139. It's All About Me

I have about 15 minutes before training starts so I thought I would take a quick moment to write something out that I have been thinking about.

The idea of Selfishness.

What is selfishness? Truly, selfishness is about the ability to self-fulfill...to give ourselves what we need to have. When I think about my life, there have been so many people that come to me and talk to me about their feelings and thoughts...their irritations with others...their annoyance with expectations that others put onto them.

This is called projection. Projection is when someone, or thing, or family, or (fill in the blank) throws their own personality onto you.

For example: A man goes out to try and become the next Sesame Street Big Bird...he doesn't get it. He then gets soooooo freakin pissed that he then blames his wife for his failure to get it. Instead of accepting that he is responsible for his own anxiety...he then throws it onto another person. THAT'S BAD!

So back to selfishness.... I want us to understand that selfishness does not have to be bad. It doesn't. For you see...problems occur when we wish from others only what we fail to give ourselves. Read that again slowly.

"when we wish from others only what we fail to give ourselves" - This means that we are too busy projecting and not owning what we want...that problems occur.

If you live through the footsteps of another...through the thoughts, wishes and desires of others...you will be miserable!! Because no matter what you do..it is for another...for them...your life dedicated to him/her/it/them. This is not good! You must be willing to give yourself what others have been doing for you.

Therapy is about a patient's ability to become more self indulgent...they need to learn how to be more selfish and more effective in their use of their own personal power.

NOT GREEDY! that is different...that's when you care for no one else but yourself (which is good and bad...talk about that later).

This is the catch...we love and yearn for what we lack. Think aobut it....the desire we have and the drive to fulfillment is from others...they give us what we think we are lacking. We need to learn that we must try and understand what we are asking for/looking for as a way to give OURSELVES those things...only then will we be able to find our happiness.

True Story:

I know a wonderful gal that wants to open up a strip club. Sexy I know! anyways, she wants to open up a place because she has amazing ideas on what she can do in order to make it mroe successful than other places. Her fear? Her parents will judge her, her friends will make fun of her, her future dating prospects will think "less" of her...ultimately...she is worried about what others will think of her. I understand how she would be worried about these things...lets be real...we all worry about that stuff.

The question to be asked is then: What are all these people providing her that she is not providing herself? Can the readers expand on that one? It comes down to questioning how much of your life is lived for others, how much of it is lived through others...but ultimately...how much of your life should be lived for what you believe in.

Be selfish readers....be selfish.