it's simple four letter we all individually "know" what it is.
Love is a ravaging thing isn't it? it demands all of us...it forces us to consider the world around us...angrily or lovingly...it controls us.
I believe this is the hardest part of love. It demands an opening of the soul..of the person. I see love on a few different levels all of which I will NOT get into today. But most amazing about it is it's odd underlying meaning.
When two people are in love, you end up having to expose the worse things about yourself...the most painful qualities you have to another person. Especially hard is knowing that often times we are too timid to expose these things to ourselves...to truly acknowledge that we are not in control of ourselves and that we truly are jacked up...if we cannot accept that...how do we expect someone that we want to take us in.
Both people must be willing to serve to the other. As you give your partner, know that you must be given in return. But that's the beauty and curse. Again, love requires an opening to the soft gooey center within us. The worry about love comes from our inability to handle it...from our inability to grasp it and control it. It is demanding, painful, variable, and if you're not looking- it will get the jump on you and kick you in the ass. Yet love is just that...it is a dangerous and demanding thing that forces us to grow and be punched in the nuts (or boobs). A sky diving rush, where the sting and force of the wind in your face is always more fun than the landing. Having love isn't the rush...fighting...growing and trying for it is. The sky dive is...the speeding down the highway is...the "UGH, FUCK, SHIT, YES, BAM, PLEASE, URGE" is the real rush. You must let love infect you.
Go be in love now.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
149. You move me
You can feel it with the people you meet. You can begin to feel the wind of something under your feet, in your chest, a warmth, no- a cringe, wait- an inkling...something that grabs you when you meet them or scares the hell outta ya!
When you meet people you will always feel "something" with them...not in your pants gents! but you will feel something that just feels right...what is that?
Now some call that intuition...some call it a gut feeling...some call it energy...
whatever it is we can feel it. We meet people and can feel within us a type of churning, moving and growling within us. We have an amazing ability to feel people out when we meet them. You may find yourself instantly moved by someone, touched by their presence and wanting to be with it more...you must trust this feeling. Allow yourself to be moved or pushed or pulled by them...accept it.
More importantly, know that they in return are moved and pushed by you as well. As we move along in our lives, our own energy and life are too an imaginary force field and power that can push others...find your energy and use it. Your X-men power. Your body, your voice, your eyes, your breath, your love, your hate...let it be heard. Find what makes you happy..find what you can push out into the world and work hard at doing that.
Don't know what it is? ask someone...ask them what it is about you that they like/love/are attracted to. When you get enough opinions..use them...feel them out with strangers and use them. We are so powerful and lovely that our smallest breath can truly push the leaf that pushes the flower that makes a person sneeze...we have the ability to move the world...
you reading this! yeah you. You can move the world...you can move your world around you. Talk to people...talk to others...find who they are and find what they love...when you go to the market make conversation with others...give yourself a goal to say "HI" to 5 people...give yourself a goal to ask someone how their day was...find a story...
I went to the bank today to make a deposit and ended up talking to two bankers there. Outside of the bank, I would have never met them...would have never learned about their children...their loves...the things that make them happy and the things that they are passionate about....and although I may never speak to them again...for a moment in time...we "infected" eachother (not in a sick disease, disgusting way peeps) but in an engagement of world...in the colliding of lives...in a mixing of stories and connection that opens and breaks the monotomy of our lives...
collide readers...collide in the world with others.
When you meet people you will always feel "something" with them...not in your pants gents! but you will feel something that just feels right...what is that?
Now some call that intuition...some call it a gut feeling...some call it energy...
whatever it is we can feel it. We meet people and can feel within us a type of churning, moving and growling within us. We have an amazing ability to feel people out when we meet them. You may find yourself instantly moved by someone, touched by their presence and wanting to be with it more...you must trust this feeling. Allow yourself to be moved or pushed or pulled by them...accept it.
More importantly, know that they in return are moved and pushed by you as well. As we move along in our lives, our own energy and life are too an imaginary force field and power that can push others...find your energy and use it. Your X-men power. Your body, your voice, your eyes, your breath, your love, your hate...let it be heard. Find what makes you happy..find what you can push out into the world and work hard at doing that.
Don't know what it is? ask someone...ask them what it is about you that they like/love/are attracted to. When you get enough opinions..use them...feel them out with strangers and use them. We are so powerful and lovely that our smallest breath can truly push the leaf that pushes the flower that makes a person sneeze...we have the ability to move the world...
you reading this! yeah you. You can move the world...you can move your world around you. Talk to people...talk to others...find who they are and find what they love...when you go to the market make conversation with others...give yourself a goal to say "HI" to 5 people...give yourself a goal to ask someone how their day was...find a story...
I went to the bank today to make a deposit and ended up talking to two bankers there. Outside of the bank, I would have never met them...would have never learned about their children...their loves...the things that make them happy and the things that they are passionate about....and although I may never speak to them again...for a moment in time...we "infected" eachother (not in a sick disease, disgusting way peeps) but in an engagement of world...in the colliding of lives...in a mixing of stories and connection that opens and breaks the monotomy of our lives...
collide readers...collide in the world with others.
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