Thursday, September 20, 2012

192. Hard on yourself


Hard on Yourself Much?

When people say they are too hard on themselves, what I believe they are really saying is I need to forgive myself.  Put a bookmark here.

I think you have a strong Pseudo self that overrides that piece of you that believes you can do something or deserve something.  Distorted cognitions are usually amplified because of dysfunctional upbringings.  You are hard on yourself because you are desperately trying to prove something.  Ultimately that you are lovable / valuable.  It’s this inner fight that’s causing you anxiety.  Of course.  A lot is at stake.  Your worth.   And the more you fight and lose, you harder you will be on yourself.  Because there’s that little kid in your that believes they were wrong.  It’s a viscous cycle.  A pattern that needs to be broken.  So how do you do that?

Back to forgiving.  I think it starts here.  You have to forgive yourself for all that has happened to you, all the relationships that have “failed”, the people you have hurt, the bad choices you’ve made.  Although it starts with a choice, it is a process and it looks different for everyone.  

Pull yourself out of self and see your story as if you were a friend.  Give that kid a mega phone.  All the points that “she” believes she did wrong, what would you tell her?  Do it.  Daily.  Until you start believing it.  I’ve been divorced for 5 years and I still tell myself what happened wasn’t entirely my fault.  I did the best I could with where I was, as did she.  It was meant.  And it’s over.  And I forgive myself.  Every.  Single.  Day.  Remind.  Not dwell.  This process will allow you to accept your story which I believe is a giant piece in forgiveness self.  

Forgive yourself.  Start by -

Accepting your story.  Completely.  Most people can’t or won’t do this and this is where they get stuck.  If you haven’t fully accepted and embraced your story, you will also be standing in quicksand.

The more you forgive and accept, the less you will have to prove.  When your mind is not set on “proving”, you are creating a space for your Solid Self to get stronger.  Keep your dial here and your Solid will eventually be the blade of grass that cracks concrete.

As you maneuver in this state, in work, relationships, with friends, some will support this new you and some will not.  You have to be strong and keep pulling from your Solid.  That record you’re used to playing will probably play the loudest. With every fiber of your being, ignore it.  Keep pulling from your truth.  In action, this may mean telling someone how you feel, drawing boundaries, ending relationships, or starting a new one.  

The more you do this, the less inner conflict.  The less inner conflict, the closer you will be at your potential.  You are becoming shiny and that Pseudo that used to scream is now a whisper.  You will notice things will line up.  You will start setting PRs, people will gravitate toward you, and your will finally be able to share your gifts with the world.  Knowing who you are makes you better at what you do.  This will cause your self esteem to rise.  This is what breaking a pattern looks like…feels like.

This is the process and it takes time.  Many people can’t get here without therapy or some kind of coaching.  Life is the exercise.  From the time you wake up to the time you go to bed, you are working this program.  

Angry

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