There I was at the bar having a few cocktails with some friends of mine when we began to ponder the ponderables of life. One of my friends is in her early 20's, another of my buds is..uh...older? in his 40s? and finally the barkeep is in his 30's...I think. This will hopefully give you an idea to that type of opinions from which this stems from.
The question?
is it absolutely necessary for your partner to know all secrets of your life? Now this is interesting as it relates to an earlier blog I wrote about when the question was, "psychological or physical embarrassment which is worse" but this time I wonder if we can relate a person's secrets to being embarrassed.
THe 20 something year old said, "well...whatever I did in the past...I did it...they don't need to know about it..." we asked..well what if they ask you about it? her response was, "well...I won't tell them because it's not me anymore..." (yes yes yes what you did in the past does in a way dictate who you are now...that's a later topic peeps).
But lets consider this...Should we try and let our partner know all about us? what we have done in our past created the person that they love and enjoy now right? so shouldn't they know what we did? or does my other 40 something year old friend have it right when he said, "there is no way...no possible way for someone to know all your secrets..."
my favorite psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung would write, "secrets are what make a person an individual in an ocean of others." I agree with this as well. But lets just think about this...what if we could tell our partners everything about us...EVERYTHING! imagine how hard that would be to hear...but more than that how hard would it be to tell it all. By the way I rubbed up on my cousin when I was 8. But you get the picture right?
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we cannot tell everyone all our secrets because we may not know or remember them all. Consider trauma...many of us push that out of mind and not revisit it...but ultimately it's still there. I suppose the round about answer is taking the time to consider what secrets we have and which are important to hear. I kinda feel that...if we were to tell others all about ourselves we would crash...we would break and cry and scream and yell....we would suffer a psychological melt down. A breakdown of society..a breakdown of life and the implosion of the individual...we would mentally crash from embarassment, shame and guilt...How many of you could do that? damn...
on the other hand...playing the equal side...imagine the freedom you would have. Think about how it would feel to allow yourself to open your mind and psyche to your partner...your loved one. Playing the romantic...I would absolutely feel free and open...relieved...right? to just let it all come out...it's a beautiful thing...be free of the pain of your life and allow it to all air out and truly have someone hold you and say, "i still love you." damn...
let's end this one on a different note...a few things that i've always remembered people tell me about love....
"I knew she was the one for me the day I learned that we liked the same pizza topping."
"...because she knows all my shit...all of my life's fuck ups...the worst things about me...and it's okay."
"true love exists when you care for something more than you care for yourself."
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