"How many party invites did you get for this saturday night? 1? 2? 3? well if you're like me...15. But if you're a normal person that has a typical size schlong or cleavage you may have gotten 2 or 3. "
PSYCH!SENSE question: If you get multiple invites for the same night..do you stay with one or try and make all three?
This topic was introduced to me by Mike K. Brilliant therapist and overall sexy guy...keep your pants on gentlemen he's straight...and married. There I go again with the gay jokes...seriously...wtf.
Ever have one of those weekends where you're supposed to be at your friends wedding shower...your boy's birthday party...your nephew's baptismo...and your buddies housewarming party on the same night?
Even some of us not so popular guys (pointing at me) have gotten into a time when we have to make decisions on which to go to.
Do you try to stuff them all? do you just go to one of them? usually the one that first invited...or the one that has the most available single attractive potentials.
This is where the line, "trying to fit 5 pounds of shit into a 3 pound bag comes in." There are many that feel so entitled and sexy that they try and go to all 4 events in that same night. What does that mean? that means they end up going to their friend's dinner party early...leaving 1 hour later..then going to their friends stuffed animal dress up party...then ending the night at a random club (when everyone is already trashed and could care lesss you showed up at that time) only to go home with...oh yes...the drunk girl...that i'm pretty sure was a guy because of how deep her voice was...and the fact that she was "bigger" than me...and smelled of musk.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that perhaps we have trouble saying no? perhaps the prospect of being seen...and having people like us by going to their invites is too much. Many people would try and go to all three because of their feeling that "if I don't go- he'll never invite me again" or even, "I have to go because if I do i'll feel popular."
Because sometimes our horrible self-esteem gets to us...we feel the need to go to all the events in the hope that we can convince ourselves of our feelings wanted, needed and appreciated.
Example!
Think about facebook...many of us will post things up on that monster...almost waiting for people to post a reply...hit the like key...or do something that recognizes what we did. It feels good.
It is because in that moment...when people do something in response..we feel noticed...appreciated...cared for. What does that tell you? the more people post...the more likely they want to feel noticed. But that's a different topic.
If I went to the gym and worked on my quads, glutes, shoulders and chest...I would probably have enough energy and drive to really work on my quads and glutes effectively and well. I can put my attention and love and concentration into those muscles...but if I try and stuff two more muscle groups in there...I may do it half ass and without drive. I'm doing it half ass.
we see the connection right? you must be willing to put your love and attention into invites and who you give your time to. We sometimes do things just because we're asked...when in fact we must be willing to look back at ourselves and consider the value of our time and the type of event or party we want to spend our time on.
If invited to my friends birthday and to my friend's neighbor's cousin's house party...why try and go to both? I instead value my friend more and would want to put my love, time and attention into creating the stronger relationship...and celebrating the day he came into existence.
Not only do I show my boy that I value him...I also value myself.
If I go to my friends dinner party 2 hours late because I was at another party beforehand..what does that tell him? that tells him..."you are not important enough for me to show up on time" and secretly our unconscious mind may also be saying..."I am so popular that I had to make an appearance at this other party...you're lucky I even showed up." Get over yourself people.
If they invite you and you say "yes"...they aren't lucky you showed up...you're lucky you were even thought of and invited.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
105. Eat Me ....part Deux
PSYCH!SENSE question: When the person you are eating with eats faster than you, do you speed up to keep up with them...or slow down to have them notice.
Ever go out on a date where s/he just eats like..super duper fast? Like you're talking and suddenly you look at their food and bam...it's almost gone. WTF?
Or maybe you go out on a date and are so busy trying to perk yourself up...you talk a lot...you talk big...you make yourself known to them...but while they are listening..they are busy eating as well...what happens? the more you talk the more food they eat while listening...
Now sure..maybe they're hungry...maybe they had been waiting and their stomach was growling and so they begin to scarf it down...or maybe...just maybe...their food was priority over your company.
what do you do? do you speed up? do you playfully tell them "wow...I gotta keep up with you!"
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that those who eat incredibly fast may not care about your company at the time. It is not a priority...they do not notice the relationship and time spent together but are instead focused on self satisfaction and self fulfillment.
The thing is that many times they may not even notice they do it...perhaps they have always been used to eating fast and so others have always just ate faster to keep up with them...they enabled them (allowed it to happen despite their own feelings or behavior).
PSYCH!SENSE also tells me, that if we are the type to actually speed up to match them are we doing it because that is who we are...we do things to make others happy...we are doing it because we are trying to accommodate to them! are we used to trying to make others happy at the cost of our own normal behavior and actions!!
geez...how many of us are guilty of that one? doing things to make someone else happy?...eek...at some point we all have right...like that one time I touched that little kid at Chuck e cheese...wait..what?
Remember it's okay to give to others...and be accommodating...and to do things for others that make them happy....or enable them...but you must be willing to find the balance between your own comfort and happiness and their comfort and happiness...next time s/he is eating fast...try and point it out comfortably, if it bothers you, so that you two can find the balance...
like I said before, maybe they don't even know they are eating fast. Do you have the balls (or ovaries) to call them on their crap every so often for your own sake of personality and habit?
Also...next time you eat with someone...try and notice how you eat in comparison to them...do you two match without thought...are you eating faster...do you find yourself wanting to eat faster but held back by the amount of food on their plate...do you speed up or slow down?
Ever go out on a date where s/he just eats like..super duper fast? Like you're talking and suddenly you look at their food and bam...it's almost gone. WTF?
Or maybe you go out on a date and are so busy trying to perk yourself up...you talk a lot...you talk big...you make yourself known to them...but while they are listening..they are busy eating as well...what happens? the more you talk the more food they eat while listening...
Now sure..maybe they're hungry...maybe they had been waiting and their stomach was growling and so they begin to scarf it down...or maybe...just maybe...their food was priority over your company.
what do you do? do you speed up? do you playfully tell them "wow...I gotta keep up with you!"
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that those who eat incredibly fast may not care about your company at the time. It is not a priority...they do not notice the relationship and time spent together but are instead focused on self satisfaction and self fulfillment.
The thing is that many times they may not even notice they do it...perhaps they have always been used to eating fast and so others have always just ate faster to keep up with them...they enabled them (allowed it to happen despite their own feelings or behavior).
PSYCH!SENSE also tells me, that if we are the type to actually speed up to match them are we doing it because that is who we are...we do things to make others happy...we are doing it because we are trying to accommodate to them! are we used to trying to make others happy at the cost of our own normal behavior and actions!!
geez...how many of us are guilty of that one? doing things to make someone else happy?...eek...at some point we all have right...like that one time I touched that little kid at Chuck e cheese...wait..what?
Remember it's okay to give to others...and be accommodating...and to do things for others that make them happy....or enable them...but you must be willing to find the balance between your own comfort and happiness and their comfort and happiness...next time s/he is eating fast...try and point it out comfortably, if it bothers you, so that you two can find the balance...
like I said before, maybe they don't even know they are eating fast. Do you have the balls (or ovaries) to call them on their crap every so often for your own sake of personality and habit?
Also...next time you eat with someone...try and notice how you eat in comparison to them...do you two match without thought...are you eating faster...do you find yourself wanting to eat faster but held back by the amount of food on their plate...do you speed up or slow down?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
104. Eat Me
let's get right to it!!!
you'll note I did two today...why? because I can...plus...seriously I have soo many freakin things to put up...but hey i'm not complaining...I LOVE IT!!!!
you philosophers keep me going!!
PSYCH!SENSE question: How do you eat? or maybe...does eating represent the way that you are?
lets jive about this one...
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that often times their habits of eating have been ingrained by some outside force...if they were in the military..we could tell you, "you eat fast..or you don't eat" if they enjoy meals like sex...then damn..they are going slow...tasting every bit of texture and flavor searching for the perfect bite...hahah...or they may eat in portions...all the veggies first...then the side...then the main thing. Some eat just to eat...it's not anything special it's about getting it down...then you have the others are just eat fast because they don't want it to get cold....
Lets consider military bubbas..back in the marine corp we had something called the MRE (meal ready to eat) it was a vacuum sealed meal with carbs, protein, and dense dense crap that keeps us going. In fact, many times we would get all the meal (meatloaf, potatoes, jalapeno cheese, strawberry poundcake) and put it into a bag, break it all up, put a hole at the bottom, hang it from our shoulder and eat while making our patrol for sustained energy...imagine tasting the combination of Jalapeno cheese and strawberry pound cake at once...oh boy...but see in this situation our personality was based on getting the job done...so food was treated in the same way..."it gives me energy...it gets the job done."
Then you have the food experts that will take a bit of the food...roll it around in their mouth...extract the flavor from the tip of their tongue to the back of their mouth (giggidy) just to try and find the various tastes. Would we say that their life is all about tasting the subtle things? would we expect them to point out small obsessive compulsive things? they would also search for the perfect bite...the ones that will take a bit of the potato on the fork, put a bit of the gravy on it, pick up just a bit of the meat and eat it looking for the perfect combination.
Ever know a portion eater? what's up with that? they eat all the potatoes first, then all the seasoned veggies, then the steak. They eat things in order and some go as far as not even liking it when the food touch one another!
What about those that take yyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrssssss to eat. They will get the food and let it sit there...they eat one bite every 10 minutes...then an hour passes and they are barely half was through. What does this tell us about their daily life?
How do you eat? philosophize on it...are you a portion eater? are you the speedy gonzalez? is eating a mission for you? is eating simply a way to get energy? does it take you yeeeeeaaarrrsss to eat?
If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll find that I enjoy finding the little things we do as expressive of the whole.
extra credit question:
hmmm...now here's a big question for the bold and gutsy readers...is the way you eat...representative of the way you have sex?
do you just get it done? just bam bam bam..ahhhh..
portion it? let me start here...work my way down...then back up ...then back down...
years? it's about 6 pm right now...don't make plans for the next 12 hours (seriously ...who actually does that)
EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA CREDIT!!!
for one week. Just one week people...just one week!!
I challenge you to pick one way to eat and consciously try to do it. If you're the type that always finishes before the other person..then for one week I challenge you to taste every bite and slowly devour your food...if you are not a portion eater...then I challenge you to eat one thing at a time for one week...by having yourself try and do something different it's breaks you out of habit but may help to challenge your own sense of how you see/do things away from eating. like sex...for one challenge challenge yourself to go at it one portion at a time as oppose to "let's just get it done" please comment on anything you noticed in your personal challenges...may be interesting to read.
you'll note I did two today...why? because I can...plus...seriously I have soo many freakin things to put up...but hey i'm not complaining...I LOVE IT!!!!
you philosophers keep me going!!
PSYCH!SENSE question: How do you eat? or maybe...does eating represent the way that you are?
lets jive about this one...
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that often times their habits of eating have been ingrained by some outside force...if they were in the military..we could tell you, "you eat fast..or you don't eat" if they enjoy meals like sex...then damn..they are going slow...tasting every bit of texture and flavor searching for the perfect bite...hahah...or they may eat in portions...all the veggies first...then the side...then the main thing. Some eat just to eat...it's not anything special it's about getting it down...then you have the others are just eat fast because they don't want it to get cold....
Lets consider military bubbas..back in the marine corp we had something called the MRE (meal ready to eat) it was a vacuum sealed meal with carbs, protein, and dense dense crap that keeps us going. In fact, many times we would get all the meal (meatloaf, potatoes, jalapeno cheese, strawberry poundcake) and put it into a bag, break it all up, put a hole at the bottom, hang it from our shoulder and eat while making our patrol for sustained energy...imagine tasting the combination of Jalapeno cheese and strawberry pound cake at once...oh boy...but see in this situation our personality was based on getting the job done...so food was treated in the same way..."it gives me energy...it gets the job done."
Then you have the food experts that will take a bit of the food...roll it around in their mouth...extract the flavor from the tip of their tongue to the back of their mouth (giggidy) just to try and find the various tastes. Would we say that their life is all about tasting the subtle things? would we expect them to point out small obsessive compulsive things? they would also search for the perfect bite...the ones that will take a bit of the potato on the fork, put a bit of the gravy on it, pick up just a bit of the meat and eat it looking for the perfect combination.
Ever know a portion eater? what's up with that? they eat all the potatoes first, then all the seasoned veggies, then the steak. They eat things in order and some go as far as not even liking it when the food touch one another!
What about those that take yyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrssssss to eat. They will get the food and let it sit there...they eat one bite every 10 minutes...then an hour passes and they are barely half was through. What does this tell us about their daily life?
How do you eat? philosophize on it...are you a portion eater? are you the speedy gonzalez? is eating a mission for you? is eating simply a way to get energy? does it take you yeeeeeaaarrrsss to eat?
If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll find that I enjoy finding the little things we do as expressive of the whole.
extra credit question:
hmmm...now here's a big question for the bold and gutsy readers...is the way you eat...representative of the way you have sex?
do you just get it done? just bam bam bam..ahhhh..
portion it? let me start here...work my way down...then back up ...then back down...
years? it's about 6 pm right now...don't make plans for the next 12 hours (seriously ...who actually does that)
EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA CREDIT!!!
for one week. Just one week people...just one week!!
I challenge you to pick one way to eat and consciously try to do it. If you're the type that always finishes before the other person..then for one week I challenge you to taste every bite and slowly devour your food...if you are not a portion eater...then I challenge you to eat one thing at a time for one week...by having yourself try and do something different it's breaks you out of habit but may help to challenge your own sense of how you see/do things away from eating. like sex...for one challenge challenge yourself to go at it one portion at a time as oppose to "let's just get it done" please comment on anything you noticed in your personal challenges...may be interesting to read.
103. What Do You Ask Of Me?
hey man i got something for your blog. I was trying to send it to you through there but i could not figure it out... You ever notice that people take certain ROLES in relationships. Like in my relationship with my wife (even though we split a lot of stuff) i take more of the head of household role. I pay most of the bills and food and stuff. But in my previous relationship i was more of a "follower" (even though im nothing like that). Also i have a friend that is very motivated but ever since he got in his relationship it seems that he cant do anything unless his girl tells him to do it. I mean he was never like that before and ive seen him in other relatioships. It seems to me that people take roles depending on the relationship they are in. Im just wondering "why?.... why do we change who we are depending on who we are with?" I dont know maybe you can put something like that up and somebody has some answers.....
If you guys read an earlier blog of mine entitled, "Brilliant Kids" Number 46.
One of the things the little guy tells me is: "Hey..uhm...why is it that my daddy likes to be treated like a baby by my mommy? ...so you're saying that when I get bigger i'll want to be treated like a baby again?...that's dumb"
I would also refer to "Fill you jugs" for some more ideas along with the blog "I/you/we/need"
....................
I start this blog with a question: What is the role we play asking of us?
In any relationship...friends, co-workers, prostitutes, family, we are expected to fill certain roles with them in order to balance the relationship. Think of it this way...you are on a teeter-toter...you know...that little balancing thing at the park...god I hated those things...being the fat kid..it would take like 2 or 3 kids to lift the other side...haha..I would have to jump a bit to make it go up...and of course i'd be like, "see we're the same weight.." but it's okay..I got back at them...oh yes...I got back at them...hannibal style...
A good "philosopher phriend" of mine nicknamed Mr. Roy makes an very interesting point, he says, "I honestly believe its because we always act a certain way around people. And often times, its because they expect us to act a certain way. I catch myself doing this too."
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that in all relationships we do something called Accomodation. THis is when you are with someone and you do what you must to have that connection and relationship with someone- This can be used good and bad...
Good- Seeing the hot asian chick at the boba place and agreeing/kissing her ass in anyway possible to get a number...she says, "I like pokemon" and suddenly in response we're like, "PIKACHU GO!"
Bad- sadly...domestic abuse that happens at home...many will just go with it and excuse it because "they love me...and he provides for me"
Because we want it to work out in our relationships we fill the complementary role (the role that meets the other person where they are) So it sounds like you are the "man" of the house because your wife compliments you in a different way. Your boy may be filling the role that his girl expects/needs for him to fill in order for the relationship to work.
At the same time we also know what role we are expected to take at certain times. For instance Mr. Roy makes a point when he says, "when i'm at work...I am professional and show it...when I'm with my nieces...I don't break out my cock and show it to them"
A few things to keep in mind: what is the role i'm in...what is the role asking from me...how does my partner fill her role and what it asks of her.
What you are doing...and what he is doing are not bad. In fact, it's wonderful that both of you are able to acknowledge your different roles...your different expectations and fill them...but keep in mind...at what point does it become unbalanced? not trying to stir the water...but if you are filling your role and expectations...are they filling their role and complimenting side.
are you guys balancing on the teeter-toter?
find your balance.
If you guys read an earlier blog of mine entitled, "Brilliant Kids" Number 46.
One of the things the little guy tells me is: "Hey..uhm...why is it that my daddy likes to be treated like a baby by my mommy? ...so you're saying that when I get bigger i'll want to be treated like a baby again?...that's dumb"
I would also refer to "Fill you jugs" for some more ideas along with the blog "I/you/we/need"
....................
I start this blog with a question: What is the role we play asking of us?
In any relationship...friends, co-workers, prostitutes, family, we are expected to fill certain roles with them in order to balance the relationship. Think of it this way...you are on a teeter-toter...you know...that little balancing thing at the park...god I hated those things...being the fat kid..it would take like 2 or 3 kids to lift the other side...haha..I would have to jump a bit to make it go up...and of course i'd be like, "see we're the same weight.." but it's okay..I got back at them...oh yes...I got back at them...hannibal style...
A good "philosopher phriend" of mine nicknamed Mr. Roy makes an very interesting point, he says, "I honestly believe its because we always act a certain way around people. And often times, its because they expect us to act a certain way. I catch myself doing this too."
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that in all relationships we do something called Accomodation. THis is when you are with someone and you do what you must to have that connection and relationship with someone- This can be used good and bad...
Good- Seeing the hot asian chick at the boba place and agreeing/kissing her ass in anyway possible to get a number...she says, "I like pokemon" and suddenly in response we're like, "PIKACHU GO!"
Bad- sadly...domestic abuse that happens at home...many will just go with it and excuse it because "they love me...and he provides for me"
Because we want it to work out in our relationships we fill the complementary role (the role that meets the other person where they are) So it sounds like you are the "man" of the house because your wife compliments you in a different way. Your boy may be filling the role that his girl expects/needs for him to fill in order for the relationship to work.
At the same time we also know what role we are expected to take at certain times. For instance Mr. Roy makes a point when he says, "when i'm at work...I am professional and show it...when I'm with my nieces...I don't break out my cock and show it to them"
A few things to keep in mind: what is the role i'm in...what is the role asking from me...how does my partner fill her role and what it asks of her.
What you are doing...and what he is doing are not bad. In fact, it's wonderful that both of you are able to acknowledge your different roles...your different expectations and fill them...but keep in mind...at what point does it become unbalanced? not trying to stir the water...but if you are filling your role and expectations...are they filling their role and complimenting side.
are you guys balancing on the teeter-toter?
find your balance.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
102. Birthday Girl Complex
well....hello all my wonderful readers...if I have any left....I realize I have taken a hiatus for quite a couple weeks..but man...I have been busy like no other!!!! Seriously..think I need a vacation...
This blog topic was given to me by a wonderful colleague/friend/cool guy named Mike K. We met up for breakfast at a local mom and pop shop with the best blueberry pancakes in pasadena. I had arrived at about 7:45 and began to have a cup of coffee and wait...at about 8 o clock I see him walk out to the front and say, "hey...i've been here for about 15 minutes...I had no idea you were inside!"
PSYCH!SENSE question: Are you 15 minutes early or 15 minutes late?
Now let's build into this one...for now let's take out of the equation some wo/men that take like take 2 hours to get ready...geez..really? two hours...what the hell takes so long anyways but thats a different blog topic ...Im worried about writing that one out of fear of not having any dates...hmm..not like i'm getting much action there anyways..
So anyways...what does your show up time say about you? You guys ever hear that stupid song lyics, "the party don't start....till I walk in"
Explained by Mike, PSYCH!SENSE tells me that those who are "fashionably late" may have an interesting control issue. I would go to say that those who are "fashionably late" tend to be those that have some sort of attention deficiency. Now that's crazy...
True Story: I once was invited to a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant in Downtown LA. The invite said, 5:30. I figure, "hey I should go early...get parking...there's traffic blah blah blah..." SO I get there about 5:15. I walk in and yep..there was no one there. SO I decided..."well I don't want to be the loser sitting there waiting...i'm gonna go to the bar..have a drink..." It's now like...6:30...I look over and see no one. WTF!!?! 7:00 o clock runs around...I ask the host if anyone has showed up and no one has...except me. Finally at like 8:00 some people show up and sit at my friends table...So I join them and make conversation...it rolls around to 8:30. I'VE BEEN THERE FOR 3 HOURS NOW!!! She calls one of them and on speaker says, "is everyone there?...can I show up yet?"
I screamed at her!!
"BIOTCH I'VE BEEN HERE ALL FREAKIN NIGHT HO!!"....in my head of course.
I mean she was hot. But what I really said was,
"yeah we're all here..come over sweetie."
At about 9:00 I get annoyed and just leave. Never saw her.
I call it the "birthday girl complex" (needing to have the attention and control...hehe)
You guys ever go to a party late or "fashionably late" and right when you walk in people are like, "HEY!!!!...IT'S YOU...BLAH BLAH BLAH...CAN I LICk YOUR TOES....OH MY GOD YOU CAME!"
it's a nice feeling right? But those that show up early...well- are usually the ones that are saying those things to someone else. Instead of getting that same welcome...they are usually the one's welcoming the "birthday girl complex" person. Even those that show up ON TIME will probably be there alone!! hahaha
Now isn't weird that we have all have a time for party but know that guests will not show up on time? right? we say, "hey the party starts at 6:00....but no one will get there until 7" It's as if the guests don't want to fit into the box of controlled time...but instead will show up when they want. Those that show up late are showing their "birthday girl complex"
Again that's okay...but what do you do? do you show up 15 mins early and wait...or do you show up 15 mins late (which could be translated to like 1 or 2 hours) so that everyone is there and you get the big welcome from everyone?
How much do you feel that you need to have people recognize your arrival? I mean sure, it's nice to know that people "cheer" and are excited to see you, we all enjoy it...and sure maybe you had something to do before hand...but ultimately how much of it is your wanting to be the one cheered for as oppose to the one cheering for others?
My friend Rob tells me that he is always early or on time, "I end up being the first one there...alone...not even the person throwing the party is there sometimes..." He tells me that he ends up doing the welcoming but doesn't really feel bothered by it because of his knowing that he did his part as the invited guest. He was on time. Consider what it says about your personality...this is a blog coming soon...but perhaps his showing up on time and early tells me that 1. he's probably OCD and 2. he someone that you can rely on.
Whereas the one that will consistently show up late may end up being the person that will flake, be attention whores, show the "birthday girl complex" or not bring a gift because they know no one saw them walk in. Watch me call them if I ever get stranded...oh wait...by the time they show up i'll be home after walking there.
This blog topic was given to me by a wonderful colleague/friend/cool guy named Mike K. We met up for breakfast at a local mom and pop shop with the best blueberry pancakes in pasadena. I had arrived at about 7:45 and began to have a cup of coffee and wait...at about 8 o clock I see him walk out to the front and say, "hey...i've been here for about 15 minutes...I had no idea you were inside!"
PSYCH!SENSE question: Are you 15 minutes early or 15 minutes late?
Now let's build into this one...for now let's take out of the equation some wo/men that take like take 2 hours to get ready...geez..really? two hours...what the hell takes so long anyways but thats a different blog topic ...Im worried about writing that one out of fear of not having any dates...hmm..not like i'm getting much action there anyways..
So anyways...what does your show up time say about you? You guys ever hear that stupid song lyics, "the party don't start....till I walk in"
Explained by Mike, PSYCH!SENSE tells me that those who are "fashionably late" may have an interesting control issue. I would go to say that those who are "fashionably late" tend to be those that have some sort of attention deficiency. Now that's crazy...
True Story: I once was invited to a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant in Downtown LA. The invite said, 5:30. I figure, "hey I should go early...get parking...there's traffic blah blah blah..." SO I get there about 5:15. I walk in and yep..there was no one there. SO I decided..."well I don't want to be the loser sitting there waiting...i'm gonna go to the bar..have a drink..." It's now like...6:30...I look over and see no one. WTF!!?! 7:00 o clock runs around...I ask the host if anyone has showed up and no one has...except me. Finally at like 8:00 some people show up and sit at my friends table...So I join them and make conversation...it rolls around to 8:30. I'VE BEEN THERE FOR 3 HOURS NOW!!! She calls one of them and on speaker says, "is everyone there?...can I show up yet?"
I screamed at her!!
"BIOTCH I'VE BEEN HERE ALL FREAKIN NIGHT HO!!"....in my head of course.
I mean she was hot. But what I really said was,
"yeah we're all here..come over sweetie."
At about 9:00 I get annoyed and just leave. Never saw her.
I call it the "birthday girl complex" (needing to have the attention and control...hehe)
You guys ever go to a party late or "fashionably late" and right when you walk in people are like, "HEY!!!!...IT'S YOU...BLAH BLAH BLAH...CAN I LICk YOUR TOES....OH MY GOD YOU CAME!"
it's a nice feeling right? But those that show up early...well- are usually the ones that are saying those things to someone else. Instead of getting that same welcome...they are usually the one's welcoming the "birthday girl complex" person. Even those that show up ON TIME will probably be there alone!! hahaha
Now isn't weird that we have all have a time for party but know that guests will not show up on time? right? we say, "hey the party starts at 6:00....but no one will get there until 7" It's as if the guests don't want to fit into the box of controlled time...but instead will show up when they want. Those that show up late are showing their "birthday girl complex"
Again that's okay...but what do you do? do you show up 15 mins early and wait...or do you show up 15 mins late (which could be translated to like 1 or 2 hours) so that everyone is there and you get the big welcome from everyone?
How much do you feel that you need to have people recognize your arrival? I mean sure, it's nice to know that people "cheer" and are excited to see you, we all enjoy it...and sure maybe you had something to do before hand...but ultimately how much of it is your wanting to be the one cheered for as oppose to the one cheering for others?
My friend Rob tells me that he is always early or on time, "I end up being the first one there...alone...not even the person throwing the party is there sometimes..." He tells me that he ends up doing the welcoming but doesn't really feel bothered by it because of his knowing that he did his part as the invited guest. He was on time. Consider what it says about your personality...this is a blog coming soon...but perhaps his showing up on time and early tells me that 1. he's probably OCD and 2. he someone that you can rely on.
Whereas the one that will consistently show up late may end up being the person that will flake, be attention whores, show the "birthday girl complex" or not bring a gift because they know no one saw them walk in. Watch me call them if I ever get stranded...oh wait...by the time they show up i'll be home after walking there.
Monday, May 17, 2010
101. What You Have Left
Don't worry folks...New topics are coming...I have like...geez...6 that I have to get going and they will be put on ASAP!!! for now...here is something for you to feast on...although it isn't something for us to talk about..(although anything can be right?) it's something is inspiring.
We all have stories that we read that just inspire us right...
So I read this story a long time ago...
On Nov. 18, 1995 Itzhak Perlman, the violinist, came on stage to give a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small achievement for him. He was stricken with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches. To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slolwy, is an unforgettable sight. He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks on foot back and extend the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play. By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play.
But this time, something went wrong. Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap- it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant. There was no mistaking what he had to do.
People who were there that night though to themselves: "We figured that he would have to et up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches and limp his way off stage- to either find another violin or else find another string for this one." But he didn't. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. And he played with such passion and such power and such purity as they had never heard before. Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that.
You could see him modulating, changing, re-composing the piece in his head. At one point, it sounded like he was de-tuning the strings to get new sounds from them that they had never made before.
When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything we could to show how much we appreciated what he had done.
He smiled, wiped the sweat from his brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone,
"As you know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."
What a powerful line that is. It has stayed in my mind ever since I heard it. And who knows? Perhaps that is the way of life--not just for artists but for all of us.
So, perhaps our task in this shaky, fast-changing, bewildering world in which we live is to make music, at first with all we have, and then, when that is no longer possible, to make music with what we have left.
Jack Riemer, Houston Chronicle
This is what he looks like folks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3richcoCUI
We all have stories that we read that just inspire us right...
So I read this story a long time ago...
On Nov. 18, 1995 Itzhak Perlman, the violinist, came on stage to give a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small achievement for him. He was stricken with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches. To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slolwy, is an unforgettable sight. He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks on foot back and extend the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play. By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play.
But this time, something went wrong. Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap- it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant. There was no mistaking what he had to do.
People who were there that night though to themselves: "We figured that he would have to et up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches and limp his way off stage- to either find another violin or else find another string for this one." But he didn't. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. And he played with such passion and such power and such purity as they had never heard before. Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that.
You could see him modulating, changing, re-composing the piece in his head. At one point, it sounded like he was de-tuning the strings to get new sounds from them that they had never made before.
When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything we could to show how much we appreciated what he had done.
He smiled, wiped the sweat from his brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone,
"As you know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."
What a powerful line that is. It has stayed in my mind ever since I heard it. And who knows? Perhaps that is the way of life--not just for artists but for all of us.
So, perhaps our task in this shaky, fast-changing, bewildering world in which we live is to make music, at first with all we have, and then, when that is no longer possible, to make music with what we have left.
Jack Riemer, Houston Chronicle
This is what he looks like folks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3richcoCUI
Friday, May 14, 2010
100. Less stress this way
Consider me your pole dancer...here for entertainment, engagement and for some...erotic pleasure. oh yeah baby...
So the big 100....what do I decide to do? ease the stress of something huge and instead write a small self created quote:
"Reading our blog and not philosophizing (commenting) is like sitting away from the main stage at a strip club and not tipping. You get all the action without the price!" Good for you...bad for us!
comment my wonderful readers..comment!
Create a handle or a name that people know you as...like "the dumb jock" or "baby's arm holding an apple guy".
It's all fun...it's nice to enjoy a random "pop psych" read...plus...when you engage with one another...well..that's just nice.
Grab a bit of her...feel her...engage with it baby!
So the big 100....what do I decide to do? ease the stress of something huge and instead write a small self created quote:
"Reading our blog and not philosophizing (commenting) is like sitting away from the main stage at a strip club and not tipping. You get all the action without the price!" Good for you...bad for us!
comment my wonderful readers..comment!
Create a handle or a name that people know you as...like "the dumb jock" or "baby's arm holding an apple guy".
It's all fun...it's nice to enjoy a random "pop psych" read...plus...when you engage with one another...well..that's just nice.
Grab a bit of her...feel her...engage with it baby!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
99. Feed My Need
There are times when you are walking along and someone says, "hey, nice outfit" and you realize 1. if you're a guy, we don't wear "outfits" and 2. if they are telling that to you and you are a guy..you're probably gay...or they are (don't know which you're better with).
PSYCH!SENSE question: Do you need to be complimented by others?
Now I wrote like...2 or 3 blogs to this effect early in my blogging career where I was trying to discuss the use of compliments as a way to feel better about ourselves. I suppose this can be to awaken the topic.
In my usual asking of people I came across various opinions and ideas about the use of compliments. One of my lady friends told me, "we like compliments as a reassurement..." I feel as if it reminds us that we are doing well. I guess that's why men and women always ask and want to know..."how does it feel?" hahaha...you know when we ask that one.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me she gave an interesting point. Compliments are not necessary but...are nice. It is more the reassurement of something that we crave than the actual compliment.
When asking a good buddy of mine he tells me something interesting as well...he says something along the lines of the lasting effect of things. We tend to remember the bad things people tell us rather than the good things. Isn't that something? This is where parenting comes into play.
Often times when we are raised in a home where you were not given enough credit...where you were never "good enough" you will always feel like the compliment is not enough or is not real. It takes parents a loooong time to give a straight compliment because they've never learned how to do it before becuase of their parents. THis is also why it's hard for us to take compliments from the loves of our lives...we can't take them from our partners because they are so close to us....they are like us and our parents.
..now many of you are headed to that path. Do not cycle the pattern. Give true compliments...not layered ones...
how many of you have heard this before: "I really like the way you did your hair today...but....why didn't you put it this other way"
"I really like your outfit...but...you look like a slut"
How many of you give what I like to call "off compliments?" you say something nice and then give the bad? That is not right.
Parents will do this..they train us to be hard on ourselves without even knowing. So that the rest of your life when people give you a compliment you may think, "oh you're just saying that" "that's not true..." "you just want to get laid" (sometimes tue) or even, "you have to say that" hahah..how many of you are guilty that when your partner gives you a compliment you don't accept it...but will accept it from a complete stranger? KNOCK* KNOCK* that is not right.
they will not accept it. In fact, if you are guilty of these off compliments, it may be difficult for you to just give a straight compliment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that if we cannot give a straight compliment "your hair looks great today" "your ass is all kinds of wonderful ga-dunk-a-dunk"....it is because you have this worry of them being "better than you" or..."why should I compliment them if I never get complimented?"
Some of my readers can understand this...they give a compliment and it's hard because it makes them feel "less than" the person they gave a compliment to. trust me for those of you this is...you are not less than- You are more than because of your ability to be honest and true with someone.
You must be willing to get past your wall. Give compliments (not off ones) and accept them without question (believe them). Love yourself and know that you are worth the world. Challenge yourself to give compliments to others daily...set a goal and aim to achieve it...you will find your own life that much more richer.
I think i've gone way off topic...uhm...because I lost my chain of thought I will simply give the readers their homework.
Give compliments to others daily...not off compliments. "I like that shirt", "Great make up today" etc..."you are the best I've ever had!!!!"
PSYCH!SENSE question: Do you need to be complimented by others?
Now I wrote like...2 or 3 blogs to this effect early in my blogging career where I was trying to discuss the use of compliments as a way to feel better about ourselves. I suppose this can be to awaken the topic.
In my usual asking of people I came across various opinions and ideas about the use of compliments. One of my lady friends told me, "we like compliments as a reassurement..." I feel as if it reminds us that we are doing well. I guess that's why men and women always ask and want to know..."how does it feel?" hahaha...you know when we ask that one.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me she gave an interesting point. Compliments are not necessary but...are nice. It is more the reassurement of something that we crave than the actual compliment.
When asking a good buddy of mine he tells me something interesting as well...he says something along the lines of the lasting effect of things. We tend to remember the bad things people tell us rather than the good things. Isn't that something? This is where parenting comes into play.
Often times when we are raised in a home where you were not given enough credit...where you were never "good enough" you will always feel like the compliment is not enough or is not real. It takes parents a loooong time to give a straight compliment because they've never learned how to do it before becuase of their parents. THis is also why it's hard for us to take compliments from the loves of our lives...we can't take them from our partners because they are so close to us....they are like us and our parents.
..now many of you are headed to that path. Do not cycle the pattern. Give true compliments...not layered ones...
how many of you have heard this before: "I really like the way you did your hair today...but....why didn't you put it this other way"
"I really like your outfit...but...you look like a slut"
How many of you give what I like to call "off compliments?" you say something nice and then give the bad? That is not right.
Parents will do this..they train us to be hard on ourselves without even knowing. So that the rest of your life when people give you a compliment you may think, "oh you're just saying that" "that's not true..." "you just want to get laid" (sometimes tue) or even, "you have to say that" hahah..how many of you are guilty that when your partner gives you a compliment you don't accept it...but will accept it from a complete stranger? KNOCK* KNOCK* that is not right.
they will not accept it. In fact, if you are guilty of these off compliments, it may be difficult for you to just give a straight compliment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that if we cannot give a straight compliment "your hair looks great today" "your ass is all kinds of wonderful ga-dunk-a-dunk"....it is because you have this worry of them being "better than you" or..."why should I compliment them if I never get complimented?"
Some of my readers can understand this...they give a compliment and it's hard because it makes them feel "less than" the person they gave a compliment to. trust me for those of you this is...you are not less than- You are more than because of your ability to be honest and true with someone.
You must be willing to get past your wall. Give compliments (not off ones) and accept them without question (believe them). Love yourself and know that you are worth the world. Challenge yourself to give compliments to others daily...set a goal and aim to achieve it...you will find your own life that much more richer.
I think i've gone way off topic...uhm...because I lost my chain of thought I will simply give the readers their homework.
Give compliments to others daily...not off compliments. "I like that shirt", "Great make up today" etc..."you are the best I've ever had!!!!"
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
98. I/you/we need...
Dear Abby oops I meant PSYCH!,
I have not had the best luck with men lately. They either tell me, "let's be friends, let's just hook up or stop calling me." I don't get it. I'm intelligent, funny and I know that I'm decent looking, well that's what my friends tell me. I find guys but sometimes they just are not what I want in my life. What can I do to attract and keep a boyfriend?
....ahhhhhhhhh.....the questions of relationships...sigh...I can give you advice but most likely you'll end up like me...single, lonely but yet still amazingly sexy. But let's talk about this anyways...also...you may get some answers as well from my other blog "can you hear me now?"
there are a few things to keep in mind here. Values and Needs and Drives.
Value: When I say value I'm talking about your own person. What do you hold dear to yourself. For example, I myself value integrity (the ability to do the right thing when no one is watching), or courage (the ability to do the right thing when no one is doing the right thing)....it's things that you hold true and try to follow yourself. You must explore your own boundaries, lines and things that you hold dear.
For example, I value honesty. As I practice it I must not sacrifice this for the sake of another..now yes we all know this...but truly how many of you have given up something you value for the sake of a booty call? be real. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that we tend to try and match the other person's personality as much as possible...but instead of giving up your own values..find where your values and theirs overlap. Yes sacrifices must be made at times but not values. DO NOT give up your value...because if you are willng to give up your values how much of a value were they in the first place...and if you are willing to give them up for him...imagine what else he can take from you.
Needs: This was told to me by my friend when she was looking for a guy. She told me that you must be willing to list the qualities that you want in another person, if the person you are dating can meet 80% of them...that's a keeper.
Here's a for example list:
Dancer
Book smart
Taller than me
Third leg
Half Japanese Half Mexican with all the girth
Makes me laugh
Holds me tightly
Kisses me randomly
I wake up sore ;)
etc...but be careful with this list. If the guy you meet isn't very ...uhm...open or considerate of perspective (most likely because he hasn't been reading this blog enough...or hasn't worked out his issues yet) he may get offended that you are dating based off a list. Is this wrong? yes and no...yes because your partner should be more than a list of 20 characteristics (that surprisingly match me) your list should be an outline ultimately checking to see if the 4 levels of connection (see my blog on "can you hear me now") exist. No, because you must have a working outline of the things that matter to you. No exceptions. Be strong enough to acknowledge what you need in your life and strong enough to ask for it. What do you deserve? everything you want! (although it doesn't always work out that way)
Drives: Finally you must be doing these things everyday! or close to. Refer to Dr. Henry Murray regarding personality drives if you want more information. But we all must do these things daily and find a partner that can help us do the things on here that we are not doing daily. HUH?
in other words, read the list, find what you do daily and find a partner that can help you do the rest....and vice versa too!!! you should be fulfilling their needs, values and drives as they are fulfilling yours.
Abasement To surrender and submit to others, accept blame and punishment. To enjoy pain and misfortune.
Achievement To accomplish difficult tasks, overcoming obstacles and becoming expert.
Affiliation To be close and loyal to another person, pleasing them and winning their friendship and attention.
Aggression To forcefully overcome an opponent, controlling, taking revenge or punishing them.
Autonomy To break free from constraints, resisting coercion and dominating authority. To be irresponsible and independent.
Counteraction To make up for failure by trying again, seeking pridefully to overcome obstacles.
Defendance To defend oneself against attack or blame, hiding any failure of the self.
Deference To admire a superior person, praising them and yielding to them and following their rules.
Dominance To control one's environment, controlling other people through command or subtle persuasion.
Exhibition To impress others through one's actions and words, even if these are shocking.
Harm avoidance To escape or avoid pain, injury and death.
Infavoidance To avoid being humiliated or embarrassed.
Nurturance To help the helpless, feeding them and keeping them from danger.
Order To make things clean, neat and tidy.
Play To have fun, laugh and relax, enjoying oneself.
Rejection To separate oneself from a negatively viewed object or person, excluding or abandoning it.
Sentience To seek out and enjoy sensual experiences.
Sex To form relationship that lead to sexual intercourse.
Succourance To have one's needs satisfied by someone or something. Includes being loved, nursed, helped, forgiven and consoled.
Understanding To be curious, ask questions and find answers.
p.s. if all this doesn't work...I can sell you my friend's password to porn sites...ahh...I value honesty...it's my password. I can also make a suggestion to just be their friend, screw them or just stop calling them all together.
I have not had the best luck with men lately. They either tell me, "let's be friends, let's just hook up or stop calling me." I don't get it. I'm intelligent, funny and I know that I'm decent looking, well that's what my friends tell me. I find guys but sometimes they just are not what I want in my life. What can I do to attract and keep a boyfriend?
....ahhhhhhhhh.....the questions of relationships...sigh...I can give you advice but most likely you'll end up like me...single, lonely but yet still amazingly sexy. But let's talk about this anyways...also...you may get some answers as well from my other blog "can you hear me now?"
there are a few things to keep in mind here. Values and Needs and Drives.
Value: When I say value I'm talking about your own person. What do you hold dear to yourself. For example, I myself value integrity (the ability to do the right thing when no one is watching), or courage (the ability to do the right thing when no one is doing the right thing)....it's things that you hold true and try to follow yourself. You must explore your own boundaries, lines and things that you hold dear.
For example, I value honesty. As I practice it I must not sacrifice this for the sake of another..now yes we all know this...but truly how many of you have given up something you value for the sake of a booty call? be real. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that we tend to try and match the other person's personality as much as possible...but instead of giving up your own values..find where your values and theirs overlap. Yes sacrifices must be made at times but not values. DO NOT give up your value...because if you are willng to give up your values how much of a value were they in the first place...and if you are willing to give them up for him...imagine what else he can take from you.
Needs: This was told to me by my friend when she was looking for a guy. She told me that you must be willing to list the qualities that you want in another person, if the person you are dating can meet 80% of them...that's a keeper.
Here's a for example list:
Dancer
Book smart
Taller than me
Third leg
Half Japanese Half Mexican with all the girth
Makes me laugh
Holds me tightly
Kisses me randomly
I wake up sore ;)
etc...but be careful with this list. If the guy you meet isn't very ...uhm...open or considerate of perspective (most likely because he hasn't been reading this blog enough...or hasn't worked out his issues yet) he may get offended that you are dating based off a list. Is this wrong? yes and no...yes because your partner should be more than a list of 20 characteristics (that surprisingly match me) your list should be an outline ultimately checking to see if the 4 levels of connection (see my blog on "can you hear me now") exist. No, because you must have a working outline of the things that matter to you. No exceptions. Be strong enough to acknowledge what you need in your life and strong enough to ask for it. What do you deserve? everything you want! (although it doesn't always work out that way)
Drives: Finally you must be doing these things everyday! or close to. Refer to Dr. Henry Murray regarding personality drives if you want more information. But we all must do these things daily and find a partner that can help us do the things on here that we are not doing daily. HUH?
in other words, read the list, find what you do daily and find a partner that can help you do the rest....and vice versa too!!! you should be fulfilling their needs, values and drives as they are fulfilling yours.
Abasement To surrender and submit to others, accept blame and punishment. To enjoy pain and misfortune.
Achievement To accomplish difficult tasks, overcoming obstacles and becoming expert.
Affiliation To be close and loyal to another person, pleasing them and winning their friendship and attention.
Aggression To forcefully overcome an opponent, controlling, taking revenge or punishing them.
Autonomy To break free from constraints, resisting coercion and dominating authority. To be irresponsible and independent.
Counteraction To make up for failure by trying again, seeking pridefully to overcome obstacles.
Defendance To defend oneself against attack or blame, hiding any failure of the self.
Deference To admire a superior person, praising them and yielding to them and following their rules.
Dominance To control one's environment, controlling other people through command or subtle persuasion.
Exhibition To impress others through one's actions and words, even if these are shocking.
Harm avoidance To escape or avoid pain, injury and death.
Infavoidance To avoid being humiliated or embarrassed.
Nurturance To help the helpless, feeding them and keeping them from danger.
Order To make things clean, neat and tidy.
Play To have fun, laugh and relax, enjoying oneself.
Rejection To separate oneself from a negatively viewed object or person, excluding or abandoning it.
Sentience To seek out and enjoy sensual experiences.
Sex To form relationship that lead to sexual intercourse.
Succourance To have one's needs satisfied by someone or something. Includes being loved, nursed, helped, forgiven and consoled.
Understanding To be curious, ask questions and find answers.
p.s. if all this doesn't work...I can sell you my friend's password to porn sites...ahh...I value honesty...it's my password. I can also make a suggestion to just be their friend, screw them or just stop calling them all together.
Monday, May 10, 2010
97. But I'm a Movie Star
SO this one has been done before in many different areas but I throw my opinion into the mix now. I went to go see Iron Man 2 this weekend. So there I go getting all nerd with it as I start to talk about avengers...buy the IMAX ($18.00!!!!!...wtf? I should have gotten a bucket of popcorn for that price..oh wait...the popcorn and soda came up to $16.00 nevermind....sigh) ticket.
So as I sit down, there is a couple right next to me. what does the guy do? talk through the whole movie!!
okay...PSYCH!SENSE question...If someone is talking through the movie do you give them the ol' flat tire? (you know..the noise...shhhhhhh) Do you tell them to SHUT UP! but also..why is it that they talk during movies in the first place?
This one is hard to do...because I haven't done the research yet, but let me present my opinion.
Now when I was 5,6,7...15 I found myself always trying to talk to others around me about the movie. WHy? because I was so involved in the movie that nothing else existed. Meaning, the movie I was watching...geez...I might as well have been in it. Why do you think we enjoyed playing games about those movies right afterward? Right? when I was growing up...I would watch power rangers..then run outside and yell, "GO GO POWER RANGERS!" then I would always claim to be the red ranger (jason)...just until the white one came out (tommy)...
anyways, during the show I would kinda talk to others around me...friends, stuffed animals, my imaginary friends...I would tell them, "check this out! oh no...wait..why don't you call out your dinosaur"
Can't you all remember that? talking to the television as if it could hear you...how fun..how playful...it was "childish" as memories of my yelling at the lakers on tv flood my head.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our engagement/absolute engagement into a movie creates the connection and full attention into it. In other words, someone talking to the movie is so engaged with it...they are actually part of it. Quite the experience. I would also start to think about their childhood experience...were they paid enough attention to? The habits and psychological gestures we make as adults were created out of our lack of somehting in our childhood, often- not always.
This is different from those that will sit in a movie like Iron Man then turn to their partner and start talking loudly (or on the phone) about a magazine article entitled "exfoliating the fungus out" (yes I've heard this conversation before...and no you don't want to know). These people who talk about random other things during the movie are doing a few different things...not engaging with the movie, lacking courtesy to others and being arrogant in their lack of respect and acknowledgment of others.
See the difference? engaging with a movie....engaging with something else at a movie.
So as I sit down, there is a couple right next to me. what does the guy do? talk through the whole movie!!
okay...PSYCH!SENSE question...If someone is talking through the movie do you give them the ol' flat tire? (you know..the noise...shhhhhhh) Do you tell them to SHUT UP! but also..why is it that they talk during movies in the first place?
This one is hard to do...because I haven't done the research yet, but let me present my opinion.
Now when I was 5,6,7...15 I found myself always trying to talk to others around me about the movie. WHy? because I was so involved in the movie that nothing else existed. Meaning, the movie I was watching...geez...I might as well have been in it. Why do you think we enjoyed playing games about those movies right afterward? Right? when I was growing up...I would watch power rangers..then run outside and yell, "GO GO POWER RANGERS!" then I would always claim to be the red ranger (jason)...just until the white one came out (tommy)...
anyways, during the show I would kinda talk to others around me...friends, stuffed animals, my imaginary friends...I would tell them, "check this out! oh no...wait..why don't you call out your dinosaur"
Can't you all remember that? talking to the television as if it could hear you...how fun..how playful...it was "childish" as memories of my yelling at the lakers on tv flood my head.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our engagement/absolute engagement into a movie creates the connection and full attention into it. In other words, someone talking to the movie is so engaged with it...they are actually part of it. Quite the experience. I would also start to think about their childhood experience...were they paid enough attention to? The habits and psychological gestures we make as adults were created out of our lack of somehting in our childhood, often- not always.
This is different from those that will sit in a movie like Iron Man then turn to their partner and start talking loudly (or on the phone) about a magazine article entitled "exfoliating the fungus out" (yes I've heard this conversation before...and no you don't want to know). These people who talk about random other things during the movie are doing a few different things...not engaging with the movie, lacking courtesy to others and being arrogant in their lack of respect and acknowledgment of others.
See the difference? engaging with a movie....engaging with something else at a movie.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
96. Fill Your Jugs
Let's just jump right into it!
PSYCH!SENSE question...is the best way to get over an ex through meeting someone new?
We've all been there...your heart gets broken..but not just broken but...like stampeded on, picked up, chewed on, ripped into pieces and then spat on. OHHH YES it hurts. When we break up with a person it has to do with a piece of us that is no longer there. It hurts because we allow that person to embed with the part of us that is truly vulnerable and in turn truly hidden from others.
When we meet someone we have our baggage and carry with us the scars of our family, our past relationships and emotional turmoils. This new person fills in those scars and creates in us a sense of happiness and completeness. We've felt it before right? When you're with that person you just FEEL right...the day is brighter and the nights are that much more beautiful. hahah...right? when every love song is about you two? when every single romantic movie is "just like her and me". Where every call or text you get, you're hoping it's from them? haha. PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it's because we have become more whole and more complete...imagine that! we feel the birds singing when we become emotionally stable with another!!!
Here is the question though. Why is it that this emotional "stable-ness" can only exist when you are in the presence of another? As I was asking others, they told me that the only way they can truly get over him/her is by finding a new one to fill their place. WHAT?!?!? Now yes, having the connection and feeling the emotional completeness is important...we enjoy it better when we are together...
For a raunchy example...imagine the times you and your partner are totally going at it...bam bam bam...bam bam bam...bam bam SLIP!....what's the first thing you say? "PUT IT BACK IN!" lol...it just fits. Or less...when us men try and put on a magnum and realize..."damn...there's enough room in the condom for three fingers still...." (I had to use myself as an example)...anyways....you reach for the normal one because it fits.
The point of all these sick sexual references? well..nothing really...it's just meant for shock and laughs...but honestly..it's meant more for the concept that instead of simply building emotional support on our own, we tend to need someone to fill that gap. THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!
The challenge for the readers? How many of you have found yourself wanting to build strong emotional independance? probably a lot. You must first be willing to build a stable foundation for yourself before you try and give it away to someone else. If you have less emotional stability than your partner does...his/her emotional stability will overpower yours and you will become lost in him/her and dependent on him/her.
THIS IS BAD! We've seen it with friends right? they meet a guy or girl and suddenly they change, they become different, they alter and end up being more like their partner than their own self...they have taken up more of their partner's personality than their own...this is normal...yes...but where is the balance?
Think of it like two buckets of paint. If you have a cup of blue paint, and your partner has a five gallon bottle of yellow what happens when you mix them? You end up with a color that is all yellow and MAYBE has a bit of blue..but for the most part it's yellow. If you come in with 2 gallons of blue paint and your partner with 5 gallons of yellow paint then what happens? You end up with a bit of a different color...a nice mix. Ultimately though...when you come in with 5 gallons of blue and they come in with 5 gallons of yellow what do you get? YOU GET GREEN! a whole new color that is composed beautifully and equally. When you are both mixed together...you change with one another equally and in a way that is a wonderful mix of two.
Aim for this! Build your own emotional strength so that when you're ready to mix you have an equal emotional share to play with, and you do not become eaten up by him/her. You instead become a part of the new color that has been created.
Fill your Jugs
PSYCH!SENSE question...is the best way to get over an ex through meeting someone new?
We've all been there...your heart gets broken..but not just broken but...like stampeded on, picked up, chewed on, ripped into pieces and then spat on. OHHH YES it hurts. When we break up with a person it has to do with a piece of us that is no longer there. It hurts because we allow that person to embed with the part of us that is truly vulnerable and in turn truly hidden from others.
When we meet someone we have our baggage and carry with us the scars of our family, our past relationships and emotional turmoils. This new person fills in those scars and creates in us a sense of happiness and completeness. We've felt it before right? When you're with that person you just FEEL right...the day is brighter and the nights are that much more beautiful. hahah...right? when every love song is about you two? when every single romantic movie is "just like her and me". Where every call or text you get, you're hoping it's from them? haha. PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it's because we have become more whole and more complete...imagine that! we feel the birds singing when we become emotionally stable with another!!!
Here is the question though. Why is it that this emotional "stable-ness" can only exist when you are in the presence of another? As I was asking others, they told me that the only way they can truly get over him/her is by finding a new one to fill their place. WHAT?!?!? Now yes, having the connection and feeling the emotional completeness is important...we enjoy it better when we are together...
For a raunchy example...imagine the times you and your partner are totally going at it...bam bam bam...bam bam bam...bam bam SLIP!....what's the first thing you say? "PUT IT BACK IN!" lol...it just fits. Or less...when us men try and put on a magnum and realize..."damn...there's enough room in the condom for three fingers still...." (I had to use myself as an example)...anyways....you reach for the normal one because it fits.
The point of all these sick sexual references? well..nothing really...it's just meant for shock and laughs...but honestly..it's meant more for the concept that instead of simply building emotional support on our own, we tend to need someone to fill that gap. THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!
The challenge for the readers? How many of you have found yourself wanting to build strong emotional independance? probably a lot. You must first be willing to build a stable foundation for yourself before you try and give it away to someone else. If you have less emotional stability than your partner does...his/her emotional stability will overpower yours and you will become lost in him/her and dependent on him/her.
THIS IS BAD! We've seen it with friends right? they meet a guy or girl and suddenly they change, they become different, they alter and end up being more like their partner than their own self...they have taken up more of their partner's personality than their own...this is normal...yes...but where is the balance?
Think of it like two buckets of paint. If you have a cup of blue paint, and your partner has a five gallon bottle of yellow what happens when you mix them? You end up with a color that is all yellow and MAYBE has a bit of blue..but for the most part it's yellow. If you come in with 2 gallons of blue paint and your partner with 5 gallons of yellow paint then what happens? You end up with a bit of a different color...a nice mix. Ultimately though...when you come in with 5 gallons of blue and they come in with 5 gallons of yellow what do you get? YOU GET GREEN! a whole new color that is composed beautifully and equally. When you are both mixed together...you change with one another equally and in a way that is a wonderful mix of two.
Aim for this! Build your own emotional strength so that when you're ready to mix you have an equal emotional share to play with, and you do not become eaten up by him/her. You instead become a part of the new color that has been created.
Fill your Jugs
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
95. My Secret Identity
Now we all have different lives...we have our home life, our night life, our day job life and if you're like me, your porn career.
I mention this because many of us have heard the idea of "never bring your work home with you" and this is true...to a point. I feel as if parts of work and other lives we have, can be mixed with one another creating a better person...what do you mean?
take for instance a porn star. Most likely...over the course of some years they've probably learned a trick or two that when he comes home to you...well..ya know..Boom Chicka Wawa (meant to be porn music). He can have someone doing a cleveland steamer, brown logger, dirty sanchez, hot tamale, with a little danza slap and a side of a rolling burnout, seedy sam and rosy palmer before you even hit the pillow.
or take the coffee shop owner...who after work instead of going home directly will try a new type of coffee shop...perhaps Cafe Roule (where the girls are as fun as coffee...dark but nice...that was a bad joke, geez...I must be tired or something). so if the new coffee shop owner would take the time to explore other coffee shops they would be doing research into what makes these other ones successful.
Food staff and customer service have a similar trait...they have the built in/learned ability to keep and hold conversation with anyone. They are personable...That's an amazing talent right there...sometimes no matter how UGH you feel...if you find a really good customer service person..they can brighten your day. They do it natural at times...it just pops out.
Our jobs have created skills in us that others hardly notice. If you work it right you can use those skills to help others and at the same time make great changes in peoples' lives and can enrich your job.
It is when you absolutely shut off your job from coming home with you that you end up building stress and resentment. People take pictures of their kids to work with them because it's a reminder why you do what you do, it's helps to keep you on task, and in a way you are unconsciously blending your home and work together to make it better.
If you're a doctor you give slight medical advice (although not allowed) to a stranger when you're off duty. If you're into insurance, when you go home you try and help a friend do that work so they don't get screwed. Maybe you work in an office but have to work with people all day, so you exhibit courtesy and organization to others, if you're a dentist and someone asks for an opinion you consider offering it. Allow parts of your job to come out- recognize what you can offer to the world who doesn't hold your job. It is only through this that you can be happier with life and work and ultimately happier with what you do.
I mention this because many of us have heard the idea of "never bring your work home with you" and this is true...to a point. I feel as if parts of work and other lives we have, can be mixed with one another creating a better person...what do you mean?
take for instance a porn star. Most likely...over the course of some years they've probably learned a trick or two that when he comes home to you...well..ya know..Boom Chicka Wawa (meant to be porn music). He can have someone doing a cleveland steamer, brown logger, dirty sanchez, hot tamale, with a little danza slap and a side of a rolling burnout, seedy sam and rosy palmer before you even hit the pillow.
or take the coffee shop owner...who after work instead of going home directly will try a new type of coffee shop...perhaps Cafe Roule (where the girls are as fun as coffee...dark but nice...that was a bad joke, geez...I must be tired or something). so if the new coffee shop owner would take the time to explore other coffee shops they would be doing research into what makes these other ones successful.
Food staff and customer service have a similar trait...they have the built in/learned ability to keep and hold conversation with anyone. They are personable...That's an amazing talent right there...sometimes no matter how UGH you feel...if you find a really good customer service person..they can brighten your day. They do it natural at times...it just pops out.
Our jobs have created skills in us that others hardly notice. If you work it right you can use those skills to help others and at the same time make great changes in peoples' lives and can enrich your job.
It is when you absolutely shut off your job from coming home with you that you end up building stress and resentment. People take pictures of their kids to work with them because it's a reminder why you do what you do, it's helps to keep you on task, and in a way you are unconsciously blending your home and work together to make it better.
If you're a doctor you give slight medical advice (although not allowed) to a stranger when you're off duty. If you're into insurance, when you go home you try and help a friend do that work so they don't get screwed. Maybe you work in an office but have to work with people all day, so you exhibit courtesy and organization to others, if you're a dentist and someone asks for an opinion you consider offering it. Allow parts of your job to come out- recognize what you can offer to the world who doesn't hold your job. It is only through this that you can be happier with life and work and ultimately happier with what you do.
Monday, May 3, 2010
94. Octopus Style
How many people have you loved in your life time? Now i'm not talking about friends, or family or even elementary school yard love...but totally loved? if done correctly...not many.
Can you still feel the love of your first boyfriend or girlfriend? think about it...dig into your mind and try and remember the good things about your first love...you can feel them right? but at the same time you can feel the pain they left in us when they/we broke up. They stand in our minds because this was a time of transition...it was a time when we were developing and growing and our minds have that person as part of our development, puberty of not...ohhh...no wonder I can remember my grandfather putting me on his knee(?) so often. gross.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Do you believe that there is just one love for you out there?
Remember when that curly hair, frankenstein looking, acne ridden, nose picking bed wetter who broke your heart? you feel it...and for days/weeks/months later you feel so bad that all you can think about is..."i'll never find another one again!!...ill be lonely forever!!...i'm gonna sleep with his dad just to piss him off (maybe not that extreme...unless your from the show 'the hills' in which case go f-yourself...what was I talking about...)" ..we've all been there...the intense pain that they brought us but only because of the intense love we once felt for them.
Many people I have been talking to have told me, "TRUE love...you only get once or twice...the rest are just practice..."
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that for man...our ability to want full term and deep committment and relationship are hard...too hard...because we always have to spread the seed and strive for the "better" thing...or in many guys cases...the "easy" thing. /sigh. How stupid can we be? the drive for more and more only leads to more stress gents...read my blog on that one...as like other posts I only challenge you to consider going against your instincts...I challenge you to be with your woman...fully and wholly...completely and unafraid. Go against instinct...(p.s. it's hard)
OH NO ladies you are not off the hook...they strive for relationship and communication. So they will many times force themselves to be in relationships with guys that are just horrible..just plain stupid for them simply because the woman feels as if she can help the "bad boy" "guide him right" "live off his excitement" and drive for life...just until she realizes..."oh snap...you really do suck and everyone around me was right." I challenge you with the opposite, consider what your friends are telling you, consider their opinion and take the time to step back for, if only moments, and think about him and your relationship or are you just with him because people are telling you not to and you want to "fix" him.
ultimately, our growth will occur on deeper levels with those we spend more time with. We will blossom into more complete people when we find one to share our stories with, our lives with and our love with. The difficulty is not always having the luck to find that one person to whom we can have it with. Is there more than one person out there for you? yes but it depends.
Can you still feel the love of your first boyfriend or girlfriend? think about it...dig into your mind and try and remember the good things about your first love...you can feel them right? but at the same time you can feel the pain they left in us when they/we broke up. They stand in our minds because this was a time of transition...it was a time when we were developing and growing and our minds have that person as part of our development, puberty of not...ohhh...no wonder I can remember my grandfather putting me on his knee(?) so often. gross.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Do you believe that there is just one love for you out there?
Remember when that curly hair, frankenstein looking, acne ridden, nose picking bed wetter who broke your heart? you feel it...and for days/weeks/months later you feel so bad that all you can think about is..."i'll never find another one again!!...ill be lonely forever!!...i'm gonna sleep with his dad just to piss him off (maybe not that extreme...unless your from the show 'the hills' in which case go f-yourself...what was I talking about...)" ..we've all been there...the intense pain that they brought us but only because of the intense love we once felt for them.
Many people I have been talking to have told me, "TRUE love...you only get once or twice...the rest are just practice..."
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that for man...our ability to want full term and deep committment and relationship are hard...too hard...because we always have to spread the seed and strive for the "better" thing...or in many guys cases...the "easy" thing. /sigh. How stupid can we be? the drive for more and more only leads to more stress gents...read my blog on that one...as like other posts I only challenge you to consider going against your instincts...I challenge you to be with your woman...fully and wholly...completely and unafraid. Go against instinct...(p.s. it's hard)
OH NO ladies you are not off the hook...they strive for relationship and communication. So they will many times force themselves to be in relationships with guys that are just horrible..just plain stupid for them simply because the woman feels as if she can help the "bad boy" "guide him right" "live off his excitement" and drive for life...just until she realizes..."oh snap...you really do suck and everyone around me was right." I challenge you with the opposite, consider what your friends are telling you, consider their opinion and take the time to step back for, if only moments, and think about him and your relationship or are you just with him because people are telling you not to and you want to "fix" him.
ultimately, our growth will occur on deeper levels with those we spend more time with. We will blossom into more complete people when we find one to share our stories with, our lives with and our love with. The difficulty is not always having the luck to find that one person to whom we can have it with. Is there more than one person out there for you? yes but it depends.
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