202. I won and lost?

Something big happened this weekend.  Well...actually a few things did..but I wont get into that.

Some other big thing that happened this weekend was that I won a competition.  I know!  It was a weight loss/fitness challenge called Paleo and Crossfit.  I'll write about these things later since they are not important right now...

but anyways...I won this competition and got a big ol' check, people were clapping and applauding me...congratulating me and yet...during the whole celebration I left.  I walked away.  It was too much.  All I thought about was...damn...I have to do better next time.

Ever notice that readers?  Oh you know...when you beat yourself up for good or bad reasons?  Ive seen people find themselves going through a bad experience or having something bad happen to them and suddenly they feel the whole world is crushing them...they feel beat up, lost and less than....they beat themself up...

Yet...when something good happens...something great occurs....like winning a competition...instead of thinking the utmost best about themselves, instead of accepting the win, accepting the applause...they go back to beating themselves up and not accepting it.  They talk about where they messed up...how they could have done better...I'm sure some of you know people that do this...

Why does this occur?  Why do we beat ourselves up when things are going bad...and then when things are going good...we're waiting for the other foot to fall...great news comes and we wait for the bad news to follow?  why, why, why?

I believe that this occurs because of our upbringing.  Yep..sorry folks...blaming the parents again :)  Somewhere in our lives our loved ones didn't give us that high five that we desperately needed...we didn't get the hug after that horrible loss...they were alcoholics....they weren't there when you needed them...I believe that we had a cracked foundation at this point.  You did not get the love you needed.  What happens when you grow up though? 

well....

We then live our life wanting to get that encouragement and trying desperately to have it...we look for it in soooo many ways....this is where having fancy cars and a hot woman on our arm comes in...we think having these material objects makes us feel better.  We exhanged a pat on the back with a porshe in the garage and think it's the same.

We strive for material goods...get in bad relationships that mimic the relationships we had growing up...we use drugs...we fight...we're angry...we're disappointed in ourselves....we feel never good enough.

sigh*


So what do we need to do?

a few things....this is but a small list but I believe it goes a long way...

you have to accept your story.  If you've been abused, beat, hurt, punched, spoiled, given everything, pampered...whatever it is...accept your story.  When you can accept your story...you can accept that what you went through...despite how painful it was, was only chapter one of your hero story.

the next thing is to practice love.  Read my earlier stuff on love to understand it better...but simply put, practice giving to others more.  When you give, you are telling the world that you are able to support and build others and this results in the world giving to you.  This also translates to family...if something horrible happened or you feel like "they just weren't there"....you have to learn to forgive them.  Because forgiving is the same as loving.

Focus on the product that you ARE....not the ingredients that you WERE.  We've all been through things...but if you focus your life around the individual pains you felt growing up...you are unable to see the beautiful life that you are now.   You are here now because of the pain you have felt. 

and remember that you are beautiful.

What else goes on this list...hmmm...another blog, another day