"I know I drink. It's really normal for me now. But as I've started to drink more at home and when I'm out with my friends I've slowly began to develop a craving for it. Is that normal? I think I sometimes need it to help ease me down or help me think a bit more clear...that's something I'm not sure everyone experiences right?"
Dear Anonymous...
let me tell you something about "normal". To put it simply...normal is a setting on my dryer.
That's all.
Often times when people ask me, "is this normal? am I normal?" that is their hidden code for "am I okay?"
When they say, "is it normal to fantasize about (blah) (blah)" we need to hear that as, "am I okay to fantasize about (blah) (blah)"
The rule I hold to when talking about addiction/disorder is when something is interrupting with your daily functioning. Now, this "daily functioning" measuring stick can be a friend, family member, support person or just your own gut.
Let's break it down (realistically):
I can understand having a beer to help ease us down a bit. Having 4 or 5 beers to do it....too much
I can understand wanting to feel happy and relaxed. Always having to drink to achieve it...too much
I can understand having a drink at a party with friends. Having a drink and then groping his mother while having his dad watch....too much
I can understand gently grinding on the fine little thang at the club. Not realizing it's a guy dressed as a girl that you went home with that one time and kept the lights off only to realize the mistake the next morning...too much
All jokes aside- I want to applaud you. It takes a lot to actually ask this kind of question openly. Thank you for trusting me with it. The simple fact is that you are askign which means that either your gut or someone in your support network noticed it.
Here's what you do:
Take the time to re-evaluate your behaviors
Learn, learn, learn (read material and information related to alcohol addiction)
Consider going to a group just to get information
visit these sites for any additional help you may feel you need.
www.aa.org
http://alanonla.org/html2/index.html
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
132. Opposites
"So you wrote about opposites in your last blog and how you have to watch for signs. i gues i'm thinking if life is always going to have opposites? like if it will always make you choose between things or if it ever gives you a straight answer- unlike you! lol
Long time reader, first time writter"
Now we're talking reader. Now we're talking!!! What an amazing question... psychological but more philosophical question. Now this will be interesting to write about...why re-invent the wheel. For the answer to this I will turn to Dr. Carl Jung.
In his book, "Man and his Symbols" he writes this:
"The sad truth is that man's real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end."
We all need challenges. You need strife and difficulty to build your own resiliency (the ability to overcome a challenge or stress) and ability to overcome...it is necessary for sound mental health. These characterisitcs are like muscles. You have to work them for them to get stronger...the heavier weight you give yourself, the bigger and stronger the muscle will grow. So bring on the opposities, bring on the challenge- it gives me a chance to grow stronger ;)
Long time reader, first time writter"
Now we're talking reader. Now we're talking!!! What an amazing question... psychological but more philosophical question. Now this will be interesting to write about...why re-invent the wheel. For the answer to this I will turn to Dr. Carl Jung.
In his book, "Man and his Symbols" he writes this:
"The sad truth is that man's real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end."
We all need challenges. You need strife and difficulty to build your own resiliency (the ability to overcome a challenge or stress) and ability to overcome...it is necessary for sound mental health. These characterisitcs are like muscles. You have to work them for them to get stronger...the heavier weight you give yourself, the bigger and stronger the muscle will grow. So bring on the opposities, bring on the challenge- it gives me a chance to grow stronger ;)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
THANKS!
I'd like to first off thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog. Coming up to me...stopping me...calling me....writing me...it truly means so much to me. I am thankful for all of you.
Keep Philosophizing!
Keep Philosophizing!
Friday, October 8, 2010
131. Dis' or Dat'
"This may be abit random PSYCH! but like, y is it that you like always have choices? I can imagine the joke already bout that. As in like I feel like im always stuck between chosing things. Sometimes its good stuff and bad stuff or between two girls or like going to a party or not. Sometimes like right now i guess im writing bout being stuck between two jobs. I dont know which is better. Can you tell me? one has more hours less money but is something im interested in and the other has more money but it kinda sucks. What would you do? something you love for less or something thats just okay for more? :) Jake"
Hi jake!
I totally get what you mean by the holding of opposites! I totally know it....it could be something like trying to figure out if you should hang out with the boys tonight or stay in with the gal...buy the car with better gas mileage or the better looking german one....scratch your butt or pick your nose....stick with missionary position or switch into the full-slammin' pastrami sandwich handglider....the old one dollar bill with two strippers in front of you dilemma......ahhhh...choices.
It so wonderful that you are writing about the very topic that I read about this weekend. No joke. Very very very cool. SO check it out...here is your PSYCH!SENSE words of the day...the "TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION"......now...what the hell is that?
IT IS A VERY DEEP AND UNCONCIOUS DIVISION...but for the sake of simplicity and for readers not to get bored of me...lets describe it like this.
this function is from a doctor named Carl Jung. It is the opposition of two really, really, really strong opposites in the mind...Now...Jung says that in the holding of the tensions...in the holding of two opposites (in this case your two jobs)...in the tension and the tug o'war that is going on...a third "thing" (usually the answer) will always come out. It will point to one side...or often it will provide a new option all together to answer you... THis is the transcendent function. This is your answer.
TRUE STORY!
A long time ago ...I was in Santa Barbara (I live in Los Angeles by the way) talking to some friends and generally shooting the crap...I had began to talk to them about a gal that I knew only in passing in LA and how I knew she was working a "tic tac throw" game that night in LA while I was up in SB....
....eventhough I thought I couldn't get her...no way could I build the courage to talk to her and ask her out when I got back (because if she said no, I thought it would break me)...I was stuck...do I talk to her...or not? In fact, I had been thinking about her so much, without even knowing her...I knew nothing about her....TOTAL STALKERISH STYLE! I KNOW! but I knew that she was everywhere I looked...oh you know..."every song sings of her...every voice is hers...every car passing is probably hers" blah, blah, blah, yeah...I had it bad...
So the choice? Well...like I said I was in Santa Barbara at a bar and grill for lunch when on the television screen, only now do I recall this, what flashed on screen was a ferris wheel. This was my transcendent function...this was my sign, my symbol, my telling me the choice I had to make.......what did I do?
I drove my "transcendent function ass" back down to LA that very minute...
4 hours and 26 minutes later (traffic doesn't stop in LA even when you get a transcendent function...sigh) I was at the carnival to try and hit on the love of my life...I left from Santa Barbara area and drove down to talk to her rehearsing my lines and what I would say to her when I got there........what happened?
....
....
....
....
....
....
My transcendent function ass got a piece of ass....LOL....as I hear some of my readers laughing...not that night mind you...but by holding the two choices (talk to her or not) the answer came to me. I then ran with that answer and started an amazing yet far too short relationship with her.
the old' ace of base song, "I SAW THE SIGN...And it opened up my eyes..." The answer will come...hold the tension...hold the polarities...hold the ends...
also known as: "something's gotta give" hold the two choices...listen to the world...wait for divine intervention...breathe and wait...your answer will come. Have faith that you will know which is better for you.
Hi jake!
I totally get what you mean by the holding of opposites! I totally know it....it could be something like trying to figure out if you should hang out with the boys tonight or stay in with the gal...buy the car with better gas mileage or the better looking german one....scratch your butt or pick your nose....stick with missionary position or switch into the full-slammin' pastrami sandwich handglider....the old one dollar bill with two strippers in front of you dilemma......ahhhh...choices.
It so wonderful that you are writing about the very topic that I read about this weekend. No joke. Very very very cool. SO check it out...here is your PSYCH!SENSE words of the day...the "TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION"......now...what the hell is that?
IT IS A VERY DEEP AND UNCONCIOUS DIVISION...but for the sake of simplicity and for readers not to get bored of me...lets describe it like this.
this function is from a doctor named Carl Jung. It is the opposition of two really, really, really strong opposites in the mind...Now...Jung says that in the holding of the tensions...in the holding of two opposites (in this case your two jobs)...in the tension and the tug o'war that is going on...a third "thing" (usually the answer) will always come out. It will point to one side...or often it will provide a new option all together to answer you... THis is the transcendent function. This is your answer.
TRUE STORY!
A long time ago ...I was in Santa Barbara (I live in Los Angeles by the way) talking to some friends and generally shooting the crap...I had began to talk to them about a gal that I knew only in passing in LA and how I knew she was working a "tic tac throw" game that night in LA while I was up in SB....
....eventhough I thought I couldn't get her...no way could I build the courage to talk to her and ask her out when I got back (because if she said no, I thought it would break me)...I was stuck...do I talk to her...or not? In fact, I had been thinking about her so much, without even knowing her...I knew nothing about her....TOTAL STALKERISH STYLE! I KNOW! but I knew that she was everywhere I looked...oh you know..."every song sings of her...every voice is hers...every car passing is probably hers" blah, blah, blah, yeah...I had it bad...
So the choice? Well...like I said I was in Santa Barbara at a bar and grill for lunch when on the television screen, only now do I recall this, what flashed on screen was a ferris wheel. This was my transcendent function...this was my sign, my symbol, my telling me the choice I had to make.......what did I do?
I drove my "transcendent function ass" back down to LA that very minute...
4 hours and 26 minutes later (traffic doesn't stop in LA even when you get a transcendent function...sigh) I was at the carnival to try and hit on the love of my life...I left from Santa Barbara area and drove down to talk to her rehearsing my lines and what I would say to her when I got there........what happened?
....
....
....
....
....
....
My transcendent function ass got a piece of ass....LOL....as I hear some of my readers laughing...not that night mind you...but by holding the two choices (talk to her or not) the answer came to me. I then ran with that answer and started an amazing yet far too short relationship with her.
the old' ace of base song, "I SAW THE SIGN...And it opened up my eyes..." The answer will come...hold the tension...hold the polarities...hold the ends...
also known as: "something's gotta give" hold the two choices...listen to the world...wait for divine intervention...breathe and wait...your answer will come. Have faith that you will know which is better for you.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Poem
Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all die. So do we.
And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.
Think what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
~ Robert Fulghum ~
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all die. So do we.
And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.
Think what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
~ Robert Fulghum ~
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