People often ask the wrong questions. They come to friends, family and alcohol wanting to know where they messed up....jacked up...why it didn't work out.
They walk into the room wanting to be beat up with that answer. Wanting to feel the pain of it. They look for it. Criticism is crack. It brings a sick high that we grow addicted to. They crave the criticism...this is their coping mechanism...they are used to making a mistake and someone saying, "oh, yeah...that's where you fucked up." People have been trained to think that way. Molded this way.
The problem with this is that...well...that's the wrong fucking question. This is what separates friends from therapists. Therapists don't make a living out of slinging mud at you, they teach you how to get dirty over and over again and instead of sitting in it, how to make castles out of it. They don't have the right answer, they just ask you better questions.
Instead of moving to find criticism in what happened, waiting to hit yourself with something. You need to find the meaning in the bigger picture of it. Understand the underlying reason, the deeper connection to who you are. Build an understanding of your own beliefs and values. Accept your story. Embrace who you are. Find your core and know that you are always in progress. Always in growth. Fall to kindness and offer positivity to yourself. Offer belief and care. Ask the right questions, reflect and breathe.
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