171. To be or not to be

In my practice I run across four common questions that they look to me to answer for them.  

who am I

where do I come from

what is my purpose

where am I going

Unfortunately, if you are reading this right now...know that you will be disappointed...I don't know- but to be honest...even if I did, I probably wouldn't tell anyone that would spend time to read this blog ;-)

here's the thing, if you are too busy trying to find the answers to these things...you are too busy to live any of them.  What does that mean?  That means that you have to learn how to "stop existing" and "start living"

When I practice, I tell people the importance of not just narrating their life and telling me memories and stories, but instead to start talking to me about the experience of it.  That is the difference...when I recall a memory, I'm only reminding myself of that story...not of the emotional connection to it.

Consider music, remember the song, "baby got back"  of course you do...it was at every pre-pubescent dance, every love making session you had and every frat party thereafter....but it's not necessarily the song that we remember as we can remember the enjoyment and energy we felt when we hear/heard it come on at that dance.  When you recall that song- it is usually situated around an experience.

Although we all crave answers to those questions first written...my only suggestion is that if you must find the answers to those....seek the experience of the search first...find what makes you smile in searching for those answers....

This is the difference between living and existing.  When you live, you are always moving, you are seeking nectar, breathing in sea salted air and pine filled trees...you are open....when you exist you shut down all else but that which you seek....when you exist the journey means nothing so long as you get the answer or object that you look for...you are not moving or growing, you are stunted, a fractured moment never content.  

In searching for answers...seek the experience and life....not the existence or answer.  Seek nectar.

170.

"I sat down on a stone, with a sigh, and by a natural impulse one of my hands sought my forehead, and the other the base of my stomach.  I believe I never appreciated, till then, the poverty of the human machinery--for I still needed a hand or two to place elsewhere.  Pen cannot describe how I was jolted up.  Imagination cannot conceive how disjointed I was--how internally, externally and universally I was unsettled, mixed up and ruptured."

-Mark Twain



Yup....

-Psych!

169. Outside Voices

These are some stories gathered from one of my groups.  They gave me permission to post them and I think they are amazing examples of self reflection and depth-ful thought...

The work that they put into this type of reflective thought is simply amazing and absolutely brave.  I applaud you.

In no particular order....


Swell:  An Up & Down Phenom

A surfer is a moody person.  The beach is even more moody.  Together that makes a horrible relationship. To the standard beach goer the beach is tranquil, no cars, no road rage, just a quiet sandy place to go and catch a tan, a walk or just a break.  But the surfer sees the beach as a woman. A mood changing freak of nature.  She is happy, she is sad, or she is happy but sad at the same time.  Anticipation of this gets you worked up.  For good? for bad?

The 72 hr models show swell.  The weather is looking good. Sometimes there are good waves in but the wind and rain make them crap.

The swell is here, the weather is good.  A surfer is happy.  The beach is happy.  Together that makes for a great relationship.  The swell has come and gone.  You as a surfer are unhappy, you can't surf.  The beach has turned into a tourist attraction over your sanctuary or happy place. moody.


Sammy The Swamp Frog

Sammy the pond frog didn't have any big goals in life but he was content.  He lived in a pond and had all the necessities in life.  Life was, indeed simple, so him and his handful of friends spent their spare time doing absolutely nothing, Sammy made the decision to see what life had to offer 'cause he was a dreamer.

Sammy left the pond in search of something bigger, better than before.  He arrived at a swamp in Lafayette, LA.

At first sammy was blown away by the sheer size and breadth of what he had arrived at, this immense habitat was a hundred times bigger than his pond.  Sammy got acquainted with his surroundings and was hired by Tad the Tadpole to keep the water's surface clear of bugs. Sammy found his calling in life and became part of a bigger family than he had expected.  The toads called him "brother" and the tadpoles called him "uncle Sam".  But to the rest he was sammy the swamp frog.  The End


Tup R. Ware

Tup R. Ware was an ordinary person with lots on his mind.  Every morning he would wake up, eat and empty the dish washer.  But never quite seemed to get passed that.  It was all the tupperwares fault the world seemed to spin to fast and pull it all out of the cupboard.  In Tups hand went with a tupperware and out it came with several more toppling back at him.  After years spending each morning fixing this he discovered something.  He could control it.  If he thought hard enough, the tupperware would stay in place with glue!  But as soon as he lost his thought, out they all flew.  It's mornings were now spent trying to focus his one super power thought on the tupperware but he always screwed it up! Poor Tup R. Ware spent the rest of his life dealing with the same dilemma every morning.

168. Breath

167. Buying in

Ever hear that line...

"believe in yourself!"
"have faith in who you are"
"you can do it!"


I do not intend to take away from this message but to only help expand it more. When I think about what it means to have a relationship or experience with something, I believe this comes from a surrendering. It comes from a person's ability to give in...to buy in...to fall over in the fetal position waiting for a hand...or not. When we buy in, we learn to accept, we learn to simply accept and be...I believe this buy in only happens when you know your gifts, when you know your cards and play them to the best of your ability. When it comes to challenges or difficulty, know your gifts and buy in to what/who you are. When you can do this...belief and faith in yourself means nothing because your outside world looks like your inside one. Know your gifts, surrender to who you are, push your boundaries and grow.

“When we have a relationship to a particular thing or experience with it - belief/faith ceases to be a factor." -Jung

166. Kissing

-Alex Grey

165. Freedom

What is intimacy? Intimacy is a vomiting of our emotions- a raw, open expression of our feelings. Intimacy demands that you do not hide your emotions, it demands that you live your truth and continually search for growth. She doesn't want lies or cheap paint jobs over real emotion- she is a demanding bitch screaming at us to be truthful when we feel something bubbling and oozing inside. Remember when you made up a reason to break up with your girl because you wanted to "let her down easy", or how about when your husband asked if you blew the savings on a new purse and you stared blankly? Intimacy demands that we share our inner most secrets, thoughts and cracks within ourselves. Have you had real intimacy? Have you told your partner your innermost secrets and those things that you have held all your life? More importantly, have you told yourself?

I've recently had to learn how to be intimate with myself, not masturbation sickos, but an honest expression of what I feel and what I believe. When asked something, I've had to learn how to be more honest and unafraid of consequences...it's been a journey...one filled with pain and discomfort but something that has filled my cup and repaired my engine. When I've been honest with myself, even when asked by others, I'm repairing my engine...when I live my truth, I'm tuning my intimacy dial and when I do this, I'm free. This freedom is the matching of my internal car engine to the sexy racing stripes on the outside.

For those of you who lie about where you have been or what lies underneath that shiny smile of yours, you are just a new paint job on a junkyard car...a shiny overcoat on a piece of shit. Although it hides your broken engine, it doesn't get you anywhere. You never paint the car until you've fixed the engine- because even though the outside still has gun shot holes and mix-matched paint, it will absolutely roar. Being intimate with yourself and others is your fixing the engine, it's you working on your engine and asking others to jump in for a ride.

Fix your ride, paint it later.

-Psych!

164. Shadow

We often strive to be the "best person" we can be...the person that is "whole" and "complete"...the person who is above all, good. Yet we all carry things that we are embarrassed or ashamed of... little secrets that we've never told anyone, sad stories, trauma or cracks within our lives, we'll call these our shadow. Your shadow is what you carry around and notice within other people. It is that thing where our worries live, our pain resides and haunts us. Remember cheating on your girl/boyfriend? remember hurting someone? bullying another? stealing? lying? That is our shadow.

The problem is that most people try and repress/hide the shadow. They refuse to allow it to come out usually because of fear. As painful as these past memories are of we've done or had done to us- they are in itself a gain- because what is "inferior", "hidden", or what I deem as "worthless" belongs to you as your shadow and it gives me substance and mass. How can I be substantial if I fail to cast a shadow? Just like star wars, you must have a dark side also if you are to be whole; and inasmuch as you know that you walk with a shadow you can start to accept yourself as human like any other.

When you acknowledge your true self, good and bad, when you live your truth and form one with your shadow, you become free. You've become whole in your ability to be honest and true, continually searching for your wholeness. This aligning leads to honesty, honesty leads to growth and growth leads to freedom. Allow yourself to be free.

-Psych!

163. Closure

Many believe they need to close a chapter before opening a new one. They see closure as a cleansing, a washing away, and they don’t allow themselves to move on until what is preventing them from moving on has completely dissolved. But if that’s the case, wouldn’t closure stunt growth? Not allowing yourself to push forward until you have let go of the past becomes a dam, a missed fallen domino piece, quicksand. According to this definition, closure will keep you closed.

I believe closure is having the ability to transition, walking after that crippling event or relationship. Closure then is courage. Closure is not allowing what happened to have power over you, determine who you are, or how you want to live your life. That piece of your story contributed to your journey. It is polish. Not tarnish. Closure doesn’t have to mean forgetting about or erasing memories.

The events that have happened to us, the relationships we have been through, they are valuable. To hope they didn’t happen or push them away is not closure. That is denial. Closure means to accept, learn from, but most importantly begin again. Closure means to walk and it is a bridge, not a door

162

I think about where I've been in the last year and reflect on the loneliness i feel now. It's sprung (sprang?) on me strongly with it's talons out and I don't know why. I know I miss her. her ability to accept me as whole and who I am not only built me, but made me feel invincible. The quiet intimate places we went, the ability to share my secrets and have her trust and hold them. More than anything, I miss the rituals, I miss the breakfast, the coffee, the daily things that she would always tell me made her happy. I think about this last relationship and cant help but remember how she made me feel like superman (because batman sucks :)

Your relationships must breathe invincible. She has to make you feel stronger than "the other" more powerful than "the other" like you are her world...when they can do this to you...well...let me take that back...because we don't see relationships as they are...but as we are...finding the right person will allow you to feel that much more whole...our life sidekicks (partners) can help us breathe in the sweet nectar of life...they fill us with a sweetness and help us fly.

Thank you for reminding me how sweet life tastes...