I find myself always blowing up on people. I know that its not like their fault and stuff but somtimes I just get mad and like scream at people. The other day I got home from work and when I walked in my wife came to kiss me and I could just feel myself like irratated or something for reals. I'm like not sleeping regular and I am not eating the same either, its weird. I don't like hit anyone and I dont hit things but like I feel like I gotta to let out my anger. Drinking helps so I just have like 2 a nite to help me do better. Do I need like anger management clases or something. what is going on with me."
-Angry Guy
First off Angry let me say that it takes a whole lot of cajones to ask something like this...big ol' cajones...like..huge bigger than my cajones big...
okay okay lets be real...
no way are they bigger.
Anyways, you are lashing out at others...screaming at others....irritated....not sleeping well...and not eating well...
I would say you're angry sure...but actually...I think you're depressed.
It's true...I think you're sad really underneath all the anger. Here's the thing...when you are a baby and lack the ability to talk (with words), lack the ability to text or type out your feelings...you cried. Babies will cry as a means of expression for their feelings...this is how they get what they need...YOU CRY for the entire world to hear.
The baby is experiencing
"I'm hungry" = Crying
"I'm wet" = Crying
"Where are you" = Crying
"I'm sad" = Crying
see where you fit in? Adults have the same method of getting attention...we adults "can't" cry because well..let's be honest...we men don't cry right? but what do we do? WE GET MAD! We don't know how to let it out in any other way because we haven't been taught how to or told that it's okay to let it out in another way...
Imagine an Iceberg
See that top part? that's anger...that's the only thing we see. But really underneath the water is all that other crap. Underneath the water is where you see sadness, despair, depression...
Usually you will find that with people. come on readers!!! we know this if you have been reading the blog long enough...what you see is fake...I mean it's real anger and emotion...but it's not the real feeling that's under the water. Only when you chip away at the top does the iceberg begin to rise and rise and rise (heyo! giggidy).
So when you are angry really feel and try and pinpoint where the anger is coming from...what in your life is underneath the anger...underneath the water...besides sharks...damn sharks scare me...anyways...yeah.
Drinking...drugs...etc are ways for you to avoid feeling...to numb yourself...this is why so many use drugs...they numb themselves to everything as a way to feel peace. You should not numb..you should engage...as for hitting things...well I'm torn on that because you don't want to train yourself to physically lash out on something...because then you train yourself to do it even when you may not want to...say on a person.
Learn to talk about your feelings. If you come home and are irritated I want you to think about your day...or week...or random conversation you had with someone that just absolutely pissed you off or upset you...more than likely you got mad at someone or something and are taking it out on someone else. Only when you do this will you actually understand where your anger is from and let it out calmly.
For example:
customer comes in says, "hey you, last night I was with your mom and jabba the hutt at the same time as she was going down on my wookie"
you then say, "would you like fries with that"
....
see...instead of engaging (which I know many of you would) you instead push it off...you suffocate your feelings...then you forget about it...go home and get pissed at your family or friends and don't know why. The answer is because you were saddened and upset at the earlier comment but didn't let it out. You are sooo angry with yourself (internal angry at self) for not letting it out that you are saddened (depression) by it. You then go home and kill the neighbors without knowing why (anger).
When you feel the rage come on:
1. Recognize you are angry or irritated
2. Think about your day or week or situation that may be the real reason for anger and sadness
3. Talk about your anger or irritation and where it is from
4. Engage with something to help work out the emotional energy (no punching!) I absolutely suggest talking to something that can hear you completely without saying anything in return but simply listening without trying to fix it.
VOILA! easier said than done but that's how you do a cleveland steamroller ....no I mean...work with anger.
First up, big ups to angry guy. I feel you man. I do a lot of physical stuff and it does not help. I still feel like taking my roomates, wife, or that fucking guy in the mirrors head off. (especially that fucking guy in the mirror.)But a lot of it had to do with the fact that i really do get curesd out or bitch at from a customer and all i could say is "sorry sir/mam how can i make your experiance better." But still a whole lot of it has to do with the fact that i really cant stand what i do and the fact that i have to do what i do as far as job is. But sometimes i find myself in a state that im so mad i wont even be able to settle myself down with punching somebody, and drinking does not help. Those days i cry like a kid that got his lolly pop taken away.... I figured out that life is just a bitch so get a helmet man. Keep working throuh and when you cant stand it go yell somewhere and that actually help.
ReplyDeletestay up man...... Dumb jock
you're absolutely right, it is easier said than done. Hopefully though you have at least one or two people in your life that are willing to hear all your crap out and really dig deeper to help you see what the underlying cause is.
ReplyDeletethank you dumb jock it was coo to like hear your own esperiecne with kind of lik da same thing.
ReplyDelete