133. Hidden Code

"I know I drink. It's really normal for me now. But as I've started to drink more at home and when I'm out with my friends I've slowly began to develop a craving for it. Is that normal? I think I sometimes need it to help ease me down or help me think a bit more clear...that's something I'm not sure everyone experiences right?"

Dear Anonymous...

let me tell you something about "normal". To put it simply...normal is a setting on my dryer.

That's all.

Often times when people ask me, "is this normal? am I normal?" that is their hidden code for "am I okay?"

When they say, "is it normal to fantasize about (blah) (blah)" we need to hear that as, "am I okay to fantasize about (blah) (blah)"

The rule I hold to when talking about addiction/disorder is when something is interrupting with your daily functioning. Now, this "daily functioning" measuring stick can be a friend, family member, support person or just your own gut.

Let's break it down (realistically):

I can understand having a beer to help ease us down a bit. Having 4 or 5 beers to do it....too much

I can understand wanting to feel happy and relaxed. Always having to drink to achieve it...too much

I can understand having a drink at a party with friends. Having a drink and then groping his mother while having his dad watch....too much

I can understand gently grinding on the fine little thang at the club. Not realizing it's a guy dressed as a girl that you went home with that one time and kept the lights off only to realize the mistake the next morning...too much

All jokes aside- I want to applaud you. It takes a lot to actually ask this kind of question openly. Thank you for trusting me with it. The simple fact is that you are askign which means that either your gut or someone in your support network noticed it.

Here's what you do:

Take the time to re-evaluate your behaviors
Learn, learn, learn (read material and information related to alcohol addiction)
Consider going to a group just to get information


visit these sites for any additional help you may feel you need.

www.aa.org
http://alanonla.org/html2/index.html