165. Freedom

What is intimacy? Intimacy is a vomiting of our emotions- a raw, open expression of our feelings. Intimacy demands that you do not hide your emotions, it demands that you live your truth and continually search for growth. She doesn't want lies or cheap paint jobs over real emotion- she is a demanding bitch screaming at us to be truthful when we feel something bubbling and oozing inside. Remember when you made up a reason to break up with your girl because you wanted to "let her down easy", or how about when your husband asked if you blew the savings on a new purse and you stared blankly? Intimacy demands that we share our inner most secrets, thoughts and cracks within ourselves. Have you had real intimacy? Have you told your partner your innermost secrets and those things that you have held all your life? More importantly, have you told yourself?

I've recently had to learn how to be intimate with myself, not masturbation sickos, but an honest expression of what I feel and what I believe. When asked something, I've had to learn how to be more honest and unafraid of consequences...it's been a journey...one filled with pain and discomfort but something that has filled my cup and repaired my engine. When I've been honest with myself, even when asked by others, I'm repairing my engine...when I live my truth, I'm tuning my intimacy dial and when I do this, I'm free. This freedom is the matching of my internal car engine to the sexy racing stripes on the outside.

For those of you who lie about where you have been or what lies underneath that shiny smile of yours, you are just a new paint job on a junkyard car...a shiny overcoat on a piece of shit. Although it hides your broken engine, it doesn't get you anywhere. You never paint the car until you've fixed the engine- because even though the outside still has gun shot holes and mix-matched paint, it will absolutely roar. Being intimate with yourself and others is your fixing the engine, it's you working on your engine and asking others to jump in for a ride.

Fix your ride, paint it later.

-Psych!