Ever sit somewhere and as you doing whatever you are doing you hear the click clack of high heels...
what image do you get when you hear them?
oh come on...we all know what image comes to mind..
Sexy Chick.
What is that? where does that come from. As I've taken my informal survey many people have told me that when they hear high heels what immediately comes to mind is the picture of a sexy chick. Despite knowing what they look like you suddenly have an image in your head of a hottie.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that the image that comes into mind many times may be the ingrained response and idea from media. With men, as this is the only reference I can give, many times, the idea of skirts, stalkings, heels, button shirts and glasses pops in our head. The thought of the secretary...the thought of "forbidden fruit" will often come into mind as well.
A good friend of mine, Leeds says that "the idea of heels leads us to automatically think someone looks nice...and therefore hot." Don't we all have those images that automatically click with us. We have been trained to listen to and absolutely think of sexy.
If I said, "firefighter" many women....and men...would think sexy
A favorite of mine...when I see women mouthing along to a song at a random local place...I find it absolutely cute and amazingly sexy...
Same thing when something is high up and they have to tip toe to reach it...
Learn to find those things in your life that bring you to smile...that bring you to associate pictures in your life.
I write this blog as a way to demonstrate how many people associate various sounds with images which can be good and bad. Learn to recognize what you find sexy and fun as well as sad and low. This is a way to help build your own open-ness.
Unless you happen to hear high heels, turn around and see a half naked 6 foot 2 inch tranny walking down the street...hows that for an image :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
118. Screw You Princess!
Lets start from the beginning...
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess...who smelled of cookies and ginger bread...she would wake up everyday from her lavender scented bedding, the sheer shaw that hung over her window would glow with the morning light as the breeze and scent of roses and flowers awoke the princess everyday...and out that same window the princess would await for her prince...await for his coming...await for him to save her.
....
what do they not tell you?
The prince wakes up, loads on 80 pounds of tin...sweats his ass off in it...rides for days on end, likely without food or drink ...fights a freakin dragon, a gargoyle, godzilla, your mom and some sort of witch or evil queen...does the old school stairmaster and climbs up the staircase of death, jumps over a fire pit of hell to find the princess laying there saying, "I've been waiting for so long...where have you been?"
The prince's response, "I have found you that's all the matters"
The prince's REAL feelings, "SCREW YOU BI-OTCH....do you know what I had to do to get here!!?!?!?"
-----------------
We all know the fairy tale...we all know the common storyline and the drive to save the woman...but how does that translate today? how? for that I turn to the modern day club scene and the mating rituals there.
I was speaking to a friend yesterday who tells me, "When my ladies and I go to the club...sometimes we don't even have to take money..."
The idea was that in order to talk to her and her friends...the guys have to buy them a drink. Now PSYCH!SENSE tells me that this is their "price of admission" in order to be worthy of their time...you have to buy them a drink. Does this seem wrong?
Instead of being able to talk to a woman and just make conversation with you...you have to buy your way in? if that was the case...damn i'd buy sex all the time, skip the pleasantries and move in for the giggidy-ness.
But this is the fairy tale today. The guy walks into the club...finds a pretty gal...has to buy them a drink, fight with her wingwomen...ya know...the dragon, gargoyle, godzilla, evil witch (cause damn..some of them look like that) just to get to the princess ...offer her a drink and have her say, "get lost...i'm not interested"
Where did we lose the translation? It's sad to think that many woman (not all as I can hear the hordes of you screaming at me) will often go out to a club under the pretense of "I don't go out looking for anything..." knowing damn well that just by sitting there at a bar and puckering your lips, not doing anything...waiting for your prince charming- you are expecting to swept off your feet. It's true, many go under the false thought, "im just going for fun..." You can get free drinks without the need to do anything and without the intention of trying to get to know someone on a deeper level.
Talking to women is hard...if you don't have a certain look...a certain six pack or rippling arms the most you get is the opportunity to buy the girl a drink (because she doesn't want to spend her money) while she makes out with the fireman...(although lets me real some of them are hot...wait..what?) Over the course of one evening a woman will have about 15 men walk up to her and try to talk to her...I understand being selective...but often they only select for the hottest thing in there as oppose to talking to them...is this bad? well..technically no...whether or not you care...you have stopped growing when you do this. You have stopped moving towards the higher level of being that you can be when all you care about is their ass.
but trust me when I say...there is something damn hot about a tight ass than a saggy one..so I get it. The challenge is overcoming those drives and urges in exchange for something more.
Remember ladies...although I realize your type may be "tall, dark and asshole" (as I stole that from Rayna) it's those that have had to work hard and build personality that are the true winners.
Favorite fairy tales? Shrek and Beauty and the Beast
See the connection? monsters, ugly "princes" who are able to be loved outside of what they look like...
2 challenges?
1. the next time a shrek walks up to you at a bar...offer to buy him a drink...nothing intended...nothing expected...make sure he knows that...but talk to him..you'll make his world and in the process you yourself will grow.
2. there are some damn hot readers out there...damn hot. You know who you are. I challenge you to walk up to someone that may not be very hot...who may not have been gifted with absolute sexiness and chat them up...just for the experiment...see if they are anymore interesting than the rippling firefighter. Not to mention...you will absolutely change his world for the better...and like I said earlier..you will have grown in the process
For my less attractive readers, when you see the hot princess at the club...ignore them because they don't care about you in the slightest bit...but if you just have the absolute drive to talk to them..the drive and personal mission to get the hottest thing in the club...
here is your tip. Buy her drink...add Roofie. ta-da!
(for more reading see...blog 110 "I've got sssssteam heat" this is about how women may only be confident because they are used to men always hitting on them...it's false self esteem...also consider 109 "Play the game" sometimes we just have to suck it up and play the game/role that the environment expects of us)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess...who smelled of cookies and ginger bread...she would wake up everyday from her lavender scented bedding, the sheer shaw that hung over her window would glow with the morning light as the breeze and scent of roses and flowers awoke the princess everyday...and out that same window the princess would await for her prince...await for his coming...await for him to save her.
....
what do they not tell you?
The prince wakes up, loads on 80 pounds of tin...sweats his ass off in it...rides for days on end, likely without food or drink ...fights a freakin dragon, a gargoyle, godzilla, your mom and some sort of witch or evil queen...does the old school stairmaster and climbs up the staircase of death, jumps over a fire pit of hell to find the princess laying there saying, "I've been waiting for so long...where have you been?"
The prince's response, "I have found you that's all the matters"
The prince's REAL feelings, "SCREW YOU BI-OTCH....do you know what I had to do to get here!!?!?!?"
-----------------
We all know the fairy tale...we all know the common storyline and the drive to save the woman...but how does that translate today? how? for that I turn to the modern day club scene and the mating rituals there.
I was speaking to a friend yesterday who tells me, "When my ladies and I go to the club...sometimes we don't even have to take money..."
The idea was that in order to talk to her and her friends...the guys have to buy them a drink. Now PSYCH!SENSE tells me that this is their "price of admission" in order to be worthy of their time...you have to buy them a drink. Does this seem wrong?
Instead of being able to talk to a woman and just make conversation with you...you have to buy your way in? if that was the case...damn i'd buy sex all the time, skip the pleasantries and move in for the giggidy-ness.
But this is the fairy tale today. The guy walks into the club...finds a pretty gal...has to buy them a drink, fight with her wingwomen...ya know...the dragon, gargoyle, godzilla, evil witch (cause damn..some of them look like that) just to get to the princess ...offer her a drink and have her say, "get lost...i'm not interested"
Where did we lose the translation? It's sad to think that many woman (not all as I can hear the hordes of you screaming at me) will often go out to a club under the pretense of "I don't go out looking for anything..." knowing damn well that just by sitting there at a bar and puckering your lips, not doing anything...waiting for your prince charming- you are expecting to swept off your feet. It's true, many go under the false thought, "im just going for fun..." You can get free drinks without the need to do anything and without the intention of trying to get to know someone on a deeper level.
Talking to women is hard...if you don't have a certain look...a certain six pack or rippling arms the most you get is the opportunity to buy the girl a drink (because she doesn't want to spend her money) while she makes out with the fireman...(although lets me real some of them are hot...wait..what?) Over the course of one evening a woman will have about 15 men walk up to her and try to talk to her...I understand being selective...but often they only select for the hottest thing in there as oppose to talking to them...is this bad? well..technically no...whether or not you care...you have stopped growing when you do this. You have stopped moving towards the higher level of being that you can be when all you care about is their ass.
but trust me when I say...there is something damn hot about a tight ass than a saggy one..so I get it. The challenge is overcoming those drives and urges in exchange for something more.
Remember ladies...although I realize your type may be "tall, dark and asshole" (as I stole that from Rayna) it's those that have had to work hard and build personality that are the true winners.
Favorite fairy tales? Shrek and Beauty and the Beast
See the connection? monsters, ugly "princes" who are able to be loved outside of what they look like...
2 challenges?
1. the next time a shrek walks up to you at a bar...offer to buy him a drink...nothing intended...nothing expected...make sure he knows that...but talk to him..you'll make his world and in the process you yourself will grow.
2. there are some damn hot readers out there...damn hot. You know who you are. I challenge you to walk up to someone that may not be very hot...who may not have been gifted with absolute sexiness and chat them up...just for the experiment...see if they are anymore interesting than the rippling firefighter. Not to mention...you will absolutely change his world for the better...and like I said earlier..you will have grown in the process
For my less attractive readers, when you see the hot princess at the club...ignore them because they don't care about you in the slightest bit...but if you just have the absolute drive to talk to them..the drive and personal mission to get the hottest thing in the club...
here is your tip. Buy her drink...add Roofie. ta-da!
(for more reading see...blog 110 "I've got sssssteam heat" this is about how women may only be confident because they are used to men always hitting on them...it's false self esteem...also consider 109 "Play the game" sometimes we just have to suck it up and play the game/role that the environment expects of us)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
117. Hear Me!
The entire world is on Facebook. Everyone! I had a 79 year old patient that was talking to me about watering plants in his farmville garden because "it reminded me of the one I had growing up that I would have to work on" ....I was thinking..."cool...you had a farmville garden when you were 7 years old? about..72 years ago?" no, no I'm being mean. But you get the idea i'm sure.
what an interesting trend...you can absolutely see the type of personality that a person has simply by the type of crap they put on their status updates.
Types of Facebookers:
1. Quote writers
2. Joke makers
3. Drama queens
4. Attention whores
5. Half thought
1. You have the quote writers that will put a daily quote on their facebook, usually something deep and meaningful..."the butterfly will only flap it's wings if the junebug in vietnam has sex with a grasshopper and cums into the wind"
Or they put something scary as a way to show how strong and manly they are..., "Ancient chinese wisdom: take the sword from your hilt and cut off his balls while drinking the blood gushing from his torn throat that your pet vampire did..."
2. then you have the joke makers "...I have a great vocabulary, except during sex- usually I only use three words...'oh'....'ah'....and 'Im sorry'"
3. Oh my favorite...the Drama queen....you'll read in the morning how wonderful and beautiful the day is "wow..the birds woke me up this morning" ..then by about mid afternoon it turns into, "oh someone gave me a dirty look when I stuck my finger in the cats ass" then towards the evening, "OH MY GOD...FML (fuck my life) I just want to die now that I stepped in gum..."
4. Finally the attention whores. those are the ones who will put up a new status every 5 minutes. "just got up..." "no, I went back to bed" "wait...i'll get up now..." "hmm should I have eggs or oatmeal?" "I decided to go back to bed...goodnight" "no wait i'm up now..." hahah...they put every moment in their life...then they use status updates as their personal therapist...right? they start to put things on there about their girlfriend that slept with their poodle and how horrible life is yet only minutes ago loving it.
5. The half thought guys are the ones that secretly want attention (although don't we all) but will not admit it...instead they like put a quote or statement that would require someone in the facebook world to say, "what are you talking about?" for example, "today is the day..." or even, "I saw this pigeon screwing another one so I went up to them and..." Although everyone wants to be acknowledged on facebook but secretly will not admit it...the "half thoughters" are the ones that will instead say something to pull your attention...to pull your acknowledgment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that being the social animal that we are we need to have that constant connection and life-feeling moments. The avenue to express ourselves. I'm not saying any of this is bad...I'm simply saying that our generation is part of a development of human psychology where we strive for connection and want to feel less lonely in our existance with status updates giving us the opportunity to do that.
We all want to be acknowledged with what we say too. Just like in regular conversation. You put something on your status and you feel great that someone hit the damn little "like" button or even that someone quotes/says something back...because in those moments we have been acknowledged.
PSYCH!SENSE says that Our drive to be acknowledged is what fuels our lust for status updates. Maybe the person that puts updates every 10 seconds never received the needed attention from parents or while growing up and so in their adulthood- they now have an opportunity to be heard and will make sure ot it. No one will regulate them on status updates.
Although it is fun to almost sit in the background reading facebook updates, find your balance. Find where you can put part of your life into a digital medium but also find those closest to you as a way to express your emotion, pain, happiness and life with.
Take the time to make real human connection...real friends...real emotional bridges...not with just anyone...but at least with someone where facebook status updates can be balanced with your psychological ties to others.
what an interesting trend...you can absolutely see the type of personality that a person has simply by the type of crap they put on their status updates.
Types of Facebookers:
1. Quote writers
2. Joke makers
3. Drama queens
4. Attention whores
5. Half thought
1. You have the quote writers that will put a daily quote on their facebook, usually something deep and meaningful..."the butterfly will only flap it's wings if the junebug in vietnam has sex with a grasshopper and cums into the wind"
Or they put something scary as a way to show how strong and manly they are..., "Ancient chinese wisdom: take the sword from your hilt and cut off his balls while drinking the blood gushing from his torn throat that your pet vampire did..."
2. then you have the joke makers "...I have a great vocabulary, except during sex- usually I only use three words...'oh'....'ah'....and 'Im sorry'"
3. Oh my favorite...the Drama queen....you'll read in the morning how wonderful and beautiful the day is "wow..the birds woke me up this morning" ..then by about mid afternoon it turns into, "oh someone gave me a dirty look when I stuck my finger in the cats ass" then towards the evening, "OH MY GOD...FML (fuck my life) I just want to die now that I stepped in gum..."
4. Finally the attention whores. those are the ones who will put up a new status every 5 minutes. "just got up..." "no, I went back to bed" "wait...i'll get up now..." "hmm should I have eggs or oatmeal?" "I decided to go back to bed...goodnight" "no wait i'm up now..." hahah...they put every moment in their life...then they use status updates as their personal therapist...right? they start to put things on there about their girlfriend that slept with their poodle and how horrible life is yet only minutes ago loving it.
5. The half thought guys are the ones that secretly want attention (although don't we all) but will not admit it...instead they like put a quote or statement that would require someone in the facebook world to say, "what are you talking about?" for example, "today is the day..." or even, "I saw this pigeon screwing another one so I went up to them and..." Although everyone wants to be acknowledged on facebook but secretly will not admit it...the "half thoughters" are the ones that will instead say something to pull your attention...to pull your acknowledgment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that being the social animal that we are we need to have that constant connection and life-feeling moments. The avenue to express ourselves. I'm not saying any of this is bad...I'm simply saying that our generation is part of a development of human psychology where we strive for connection and want to feel less lonely in our existance with status updates giving us the opportunity to do that.
We all want to be acknowledged with what we say too. Just like in regular conversation. You put something on your status and you feel great that someone hit the damn little "like" button or even that someone quotes/says something back...because in those moments we have been acknowledged.
PSYCH!SENSE says that Our drive to be acknowledged is what fuels our lust for status updates. Maybe the person that puts updates every 10 seconds never received the needed attention from parents or while growing up and so in their adulthood- they now have an opportunity to be heard and will make sure ot it. No one will regulate them on status updates.
Although it is fun to almost sit in the background reading facebook updates, find your balance. Find where you can put part of your life into a digital medium but also find those closest to you as a way to express your emotion, pain, happiness and life with.
Take the time to make real human connection...real friends...real emotional bridges...not with just anyone...but at least with someone where facebook status updates can be balanced with your psychological ties to others.
116. I Have Purpose
Hello my wonderful readers...in the mist of everything in life...it was hard to actually sit down and do some meditative writing. I hope you took this opportunity to read previous entries! of course you did guys...right?
This topic was brought up by a friend of mine. Lately he has been on fire with ideas about various topics and suggestions...
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it about waiting in line for the latest fad?
I saw this news report about people standing in line for like 10 days in advance in downtown LA waiting for the latest twilight movie. 10 days? YES! 10 days.
"Hey john so what did you do on your vacation?"
"yeah...I went to stand in line for the twilight movie, tried to hit on the 13 year old girls, then got desperate and slept with a life size cardboard cut out of bella on the cold hard concrete...it was hot."
There is a certain addiction that people have with these things.
1. Use it as a way to escape their own lives
2. Use it to feel on the "in" crowd
3. Boredum
4. Trying to get laid
5. Instant popularity
As people we all need our goals. What are we striving for? what's next for me? where do I go from here? Many times the latest fad gives us purpose. It allows us to feel connected as we stand in line and talk about it to others. To nerd out, dress up like the characters and fully embrace that perhaps in some weird way the movie in this example, is "just like my life"....ya know...being fought over by a wolf and vampire.
Release dates give us something to wait for..something to aim for...something that will instantly connect us with others. For the time afterward and the days/weeks sometimes that follow we will automatically have a topic to discuss, we will have people that will relate and we will be on the "IN" as others ask us about it...give us attention about it...and allows us to tell the story as if it was our own.
It then goes to say that you must be willing to find your other purposes. Now yes, these great things allow us to escape for a moment...dive into a different world and psyche...yes...but so does meth. or...great sex..or...life itself.
I'm absolutely guilty of standing in line for releases...it was fun..."backdoor sluts 9" is something worth standing in line for...
but ultimately you must be willing to find other goals and ways to have purpose and connection to people. Find your purpose.
This topic was brought up by a friend of mine. Lately he has been on fire with ideas about various topics and suggestions...
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it about waiting in line for the latest fad?
I saw this news report about people standing in line for like 10 days in advance in downtown LA waiting for the latest twilight movie. 10 days? YES! 10 days.
"Hey john so what did you do on your vacation?"
"yeah...I went to stand in line for the twilight movie, tried to hit on the 13 year old girls, then got desperate and slept with a life size cardboard cut out of bella on the cold hard concrete...it was hot."
There is a certain addiction that people have with these things.
1. Use it as a way to escape their own lives
2. Use it to feel on the "in" crowd
3. Boredum
4. Trying to get laid
5. Instant popularity
As people we all need our goals. What are we striving for? what's next for me? where do I go from here? Many times the latest fad gives us purpose. It allows us to feel connected as we stand in line and talk about it to others. To nerd out, dress up like the characters and fully embrace that perhaps in some weird way the movie in this example, is "just like my life"....ya know...being fought over by a wolf and vampire.
Release dates give us something to wait for..something to aim for...something that will instantly connect us with others. For the time afterward and the days/weeks sometimes that follow we will automatically have a topic to discuss, we will have people that will relate and we will be on the "IN" as others ask us about it...give us attention about it...and allows us to tell the story as if it was our own.
It then goes to say that you must be willing to find your other purposes. Now yes, these great things allow us to escape for a moment...dive into a different world and psyche...yes...but so does meth. or...great sex..or...life itself.
I'm absolutely guilty of standing in line for releases...it was fun..."backdoor sluts 9" is something worth standing in line for...
but ultimately you must be willing to find other goals and ways to have purpose and connection to people. Find your purpose.
Monday, June 21, 2010
115. It Burns On The Inside
"Yo,
I find myself always blowing up on people. I know that its not like their fault and stuff but somtimes I just get mad and like scream at people. The other day I got home from work and when I walked in my wife came to kiss me and I could just feel myself like irratated or something for reals. I'm like not sleeping regular and I am not eating the same either, its weird. I don't like hit anyone and I dont hit things but like I feel like I gotta to let out my anger. Drinking helps so I just have like 2 a nite to help me do better. Do I need like anger management clases or something. what is going on with me."
-Angry Guy
First off Angry let me say that it takes a whole lot of cajones to ask something like this...big ol' cajones...like..huge bigger than my cajones big...
okay okay lets be real...
no way are they bigger.
Anyways, you are lashing out at others...screaming at others....irritated....not sleeping well...and not eating well...
I would say you're angry sure...but actually...I think you're depressed.
It's true...I think you're sad really underneath all the anger. Here's the thing...when you are a baby and lack the ability to talk (with words), lack the ability to text or type out your feelings...you cried. Babies will cry as a means of expression for their feelings...this is how they get what they need...YOU CRY for the entire world to hear.
The baby is experiencing
"I'm hungry" = Crying
"I'm wet" = Crying
"Where are you" = Crying
"I'm sad" = Crying
see where you fit in? Adults have the same method of getting attention...we adults "can't" cry because well..let's be honest...we men don't cry right? but what do we do? WE GET MAD! We don't know how to let it out in any other way because we haven't been taught how to or told that it's okay to let it out in another way...
Imagine an Iceberg
See that top part? that's anger...that's the only thing we see. But really underneath the water is all that other crap. Underneath the water is where you see sadness, despair, depression...
Usually you will find that with people. come on readers!!! we know this if you have been reading the blog long enough...what you see is fake...I mean it's real anger and emotion...but it's not the real feeling that's under the water. Only when you chip away at the top does the iceberg begin to rise and rise and rise (heyo! giggidy).
So when you are angry really feel and try and pinpoint where the anger is coming from...what in your life is underneath the anger...underneath the water...besides sharks...damn sharks scare me...anyways...yeah.
Drinking...drugs...etc are ways for you to avoid feeling...to numb yourself...this is why so many use drugs...they numb themselves to everything as a way to feel peace. You should not numb..you should engage...as for hitting things...well I'm torn on that because you don't want to train yourself to physically lash out on something...because then you train yourself to do it even when you may not want to...say on a person.
Learn to talk about your feelings. If you come home and are irritated I want you to think about your day...or week...or random conversation you had with someone that just absolutely pissed you off or upset you...more than likely you got mad at someone or something and are taking it out on someone else. Only when you do this will you actually understand where your anger is from and let it out calmly.
For example:
customer comes in says, "hey you, last night I was with your mom and jabba the hutt at the same time as she was going down on my wookie"
you then say, "would you like fries with that"
....
see...instead of engaging (which I know many of you would) you instead push it off...you suffocate your feelings...then you forget about it...go home and get pissed at your family or friends and don't know why. The answer is because you were saddened and upset at the earlier comment but didn't let it out. You are sooo angry with yourself (internal angry at self) for not letting it out that you are saddened (depression) by it. You then go home and kill the neighbors without knowing why (anger).
When you feel the rage come on:
1. Recognize you are angry or irritated
2. Think about your day or week or situation that may be the real reason for anger and sadness
3. Talk about your anger or irritation and where it is from
4. Engage with something to help work out the emotional energy (no punching!) I absolutely suggest talking to something that can hear you completely without saying anything in return but simply listening without trying to fix it.
VOILA! easier said than done but that's how you do a cleveland steamroller ....no I mean...work with anger.
I find myself always blowing up on people. I know that its not like their fault and stuff but somtimes I just get mad and like scream at people. The other day I got home from work and when I walked in my wife came to kiss me and I could just feel myself like irratated or something for reals. I'm like not sleeping regular and I am not eating the same either, its weird. I don't like hit anyone and I dont hit things but like I feel like I gotta to let out my anger. Drinking helps so I just have like 2 a nite to help me do better. Do I need like anger management clases or something. what is going on with me."
-Angry Guy
First off Angry let me say that it takes a whole lot of cajones to ask something like this...big ol' cajones...like..huge bigger than my cajones big...
okay okay lets be real...
no way are they bigger.
Anyways, you are lashing out at others...screaming at others....irritated....not sleeping well...and not eating well...
I would say you're angry sure...but actually...I think you're depressed.
It's true...I think you're sad really underneath all the anger. Here's the thing...when you are a baby and lack the ability to talk (with words), lack the ability to text or type out your feelings...you cried. Babies will cry as a means of expression for their feelings...this is how they get what they need...YOU CRY for the entire world to hear.
The baby is experiencing
"I'm hungry" = Crying
"I'm wet" = Crying
"Where are you" = Crying
"I'm sad" = Crying
see where you fit in? Adults have the same method of getting attention...we adults "can't" cry because well..let's be honest...we men don't cry right? but what do we do? WE GET MAD! We don't know how to let it out in any other way because we haven't been taught how to or told that it's okay to let it out in another way...
Imagine an Iceberg
See that top part? that's anger...that's the only thing we see. But really underneath the water is all that other crap. Underneath the water is where you see sadness, despair, depression...
Usually you will find that with people. come on readers!!! we know this if you have been reading the blog long enough...what you see is fake...I mean it's real anger and emotion...but it's not the real feeling that's under the water. Only when you chip away at the top does the iceberg begin to rise and rise and rise (heyo! giggidy).
So when you are angry really feel and try and pinpoint where the anger is coming from...what in your life is underneath the anger...underneath the water...besides sharks...damn sharks scare me...anyways...yeah.
Drinking...drugs...etc are ways for you to avoid feeling...to numb yourself...this is why so many use drugs...they numb themselves to everything as a way to feel peace. You should not numb..you should engage...as for hitting things...well I'm torn on that because you don't want to train yourself to physically lash out on something...because then you train yourself to do it even when you may not want to...say on a person.
Learn to talk about your feelings. If you come home and are irritated I want you to think about your day...or week...or random conversation you had with someone that just absolutely pissed you off or upset you...more than likely you got mad at someone or something and are taking it out on someone else. Only when you do this will you actually understand where your anger is from and let it out calmly.
For example:
customer comes in says, "hey you, last night I was with your mom and jabba the hutt at the same time as she was going down on my wookie"
you then say, "would you like fries with that"
....
see...instead of engaging (which I know many of you would) you instead push it off...you suffocate your feelings...then you forget about it...go home and get pissed at your family or friends and don't know why. The answer is because you were saddened and upset at the earlier comment but didn't let it out. You are sooo angry with yourself (internal angry at self) for not letting it out that you are saddened (depression) by it. You then go home and kill the neighbors without knowing why (anger).
When you feel the rage come on:
1. Recognize you are angry or irritated
2. Think about your day or week or situation that may be the real reason for anger and sadness
3. Talk about your anger or irritation and where it is from
4. Engage with something to help work out the emotional energy (no punching!) I absolutely suggest talking to something that can hear you completely without saying anything in return but simply listening without trying to fix it.
VOILA! easier said than done but that's how you do a cleveland steamroller ....no I mean...work with anger.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
114. E = MC-utie
"HEY BLOGGER I'M PISSED ABOUT THIS OLD ARTICLE! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT?"
http://www.livescience.com/health/080410-couples-beauty.html
Hello there writer...why all the caps? why are you yelling at me? hehe.
Turns out, for attraction..Females need to look good. Males need to have good personalities.
WHAT?!?!?
yes it's true apparently, as men are more into physical attractiveness and women are into the entire whole, it goes to show one of simplest differences in the male and female biology/psychology.
Apparently a woman needs to find a male that, although looks initially attract, has a good personality. Men on the other hand need to find a good looker. period.
One of my really good friends and philosopher tells me,
"my uncle told me something as a teenager that stuck with me these 20 some odd years...he told me...men can be bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly....bithches you need to shower twice...stay curvy, thin, and looking good."
WOW!!! that is just sad...
Although I understand it...women I suppose tend to be harder on themselves physically than men...I suppose they must also be in constant competition from other women which is really sad...for women....great for bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly guys.
What do we do about this? As you have heard me preach about before -learn to challenge your own perceptions and perspectives!!!
First off..women..screw the whole competition thing!!! screw it! There is something in the psychology world called "contrast effect" this is when women base their looks off of the things that surround them. SO if you base your looks off of models and actors and sexy people...you will feel ugly...if you base it off of the average person or those slightly uglier than you...you will feel pretty.
With that being said, stop comparing yourselves to the cover model and instead find the amazingly pretty things that you already have. Imagine this... if everyone is worried about how they look and how horrible they appear...then it goes to say that they don't really pay that much attention to others.
That's the hard part though...our brains have a hot or not meter in us that is always collecting data based off our past our family and how others have treated us.
Here's your PSYCH!SENSE example:
If you think...what do I want to look like? you think let me check out a cover model or beach body or magazine and compare myself to it...THIS IS WRONG!
If you think...how smart am I? You don't think...hmm....Einstein...now let me compare myself to him...
Yet this is what people do all the time...they see an "ideal body" and aim to have one just like it...yet when thinking "I want to be smart" they don't compare themselves to Einstein...get it?
We have lost the drive to put soul and intelligence into our lives in exchange for the hot piece of ass without the brains or soul. Remember that CHARM can always trump the beauty card.
Men...get your heads out of your ass! Find the love and soul in the female in your life...learn to focus outside of her looks outside how she looks in a two piece...focus on the person she is..
...and if she can cook
http://www.livescience.com/health/080410-couples-beauty.html
Hello there writer...why all the caps? why are you yelling at me? hehe.
Turns out, for attraction..Females need to look good. Males need to have good personalities.
WHAT?!?!?
yes it's true apparently, as men are more into physical attractiveness and women are into the entire whole, it goes to show one of simplest differences in the male and female biology/psychology.
Apparently a woman needs to find a male that, although looks initially attract, has a good personality. Men on the other hand need to find a good looker. period.
One of my really good friends and philosopher tells me,
"my uncle told me something as a teenager that stuck with me these 20 some odd years...he told me...men can be bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly....bithches you need to shower twice...stay curvy, thin, and looking good."
WOW!!! that is just sad...
Although I understand it...women I suppose tend to be harder on themselves physically than men...I suppose they must also be in constant competition from other women which is really sad...for women....great for bald, overweight and butt fuck ugly guys.
What do we do about this? As you have heard me preach about before -learn to challenge your own perceptions and perspectives!!!
First off..women..screw the whole competition thing!!! screw it! There is something in the psychology world called "contrast effect" this is when women base their looks off of the things that surround them. SO if you base your looks off of models and actors and sexy people...you will feel ugly...if you base it off of the average person or those slightly uglier than you...you will feel pretty.
With that being said, stop comparing yourselves to the cover model and instead find the amazingly pretty things that you already have. Imagine this... if everyone is worried about how they look and how horrible they appear...then it goes to say that they don't really pay that much attention to others.
That's the hard part though...our brains have a hot or not meter in us that is always collecting data based off our past our family and how others have treated us.
Here's your PSYCH!SENSE example:
If you think...what do I want to look like? you think let me check out a cover model or beach body or magazine and compare myself to it...THIS IS WRONG!
If you think...how smart am I? You don't think...hmm....Einstein...now let me compare myself to him...
Yet this is what people do all the time...they see an "ideal body" and aim to have one just like it...yet when thinking "I want to be smart" they don't compare themselves to Einstein...get it?
We have lost the drive to put soul and intelligence into our lives in exchange for the hot piece of ass without the brains or soul. Remember that CHARM can always trump the beauty card.
Men...get your heads out of your ass! Find the love and soul in the female in your life...learn to focus outside of her looks outside how she looks in a two piece...focus on the person she is..
...and if she can cook
113. I want it NOW!
"Why is it that there is a need for younger kids to have things 'right now' instead of saving and building"
I was talking to an old friend of mine recently who was talking to me about his younger brother wanting to buy a home. The younger brother is in his early twenties, is recently married and holds a stable job. Up until he got married he had lived with his older brother (my friend) for many years..saving money...working..etc.
My older friend tells me, "How is it that he wants to buy a home already? My wife and I had to pay rent for yeeeeaaaarrsss...had to buy used appliances, had to wait for anything...."
I think this show's a prime example of our time. The drive for "now"....the drive for I want/need it this moment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that many hardworking older generation people truly had to save, build and wait for their goods...as they had children, their children did not have to work so hard...in fact...they didn't know the difference between used or new clothes...between "good" food and "bad" food...they just knew food. Were they forced to find a job? no...were they forced to work for anything?
I only mention this because our newer generation I feel has lost the traditional values of working and saving. We have become so stuck with how something looks and presents that we've lost contact and sense with what "is" and how we hold things dearly. It's like an all or nothing attitude.
I will get the best looking car!
I will buy my home right now and be in debt for the rest of my life so that I can look good.
Now there are certain younger generations who have found the ability to save what they have...most likely it was because they were brought up with the ideals of saving and working hard as they were probably forced to work hard as a young child.
These are things though that only the wise can explain. They have lived through it, have created their home and have worked hard for what they have...it is only through their teaching that this can all be seen and learned. Challenge yourself to not have it "now" instill the old ideas of "layaway" and the ideals of patience. Things that many of us have forgotten about....
I was talking to an old friend of mine recently who was talking to me about his younger brother wanting to buy a home. The younger brother is in his early twenties, is recently married and holds a stable job. Up until he got married he had lived with his older brother (my friend) for many years..saving money...working..etc.
My older friend tells me, "How is it that he wants to buy a home already? My wife and I had to pay rent for yeeeeaaaarrsss...had to buy used appliances, had to wait for anything...."
I think this show's a prime example of our time. The drive for "now"....the drive for I want/need it this moment.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that many hardworking older generation people truly had to save, build and wait for their goods...as they had children, their children did not have to work so hard...in fact...they didn't know the difference between used or new clothes...between "good" food and "bad" food...they just knew food. Were they forced to find a job? no...were they forced to work for anything?
I only mention this because our newer generation I feel has lost the traditional values of working and saving. We have become so stuck with how something looks and presents that we've lost contact and sense with what "is" and how we hold things dearly. It's like an all or nothing attitude.
I will get the best looking car!
I will buy my home right now and be in debt for the rest of my life so that I can look good.
Now there are certain younger generations who have found the ability to save what they have...most likely it was because they were brought up with the ideals of saving and working hard as they were probably forced to work hard as a young child.
These are things though that only the wise can explain. They have lived through it, have created their home and have worked hard for what they have...it is only through their teaching that this can all be seen and learned. Challenge yourself to not have it "now" instill the old ideas of "layaway" and the ideals of patience. Things that many of us have forgotten about....
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
112. Are We There Yet?
Quick! what's your next goal?
come on...
come on...
what's next?
Now..maybe I'm not old enough to know what is next...perhaps i'm just not quite quick enough to think of the answer but like many people out there...we really dont' know. I'm not saying that can't live without a goal...I'm simply say that you must be willing to find your direction.
Many people that I see often tell me..."I don't know where I'm going in my life...I don't know what's going to happen..I don't know even what makes me happy"
That's a different blog topic in itself...What makes you happy....
anyways, a lot of these people have no future goal...no future "happy" place...think about it...when growing up...we thought...damn..the school year is over for summer in 1 month...you let the anticipation grow....you let it build and when it finally gets here what happens? you feel sooooo free! SOOOOOO FREE!! you hear the bell ring and suddenly you are the happiest person alive knowing that you have vacation.
Remember that crush you had back in grade school? you see them walking...you want to talk to them...to hook up with them to have them ya know...do stuff ...with you. yeah. you know. Then weeks before the big dance you work up the courage to ask them out, pick out your clothes, you reherse what you're going to say, you pick out the day of the week to do it...most likely a friday so that they dont have to see you the next day...and then you ask them out...and they say...."no" but then you find them dumped at the dance...drunk and you get to make out with them without all the work...this is a goal moment. j/k.
see the power of goals though? they push us...they create a sense of urge and drive in us that we need to follow. Goals help to lead us to do what is necessary to get there. Vacation is coming..I need to get good grades....the girl is hot...I need to work out more....
What do we have as adults in relation to that?
A better question is...what do we have as adults that we can strive for? many work the nine to five...day in and day out not knowing where to go next...they may have stopped growing. Others continue to go to school...I did this degree...now I should do this one...now I should do this one...and on and on and on....
If you have a family....perhaps your goal now becomes raising a strong loving child...that's is amazing..what other goal do you have for yourself? maybe learn an instrument...learn to knit....learn to strip...learn to write...find your own goal..find your own motivation...
When people come see me and tell me that they have no drive, motivation or purpose...I ask them to find one. I work with them in finding something in their life to build on and work towards.
Some choose to try and learn an instrument..others drive to learn how to cook...while others devote themselves to reading my blog....push yourself to be a more complete person...don't do it something new once and say, "i'm not interested" then move on-
...challenge yourself to try it many times before making a judgment...aim for a goal- only then will you be a better person..a more complete person...someone slowly becoming more whole.
what is your goal? where to next?
are you there yet?
come on...
come on...
what's next?
Now..maybe I'm not old enough to know what is next...perhaps i'm just not quite quick enough to think of the answer but like many people out there...we really dont' know. I'm not saying that can't live without a goal...I'm simply say that you must be willing to find your direction.
Many people that I see often tell me..."I don't know where I'm going in my life...I don't know what's going to happen..I don't know even what makes me happy"
That's a different blog topic in itself...What makes you happy....
anyways, a lot of these people have no future goal...no future "happy" place...think about it...when growing up...we thought...damn..the school year is over for summer in 1 month...you let the anticipation grow....you let it build and when it finally gets here what happens? you feel sooooo free! SOOOOOO FREE!! you hear the bell ring and suddenly you are the happiest person alive knowing that you have vacation.
Remember that crush you had back in grade school? you see them walking...you want to talk to them...to hook up with them to have them ya know...do stuff ...with you. yeah. you know. Then weeks before the big dance you work up the courage to ask them out, pick out your clothes, you reherse what you're going to say, you pick out the day of the week to do it...most likely a friday so that they dont have to see you the next day...and then you ask them out...and they say...."no" but then you find them dumped at the dance...drunk and you get to make out with them without all the work...this is a goal moment. j/k.
see the power of goals though? they push us...they create a sense of urge and drive in us that we need to follow. Goals help to lead us to do what is necessary to get there. Vacation is coming..I need to get good grades....the girl is hot...I need to work out more....
What do we have as adults in relation to that?
A better question is...what do we have as adults that we can strive for? many work the nine to five...day in and day out not knowing where to go next...they may have stopped growing. Others continue to go to school...I did this degree...now I should do this one...now I should do this one...and on and on and on....
If you have a family....perhaps your goal now becomes raising a strong loving child...that's is amazing..what other goal do you have for yourself? maybe learn an instrument...learn to knit....learn to strip...learn to write...find your own goal..find your own motivation...
When people come see me and tell me that they have no drive, motivation or purpose...I ask them to find one. I work with them in finding something in their life to build on and work towards.
Some choose to try and learn an instrument..others drive to learn how to cook...while others devote themselves to reading my blog....push yourself to be a more complete person...don't do it something new once and say, "i'm not interested" then move on-
...challenge yourself to try it many times before making a judgment...aim for a goal- only then will you be a better person..a more complete person...someone slowly becoming more whole.
what is your goal? where to next?
are you there yet?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
111. Flying solo
So I went to a party the other day where we started talking about our weekends. I had told them that I went to the movies and their response? "ohhhhh damn...dr. drew's got a hot date..nice...who is she? where is she from? what does she do?"...my response? "I went by myself.." their response, "What? are you depressed? lonely? sad? gay? whats wrong? dude! lets find you a prostitute..damn! we're sorry..."
the entire world had crumbled in their eyes if I had gone to the movies alone. WTF?!?!
PSYCH!SENSE question: Going to the movies alone...are you seen as weird or lonely?
Now I haven't quite figured out the question so i'm sorry. One of my friends had told me..."You just don't go to the movies alone...it shows that you're sad and lonely"
now apparently as he was growing up it was just second nature to have someone go with you..a brother, a sister...a neighbor...something. He would go with another person...all the time. Maybe it was about safety..maybe it was about having company..but in either case, it was about not being the loner.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our family of origin and our family /cultural beliefs kinda instill this idea. If you were raised going out with others..being around others..you'll find comfort in continuing this habit.
Which means...anything outside this belief is weird and outside the "norm"
For example: Those who were beat as little kids...those who were abused will have a higher chance of hitting their children when they have them because their parents did it to them...and most likely in that community...the neighbor's kids were beat as well. This is learned behavior..it is "normal" to hit kids...
Here's the thing though...our potential for growth...our drive to be better stems from our ability to do things outside our comfort zone- Outside what we've always known to be "normal" and "true"
Despite your feeling comfortable and happy in your comfort zone...try and face that which irritates, frustrates, worries or scares you. We must be willing to lean over the edge of our fears...walking the fine line between fear and peace. Challenge the cliff...don't jump. Do what bugs you!...this is how you grow as a person.
anyways...I recently saw an article about how to "look less awkward when eating alone" that was on yahoo. It was things like..."bring a book with you...play on the phone...bring papers with you so you look like you're busy..."
although this is all find and dandy...why does it have to say "look less awkward..." There is nothing wrong with eating alone...sitting alone and people watching...having peaceful meal...and enjoying the time. Sit in the moment and love what you are experiencing..fully live in that moment. When you do it...try and focus on what you feel...you may feel lonely...you may feel sad...you may feel upset...but whatever it is...fully engage with the feelings and explore where it comes from. Grow my wonderful philosophers...GROW!!!
For those that find this difficult I challenge you to eat out alone...to go to the movies alone...to find peace in solitude...on the other hand...for those like me who enjoy the quiet solitutde...find a eating partner...a movie goer..someone that challenges your sense of solitutde. This will allow for you to face the feelings you get from going out with others. Those will others may get feelings of having to please the other person...having to make it comfortable for them...having to try and fill the silence with talk which may be too troublesome...whatever it is..allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with it.
Now of course I can already hear the responses, "I can go out alone if I want to....I can go out in groups if I want to...." for many of you...that wonderful...but for other readers...they may find it hard to do these because of the awkward feelings they get.
challenge yourself.
the entire world had crumbled in their eyes if I had gone to the movies alone. WTF?!?!
PSYCH!SENSE question: Going to the movies alone...are you seen as weird or lonely?
Now I haven't quite figured out the question so i'm sorry. One of my friends had told me..."You just don't go to the movies alone...it shows that you're sad and lonely"
now apparently as he was growing up it was just second nature to have someone go with you..a brother, a sister...a neighbor...something. He would go with another person...all the time. Maybe it was about safety..maybe it was about having company..but in either case, it was about not being the loner.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our family of origin and our family /cultural beliefs kinda instill this idea. If you were raised going out with others..being around others..you'll find comfort in continuing this habit.
Which means...anything outside this belief is weird and outside the "norm"
For example: Those who were beat as little kids...those who were abused will have a higher chance of hitting their children when they have them because their parents did it to them...and most likely in that community...the neighbor's kids were beat as well. This is learned behavior..it is "normal" to hit kids...
Here's the thing though...our potential for growth...our drive to be better stems from our ability to do things outside our comfort zone- Outside what we've always known to be "normal" and "true"
Despite your feeling comfortable and happy in your comfort zone...try and face that which irritates, frustrates, worries or scares you. We must be willing to lean over the edge of our fears...walking the fine line between fear and peace. Challenge the cliff...don't jump. Do what bugs you!...this is how you grow as a person.
anyways...I recently saw an article about how to "look less awkward when eating alone" that was on yahoo. It was things like..."bring a book with you...play on the phone...bring papers with you so you look like you're busy..."
although this is all find and dandy...why does it have to say "look less awkward..." There is nothing wrong with eating alone...sitting alone and people watching...having peaceful meal...and enjoying the time. Sit in the moment and love what you are experiencing..fully live in that moment. When you do it...try and focus on what you feel...you may feel lonely...you may feel sad...you may feel upset...but whatever it is...fully engage with the feelings and explore where it comes from. Grow my wonderful philosophers...GROW!!!
For those that find this difficult I challenge you to eat out alone...to go to the movies alone...to find peace in solitude...on the other hand...for those like me who enjoy the quiet solitutde...find a eating partner...a movie goer..someone that challenges your sense of solitutde. This will allow for you to face the feelings you get from going out with others. Those will others may get feelings of having to please the other person...having to make it comfortable for them...having to try and fill the silence with talk which may be too troublesome...whatever it is..allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with it.
Now of course I can already hear the responses, "I can go out alone if I want to....I can go out in groups if I want to...." for many of you...that wonderful...but for other readers...they may find it hard to do these because of the awkward feelings they get.
challenge yourself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)