148. Relationships

When it comes down to it...you want a friend that you find sexy. Now sure, we all have friends that are hot/sexy that we want to do and make sweet, sweet love with...so what do I mean? I mean that you have to have a friend that has "sexy" and that in return thinks you got "sexy".

That's all it comes down to.

Ever hear that stuff about..."HEY! I got with someone that is my exact opposite 'opposites attract' right?" hmm...that's crap. Not like regular crap but more like...crap that's on a stick that swinging at a Horse Pinata filled with crap that is taking a crap.

Relationships will also come down to the balance between negotiable vs. non-negotiable needs.

Negotiable: pizza toppings, movie genre that you like, TV shows, kids*, sex positions (unless it's that one that all women hate but are equally as curious as guys...unless you nag the gal so much that she tries it a few times and ends up loving it "getout of here")

non-negotiable: personal values, beliefs, sex positions (see above caption)

The more similar you are to your partner...the less negotiation you will always have to make....

lets say he LOVES watching sports and you LOVE watching porn...if you're always fighting for what to watch...you will be in a constant "match" and fight for negotiation...

lets say she needs to have an fancy trip out of the country every month and he just can't afford it...

lets say he loves to get high often at home and you just can't stand the smell or how it acts on him...

You see?!?! the less negotiation on things...the easier it will be on the long term...you must try and find someone that has those similar things to you so that you will have less fights and you will have to live less in negotiation all the time in your relationship.

The difficulty? we have to negotiate...yes we do...but some of you out there..think about it...or maybe someone you know...will often find themselves saying,

"Well I'm doing this now for him/her but in time s/he will adjust and change or he will give in"

or even this jewel,

"well my aunt maggie gave her man an ultimatum and he caved..." we talk about some random story we heard or knew about a cousin, uncle, aunt, friend etc...and think that the same rule will apply to us....NO! do not "plan on what if"

Let me give you an example...lets say a gal wants to have 4 kids and the guy she's with wants to have NONE. PERIOD. If she tries to "wait" it out...she is trying to plan on the "what if"....what does that mean? She may learn that he will NOT give in and that she has "wasted" time with him.

The wonderful and horrible fact about relationships is that we stay in them WAY too long when things are just not going to work out in the end. We wait and plan on the "what if" we compromise our non-negotiables and give, give, give without having a return on the investment...

You cannot plan on "what if"

Example.
I'm with a man that wants no kids....well "what if" he changes his mind?
I'm with a guy that is a ranging alcoholic...well "what if" he changes because he can
I hooked up with that gal that night..."what if" she turns 12 by my court date
"what if" the cold sore on my lip isn't herpes despite knowing that she had herpes that night...damn grandma

I mean..think about it...the world is filled with "what if" so don't plan on them.

find a partner that is close to you and has similar interests that can negotiate when necessary and ultimately is your friend.

Last thing:

I've written about this before...you must be willing to give to your partner what they need. Ask them what they like...ask them what "does it" for them...ask your partner to tell you what they need. Often times we get caught up in our own crap and our own world that we forget that another person is now part of it.

If you're with a stubborn person that refuses to express themself to you...and YOU are the type that likes when they can tell you about their feelings and thoughts...you need to consider if they are a good fit for you. I'm NOT saying dump them...I'm saying think about your negotiable needs. Do they make an attempt to express themselves? Do they try and connect to what makes you happy? if they do then they are trying to meet you, if they are not and refuse to open up/show themself or give a bit of themself to you...move on. You'll be happier that way.

Learn your partners values and needs...then do what you can to meet them there...in return they will do the same for you...hopefully.