151. 1 point me...

Lets call this one the ball busting complex.

Lets start with the beginning. What the hell is a ball buster?

Essentially ball busting is when someone has this weird knack in their personality to insult you ("you can't be with her because you have herpes of the mouth"), backhand compliment you ("you look so handsome...when you're not talking") or generally give you a hard time ("oh you again? aren't you dead already?"). Now is there anything wrong with this?

The answer is......NO!....kinda

Psych!sense says that there is nothing wrong with these people. The types that give you a hard time or challenge your every imperfection. The reason it is not bad is because they will call you out of your crap. They will challenge you to reconsider things about yourself...they are the ones that when you ask, "hey does my butt look big in these pants?" they will respond, "yeah...and your face is ugly too".

See what I mean? they will give it like it is. The problem? they do not like to be challenged. They will shrink down in the presense of realness and love.

The PSYCH!SENSE question then becomes...."then what's the big deal?"

The big deal is that sometimes...a person is naturally a ball buster because of their childhood and world and will not have consideration for others or their feelings. What gives a ball buster their power is their ability to have "1 up on others."

When you meet a ball buster, you may feel that they will often insult you or try and call out your flaw as a way to have the upper hand with you. They automatically judge you without knowing who you are or where you come from.

PSYCH!SENSE would say that when first meeting a person, a ball buster will not be open to who they are, but instead will already have constructed a plan in their mind about the person or who they are based off of little information.

They also tend to be the ones that plan out in advance and have preconceptions about EVERYTHING already in their world. Although this is good in some ways, a ball buster will assume the world based on their plan...if things do not go according to plan they freak out...get crazy and get frustrated...and ultimately do not think "IT" is good enough...

see how it works? ball busters have an awkward drive to control and be in control. To judge and off handedly try and get "one up" on people. They will throw the best parties, because they control every part of it....they will have great relationships if they are not challenged too much...they will compete with you on every detail if they feel you will get "1 up on them"...they will make friends with those that compliment their control and big energy complexes.

Do you know anyone like this? (other than me ;)

and again, is there anything wrong with this? Yes and no.

If you first go into a situation where you are making a first impression, whether you are the one with this complex or are partnered with someone with this complex or are friends with someone with this complex....you/they will walk into any situation "looking" for something..planning ahead to the point where nothing is meant to surprise them, but that instead they already have a preconception about the situation. good and bad.

"What do you do if you or someone you know is experiencing the Ball buster complex?"

SLAP THEM! kinda. You have to challenge their or your own feelings of knowing it all. Of having a plan for everything...or worrying about getting "1 up" on others.

challenge yourself or others to let the other "win" to let others get a "point" on you. Because they often will feel challenged by others. Allow yourself or them to act on a "whim" to do something unplanned "like throw a party without too much planning".

Give others, ESPECIALLY strangers, the opportunity to talk about themselves while you stay open to who they are....and also without talking about your "bigger" accomplishments.

the difficulty? many times we/they do not think we are doing this. In fact, we often don't know our own complexes or crap that we do/experience.

My suggestion, although weird, is to think about your relationships...not with friends (well sometimes...) but more so with people that you have recently met. What is your feelings with the recent people you have met? Did they upset you? are you lying to yourself when you say they don't? Perhaps they get under your skin? did they make you feel bad? less than? off? consider recent relationships and connections with people as a good thermometer for your complexes and crap.

There is a need for self-awareness and consideration with others when doing this kind of work...for we are often blind to our crap...you must be willing to consider yours...even if you think it's crap :)

-Psych!