111. Flying solo

So I went to a party the other day where we started talking about our weekends. I had told them that I went to the movies and their response? "ohhhhh damn...dr. drew's got a hot date..nice...who is she? where is she from? what does she do?"...my response? "I went by myself.." their response, "What? are you depressed? lonely? sad? gay? whats wrong? dude! lets find you a prostitute..damn! we're sorry..."

the entire world had crumbled in their eyes if I had gone to the movies alone. WTF?!?!

PSYCH!SENSE question: Going to the movies alone...are you seen as weird or lonely?

Now I haven't quite figured out the question so i'm sorry. One of my friends had told me..."You just don't go to the movies alone...it shows that you're sad and lonely"

now apparently as he was growing up it was just second nature to have someone go with you..a brother, a sister...a neighbor...something. He would go with another person...all the time. Maybe it was about safety..maybe it was about having company..but in either case, it was about not being the loner.

PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our family of origin and our family /cultural beliefs kinda instill this idea. If you were raised going out with others..being around others..you'll find comfort in continuing this habit.

Which means...anything outside this belief is weird and outside the "norm"

For example: Those who were beat as little kids...those who were abused will have a higher chance of hitting their children when they have them because their parents did it to them...and most likely in that community...the neighbor's kids were beat as well. This is learned behavior..it is "normal" to hit kids...

Here's the thing though...our potential for growth...our drive to be better stems from our ability to do things outside our comfort zone- Outside what we've always known to be "normal" and "true"

Despite your feeling comfortable and happy in your comfort zone...try and face that which irritates, frustrates, worries or scares you. We must be willing to lean over the edge of our fears...walking the fine line between fear and peace. Challenge the cliff...don't jump. Do what bugs you!...this is how you grow as a person.

anyways...I recently saw an article about how to "look less awkward when eating alone" that was on yahoo. It was things like..."bring a book with you...play on the phone...bring papers with you so you look like you're busy..."

although this is all find and dandy...why does it have to say "look less awkward..." There is nothing wrong with eating alone...sitting alone and people watching...having peaceful meal...and enjoying the time. Sit in the moment and love what you are experiencing..fully live in that moment. When you do it...try and focus on what you feel...you may feel lonely...you may feel sad...you may feel upset...but whatever it is...fully engage with the feelings and explore where it comes from. Grow my wonderful philosophers...GROW!!!

For those that find this difficult I challenge you to eat out alone...to go to the movies alone...to find peace in solitude...on the other hand...for those like me who enjoy the quiet solitutde...find a eating partner...a movie goer..someone that challenges your sense of solitutde. This will allow for you to face the feelings you get from going out with others. Those will others may get feelings of having to please the other person...having to make it comfortable for them...having to try and fill the silence with talk which may be too troublesome...whatever it is..allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with it.

Now of course I can already hear the responses, "I can go out alone if I want to....I can go out in groups if I want to...." for many of you...that wonderful...but for other readers...they may find it hard to do these because of the awkward feelings they get.

challenge yourself.