130. Swingin' My Stick

"Do guys have to settle down? Why can't they simply live free and frollic?

can i man wonder the rest of his life and just having girlfriends? Does a man always have to settle down...i feel like im not meant for marriage...just random girlfriends or random sex"


Often times when people ask me questions in generalities I like to challenge them to make it personal. The real question then becomes:

"Do I have to settle down? Why can't I simply live free and frollic?" notice how in his question he actually wrote, "can i man wonder the..." he was already asking from his perspective...the ol' freudian slip...anyways...

Notice how this simple change will almost create a different feeling and one that is a bit more "in your face" with an answer. This is important for everyone. Our ability to take something, make it personal, chew on it and mold it into something new and different. With that said...

I once wrote about the idea about "levels of men". First off, there is nothing wrong with wanting to live free and frollic. Remember...nothing you feel or experience is bad....only what you do with it...and how it affects others.

No, you do not have to settle down. This is your journey. I will speak from my own experience. I wrote about "levels of men" before and the idea that we must be willing to look at ourselves and decide the "level of man" you want to be.

For example, What Tiger Woods did "on the animal man scope" is not wrong. He was being the animal man. He is doing what evolution has taught him to do...screw, screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.

So if that's the animal man...what's the other type? (I'M GLAD I ASKED MYSELF)

There are the spiritual men and the animal men. You can see the difference here. The animal will do what he feels and play and frollic...the spiritual man will instead rise above his instinct and be a different level of man. Granted, many of our women want us to ravage them and tear into them...they want to feel the animal man...but often times it takes the spiritual man to get them to that point.

The spiritual man will invest in something more than physical lust and drive...he will make his body and cravings his slave and resist the urge to break the bond that he has developed with the woman of his life...it is about investment and restraint

The animal man is about living through natural drives and pushes. The one that punches first and asks later...the gun tottin, heavy bearded, strong handed man who gives no care to others than his own drives and desires.

The spiritual man is different. He is the balance of animal and spirit. He is the one that strives for more of a connection, more of a hold with someone. He will pop you in the face and kick you in the groin if you mess with him or his family. He will kiss you lightly in them morning and have you screamin' in the evening ;)

The spiritual male is the one that suffers through the pain of controlling his urges...he does not easily give into cravings...he lets them pain him knowing that what he gets in return is true spirituality, self control and love...control your urges...do not be enslaved by them...He is a different level of man. A different level of person. The balance between animal and spirit.

This is the balance though, you must be willing to balance out your spiritual man and animal man. Live the spiritual life, and when you are with your love...."tear into that pootang!!!" Be the animal. This is the balance. If you do not find balance for your animal he will break loose on the first piece of jungle-swingin'-booty-tang that walks by.

Control your animal...ravage your woman...love hard...live the soulful existence...bare the pain...feel the sweet suffering...

and until you find the woman of your life...screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.

129. Don't take it personally...no wait...do!

"I read through your writing and it sometimes seems very deep and open but at other times very dry, course and often out in left field. You always refer to being single, sex, and pole dancing. I guess I'm just wondering how you are as a person

Just a passerby"

What an amazing question? heheh...I love how very open and straight you were. I truly feel like you totally hit me on the head...me being a nail...or perhaps a different head :) oh and yes...I do refer to sex a lot! Let me open by saying this.

I love life.

Now don't get me wrong...loving life doesn't mean I am always happy, optimistic and open...instead I simply live my emotions. I think about what i'm feeling throughout the day and truly consider my feelings and how my actions affect others. I take things at face value but also consider the underlying foundation and meaning. We must be willing to take what the world/soul/others/etc give to us and what it is doing for us.

I turn events into experiences, I personalize the world around me...I look for the flying bird at my window...I notice the guy picking his nose in the car next to me...I stare at the hot coffee shop patrons...not because I'm trying to get some (not all the time anyways)...but because I'm trying to feel out the world as it presents things to me. I don't blow up the world with my feelings or express them on open forums (facebook crap)...but instead work through, self talk and find the meaning in things.

This is why I find myself more happier than not. Why i'm smiling and touching the voice of the world in ways that many don't care to. In my work with patients I help them get through their COWs (crisis of the week) but also, I like to focus on the bigger picture and message in life. I like to help people see the world as a place open to experience, free from too much judgment and that is filled with laughter and smiles- it exists...let yourself see it.

When was the last time someone made you smile? truly, truly made you laugh until your stomach hurt? or even reminded you that there are really good people out there? I like to try and fill that role...I like meeting, talking and associating with others that feel the same and believe that sex jokes, laughing at ourselves, stumbling on untied shoe strings, falling off of bikes and picking your nose daily will lead to that happier world.

So laugh it off...play it off...accept the criticism...piss on a bush...lick a toad...pick your nose...make sex jokes...wear something smelly...pick on your friends...fall off a bike...give money to the homeless...work lively...find meaning in a glue stick...look at the sprinklers giving life to grass...taste something slow...look for understanding in all things...pole dance in a library...don't interpret...do and do not assume...wrestle in chocolate pudding and licorice g-strings....and screw, screw, screw, screw (with the love of your life)!



"In order to love everything, in order to pity everything, human and extra-human, living and non-living, you must feel everything within yourself, you must personalize everything. For everything that it loves, everything that it pities, love personalizes...we only love- that which is like ourselves...it is love itself...that reveals these resemblances to us...Love personalizes all that it loves. Only by personalizing it can we fall in love with an idea." -Miguel de Unamuno

"Loving is a way of knowing, and for loving to know, it must personify. Personifying is thus a way of knowing, especially knowing what is invisible, hidden in the heart." -Hillman

128. I don't exist

"Dear Sexy Blogger man,
Let me first start by saying how sexy you are :) I love how you write and can feel how much you really care about others. Here's what's going on in my life. I've been dating the same guy for about 2 months. It's going really, really good. My only problem is that he is always on his phone when were together. I spoke to myself about what you may say and first approached him about it and spoke to him. His response was, 'well I'm still with you' I kinda accepted that because he is. I just don't feel like it's right. I feel almost annoyed and frustrated because I don't have his full attention, am I just being sensitive? What is going on with me?

-Charles"

....ya know charles...sigh...when you opened up with "how sexy you are" I could feel myself start to smile because I thought, "bam!!! the whole point of this blog was to meet sexy, smart women..." then I read you had a boyfriend and I sank a bit...then I read your name was Charles....DAMMIT! Not that you were hitting on me...but I realized right there...I send off a gay vibe. Dammit. Not that it matters...other then me not being gay....lets move on

I have to admit, I am in this same boat with you. I used to be the one on the phone trying to work, read emails, reply to others...etc...sigh. It was horrible because often times I was with friends that found it rude.

PSYCH!SENSE question: is it rude to be playing on your phone when you're with company

I will start with this. Yes and No. I say yes because often times our physical presence isn't enough for two people to be with one another. Imagine you and your girl (or guy in this case) are going at it...BAM BAM BAM then you ask, "are you liking it?" and she says, "oh yeah I am...do you think I should take a salsa classes?"

See it? random! She is not in the moment...she may be physically with you but not completely with you. You are right to feel annoyed and frustrated because he should be giving you the time you deserve. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that when someone is playing on their phone...they would rather be doing "that" than being with you. Can you hear the argument??? "but I'm with him/her...so I'm doing both...what's the big deal?" Remember mr. miyagi from the original karate kid? he said,

"Daniel san, street...walk left side road- safe....walk right side road- safe....walk middle sooner or later - *SQUEEEK just like grape" If you do something, do it with your whole heart...do it full souled do it and experience it with your all. Trying to spread yourself across the world and conversations will stretch you out making you weaker and not completely present for anyone. If someone is willing to sit with you and give you their whole and all attention...give it back. They deserve it.

I would tell him again how frustrated you are and if he needs to check his phone let him know that he can check it once every hour or so just quickly ...but that's it. No full on chatting, no messaging or writing emails...

You may be sensitive....but so what? The only real thing in life is how we feel...what we experience from an individual perspective.

127. THAT's what you think of me?!?!?!

This topic was presented to me by GetOutTm (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Get-Out-TM/233690253864)

but to be honest it was reinforced by my general streak lately...although let's be honest...we've all been there before.

Now...

There is a time when your friends/neighbors/porn store operator tell you, "hey...I know someone perfect for you!!!"

what happens next? well they talk all about the other person (but let's be honest for the most part we just want to know how they look)...anyways...they start telling you..."yeah man...she's....(fill in the blank)" often times they totally hype her up.

So you go on the date and when you go you see them and right there...right in that moment you realize what?

You realize what your friends opinion of you is. HAAHHAHAAH.....

lets say you see the blind date and they are just a freakin FUGLY mix of crap, whip cream and crap cream sauce.

The first thought in your head? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?"

now every so often you get the friend that hooks you up with someone just absolutely outside your league and world...you see them and know..."OH DAMN...this isn't going to work..but at least for one night I got something hot to look at"

and what is that date thinking? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?!"

PSYCH!SENSE says that often times our friends are truly a great way to measure not only how they feel about you...but often times, how they see you matching with others. "HUH?" what I mean is that we must consider that our friends match us many times based off of what they feel is the image that we give to them. So blame them? yes a bit...but blame yourself? OH HELL YEAH. Next time you start to go off on the friend...truly think about the type of image and person you have put into their head in the first place :)

you get the point right...it's a funny blog about the best way to find your friend's opinion of you. Now go forth readers! share your opinions of one another!

126. I was alive before?

Let's say you have identical twins separated at birth.

One of them lives with an ultra safe and very proper family who demands perfection and their child to be a priest...because of this he then grows up to be a stripper. When I say stripper...I mean one of those nipple tassle, beaded hair glittery type o' strippers.

The other twin grows up in a home where his family were absolute hippies...pot smoking, meth dealing, artsy type o' peeps that believed in orgies, pig parties and swashlers (made up those last two). anyways...this twin then grows up to also be a stripper.

what happened?!?!?

They grew up in different households but ended up having the same dang job! (by the way i'm totally jealous of their ability to wear nipple tassles....don't ask)...anyways...psychology calls this: "COMPENSATION THEORY"

all together now.....YAY!!! a word with more than 3 syllables in it...

PSYCH!SENSE tells us that compensation theory is the meat of the psychological world. Meaning that our parents and upbringing ultimately create the person that we are today. If i'm from ultra super conservative family, I may rebel and say, "screw you! I want to lap dance for a living." on the other side, if i'm from a laid back, chilled out type of family I may grow up saying, "man...I want my life to always be like this...I want to collect dollar bills and make change when I grow up"

PSYCH! kinda finds this sad. Why?!?! because you can then say, I have created a complete understanding of how we are as adults with the compensation theory. You rebel or comply with the family. we are always under control from them!?!?!

So what am I saying?...I'm saying consider one more option. what if you chose your family before you were born? what if your soul/god/spirit/daimon chose who you were to be and the parents you were to have before you were born? What if you purposely chose your life path before the 8 million spermy guys were sent on their race where only 1 would win?

"WAIT?!?!? you're saying that I chose the life I had? crappy or happy? I picked it for myself?"

I am saying...maybe...yes. Your soul/spirit/god/daimon chose your parents and life for you in order for you to find your calling that it was meant to fulfill. Ever hear someone say, "you're an old soul" or perhaps even, "you seem so much older than I thought" or even little children that seem sooooo freakin' brilliant that you have to question, "where the hell did you learn that kid? how did you know that?" perhaps it came from an earlier life...their life before...their spirit remembered that.

In a way, your fmaily didn't have you...You had your family. You chose the circumstances that you were meant to rise up to and meet....take your life experiences are you soul's way of jumping hurdles...of overcoming/meeting what you were always meant to do. hell...you picked it.

or...you can always just become to nipple tassler...geez what is it with me and tassles this morning...

125. "It wasn't me...it was my ego"

I have been missing...my bad! but look for Psychobabbles on amazon soon! wow...can you believe it? one of my readers wants to publish all this made up crap? wow...

anyways...here we are.

"Dear psyche! my partner always tells me that I will remember all the bad things she does but that I never, EVER remember the sweet things she does. I try to talk to her about it but for some reason she doesn't think I love her enough to notice the small things. The fact is that I do remember the good things she does and tell her but I think she's just remembering the bad for some reason. HELP!

-Anne"

Hi there anne, this is an interesting thing right here. The truth is that we often tend to remember that bad things because usually those are the things that hurt us. Why? ...a whole mess of reasons why.

One of the biggest ones is that we are always "in control" meaning...our Ego (which is the guy in charge of our psychological balance) is always controlling stuff.

"I'm the hottest gal around" -ego
"I can get a hotter chick than him" -ego
"I'm the most awesomest person ever" -PSYCH! (kidding)

Soooo...when we are insulted it is because our ego was thrown off balance. Something messed it up..something threw it a curve ball. When we are insulted it sticks to us because it forces the ego to consider what was said to be true:

a girl tells me, "hey, your clothes smell weird" even if they do not, my ego is thinking, "oh damn...I thought I was in control... and knew that my clothes were clean"

This is why we will remember those "attacks" more than the compliments. Are you the type that doesn't take compliments well??? It may be because you don't believe the other person! You don't believe them because if the ego didn't create it ...it doesn't exist. Funky ey?

Make sense?

an insult from another ? - Ego loses control making it feel attacked by the other
a compliment from another? - Ego says, "it can't be true...because I didn't create it myself"

So when your partner is saying you don't notice the good things...consider how much of that is true...and consider if she/you are not letting your egos run in charge