When it comes down to it...you want a friend that you find sexy. Now sure, we all have friends that are hot/sexy that we want to do and make sweet, sweet love with...so what do I mean? I mean that you have to have a friend that has "sexy" and that in return thinks you got "sexy".
That's all it comes down to.
Ever hear that stuff about..."HEY! I got with someone that is my exact opposite 'opposites attract' right?" hmm...that's crap. Not like regular crap but more like...crap that's on a stick that swinging at a Horse Pinata filled with crap that is taking a crap.
Relationships will also come down to the balance between negotiable vs. non-negotiable needs.
Negotiable: pizza toppings, movie genre that you like, TV shows, kids*, sex positions (unless it's that one that all women hate but are equally as curious as guys...unless you nag the gal so much that she tries it a few times and ends up loving it "getout of here")
non-negotiable: personal values, beliefs, sex positions (see above caption)
The more similar you are to your partner...the less negotiation you will always have to make....
lets say he LOVES watching sports and you LOVE watching porn...if you're always fighting for what to watch...you will be in a constant "match" and fight for negotiation...
lets say she needs to have an fancy trip out of the country every month and he just can't afford it...
lets say he loves to get high often at home and you just can't stand the smell or how it acts on him...
You see?!?! the less negotiation on things...the easier it will be on the long term...you must try and find someone that has those similar things to you so that you will have less fights and you will have to live less in negotiation all the time in your relationship.
The difficulty? we have to negotiate...yes we do...but some of you out there..think about it...or maybe someone you know...will often find themselves saying,
"Well I'm doing this now for him/her but in time s/he will adjust and change or he will give in"
or even this jewel,
"well my aunt maggie gave her man an ultimatum and he caved..." we talk about some random story we heard or knew about a cousin, uncle, aunt, friend etc...and think that the same rule will apply to us....NO! do not "plan on what if"
Let me give you an example...lets say a gal wants to have 4 kids and the guy she's with wants to have NONE. PERIOD. If she tries to "wait" it out...she is trying to plan on the "what if"....what does that mean? She may learn that he will NOT give in and that she has "wasted" time with him.
The wonderful and horrible fact about relationships is that we stay in them WAY too long when things are just not going to work out in the end. We wait and plan on the "what if" we compromise our non-negotiables and give, give, give without having a return on the investment...
You cannot plan on "what if"
Example.
I'm with a man that wants no kids....well "what if" he changes his mind?
I'm with a guy that is a ranging alcoholic...well "what if" he changes because he can
I hooked up with that gal that night..."what if" she turns 12 by my court date
"what if" the cold sore on my lip isn't herpes despite knowing that she had herpes that night...damn grandma
I mean..think about it...the world is filled with "what if" so don't plan on them.
find a partner that is close to you and has similar interests that can negotiate when necessary and ultimately is your friend.
Last thing:
I've written about this before...you must be willing to give to your partner what they need. Ask them what they like...ask them what "does it" for them...ask your partner to tell you what they need. Often times we get caught up in our own crap and our own world that we forget that another person is now part of it.
If you're with a stubborn person that refuses to express themself to you...and YOU are the type that likes when they can tell you about their feelings and thoughts...you need to consider if they are a good fit for you. I'm NOT saying dump them...I'm saying think about your negotiable needs. Do they make an attempt to express themselves? Do they try and connect to what makes you happy? if they do then they are trying to meet you, if they are not and refuse to open up/show themself or give a bit of themself to you...move on. You'll be happier that way.
Learn your partners values and needs...then do what you can to meet them there...in return they will do the same for you...hopefully.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
:)
There is nothing more vital and meaningful than living out of the instinctual basis of one's soul. At the same time, listening to the voice of nature in distinction to the conventional voice of what one ought to do, or what is usually done, or what is merely reasonable, takes us off the well traveled cow trails were, venturing into untrodden territory, we might fall off a cliff or get lost.
When I am driving my truck off-road, I am always very happy if there are tire tracks in the ground that I can follow; others have been there before me and probably have found a way through. Nevertheless, some of us have an impulse to go off the collective track, both literally and symbolically, as if following some wild voice.
Thomas Elsner
When I am driving my truck off-road, I am always very happy if there are tire tracks in the ground that I can follow; others have been there before me and probably have found a way through. Nevertheless, some of us have an impulse to go off the collective track, both literally and symbolically, as if following some wild voice.
Thomas Elsner
Monday, February 7, 2011
147. 20/80
"I just don't get it psych! my boyfriend has it all with me. I cook for him and pick up the bill sometimes, I have a wonderful job which allows me to do that. I dress up and am there for him physically in any way he wants and yet, he cheats on me. I don't understand. My girlfriends told me that he was a player when I met him, but it's only now that we're getting serious that it bothers me. Why does he do that?"
Hey there,
I remember this from a movie a while back ago..don't remember which though. There is something like a 20/80 split. What that means is that...in any given relationship that person...our partner, satisfies 80% of everything we need...physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually.
(80% of our needs met by anyone is AMAZING by the way!!!)
So with 80% being satisfied....we as people can sometimes fall victim to thinking..."hey, I need 100% fulfillment at all times!" which is NOT TRUE.
Anyways...the problem is that many people think you need to have 100% filled which means when they are satisfied 80% of what they need...they look "ELSEWHERE" and will try and find that 20% they are missing. (WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE)
THink about it. YOu are there for him...you give him everything...you do so much for him that I'm sure you couldn't write down...you are fulfilling his 80%. The problem is that he may be cheating because he is trying to find that mythical 20% that he is missing from you.
ALSO!! it is not your responsibility to fulfill 100%. That's important.
What happens is that often times, the partner will jump ship chasing after what they think they need from that 20% they were missing. The problem? they cheat and jump ship only to realize that they do get the 20% from the other person but lose the 80% they were getting from their original partner!
Think of players. You know...guys that play around with many partners. They in this model are getting 10% from this gal....10% from this other gal...10% from this other, other gal....10% from this other, other gals grandma....etc.
They are splitting and trying to get fulfilled from everyone in so many ways...getting different parts of their needs/wants done in various ways...
People...DO NOT...chase 100% from anyone. It will not be fulfilled by anyone. YOU will be happy with 80% filled.
For my question person....
read my blog-
1. because it's free
2. it will give you some guidance about who you are
You sound like you're helping and giving so much and trying...even to the point of asking a complete stranger for help...You ARE doing what is right. I will not take a long time to address your feelings or value that you hold, unless you ask me to...but I will say this, KNOW your value. know your value readers.
My only question is whether or not he is fulfilling your 80%....or is he only fulfilling your 20%?
Hey there,
I remember this from a movie a while back ago..don't remember which though. There is something like a 20/80 split. What that means is that...in any given relationship that person...our partner, satisfies 80% of everything we need...physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually.
(80% of our needs met by anyone is AMAZING by the way!!!)
So with 80% being satisfied....we as people can sometimes fall victim to thinking..."hey, I need 100% fulfillment at all times!" which is NOT TRUE.
Anyways...the problem is that many people think you need to have 100% filled which means when they are satisfied 80% of what they need...they look "ELSEWHERE" and will try and find that 20% they are missing. (WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE)
THink about it. YOu are there for him...you give him everything...you do so much for him that I'm sure you couldn't write down...you are fulfilling his 80%. The problem is that he may be cheating because he is trying to find that mythical 20% that he is missing from you.
ALSO!! it is not your responsibility to fulfill 100%. That's important.
What happens is that often times, the partner will jump ship chasing after what they think they need from that 20% they were missing. The problem? they cheat and jump ship only to realize that they do get the 20% from the other person but lose the 80% they were getting from their original partner!
Think of players. You know...guys that play around with many partners. They in this model are getting 10% from this gal....10% from this other gal...10% from this other, other gal....10% from this other, other gals grandma....etc.
They are splitting and trying to get fulfilled from everyone in so many ways...getting different parts of their needs/wants done in various ways...
People...DO NOT...chase 100% from anyone. It will not be fulfilled by anyone. YOU will be happy with 80% filled.
For my question person....
read my blog-
1. because it's free
2. it will give you some guidance about who you are
You sound like you're helping and giving so much and trying...even to the point of asking a complete stranger for help...You ARE doing what is right. I will not take a long time to address your feelings or value that you hold, unless you ask me to...but I will say this, KNOW your value. know your value readers.
My only question is whether or not he is fulfilling your 80%....or is he only fulfilling your 20%?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
146. Doggy style
The life of a dog:
Love me.
Feed me.
Play with me.
Let me take a crap.
Repeat.
Gotta love that.
Love me.
Feed me.
Play with me.
Let me take a crap.
Repeat.
Gotta love that.
Monday, January 31, 2011
145. Sheet and cardboard boxes
There was a time when you were a little kid that you would grab sheets, cardboard boxes, brooms, lamps, pets, empty porn VHS boxes and build forts. You know what I'm talking about...the little self made "club house" where you would live out your tiny adventures, play with toys and general pretend like nothing else existed outside of that fort.
What happened to that?
You grew up. The imaginative, open, shrek looking, E.T. smelling, popsicle licking, little booger caved in to the pencil pushing, jerk-off that is reading this now :)
Too harsh? maybe...
anyways...I ask you to consider how to get it back. Day in and day out you go to work, play the weekly groundhog day, go home and maybe get a moments breath before doing it again. But it doesn't have to be like that. You can be more than that. You can build your fort where you are the master of it's story.
I ask you to create a space. A ritual area where you can be more than what you thought...make it "bath time" at night...make it, "meditation time in the afternoon" make it so that in your home in the morning or evening, you can zone out and sit in your mind.
Talk to yourself, talk out loud, talk in random voices, practice a southern accent, in your mind create a show where you are a ballet dancer, pretend to be a juggler, laugh, laugh, laugh at yourself. Play in your imagination...
This is your clubhouse, this is your sheet and cardboard tent. Only in sitting with imagination and floating in your head will you be able to truly start finding a different level of connection to yourself and the world around you.
Start today!
Do not think you're "crazy" for talking to yourself..
Do not think you're not "doing it right"...
Do not think you're "above it"
DO think that Psych! is amazing (that's me)
DO think he is sexy...oh wait...
I meant..
Do think that you cannot do it enough...
DO think that it can make you feel more happy and complete
Do think that you have time for it
Do have fun!
Build the clubouse folks...
What happened to that?
You grew up. The imaginative, open, shrek looking, E.T. smelling, popsicle licking, little booger caved in to the pencil pushing, jerk-off that is reading this now :)
Too harsh? maybe...
anyways...I ask you to consider how to get it back. Day in and day out you go to work, play the weekly groundhog day, go home and maybe get a moments breath before doing it again. But it doesn't have to be like that. You can be more than that. You can build your fort where you are the master of it's story.
I ask you to create a space. A ritual area where you can be more than what you thought...make it "bath time" at night...make it, "meditation time in the afternoon" make it so that in your home in the morning or evening, you can zone out and sit in your mind.
Talk to yourself, talk out loud, talk in random voices, practice a southern accent, in your mind create a show where you are a ballet dancer, pretend to be a juggler, laugh, laugh, laugh at yourself. Play in your imagination...
This is your clubhouse, this is your sheet and cardboard tent. Only in sitting with imagination and floating in your head will you be able to truly start finding a different level of connection to yourself and the world around you.
Start today!
Do not think you're "crazy" for talking to yourself..
Do not think you're not "doing it right"...
Do not think you're "above it"
DO think that Psych! is amazing (that's me)
DO think he is sexy...oh wait...
I meant..
Do think that you cannot do it enough...
DO think that it can make you feel more happy and complete
Do think that you have time for it
Do have fun!
Build the clubouse folks...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
144. No strings attached
"Let's talk about sex baby...let's talk about you and me...let's talk about all the good things...."
What is it with guys that like to play the field...like to play and not show too much affection? Or how about women that tend to cling, hold onto you and never let go? I'm not being sexist here...but instead setting you up to talk about...
DUM DUM DUM.....
Attachment Styles.....YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell is attachment style? It's simple...
SO the basics are that there are 3 attachment styles that we all tend to exhibit. How did this happen?...come on...you know how attachment styles are developed in adulthood....come on....
no?
that's right...blame yo' mama and daddy...
Basically you have three types of attachment: Secure, Anxious (insecure) and Anxious/secure (resistant)
This is how it breaks down:
------------------
BABY:
Secure attachment means that when you were a baby you were able to explore the living room set, turn around, see your mama, and always return to her psychologically knowing that she was there. When you kissed her, she kissed you back, when you showed her love, she gave it back. She was there to support you so you can explore, play and have trust that she will be there.
ADULT:
Secure attachment means that when you are with your partner, you can live your life, have outside friends, go out alone/with friends without (too much) jealousy, show affection in public, tell the world how wonderful you feel with your partner..etc
-------------------
Baby:
Anxious (insecure) attachment means that when you were a baby, you would walk away from your parent and as you walked away, you would turn around and she would not be where you left her. She may have walked away to the kitchen, so you have to go and find her. You may not have been kissed a lot, not given full attention and learned that you were "alone".
ADULT:
Anxious (insecure) attachment means that as an adult you will tend to play the field a lot. You will be used to playing out in the world, you will not show much affection to your partner, you may not want to hold hands in public or show that you are attached to someone. They may even go out and try to find many, many partners because they feel like they cannot count on their regular partner to be there for them.
-------------------
Baby:
Anxious/secure (resistant) attachment means that as a baby your mom was kinda/sorta there. You may have been trying to show your parent love but they may have been unsure how to show it back...you may have been showing affection and they did not give it in return but instead would run off to the phone when it rings. This taught you that when you give love, it may or may not be given in return. So you were taught that you can give lots of love...but as soon as she is gone...SHE IS FOREVER GONE and so you get angry
ADULT:
Anxious/secure (resistant) attachment means that you may show major, major love with your partner when you are together, but as soon as you two are away from another, he or she will act like you don't exist. Like in private he or she shows you love, but in public or at a party, they act like you don't exist. He or she may also be resistant, meaning he or she may be the type to kick you to the curb before you have the chance to kick them to the curb, even if everything is going well.
----------------------
The point of all this psychobabbo crap?
The point is that you must first learn the type of attachment that you are. What is your style of attachment. Don't lie to yourself. Don't. We all want to say that we are secure...
...but then when you think about it...you may end up wanting to always please the other by doing things for them and showing them how much you are worth...
...when in fact you may be doing those things because you're anxious (insecure) attachment and feel like if you don't do them...they will leave you.
Once you know your attachment style then think about the attachment style of your partner. Is she or he secure, anxious or secure/anxious. Once you can understand which they are...which you are ....then you can then work together to help strengthen your bond and connection.
If I know my girl is anxious I will do whatever I can to make her feel comfortable and secure in us
If I know my girl is secure and I'm anxious (insecure) I will work on telling myself that my girl will be there for me and so I need to relax because we are okay. Get it?
Own your attachment style...learn your parters...then screw :)
What is it with guys that like to play the field...like to play and not show too much affection? Or how about women that tend to cling, hold onto you and never let go? I'm not being sexist here...but instead setting you up to talk about...
DUM DUM DUM.....
Attachment Styles.....YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell is attachment style? It's simple...
SO the basics are that there are 3 attachment styles that we all tend to exhibit. How did this happen?...come on...you know how attachment styles are developed in adulthood....come on....
no?
that's right...blame yo' mama and daddy...
Basically you have three types of attachment: Secure, Anxious (insecure) and Anxious/secure (resistant)
This is how it breaks down:
------------------
BABY:
Secure attachment means that when you were a baby you were able to explore the living room set, turn around, see your mama, and always return to her psychologically knowing that she was there. When you kissed her, she kissed you back, when you showed her love, she gave it back. She was there to support you so you can explore, play and have trust that she will be there.
ADULT:
Secure attachment means that when you are with your partner, you can live your life, have outside friends, go out alone/with friends without (too much) jealousy, show affection in public, tell the world how wonderful you feel with your partner..etc
-------------------
Baby:
Anxious (insecure) attachment means that when you were a baby, you would walk away from your parent and as you walked away, you would turn around and she would not be where you left her. She may have walked away to the kitchen, so you have to go and find her. You may not have been kissed a lot, not given full attention and learned that you were "alone".
ADULT:
Anxious (insecure) attachment means that as an adult you will tend to play the field a lot. You will be used to playing out in the world, you will not show much affection to your partner, you may not want to hold hands in public or show that you are attached to someone. They may even go out and try to find many, many partners because they feel like they cannot count on their regular partner to be there for them.
-------------------
Baby:
Anxious/secure (resistant) attachment means that as a baby your mom was kinda/sorta there. You may have been trying to show your parent love but they may have been unsure how to show it back...you may have been showing affection and they did not give it in return but instead would run off to the phone when it rings. This taught you that when you give love, it may or may not be given in return. So you were taught that you can give lots of love...but as soon as she is gone...SHE IS FOREVER GONE and so you get angry
ADULT:
Anxious/secure (resistant) attachment means that you may show major, major love with your partner when you are together, but as soon as you two are away from another, he or she will act like you don't exist. Like in private he or she shows you love, but in public or at a party, they act like you don't exist. He or she may also be resistant, meaning he or she may be the type to kick you to the curb before you have the chance to kick them to the curb, even if everything is going well.
----------------------
The point of all this psychobabbo crap?
The point is that you must first learn the type of attachment that you are. What is your style of attachment. Don't lie to yourself. Don't. We all want to say that we are secure...
...but then when you think about it...you may end up wanting to always please the other by doing things for them and showing them how much you are worth...
...when in fact you may be doing those things because you're anxious (insecure) attachment and feel like if you don't do them...they will leave you.
Once you know your attachment style then think about the attachment style of your partner. Is she or he secure, anxious or secure/anxious. Once you can understand which they are...which you are ....then you can then work together to help strengthen your bond and connection.
If I know my girl is anxious I will do whatever I can to make her feel comfortable and secure in us
If I know my girl is secure and I'm anxious (insecure) I will work on telling myself that my girl will be there for me and so I need to relax because we are okay. Get it?
Own your attachment style...learn your parters...then screw :)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
143. Now what?
This is going to be a grade school blog. Get your chocolate milk out, start picking them boogers out of your nose, grab the nearest pig tails and settle down.
Taking responsibility.
I want to open up by talking about why responsibility is so hard. I believe that responsibility tends to be hard because it demands that you face your fear. WHAT!?!? that's right....it is hard because you have to come face to face with fear. YOu have to look fear in the eyes and say, "hey fear! screw you bitch!" well...maybe not like...but you get it :)
Let me tell you a story,
a while back ago I remember eating some nuts (OH GROW UP!).
Anyways, I was eating some nuts that I wasn't supposed to. I was told by my mom as I walked into the kitchen, "hey you are not allowed to eat those because they are for later and you already ate lunch." Did I listen? of course not. When she was washing dishes I ran right up to them and grabbed a hand full before running into the bathroom and hiding in the bathtub (I don't know why). So my mom comes to find me and when she found out that I ate the nuts I got it bad. Damn....
don't we all have stories like that?
But what this did was teach me that everytime I get caught...I get hurt. See how that worked? You got hurt when you got caught or when you took responsibility.
The difference now is that, most of you, are adults now. It's time to take responsiblity and face your fear. There are two things that need to be done when taking responsibility for something.
Number 1. Own up to whatever happened
Number 2. Acknowledge them and their feelings
Number 3. Do something about it
The difficulty is that many people don't do the second step. Many get "stuck" on the first one, call it the day and go have a beer. WRONG!
You must be willing to fess up, "Yes mom I did eat the nuts....I'm sorry" then "I know you told me not to...but I did it anyways and I'm sure that angered you" and finally, "Want me to go buy you new ones?" now granted as a child it's different but try and focus on your ability to use these three steps as an adult now...the honest truth is that you may not be able to...it's hard. You must face your fear.
Don't be scared anymore...if you eat the nuts...have the courage to grow a pair.
Taking responsibility.
I want to open up by talking about why responsibility is so hard. I believe that responsibility tends to be hard because it demands that you face your fear. WHAT!?!? that's right....it is hard because you have to come face to face with fear. YOu have to look fear in the eyes and say, "hey fear! screw you bitch!" well...maybe not like...but you get it :)
Let me tell you a story,
a while back ago I remember eating some nuts (OH GROW UP!).
Anyways, I was eating some nuts that I wasn't supposed to. I was told by my mom as I walked into the kitchen, "hey you are not allowed to eat those because they are for later and you already ate lunch." Did I listen? of course not. When she was washing dishes I ran right up to them and grabbed a hand full before running into the bathroom and hiding in the bathtub (I don't know why). So my mom comes to find me and when she found out that I ate the nuts I got it bad. Damn....
don't we all have stories like that?
But what this did was teach me that everytime I get caught...I get hurt. See how that worked? You got hurt when you got caught or when you took responsibility.
The difference now is that, most of you, are adults now. It's time to take responsiblity and face your fear. There are two things that need to be done when taking responsibility for something.
Number 1. Own up to whatever happened
Number 2. Acknowledge them and their feelings
Number 3. Do something about it
The difficulty is that many people don't do the second step. Many get "stuck" on the first one, call it the day and go have a beer. WRONG!
You must be willing to fess up, "Yes mom I did eat the nuts....I'm sorry" then "I know you told me not to...but I did it anyways and I'm sure that angered you" and finally, "Want me to go buy you new ones?" now granted as a child it's different but try and focus on your ability to use these three steps as an adult now...the honest truth is that you may not be able to...it's hard. You must face your fear.
Don't be scared anymore...if you eat the nuts...have the courage to grow a pair.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
142. Find your smile
So our brains are hardwired to remember pain more than pleasure. We will always remember the things that anger and hurt us more than the things that make us happy and smile. We are just hardwired that way...stupid brain and it's limbic system functioning...
Can you see what this has done to our minds and in turn society? We are all freakin' depressant roosters! I don't know why I said rooster..
anyways...we are dependent on our feelings of sadness..on our feelings of lost puppies...on being the last button on a fat man's shirt screaming and holding on for just a second more... Think about it...how many of you out there say something along the lines of:
"when I get my degree then my life will start..."
"all I have to do is get that new job and everything will be better..."
"I will be happy when I find my perfect partner..."
"if they just goes out with me then..."
"I just have to hold out until ....then all will be okay..."
the problem? when you get those things...you find that you say the exact same thing about the next thing!!!
You have to learn how to find your joy now...find your, as my friend John would say, "find your bright spot"
In order to be happy...find your happy. It could be something like singing in the shower, playing with your dog, eating a lollipop, digging into the cracker jack box to find a fake tattoo of a skull and cross bone that your friends then put on your forehead when you're drunk that one night....
what I'm saying is that you must LIVE in your moment of happiness throughout your day. It's a muscle! happiness like many other things is a psychic muscle...you have to use it...you have to work it out...stretch it like silly putty, do push ups on it, do squats and lunges on the bastard...find your daily *thing that makes you smile and open it up...make it breath and you'll find that you'll end up having more and more of those moments throughout your day and life....or use crack. kidding.
You must find things that make you smile...don't lie to yourself.
Lies are unfulfilled wishes....
You have to be willing to find what makes you smile daily and live in those moments...search for them...not a fake smile...not a moment that you have to force it...but things that brighten your day.
The more you do it...the happier you will be. Remember this as well...
beating the odds requires tolerating uncertainty.
The world is sad...the odds are against you...but you can be different...you can be happy!!! Live your day open and be willing to accept where you are and how things are...when you can do that...you are then open to where you will go and how new things will unfold. Find your smile today folks...find your smile.
Can you see what this has done to our minds and in turn society? We are all freakin' depressant roosters! I don't know why I said rooster..
anyways...we are dependent on our feelings of sadness..on our feelings of lost puppies...on being the last button on a fat man's shirt screaming and holding on for just a second more... Think about it...how many of you out there say something along the lines of:
"when I get my degree then my life will start..."
"all I have to do is get that new job and everything will be better..."
"I will be happy when I find my perfect partner..."
"if they just goes out with me then..."
"I just have to hold out until ....then all will be okay..."
the problem? when you get those things...you find that you say the exact same thing about the next thing!!!
You have to learn how to find your joy now...find your, as my friend John would say, "find your bright spot"
In order to be happy...find your happy. It could be something like singing in the shower, playing with your dog, eating a lollipop, digging into the cracker jack box to find a fake tattoo of a skull and cross bone that your friends then put on your forehead when you're drunk that one night....
what I'm saying is that you must LIVE in your moment of happiness throughout your day. It's a muscle! happiness like many other things is a psychic muscle...you have to use it...you have to work it out...stretch it like silly putty, do push ups on it, do squats and lunges on the bastard...find your daily *thing that makes you smile and open it up...make it breath and you'll find that you'll end up having more and more of those moments throughout your day and life....or use crack. kidding.
You must find things that make you smile...don't lie to yourself.
Lies are unfulfilled wishes....
You have to be willing to find what makes you smile daily and live in those moments...search for them...not a fake smile...not a moment that you have to force it...but things that brighten your day.
The more you do it...the happier you will be. Remember this as well...
beating the odds requires tolerating uncertainty.
The world is sad...the odds are against you...but you can be different...you can be happy!!! Live your day open and be willing to accept where you are and how things are...when you can do that...you are then open to where you will go and how new things will unfold. Find your smile today folks...find your smile.
141. She does it for me ;)
"My girl always does things for me like cook and clean and sometimes I don't know how to make it up to her. She will do my laundry and even iron my clothes in the morning. The thing is that I feel really bad that she does all of this stuff. I want her to stop doing so many things for me because it makes me feel uncomfortable. How can I feel better about this? and how can I get her to stop doing it so much?"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!!?
HA! Does she have a sister? a cousin? how about a young grandma? been a long times since I've had some grandma action :)
Anyways...here's the thing...I wonder if you're feeling inadequate? not up to par with what she is doing? Perhaps you feel you don't deserve it? or deserve to be treated so well? There are a million possible questions that can be asked in return so it's important for you to keep your radar up.
You CANNOT make anyone do anything. SURPRISE! Sure I want the donut lady to add a bit of sprinkled meth on my donut for that extra kick (kidding!) but I can't force her to do it. That's not how it works. Perhaps that is who she is...perhaps who she is is a natural caretaker that believes in giving to others and "taking care of her man"
I can simply offer this advice. If you feel that bad about it...instead of making her stop, why not even the playing field? You can increase the things you do for her. You say that she cooks for you...I would instead get up earlier and make her a meal every so often, you say that she irons for you, I would say go out and buy her new lotion or body wash stuff, you say she does your laundry, then ask to stick a finger in .....well....that would be more for you....
what I'm saying is that instead of asking one person to change and stop, which you absolutely should try, try to even the playing field by doing things in return for her. Your relationship will thrive, your love will grow and your hearts will connect...
...then try the finger thing ;)
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!!?
HA! Does she have a sister? a cousin? how about a young grandma? been a long times since I've had some grandma action :)
Anyways...here's the thing...I wonder if you're feeling inadequate? not up to par with what she is doing? Perhaps you feel you don't deserve it? or deserve to be treated so well? There are a million possible questions that can be asked in return so it's important for you to keep your radar up.
You CANNOT make anyone do anything. SURPRISE! Sure I want the donut lady to add a bit of sprinkled meth on my donut for that extra kick (kidding!) but I can't force her to do it. That's not how it works. Perhaps that is who she is...perhaps who she is is a natural caretaker that believes in giving to others and "taking care of her man"
I can simply offer this advice. If you feel that bad about it...instead of making her stop, why not even the playing field? You can increase the things you do for her. You say that she cooks for you...I would instead get up earlier and make her a meal every so often, you say that she irons for you, I would say go out and buy her new lotion or body wash stuff, you say she does your laundry, then ask to stick a finger in .....well....that would be more for you....
what I'm saying is that instead of asking one person to change and stop, which you absolutely should try, try to even the playing field by doing things in return for her. Your relationship will thrive, your love will grow and your hearts will connect...
...then try the finger thing ;)
140. Carebear Power!
"How do I know that he cares?"
That was a hard one to pass up on. I opened up my blogger account and of the number of emails I got this one is that one that jumped out at me. hmm...
SO here's the things about caring. I often tell myself two "rules" that I try and live by when I think about it. Number 1 rule, "what do they do for me?" and number 2 rule, "what do they ask for in return?"
I think this is a simply math problem for all of us to follow. If someone says, "Hey andrew I want to take you out, stare you deep in the eye and grab your ass before trying to lay you...but then you have to leave in the morning" That probably means that they don't care about you.
The thing about care is that it requires that we are greedy in return. If they want something from us, it is our responsibility to ask for something in return. Now granted, it isn't always necessary to get something in return, but remember our abiliy to have an equal relationship means that they offer you something be it love, emotional support or hot sex on starbucks counters when the boss is away...
To know care you must be willing to give it back.
That was a hard one to pass up on. I opened up my blogger account and of the number of emails I got this one is that one that jumped out at me. hmm...
SO here's the things about caring. I often tell myself two "rules" that I try and live by when I think about it. Number 1 rule, "what do they do for me?" and number 2 rule, "what do they ask for in return?"
I think this is a simply math problem for all of us to follow. If someone says, "Hey andrew I want to take you out, stare you deep in the eye and grab your ass before trying to lay you...but then you have to leave in the morning" That probably means that they don't care about you.
The thing about care is that it requires that we are greedy in return. If they want something from us, it is our responsibility to ask for something in return. Now granted, it isn't always necessary to get something in return, but remember our abiliy to have an equal relationship means that they offer you something be it love, emotional support or hot sex on starbucks counters when the boss is away...
To know care you must be willing to give it back.
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