Q. I am really curious about the opinions of my first dates. What gives? Like I wanna know what they think of me. Is that bad?
I believe that opinions matter because we want to know how the world sees us. If we feel the same way or....if we exhibit the same qualities and things that others see.
I can believe that I am a stud, who is kind, sensitive and giving. But that may only exist in my head...I am not reflecting enough...considering enough...looking at myself enough if others and all those around me say otherwise.
Think of a thermometer. I naturally run hot. Sometimes I feel hot even though the thermometer says it's 59 degrees. Am I wrong? is it right? Do I automatically tell myself "oh it says it's 59 degrees therefore I'm cold, not hot anymore." No! I feel, what I feel. I consider the temperature and my own feelings.
The opinions of others should be seen as a thermometer. It supports and gives me a general sense of the area but will not always match my feelings- and it doesn't have to.
I believe we are looking for congruence. We want to know that who and what we project match what others see. Now, I agree that the opinion of others shouldn't matter and that we shouldn't "care" what they see. But I believe it's okay to hear the opinion about others...problems occur when you try to match, become, or take on their opinion. When you base yourself on what they believe you should be...have to be. When you do whatever you can to be accepted by them.
Also...when you say, "is that bad" I hear you asking me "am I normal" and the truth is.....yes!
I want to know what people think of me too. If my "dating" profile matches the "real" me. If my thermometer matches what I'm feeling...If the curtains match the drapes....wait...is that a correct metaphor? Anyways...it is absolutely normal to wonder what others think of us....just don't base who you are on it.
You can check your thermometer and dress for cold weather, but always be ready for the sun to come out.
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