263. Sex

Here’s a secret ladies.  What is a guy’s real fantasy? 

Threesome? 

Fousome?

69?

Anal?

Role play?

School girl? 

Nope….none of these.  His real fantasy is to satisfy you.  The means to which he believes he can do it is often the object of these above fantasies.

What?!?!  I can hear the yells.

It’s true.  Sure he may talk a big game…will often talk about his wanting to lay everything and anything that walks…but in the end what matters isn’t the number of times he finishes… the real kick is the number of times you finish. 

Oh yes.  It’s true.  I believe that men want to be seen as sex gods.  Yes, many do.  But how does he measure it?  He measures it by how many times he believes he got you off.  Think of a threesome.  The satisfaction isn’t from his wanting to be with two women (usually), his satisfaction comes from knowing that he was able to satisfy two women at the same time.

He wants to know that to you, he is the greatest you’ve had.  He is the “man” who did the job.  There is no greater compliment than a woman who can smile widely, breathe deeply and say, “Wow…you are so fuckin good.”

The catch?  Many men are scared.  Scared as hell because the truth is that we don’t know how to do that to you…and we don’t want to be seen as incompetent.  In fact, many times, especially at first, we don’t know what does it for you…what spot, angle or even how to hold your gaze long enough to get lost in it. 

So what do you do?  You tell him.  I’m not saying give him a freakin play by play but at least show him the playbook J

Guide him and tell him what you like and he will respond. 

Men:  You got a job too.  Listen to her.  Period.  That may be too easy.  When I say listen to hear, I mean feel her body, notice when she moves, where her hips angle…when her eyes squeeze together and her mouth opens…listening is not having her give you “simon says” directions, listening is about feeling every single movement in her like a blind man frantically reading braille. 

Gents, she may be shy and wanting you to take over and so giving you a playbook may not be her thing.  Your job is then to make one and ask her about it.  Communicate and check in with her…because she deserves it.  Eventually you’ll learn enough and won’t need it but until then…write it up.

Remember sex isn’t about the big finish…well…not always anyways.  Treat it like a song, a symphony of movements, a collection of instruments and chorus that lead up to the big finale.