PSYCH!SENSE question: if someone asks your honest opinion and you know that it will hurt them, do you say the truth?
I recently had this question and was wondering about it. For the most part, people often say that if it comes down to it, you must be willing to say the truth. But let's be honest...for the sake of the "other" you at times *have to lie a bit.
In fact, anyone who has been in a relationship for more than a day knows this to be true. When it comes down to it...when your partner asks you something...it is automatic that you LIE.
Examples:
Question: Does my butt look good in these pants?
Response: Yes, of course! (I secretly think they look bad)
Question: Does size matter?
Response: No (thank you FRIENDS, the answer is NO and "it goes for both genders")
Question: Do you want to do my sister?
Response: No! you know I'm into your little brother.
You see...we have all been guity of these things before. Many would say you should not lie. That you must be willing to give your honest truth at all times. I would argue that although it is necessary to be honest and truthful "most of the time" you must be willing to tell a lie for the sake or your partner.
It is important to be honest to your partner. VERY IMPORTANT! the difficulty is that there is always a "line" you must be willing to cross should you need to.
For instance, I do not want to kill people anymore...but I will cross my line should my own life be in danger.
I do not want to join the circus as a beaded, yoga, self satisfying, two headed snake handler...but...no..wait...yes I do.
Anyways....
Lets say your partner was recently fired from his job. He drives home, has a flat tire, trips on his shoe laces, breaks a nail and stubs his toe...he walks in and changes into his favorite ragged shirt, that you hate, right before you two go out to dinner and he asks you how he looks...for goodness sake, LIE!
You must draw a line. Many times our partner will be experiencing something in their life and a good partner will take the time to notice that they are "off"
what this means is that when our partners are "off" sometimes giving them an undeserved compliment, or giving them a lie is absolutely needed! I know it stinks. I know it does.
You give the compliment during these times because the compliment isn't about you, the person that gives the compliment, the compliment is about them. The compliment is about giving them a sense of connection and acceptance and love.
Am I saying lie openly? NO! I'm saying draw a line. When needed...to help another...to help them smile...you must give the other person something they need sometimes.
what do you guys think?!?!?
Baloney.
ReplyDeleteI get what you're saying. But you don't have to LIE necessarily.
And yes, an obvious example you want to fall back on is the "Does my butt look big?" But honestly, that's a bull@#$& question because NO one walks outta that one unscathed.
But let's say your partner is having the worst day ever, like you say. Worse than Jesus on crucifiction day (or *insert secular example here*). WELL. Who says you gotta lie???
You tell him/her, "Babe, you are the best in MY book. Then you give 'em the gun and wink, a slap on the butt for luck, and there ya go. You mean it, then you say it. You don't have to make something up. What for? Could it be that there is absolutely NOTHING honest you can say in that given moment? Gotta rethink THAT relationship then. That's right, I went there. Ahem.
PLUS. What if the person knows you're just humoring them? Isn't that just patronizing? C'mon, we're grown ups, we deal with our hurts and bad days. I think we might just want something real in those moments. Something sincere and real that we can count on to be there for us and something we can rely when we think no one's got our backs. It doesn't have to be much, but a little support isn't a bad thing. A bold faced lie, on the other hand...ehhhhh....
That's just my two cents.
Hm. Let me just take this moment to add: You are one sexy and smart guy, Psych. Fibbing is understandable in these instances, and you know what? (Heheh). Your heart is in the right place, so I can't argue with that! :)
I beleve that it depends to. I don't like to lie but it's kinda hard not to. Sumtimes I know my man needs it. I hope he does that for me 2 at times. I think it's okay as long as lying isn't done in a mean way. If he is saying something to me bc I need it right then I want him to say it. I think I want him to tell me things that make me feel good.
ReplyDeleteHm. I still don't like the lying thing. But I do see how it's difficult when someone is asking a pointed yes-no question.
ReplyDeleteHm. Note to self, avoid loaded questions, avoid being lied to (in a loving loving way).
WWSMALS (what would sir mix a lot say?)
ReplyDelete"you better believe it looks big... just the way i like it"
Life is filled with lying. FILLED WITH IT! To try and tell yourself that you will not be the one to lie is crap because you will end up lying. You cant hold a double standard and lie with some things and not other things. The fact is that you do have to lie to your partner at times if not for them or for you then for the both of you. Its about the relationship and if saying one thing to make them feel fucken better about themselfs then why the fuck wouldnt you want to make them feel good. Some peeps on here are too black and white. Stop being so "this or that" Lying has this huge ass negative association with it when the simple fact is that you need lying as a way to help others sometimes.
ReplyDelete