Boundaries are important in our lives. They help us separate, pull apart and stay whole. In fact, being in this field, boundaries help keep us objective and untouched by others. At psychology school we are told to keep distance and far enough as,"professional" distance, will help keep us apart from our patients.
The problem? I believe that although we need to have these boundaries up, we build boundaries out of brick and mortar. We build slabs of stone that protect so well that it actually bounces and suffocates us. We get stuck in our secluded and hidden world, protected and "safe" from all things that try to affect us...clients, patients, family, friends, our true selves. We hold our true selves hostage. A trained terrorist, your ego holds the trigger against the temple of who you really are. He makes demands against you, acts against you, and keeps all others out.
Your sense of needing to build boundaries and protect yourself has resulted in a domestic violent situation to which you have actively created and participate in. This same wall is what keeps really good guys away from you...the wall that keeps great possible dates out of your life...the wall that repels and scares people.
Am I saying that you have to break down walls and let everyone in? Well...kinda. I'm not saying let all your stuff leak out and infect and take over others...I'm saying that instead of building walls out of brick and mortar, use chain link fence.
Chain link is permeable, flexible and climbable. It separates but allows vision, openness and possibility. I wrote awhile back about the use of paint buckets in relationships. If you are the color blue and others are the color yellow....when you connect and meet them...you make green. Something different and new between two things...creation of different...mixed. Chain link allows the mixing of colors. It allows the blending of who you are with others to create something different. See the difference? Walls stop. Chain link breathes.
Breathe deep.
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