Hard on Yourself Much?
When people say they are too hard on themselves,
what I believe they are really saying is I need to forgive myself. Put a bookmark here.
I think you have a strong Pseudo self that
overrides that piece of you that believes you can do something or deserve
something. Distorted cognitions are usually amplified because of
dysfunctional upbringings. You are hard on yourself because you are
desperately trying to prove something. Ultimately that you are lovable /
valuable. It’s this inner fight that’s causing you anxiety. Of
course. A lot is at stake. Your worth. And the more you
fight and lose, you harder you will be on yourself. Because there’s that
little kid in your that believes they were wrong. It’s a viscous cycle.
A pattern that needs to be broken. So how do you do that?
Back to forgiving. I think it starts here.
You have to forgive yourself for all that has happened to you, all the
relationships that have “failed”, the people you have hurt, the bad choices
you’ve made. Although it starts with a choice, it is a process and it
looks different for everyone.
Pull yourself out of self and see your story as if
you were a friend. Give that kid a mega phone. All the points that
“she” believes she did wrong, what would you tell her? Do it.
Daily. Until you start believing it. I’ve been divorced for 5
years and I still tell myself what happened wasn’t entirely my fault. I
did the best I could with where I was, as did she. It was meant.
And it’s over. And I forgive myself. Every. Single.
Day. Remind. Not dwell. This process will allow you to
accept your story which I believe is a giant piece in forgiveness self.
Forgive yourself. Start by -
Accepting your story. Completely. Most
people can’t or won’t do this and this is where they get stuck. If you
haven’t fully accepted and embraced your story, you will also be standing in
quicksand.
The more you forgive and accept, the less you will
have to prove. When your mind is not set on “proving”, you are creating a
space for your Solid Self to get stronger. Keep your dial here and your
Solid will eventually be the blade of grass that cracks concrete.
As you maneuver in this state, in work,
relationships, with friends, some will support this new you and some will not.
You have to be strong and keep pulling from your Solid. That record
you’re used to playing will probably play the loudest. With every fiber of your
being, ignore it. Keep pulling from your truth. In action, this may
mean telling someone how you feel, drawing boundaries, ending relationships, or
starting a new one.
The more you do this, the less inner conflict.
The less inner conflict, the closer you will be at your potential.
You are becoming shiny and that Pseudo that used to scream is now a
whisper. You will notice things will line up. You will start setting
PRs, people will gravitate toward you, and your will finally be able to share
your gifts with the world. Knowing who you are makes you better at what
you do. This will cause your self esteem to rise. This is what
breaking a pattern looks like…feels like.
This is the process and it takes time. Many
people can’t get here without therapy or some kind of coaching. Life is
the exercise. From the time you wake up to the time you go to bed, you
are working this program.
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