This blog is kinda written for myself but it's a blog...so that's okay.
How to live a psychological life:
Meditation: learn to sit in moments everyday where you do not think. You simply allow your mind to float and allow it to go blank...start with 5 min and move up to 15 or more
Appreciation: Take the time to notice all things around you. YOU! as you sit there reading this did you notice that piece of paper to the side of you? did you notice the dirty smudge on the window? the blowing tree outside? The naked guy outside? allow yourself to see the connection of all things and the way they just "fit" in your life in this exact moment. Someone walking outside right now was born somewhere in the world...grew up in an entirely different place than you...but somehow...in someway...they ended up walking/driving/biking by you in this moment...find the connection of life.
Give: We don't have a lot in life but we will always have more than someone else. Although it does hurt at times we must be willing to give a bit of what we have to another. Your time, a smile, a hello, a wave, a finger (wait not that one)...something.
Try: You must be willing to explore all things in life. If you haven't tried it...try it! if you haven't tasted it...taste it! if you haven't been there...think how you can! BE OPEN...that means open to all perspectives and flavors because remember whatever you have tried or whatever you believe it's ALWAYS just one perspective in an ocean of opinions
Love: Yes, Yes, yes...this is corny...going with the idea of appreciation find something everyday that you can easily say, "I loved that" it can be a smile from someone...it could be a cookie you had...it could be a phone call to an old friend...just find something that you can honestly say, "I loved that"
Stories: Every day of your life should have a story in it...everyday you should be able to go home, and if someone were to ask you, you could tell them a story or tidbit about something that happened to you. Find your story for the day.
Reflection: "everything that irritates us about others can lead to a greater understanding of ourselves." When someone pisses you off...when someone says something that annoys you...whem someone does something that you can't stand ...try and think if that is really you. I'm serious! Lets say you hate when people gossip...how much is it because you've done your fair share of gossiping? I have found that the actions from others that anger me are because we find it annoying in ourselves. When people talk to you...don't be so quick to answer them...don't be so quick to tell them what do to..just listen to them. If enough people tell you something about you..consider it possible as well..Dreams, symbols, signs, coincidences, things that just make you say "hmmmm"
Awareness: Know how you feel. If you're angry...acknowledge it and work with it. If you are happy share it..if you just wet yourself...own it! be willing to know what you are feeling so that feeling doesn't control you. At the same time this better awareness of your own feelings applies to others as well. Try and take the time to sense what the other person is feeling and work with it. I'm not saying always be the shoulder or punching bag...i'm just saying learn to see it in others and make your own choice with what you want to do with it.
Here's something less serious...how can you try and remember all of these:
pick one of these anagrams for it!!!
SALT GRAM
GRAM SALT
GAL SMART
GAL MARTS
GRAM LAST
RAG MALTS
there are like...20 of them...so i'll just these ones up and you can pick one to use :) although...salt gram sounds nice doesn't it? you could say...
"hey...take every day with a gram of salt..." (minus the 'of' part)
Monday, March 29, 2010
77. The lady killer
So as I was driving home yesterday I decided to give Waby a call. A lovely new gal pal of mine that I was chatting with...about...well..whatever. As we were talking she decided to tell me about a theory of hers.
PSYCH!SENSE question...
If men watched more romantic comedies would they learn the female psyche more?
Now I realize the simple answer is: NO! but she had an interesting point. "If a guy were to watch them...get to learn about them and do the things in them to woo a girl instead of just whine and complain he would get her." (not an exact quote...but close) Now just imagine that...if you read my last topic I had wrote about the ideas of content and process...here is a prime example. Most men hear that their lady friend wants to watch a romantic comedy so what do they do? "OH MAN...dammit..for reals? do I have to?" (as memories of childhood crying sticks out...because we all know men are big babies)
...but this is the perfect example: men will focus on the content here..they think sappy movie with corny lines and bad acting...which in some cases in true...but what is your woman asking you? she may be inadvertantly asking you to do the things in the movie that woo her..the liquify her..that make her realize what she has.
Now I'm not saying that all women want to watch romantic comedies...because it just doesn't float their boat...but try and look past all this...you must be willing to look underneath the covers...check under the bed...undo the bra and check out the goods underneath because that is where the real goodness is. If she's into chick flicks..do it and learn what woos her..if she's into scary movies...find what scares her and learn to work with her in that way...if she's into kung fu flicks...damn...tell her to call me. But you get the idea right?
Some of you may have read my blog on the mating habits of senior citizens and with that I offer this addition...if your woman wants to watch this movie...perhaps you should focus on the underlying statement of the movie (buy me flowers, prick!). Ultimately, you will learn to speak woman talk, learn to appreciate her, learn to do things for her that make her want you even more....all of this equals what? = booty.
ta da!
PSYCH!SENSE question...
If men watched more romantic comedies would they learn the female psyche more?
Now I realize the simple answer is: NO! but she had an interesting point. "If a guy were to watch them...get to learn about them and do the things in them to woo a girl instead of just whine and complain he would get her." (not an exact quote...but close) Now just imagine that...if you read my last topic I had wrote about the ideas of content and process...here is a prime example. Most men hear that their lady friend wants to watch a romantic comedy so what do they do? "OH MAN...dammit..for reals? do I have to?" (as memories of childhood crying sticks out...because we all know men are big babies)
...but this is the perfect example: men will focus on the content here..they think sappy movie with corny lines and bad acting...which in some cases in true...but what is your woman asking you? she may be inadvertantly asking you to do the things in the movie that woo her..the liquify her..that make her realize what she has.
Now I'm not saying that all women want to watch romantic comedies...because it just doesn't float their boat...but try and look past all this...you must be willing to look underneath the covers...check under the bed...undo the bra and check out the goods underneath because that is where the real goodness is. If she's into chick flicks..do it and learn what woos her..if she's into scary movies...find what scares her and learn to work with her in that way...if she's into kung fu flicks...damn...tell her to call me. But you get the idea right?
Some of you may have read my blog on the mating habits of senior citizens and with that I offer this addition...if your woman wants to watch this movie...perhaps you should focus on the underlying statement of the movie (buy me flowers, prick!). Ultimately, you will learn to speak woman talk, learn to appreciate her, learn to do things for her that make her want you even more....all of this equals what? = booty.
ta da!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
76. Talk to me baby
"Although this article is targeted toward men, I am not calling you dummies. It just means I’m spitting the Cliff Notes version since you have very short attention spans.
Two levels of communication. Content and Process. Content is what’s literally being said. “I don’t care if he’s just a friend, I don’t want you to see him anymore”. Process is what the person is really saying. “I feel threatened by your friend”. Content is info. Process is what’s underneath.
The problem is we focus more on content and less on process. If you’re aware of the difference, you will be more “intuitive” and a better communicator. This means you’ll get laid more.
I think men maneuver more on the content plane and women on process. This is why we have difficulty communicating with them. It’s like we’re speaking two different languages. We are hardwired to be more logical and women more emotional. Content = logic. Process = emotion.
I once had an argument with an ex about tinted windows. I was so caught up in the logic of the argument that I completely missed what she was really saying, which was she just wanted to be heard. I bulldozed her with facts about sun rays penetrating tinted windows and couldn’t understand why an argument about car windows made her cry.
Men, it is imperative we understand what is happening underneath. That is the nectar. Words are just skin. For actors, it’s called subtext. You can not be a great actor if you don’t understand what’s happening under the lines. And you can’t be a great friend / lover if you don’t comprehend and address her process.
We like facts. Chew on this. Only 3 percent of communication is content. 97 is process, tone, and body language. So if you’re only focused on the words coming out of her mouth, you only understand 3 percent of what she is saying.
We are not born communicators. This takes practice like anything else. If we worked as hard on our communication muscles as we did our bi-ceps, we would be bankrupt the porn business and make our girlfriend’s friends cringe when she tells them the three magic words every girl wants to own -"
"He gets me!"
(Ladies and Gentlemen, I got this from John he is an amazing therapist with brilliant ideas, theories and stories...)
Two levels of communication. Content and Process. Content is what’s literally being said. “I don’t care if he’s just a friend, I don’t want you to see him anymore”. Process is what the person is really saying. “I feel threatened by your friend”. Content is info. Process is what’s underneath.
The problem is we focus more on content and less on process. If you’re aware of the difference, you will be more “intuitive” and a better communicator. This means you’ll get laid more.
I think men maneuver more on the content plane and women on process. This is why we have difficulty communicating with them. It’s like we’re speaking two different languages. We are hardwired to be more logical and women more emotional. Content = logic. Process = emotion.
I once had an argument with an ex about tinted windows. I was so caught up in the logic of the argument that I completely missed what she was really saying, which was she just wanted to be heard. I bulldozed her with facts about sun rays penetrating tinted windows and couldn’t understand why an argument about car windows made her cry.
Men, it is imperative we understand what is happening underneath. That is the nectar. Words are just skin. For actors, it’s called subtext. You can not be a great actor if you don’t understand what’s happening under the lines. And you can’t be a great friend / lover if you don’t comprehend and address her process.
We like facts. Chew on this. Only 3 percent of communication is content. 97 is process, tone, and body language. So if you’re only focused on the words coming out of her mouth, you only understand 3 percent of what she is saying.
We are not born communicators. This takes practice like anything else. If we worked as hard on our communication muscles as we did our bi-ceps, we would be bankrupt the porn business and make our girlfriend’s friends cringe when she tells them the three magic words every girl wants to own -"
"He gets me!"
(Ladies and Gentlemen, I got this from John he is an amazing therapist with brilliant ideas, theories and stories...)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
75. Break the ice
So you roll into a club...hair waving, skirt hiked up high, 5 inch heels making those sharp pops as you strut down the corrider...you walk up to the bar and as soon as you look up...there he is...oh yes..."HIM" he walks up to you...smiling, exuding of male sexiness and as you two lock eyes with one another you suddenly feel the tapping of fingers on your shoulder as you hear the words, "hey baby your bear cave or mine?"
we're all familiar with ice breakers...all of us...we've used them..been subject to them...been forced to hear them...or even been forced to make some up for the sake of that one time when I went to the club and ended up making out with a 65 year old house maid named Matilda.
Ice breakers allow for the tension to be smashed so that either the conversation can continue but more...I would say so that the relationship between people can continue.
PSYCH!SENSE question...does the type of ice breaker you use tell the type of person you are?
In fact it's interesting...in therapy, the really, really really good practitioners will make sure to hear and remember the first thing...the aboslute first sentence/fragment/word that comes out of their mouth because that will tell you their current mindset and will give you insight into their psyche.
let me set up situations when you're alone:
at a club and the guy walks up to you and says, "hey baby, wanna screw??"
probably a douche...although please see a book called Douche Bags and Hot Chicks (thanks leroy for the reference)
a guy walks up to you and says, "the force is strong with this one.."
that sounds like a nerd. some peeps dig that
a gal walks up to you and says, "hi, i'm susan...nice to meet you"
sexy...
a gal comes up to you and says, "so you come here often?"
I had this situation where some people were debating about religion and as she and he were arguing their points one of them says something along the lines of, "...all organized religion should burned and lashed..." a random girl to my side stated, "...your mom should be lashed..." hahahahhaha....that's an example of breaking the ice in a group situation...
For future reference...I have to write a blog on the idea of "your mom" statements...
anyone else have weird examples of breaking the ice?!?!?!
we're all familiar with ice breakers...all of us...we've used them..been subject to them...been forced to hear them...or even been forced to make some up for the sake of that one time when I went to the club and ended up making out with a 65 year old house maid named Matilda.
Ice breakers allow for the tension to be smashed so that either the conversation can continue but more...I would say so that the relationship between people can continue.
PSYCH!SENSE question...does the type of ice breaker you use tell the type of person you are?
In fact it's interesting...in therapy, the really, really really good practitioners will make sure to hear and remember the first thing...the aboslute first sentence/fragment/word that comes out of their mouth because that will tell you their current mindset and will give you insight into their psyche.
let me set up situations when you're alone:
at a club and the guy walks up to you and says, "hey baby, wanna screw??"
probably a douche...although please see a book called Douche Bags and Hot Chicks (thanks leroy for the reference)
a guy walks up to you and says, "the force is strong with this one.."
that sounds like a nerd. some peeps dig that
a gal walks up to you and says, "hi, i'm susan...nice to meet you"
sexy...
a gal comes up to you and says, "so you come here often?"
I had this situation where some people were debating about religion and as she and he were arguing their points one of them says something along the lines of, "...all organized religion should burned and lashed..." a random girl to my side stated, "...your mom should be lashed..." hahahahhaha....that's an example of breaking the ice in a group situation...
For future reference...I have to write a blog on the idea of "your mom" statements...
anyone else have weird examples of breaking the ice?!?!?!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
74. Wall Walkers of the world
I sat in a group discussion where I was surrounded by artists, scientists, therapists and random people that decided to sit down and listen. We began talking about various questions and ideas with really no direction…as we began to talk about death (aside from religious stuff and things) we began to talk about the ideas of answers and open discussion…more though was this idea of needing to know answers.
PSYCH!SENSE question? Is anything worth doing if you will never get an answer or end point?
Now the obvious answer is yes…well…I think so. Many people may argue “hey it’s all about the experience of it….not the answer to it” whereas others would say, “why the hell would you get all worked up into sex without getting the giant ‘O’ at the end of it…”
Many of the science guys would often say the only true way to understanding the world around us is through measurement. As my good friend would often say, “nothing can be proven…it can only be disproven…” ..I often challenge them..it can only be disproven from a calculative perspective..not a reflective and subjective perspective.
Then the artsy peeps would often say, “when I paint I get lost in the moment of creation and nothing else matters other than the experience of it…when it’s over my experience is over and when the art work is done I sometimes miss the operation of it more than the final product.”
PSYCH!SENSE would say, it depends…duh! But because PSYCH!SENSE tries to be gray and the fence sitter in these conversations…the answer is in that statement. We must be willing to find our balance between the two worlds. There are some things in life where you should truly, truly, truly enjoy the experience (sight seeing, a good meal, simple conversation) whereas other things need to have some sort of finite point (orgasm…just being real peeps).
Take the time to find which type of experiences you want or even….what kind of experiences you currently experience. If you always need to know the answer…I challenge you to find something where there is no answer…if you love the flowly artsy side of life…I challenge you to find a finite point.
PSYCH!SENSE question? Is anything worth doing if you will never get an answer or end point?
Now the obvious answer is yes…well…I think so. Many people may argue “hey it’s all about the experience of it….not the answer to it” whereas others would say, “why the hell would you get all worked up into sex without getting the giant ‘O’ at the end of it…”
Many of the science guys would often say the only true way to understanding the world around us is through measurement. As my good friend would often say, “nothing can be proven…it can only be disproven…” ..I often challenge them..it can only be disproven from a calculative perspective..not a reflective and subjective perspective.
Then the artsy peeps would often say, “when I paint I get lost in the moment of creation and nothing else matters other than the experience of it…when it’s over my experience is over and when the art work is done I sometimes miss the operation of it more than the final product.”
PSYCH!SENSE would say, it depends…duh! But because PSYCH!SENSE tries to be gray and the fence sitter in these conversations…the answer is in that statement. We must be willing to find our balance between the two worlds. There are some things in life where you should truly, truly, truly enjoy the experience (sight seeing, a good meal, simple conversation) whereas other things need to have some sort of finite point (orgasm…just being real peeps).
Take the time to find which type of experiences you want or even….what kind of experiences you currently experience. If you always need to know the answer…I challenge you to find something where there is no answer…if you love the flowly artsy side of life…I challenge you to find a finite point.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
73. Transition
There comes a point in life when you can honestly say, "oh shit...I have to make a big boy decision."
Now for my older (I mean older than me for you sensitive types), you may want to skip this one (although I know you won't because most of you love me) because it's going to talk about "younger" issues...although even as I write that little sentance I imagine that no matter what age you are physically...mentally we always have those moments of "oh shit...I have to make a big boy decision."
we get married early...we have kids on accident...we decide to go to the club and buy booze or stay at home and drink for cheap...ultimately we all have these points at which we think to ourselves...damn...I have to make the right decision...
take for exampe a wo/man in his/her late 20's. Let's say they've been in a relationship with some for years...years... eventually the questions in our own minds start to come out..."is s/he the one? should I be thinking about marriage? kids?" although I don't intend to answer this I would like for readers to just consider things. We all come to a point...a decision that needs to be made...that takes us out from, "do I want to hit up the club scene hit on all kinds of the wrong people under the excuse 'i'm just being social' or just say, this person i'm with is worth more to me and I want to be a big boy/girl"
walk or crawl?
club scene or settle down?
candy or veggies?
early to bed or a night of drinking?
play with my kids or let the tv do it?
be a dad or be their friend?
love or like?
retire or keep working?
I forgot who said it but as I write my reverie takes me to an old quote.
"As I grew up I would always think...someone else will make the decision...someone else will help me pick what to do or where to go...now when I go to different places and I start to see disorder and something in need of a decision I start to realize that instead of asking 'where are all the adults at?' I realize, 'oh yeah...I am the adult'"
Now for my older (I mean older than me for you sensitive types), you may want to skip this one (although I know you won't because most of you love me) because it's going to talk about "younger" issues...although even as I write that little sentance I imagine that no matter what age you are physically...mentally we always have those moments of "oh shit...I have to make a big boy decision."
we get married early...we have kids on accident...we decide to go to the club and buy booze or stay at home and drink for cheap...ultimately we all have these points at which we think to ourselves...damn...I have to make the right decision...
take for exampe a wo/man in his/her late 20's. Let's say they've been in a relationship with some for years...years... eventually the questions in our own minds start to come out..."is s/he the one? should I be thinking about marriage? kids?" although I don't intend to answer this I would like for readers to just consider things. We all come to a point...a decision that needs to be made...that takes us out from, "do I want to hit up the club scene hit on all kinds of the wrong people under the excuse 'i'm just being social' or just say, this person i'm with is worth more to me and I want to be a big boy/girl"
walk or crawl?
club scene or settle down?
candy or veggies?
early to bed or a night of drinking?
play with my kids or let the tv do it?
be a dad or be their friend?
love or like?
retire or keep working?
I forgot who said it but as I write my reverie takes me to an old quote.
"As I grew up I would always think...someone else will make the decision...someone else will help me pick what to do or where to go...now when I go to different places and I start to see disorder and something in need of a decision I start to realize that instead of asking 'where are all the adults at?' I realize, 'oh yeah...I am the adult'"
Monday, March 15, 2010
72. "me and you...and you and me...no matter how we toss the dice..."
If you have been keeping up with the comments you'll know where this topic comes from...by the way...many of you have asked me about putting comments on these things...and now that I have "allowed" it to happen...only one person does it?!?! lame!
anyways...
The question? what kind of friend are you? I like to imagine life as a river...yes yes yes i'm getting metaphoric all over your face right now...but life is a river..we all are floating down it on little row boats (mine is named little skippy...surprisingly close to the nickname of one of my body parts). what was my point...whatever.. oh yes friends...
Now there are not really set categories or structures in place but I would like to propose some...again this is no inclusive...in fact in the comment box feel free to add more categories and write about them!!!!!!!!!!!
Types of Friends (in no particular order):
holy - This type of relationship is the one where you know...you absolutely KNOW that no matter what happens in life...no matter what shitty thing you did..no matter how long you've known them...this type of friend is that type that would say, "no officer his ass was with me the whole time that night he didn't supposedly kill a donkey, make love to it's dead carcass, rub the blood on his genitals while jerking off a spider monkey."
temporal - These types of friends are the ones that come into your life for only a moment and in that moment you realize how amazingly well you can connect to someone. Haven't we all had that? come on...the guy you run into at a starbucks? the girl at the local target? These are the friends that you just freakin hit it off with...it just clicks. The sad part is that these types are ususally the short lived ones...the ones that you will always have a connection with...but one that is never quite long enough...
hater - Hater? yes!!! the hater-friend. I know, I know...this is the friend that is with you through all your good times right by your side and right when karma swings around to give you a high five are the ones that kinda disappear or become passive aggressive. The type of friend that when you are down they are right there...but when life gives you gold are the ones that kinda go quiet...disappear for a while and come back with you've got close to nothing.
competitor - This is very, very, very, similar to the hater friend. This is the type of friend that needs to compare their own achievements to yours. The type of friend that says, "oh you've done how much with your life to this point? wow! well look at the size of my cock...it's bigger than yours." While you're as giddy as a school girl about to get laid on prom night with the captain of the football team, they're the ones trying to get laid with your mom while sticking a finger in the closest cup of pudding. (probably the type checking all my typos in these things trying to get 'one up' on me ;)
mutual - This is the one that you kinda know...that one random person that you see often enough that you just have to say hi to. The one person that when you go to the local pub they are there crying about their day (as like you are). Or even the friend of a friend that you will never really know because let's face it...they are your friends friend...not your friend. haha...I keep thinking of times when I go to family parties of friends and I ask, "who's that?" and my friend will often answer...."a cousin...don't know much more than that"
Can you have all of them? yes!!! is it possible to have none of them...yes!!! what's the point....I don't know...but consider the types of friends and people you have around you and although I kinda made up these titles try and think which one fits who your friends are..
here's something to totally blow you off. A personal quote of mine...we've all heard, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" ....well my response is, "do you unto others as you do unto yourself" If you have a hater friend...really, really, really ask yourself...are they like that because I'm like that with them? think about it...are you!?!??! perhaps we are the hater friend that when we are with them act like that so they in turn act like that with us.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us this. Ultimately my wonderful readers...ultimately...each person brings something new to our lives...we meet with others and interact with them because they bring something into our own lives. The holy teaches us love...the temporal teaches us loss...the hater teaches us compassion...the competitor teaches us resiliency...and the mutual teaches us respect.
(while the two buck ho teaches us ointment)...geez...where did that come from...
anyways...
The question? what kind of friend are you? I like to imagine life as a river...yes yes yes i'm getting metaphoric all over your face right now...but life is a river..we all are floating down it on little row boats (mine is named little skippy...surprisingly close to the nickname of one of my body parts). what was my point...whatever.. oh yes friends...
Now there are not really set categories or structures in place but I would like to propose some...again this is no inclusive...in fact in the comment box feel free to add more categories and write about them!!!!!!!!!!!
Types of Friends (in no particular order):
holy - This type of relationship is the one where you know...you absolutely KNOW that no matter what happens in life...no matter what shitty thing you did..no matter how long you've known them...this type of friend is that type that would say, "no officer his ass was with me the whole time that night he didn't supposedly kill a donkey, make love to it's dead carcass, rub the blood on his genitals while jerking off a spider monkey."
temporal - These types of friends are the ones that come into your life for only a moment and in that moment you realize how amazingly well you can connect to someone. Haven't we all had that? come on...the guy you run into at a starbucks? the girl at the local target? These are the friends that you just freakin hit it off with...it just clicks. The sad part is that these types are ususally the short lived ones...the ones that you will always have a connection with...but one that is never quite long enough...
hater - Hater? yes!!! the hater-friend. I know, I know...this is the friend that is with you through all your good times right by your side and right when karma swings around to give you a high five are the ones that kinda disappear or become passive aggressive. The type of friend that when you are down they are right there...but when life gives you gold are the ones that kinda go quiet...disappear for a while and come back with you've got close to nothing.
competitor - This is very, very, very, similar to the hater friend. This is the type of friend that needs to compare their own achievements to yours. The type of friend that says, "oh you've done how much with your life to this point? wow! well look at the size of my cock...it's bigger than yours." While you're as giddy as a school girl about to get laid on prom night with the captain of the football team, they're the ones trying to get laid with your mom while sticking a finger in the closest cup of pudding. (probably the type checking all my typos in these things trying to get 'one up' on me ;)
mutual - This is the one that you kinda know...that one random person that you see often enough that you just have to say hi to. The one person that when you go to the local pub they are there crying about their day (as like you are). Or even the friend of a friend that you will never really know because let's face it...they are your friends friend...not your friend. haha...I keep thinking of times when I go to family parties of friends and I ask, "who's that?" and my friend will often answer...."a cousin...don't know much more than that"
Can you have all of them? yes!!! is it possible to have none of them...yes!!! what's the point....I don't know...but consider the types of friends and people you have around you and although I kinda made up these titles try and think which one fits who your friends are..
here's something to totally blow you off. A personal quote of mine...we've all heard, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" ....well my response is, "do you unto others as you do unto yourself" If you have a hater friend...really, really, really ask yourself...are they like that because I'm like that with them? think about it...are you!?!??! perhaps we are the hater friend that when we are with them act like that so they in turn act like that with us.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us this. Ultimately my wonderful readers...ultimately...each person brings something new to our lives...we meet with others and interact with them because they bring something into our own lives. The holy teaches us love...the temporal teaches us loss...the hater teaches us compassion...the competitor teaches us resiliency...and the mutual teaches us respect.
(while the two buck ho teaches us ointment)...geez...where did that come from...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
71. The way to the heart is through their friends
Here's a good one. I was at applebees having a drink or 8 and 2 patron shots when we began to talk about friends and relationships. We all have friends...for the most part...that we can go to and talk to about all the crap in our lives. WIth this said, consider when you go out with that new guy...or gal. YOu go out...then go report to your friends how s/he was...what they wore...where you went...how you felt...weird things about him/her...the size of their ...ego (that goes both ways on that one).
So then you start to get close to the lucky person and you bring them out to the friends to meet and judge them a bit...now lets just imagine that your one friend that is a total hater is not there...we all have them don't we? that one guy/girl that is just a total freakin hater in every sense of the word...hahah..
so where was I...oh yes! okay so you then bring them to meet the clan for the feast of the poor soul...
The question...Do your friends act as a good judge of character? one of the peeps at the playhouse told me that no....they do not. She felt that many of her friends were just completely haters and jealous. SHe would say that many times they were jealous of her finding a nice guy that it was hard for them to see anything else. There are many times when your friends meet your b/f / g/f and they can't stand them for some reason and they tell you to dump him/her. With all this being said, there are relationships still today where their friends hate the partner and think they could do better.
Now this is the hard part...people tend to be friends with one another because of connection. It goes to say that your friends are therefore a really good indicator of who you are as a whole. Espeically best friends. They know us well...so well that aren't they a good judge if someone will end up being a good match? Trust your friends opinion because they act as a personality indicator of yourself...that's how they can tell yoru mood...how they can read your mind at times...and how they can absolutely annoy you as well. but be cautious...sometimes you may find a partner that you truly feel close and connected to but your friends don't agree...this isn't bad...but take the time to figure out why they are not clicking.
So then you start to get close to the lucky person and you bring them out to the friends to meet and judge them a bit...now lets just imagine that your one friend that is a total hater is not there...we all have them don't we? that one guy/girl that is just a total freakin hater in every sense of the word...hahah..
so where was I...oh yes! okay so you then bring them to meet the clan for the feast of the poor soul...
The question...Do your friends act as a good judge of character? one of the peeps at the playhouse told me that no....they do not. She felt that many of her friends were just completely haters and jealous. SHe would say that many times they were jealous of her finding a nice guy that it was hard for them to see anything else. There are many times when your friends meet your b/f / g/f and they can't stand them for some reason and they tell you to dump him/her. With all this being said, there are relationships still today where their friends hate the partner and think they could do better.
Now this is the hard part...people tend to be friends with one another because of connection. It goes to say that your friends are therefore a really good indicator of who you are as a whole. Espeically best friends. They know us well...so well that aren't they a good judge if someone will end up being a good match? Trust your friends opinion because they act as a personality indicator of yourself...that's how they can tell yoru mood...how they can read your mind at times...and how they can absolutely annoy you as well. but be cautious...sometimes you may find a partner that you truly feel close and connected to but your friends don't agree...this isn't bad...but take the time to figure out why they are not clicking.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
70. You did what that night?
There I was at the bar having a few cocktails with some friends of mine when we began to ponder the ponderables of life. One of my friends is in her early 20's, another of my buds is..uh...older? in his 40s? and finally the barkeep is in his 30's...I think. This will hopefully give you an idea to that type of opinions from which this stems from.
The question?
is it absolutely necessary for your partner to know all secrets of your life? Now this is interesting as it relates to an earlier blog I wrote about when the question was, "psychological or physical embarrassment which is worse" but this time I wonder if we can relate a person's secrets to being embarrassed.
THe 20 something year old said, "well...whatever I did in the past...I did it...they don't need to know about it..." we asked..well what if they ask you about it? her response was, "well...I won't tell them because it's not me anymore..." (yes yes yes what you did in the past does in a way dictate who you are now...that's a later topic peeps).
But lets consider this...Should we try and let our partner know all about us? what we have done in our past created the person that they love and enjoy now right? so shouldn't they know what we did? or does my other 40 something year old friend have it right when he said, "there is no way...no possible way for someone to know all your secrets..."
my favorite psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung would write, "secrets are what make a person an individual in an ocean of others." I agree with this as well. But lets just think about this...what if we could tell our partners everything about us...EVERYTHING! imagine how hard that would be to hear...but more than that how hard would it be to tell it all. By the way I rubbed up on my cousin when I was 8. But you get the picture right?
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we cannot tell everyone all our secrets because we may not know or remember them all. Consider trauma...many of us push that out of mind and not revisit it...but ultimately it's still there. I suppose the round about answer is taking the time to consider what secrets we have and which are important to hear. I kinda feel that...if we were to tell others all about ourselves we would crash...we would break and cry and scream and yell....we would suffer a psychological melt down. A breakdown of society..a breakdown of life and the implosion of the individual...we would mentally crash from embarassment, shame and guilt...How many of you could do that? damn...
on the other hand...playing the equal side...imagine the freedom you would have. Think about how it would feel to allow yourself to open your mind and psyche to your partner...your loved one. Playing the romantic...I would absolutely feel free and open...relieved...right? to just let it all come out...it's a beautiful thing...be free of the pain of your life and allow it to all air out and truly have someone hold you and say, "i still love you." damn...
let's end this one on a different note...a few things that i've always remembered people tell me about love....
"I knew she was the one for me the day I learned that we liked the same pizza topping."
"...because she knows all my shit...all of my life's fuck ups...the worst things about me...and it's okay."
"true love exists when you care for something more than you care for yourself."
The question?
is it absolutely necessary for your partner to know all secrets of your life? Now this is interesting as it relates to an earlier blog I wrote about when the question was, "psychological or physical embarrassment which is worse" but this time I wonder if we can relate a person's secrets to being embarrassed.
THe 20 something year old said, "well...whatever I did in the past...I did it...they don't need to know about it..." we asked..well what if they ask you about it? her response was, "well...I won't tell them because it's not me anymore..." (yes yes yes what you did in the past does in a way dictate who you are now...that's a later topic peeps).
But lets consider this...Should we try and let our partner know all about us? what we have done in our past created the person that they love and enjoy now right? so shouldn't they know what we did? or does my other 40 something year old friend have it right when he said, "there is no way...no possible way for someone to know all your secrets..."
my favorite psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung would write, "secrets are what make a person an individual in an ocean of others." I agree with this as well. But lets just think about this...what if we could tell our partners everything about us...EVERYTHING! imagine how hard that would be to hear...but more than that how hard would it be to tell it all. By the way I rubbed up on my cousin when I was 8. But you get the picture right?
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we cannot tell everyone all our secrets because we may not know or remember them all. Consider trauma...many of us push that out of mind and not revisit it...but ultimately it's still there. I suppose the round about answer is taking the time to consider what secrets we have and which are important to hear. I kinda feel that...if we were to tell others all about ourselves we would crash...we would break and cry and scream and yell....we would suffer a psychological melt down. A breakdown of society..a breakdown of life and the implosion of the individual...we would mentally crash from embarassment, shame and guilt...How many of you could do that? damn...
on the other hand...playing the equal side...imagine the freedom you would have. Think about how it would feel to allow yourself to open your mind and psyche to your partner...your loved one. Playing the romantic...I would absolutely feel free and open...relieved...right? to just let it all come out...it's a beautiful thing...be free of the pain of your life and allow it to all air out and truly have someone hold you and say, "i still love you." damn...
let's end this one on a different note...a few things that i've always remembered people tell me about love....
"I knew she was the one for me the day I learned that we liked the same pizza topping."
"...because she knows all my shit...all of my life's fuck ups...the worst things about me...and it's okay."
"true love exists when you care for something more than you care for yourself."
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
69. I am woman...hear me roar!
As I was working at the ATT store tending to my customers I came upon this idea for a blog.
I went out with a very successful lawyer. GOSH she was amzing. She met me at the restaurant....spoke very well as she told me about all her accomplishments...she needed to pay for half the bill and in fact...called me three days later for a second date. SEXY. I mean she had great stories...she was the 3rd of 4 children...she was the first to get a college education and gradute. She lived on the 35th floor penthouse in downtown and could not be happier. amazing
I met a local girl that works at kinko's. She lives with her parents, barely graduated from high school, spoke often about wanting to read the latest archie comic book but didn't have the motivation to do the work for it. She was the 2nd of 4 children and had never considered doing anything but tanning, drinking at night and looking good.
The question...the more independent you are...the more academic degrees you hold...the more "prestigious" you are...are you less courteous and less likely to care for others?
Here was the difference. I opened the door for the local girl, as she leaned over and opened my door from the inside...she asked me if I like lemon on shrimp as she squeezed some lemon on my appetizer...she cleaned up the plates for the waitress to pick them up more easily and even thanked me for taking her out. I mention this because although the conversation with the local girl was about the absorbancy power of a sponge and with the lawyer was about life...the local girl did something that truly blew me away...not literally sickos! she was courteous!!! It was amazing...I was a gentleman...and she was a lady. It blew me away because she did it unconsciously...she knew to do these things without thinking...whereas the lawyer never thought about it...it was as if she was entitled. So interesting....
one gentlman at my local subway said, "the attorney just didn't know to do those things...she did not the manners that the other one did....she didn't know how to cook, she had a maid, she just porbably wasn't brought up that way."
my best girl friend in the world told me, "all I want in a man is for him to be able to hunt down, wrestle and kill a pig for me....let a man be a man."
In our course for more...in our drive to be ever more successful and only caring about ourselves...are we losing the respect and courtesy for others? The dog eat dog world often challenges us but in the course for always wanting more...are we losing our sense of tradition?
p.s.
yes there are wo/men that are smart, independent and traditional...yes they exist...if you find one...TELL THEM TO CALL ME!!! :)
I went out with a very successful lawyer. GOSH she was amzing. She met me at the restaurant....spoke very well as she told me about all her accomplishments...she needed to pay for half the bill and in fact...called me three days later for a second date. SEXY. I mean she had great stories...she was the 3rd of 4 children...she was the first to get a college education and gradute. She lived on the 35th floor penthouse in downtown and could not be happier. amazing
I met a local girl that works at kinko's. She lives with her parents, barely graduated from high school, spoke often about wanting to read the latest archie comic book but didn't have the motivation to do the work for it. She was the 2nd of 4 children and had never considered doing anything but tanning, drinking at night and looking good.
The question...the more independent you are...the more academic degrees you hold...the more "prestigious" you are...are you less courteous and less likely to care for others?
Here was the difference. I opened the door for the local girl, as she leaned over and opened my door from the inside...she asked me if I like lemon on shrimp as she squeezed some lemon on my appetizer...she cleaned up the plates for the waitress to pick them up more easily and even thanked me for taking her out. I mention this because although the conversation with the local girl was about the absorbancy power of a sponge and with the lawyer was about life...the local girl did something that truly blew me away...not literally sickos! she was courteous!!! It was amazing...I was a gentleman...and she was a lady. It blew me away because she did it unconsciously...she knew to do these things without thinking...whereas the lawyer never thought about it...it was as if she was entitled. So interesting....
one gentlman at my local subway said, "the attorney just didn't know to do those things...she did not the manners that the other one did....she didn't know how to cook, she had a maid, she just porbably wasn't brought up that way."
my best girl friend in the world told me, "all I want in a man is for him to be able to hunt down, wrestle and kill a pig for me....let a man be a man."
In our course for more...in our drive to be ever more successful and only caring about ourselves...are we losing the respect and courtesy for others? The dog eat dog world often challenges us but in the course for always wanting more...are we losing our sense of tradition?
p.s.
yes there are wo/men that are smart, independent and traditional...yes they exist...if you find one...TELL THEM TO CALL ME!!! :)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
68. Match.com (kinda)
As I was pulling the dry cleaning for a random customer I saw this really hot girl. Now she was "YUMMY!" (it's in quotes because I actually said it out loud)
I work up the courage to ask her out....and wouldn't you know it...she said yes. Wow right? well...don't get too excited...it sucked. but it's okay...I met another hot girl at 7 eleven as I was restocking....we went out...and BAM!!! it sucked too. So after about 8 dates I realize....dating is hard.
I can hear the invisible readers screaming at me...DUH!!! of course it is. The question that arose was...."who is it harder for?" think about it ...playing the typical male i'm gonna say...it may be harder for the guy. yeah yeah...yell at me later when you guys see me again.
Although this may be a bit of a generalization I have found that guys are expected to pick up the tab on the first date. if not then you have the girls going back to their girlfriends saying, "oh my god...he couldn't even pay for our double cheeseburgers..." you know it's true. with that being said, after about 8 dates...what happens? the guy is out that much money! but at least 7 lucky girls and 1 lucky guy got a free meal (don't ask, don't tell). So anyways, it became clear that although the guy paid for the meal...he must wait for the girl to respond. How interesting right? if the guy actually works up the courage to ask her out...pay for something and wait anxiously at her door stop hoping for a little tongue action we have to think..."damn...is she gives me the chance...i'm all over that." women pace us!!!! ugh...hahah...the relationship moves forward when she is ready. intersting.
An interesting development occured as I was talking about this with some colleagues at the local pub...we have a gay guy come in and say..."well, I go by the rule that if they ask me out...they pay...if I ask them out...I pay." Now that is intersting...So because the guys asks the girl out...it is then his responsiblity to pay for the first/second date. cool right?
As I asked every guy around the pub how many times they have asked a woman out the general response was, "oh I don't know...a lot...been turned down a whole lot more than i've tried too" (don't figure that one out.) the next question was, "well then gentlmen...how many women have actually asked you out?" hahahaha...you can imagine the response..."uhm....I think my tia (aunt) asked me out once for coffee...but she just wanted me to co-sign on a loan for her...." other than one hot guy "because well...he's hott" every other guy said, "yeah it doesn't happen."
when asking the women the same question they all said, "I would NEVER ask a guy out...NEVER!" hahah...
I work up the courage to ask her out....and wouldn't you know it...she said yes. Wow right? well...don't get too excited...it sucked. but it's okay...I met another hot girl at 7 eleven as I was restocking....we went out...and BAM!!! it sucked too. So after about 8 dates I realize....dating is hard.
I can hear the invisible readers screaming at me...DUH!!! of course it is. The question that arose was...."who is it harder for?" think about it ...playing the typical male i'm gonna say...it may be harder for the guy. yeah yeah...yell at me later when you guys see me again.
Although this may be a bit of a generalization I have found that guys are expected to pick up the tab on the first date. if not then you have the girls going back to their girlfriends saying, "oh my god...he couldn't even pay for our double cheeseburgers..." you know it's true. with that being said, after about 8 dates...what happens? the guy is out that much money! but at least 7 lucky girls and 1 lucky guy got a free meal (don't ask, don't tell). So anyways, it became clear that although the guy paid for the meal...he must wait for the girl to respond. How interesting right? if the guy actually works up the courage to ask her out...pay for something and wait anxiously at her door stop hoping for a little tongue action we have to think..."damn...is she gives me the chance...i'm all over that." women pace us!!!! ugh...hahah...the relationship moves forward when she is ready. intersting.
An interesting development occured as I was talking about this with some colleagues at the local pub...we have a gay guy come in and say..."well, I go by the rule that if they ask me out...they pay...if I ask them out...I pay." Now that is intersting...So because the guys asks the girl out...it is then his responsiblity to pay for the first/second date. cool right?
As I asked every guy around the pub how many times they have asked a woman out the general response was, "oh I don't know...a lot...been turned down a whole lot more than i've tried too" (don't figure that one out.) the next question was, "well then gentlmen...how many women have actually asked you out?" hahahaha...you can imagine the response..."uhm....I think my tia (aunt) asked me out once for coffee...but she just wanted me to co-sign on a loan for her...." other than one hot guy "because well...he's hott" every other guy said, "yeah it doesn't happen."
when asking the women the same question they all said, "I would NEVER ask a guy out...NEVER!" hahah...
Monday, March 1, 2010
67. "we're going back to the future"
As I was doing my rounds the other day at the antiques store where I work I came upon the idea of time travel.
Now this is not going to be some random collection of sci fi cool, nerdy, sonofasciencebitch conversation but more of our moving forward. This general concept is talked about by a Dr. Clark Moustakas. There is a concept of "body forth" meaning that although your body and energy are here. ya know...here. YOU! RIGHT NOW! you are reading this, you may be sitting down at a computer desk...you may be on your phone...in a coffee shop...you may be grabbing at your junk for all I know...what was my point...oh yes!!
So as you are sitting physicall anywhere in time you may find your mind moving forward towards the things you need to do or have to do...or whatever. Now planning is good...but more importantly when you move your mind forward you end up losing where you are now. For example, you study for a test...study, study, study for instance an anatomy test...as in the course of doing so you may project your mind to the future..."man when i'm done with this test i'm gonna get fucked up!"
we've all done it. all the while though you've been moving your mind out...you are out of the moment. YOu just missed that shirtless girl/guy walking by...you just missed your oppotunity pick up a dollar that was on the floor next to you...you totally just farted without thinking if anyone was around you.
PSYCH!SENSE....I don't know if I created this quote but here it is. Do everything right today and you don't have to worry about. THink about it...if you get a bill in the mail today...and you see the date as not being due for like...3 weeks...if you paid it today you wouldn't have to worry about it tomrrow...that's the beauty of present time and life. Lets say exercise...I know I have to run to stay healthy. Well if today I run...then do the same things...If i do what needs to be done in that day...I don't have to worry about my future. Take care of your business daily and tomorrow takes care of you.
The point? when you move forth in your mind....you lose the excitement that is around you and you lose the excitement of the moment you are done with the test. Because you have already lived and loved the moment in your head...it's not as good.
Ever have those moments when you are about to get into trouble and you make it sooooo horrible and bad in your mind that when you actually get into some trouble you think, "well damn...that was easy...I expected more." Just like when you go to a club...meet a hot, sexy little guy or gal...take them home...take them to bed and suddenly you say (see earlier quote). Sometimes the greatest thing about disneyland is the excitement right before....sit in the moment...experience life without moving forward...it just makes it that much more better.
this is why I never have sex...the mystery of it is way better than the actual act...
trust me...you're not missing much :)
Now this is not going to be some random collection of sci fi cool, nerdy, sonofasciencebitch conversation but more of our moving forward. This general concept is talked about by a Dr. Clark Moustakas. There is a concept of "body forth" meaning that although your body and energy are here. ya know...here. YOU! RIGHT NOW! you are reading this, you may be sitting down at a computer desk...you may be on your phone...in a coffee shop...you may be grabbing at your junk for all I know...what was my point...oh yes!!
So as you are sitting physicall anywhere in time you may find your mind moving forward towards the things you need to do or have to do...or whatever. Now planning is good...but more importantly when you move your mind forward you end up losing where you are now. For example, you study for a test...study, study, study for instance an anatomy test...as in the course of doing so you may project your mind to the future..."man when i'm done with this test i'm gonna get fucked up!"
we've all done it. all the while though you've been moving your mind out...you are out of the moment. YOu just missed that shirtless girl/guy walking by...you just missed your oppotunity pick up a dollar that was on the floor next to you...you totally just farted without thinking if anyone was around you.
PSYCH!SENSE....I don't know if I created this quote but here it is. Do everything right today and you don't have to worry about. THink about it...if you get a bill in the mail today...and you see the date as not being due for like...3 weeks...if you paid it today you wouldn't have to worry about it tomrrow...that's the beauty of present time and life. Lets say exercise...I know I have to run to stay healthy. Well if today I run...then do the same things...If i do what needs to be done in that day...I don't have to worry about my future. Take care of your business daily and tomorrow takes care of you.
The point? when you move forth in your mind....you lose the excitement that is around you and you lose the excitement of the moment you are done with the test. Because you have already lived and loved the moment in your head...it's not as good.
Ever have those moments when you are about to get into trouble and you make it sooooo horrible and bad in your mind that when you actually get into some trouble you think, "well damn...that was easy...I expected more." Just like when you go to a club...meet a hot, sexy little guy or gal...take them home...take them to bed and suddenly you say (see earlier quote). Sometimes the greatest thing about disneyland is the excitement right before....sit in the moment...experience life without moving forward...it just makes it that much more better.
this is why I never have sex...the mystery of it is way better than the actual act...
trust me...you're not missing much :)
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