I believe that when people see an ex boyfriend or girlfriend they can fall into two categories.
The "I can't stand to see them because they did......"
or
The "S/he looks great and I need to get back with them...."
Sound familiar? I believe that people fall into the first category of "I can't stand to see them..." because they are hurt still. They may say they're mad...but really...they're hurt. They're wounded. They see this person and the pain of the break up turns in their heart...twists the sharp point and we feel little...small...and not good enough. Even those who take a "high road" approach and feel pity or bad for their former partner are speaking from a place of pain and hurt. They have not forgiven completely.
The "s/he looks great and I need to get back with them..." stems from doubts of your own self worth. It stems from not feeling whole without them....almost like if you got with them...you would be happy again...all would be great like it was. Instead of focusing on our own strength and beauty, we focus on THEIR strength and beauty. That's playing dirty pool. You're too busy counting their positives than your own.
Instead, I offer a third view that many people find over time. A place of peace. Where you can appreciate your former partner for the beautiful being they are...for recognizing their gifts and uniqueness in this sea of faces...but also for recognizing where they stop and you start. This let's you compliment and give to them without expectation...this allows you to feel vulnerable and open with them without fear of embarrassment. You know...the ways I ask you to be with everyone! This comes from a place of giving, a place of forgiveness...you give to them now versus try to fill your own needs and hurt feelings.
You see, there is a need to understand that they are beautiful beings just like you....if they weren't... you wouldn't have dated them in the first place (I hope). This understanding allows you to separate who they are from who we want them to be...and who we "THINK" they want us to be. Did that make sense?
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