You go out with the girl...she goes out with the guy...
You find her attractive and she find you attractive as well.
What happens?
we end up hyper focusing on all of those wonderful qualities. We start to see the beauty that she is...the way her hair tosses...the way she smiles and the soft lines in her nose when she is giggling...you can't help but want to feel more of her and her energy. ALL THE TIME.
This is the "cloud nine" of a relationship. This is the "honeymoon" time when we are blinded by all the fantasy of the new. We can list off all the wonderful things about them....and although we could probably list off all the horrible things about them....we sweep those away like dead leaves in the wind. They don't matter....we call those things "quirky", "weird", and "unique" that we just excuse.
But then we all know what's next...
We all know that this slowly starts to fade...those things that we felt in the beginning begin to wear on us...the tread starts breaking down...the colors are fading from the favorite shirt.
Then the fights start. The arguments and the disagreements...the anger and irritation.
AND I LOVE IT!
"What?!?!?! you love the anger and irritation?"
the answer is yes. But why?
Because if you don't see the flaws in it...you are not connecting with it personally enough. Read that again.
Let me explain a bit more. I believe that people live in a superficial and surface level understanding of things. For those of you who read this blog consistently...you're probably not one of those....if you were...you'd probably have swept this blog away after the first time you logged on.
Anyways, when you really care...when you really connect....when you really love...and I'm not just talking about relationships folks...you see the flaws in it. And that's the good stuff....because when you see the flaws in it...you are connected to it...you're sold. no refund.
This is why cooks can always taste the flaws in their food...why artists see where the color was off...
Connecting and loving is not just about the surface level beauty of something...it's about the whole package. Seeing all. Panoramic shot, not fisheye lens. It's about the ugly and the pretty. When the anger and irritation come out it's because we want to believe in the fantasy of the "perfect" relationship and when it is shattered...or chipped...we want to deny it being part of the whole. Wouldn't we all want to pick roses without fear from thorns? (just a metaphor folks).
But know that her "ugly" is what makes her pretty...it's what makes her more and adds texture. Something or someone that is big and beautiful will always cast some shadow when standing in the sunlight of our gaze.
Don't deny it. Accept it.
You see the ugly? You are angry with her? You fight? Good...you are now connected.
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