242. Random musing

I just finished re-reading this book for the third time.  I've used it in reference many times and for various reasons...whether it is for a client that is going through something, a personal curiosity...or a simple reminder of what I'm meant to do.

I write about it because today when I put it down...half the book fell out.  It has been opened and worn so many times that the binding has split and the pages no longer are glued in.  It is filled with highlighting, pencil marks, pages that have been folded as a book mark....some of the pages are so old that I can practically see through them.

A worn out book.  I can't help but imagine it like my favorite shirt that has holes, various fade spots and areas where bleach accidentally was spilled on it.  A collection of experiences from when I've worn it.

Much like my shirt, this book has a collection of spaces and times when I have opened it up.  It is worn.  It is used.

I picked up the pages that fell out, gently tucked them into the book and placed it back on my shelf.

The end.

241. Thanks

When you give thanks, you are not just expressing what you are thankful for.  You are expressing where you have come from, what you have been through and are openly accepting what is in your world.

Give thanks.  It's turkey for your soul!

240. Intention

Today, I will eat without fear.  I will not be on a diet. I will not worry about carbs, dairy, sugar, starches, beans or anything that I think is bad for me :)

FINALLY!

Oh...and I will use these pictures of dogs to make me smile.

239. Who am I? Who are you?

The road to finding yourself is long and tiring.  It is a path that has not been taken before.  A path that no one has walked before because there has never been a "you" before.  Life has side effects.  You will be lonely at times this loneliness does not come from having no one around...it comes from not being able to say the things or show the things that are important to you.  It comes from holding values, beliefs and your truth which others find unacceptable.

We lose people to this loneliness..it becomes too hard because people will do whatever they can, no matter the cost in order to avoid their own soul.  When you are on this road to finding yourself, you will redefine yourself, over and over again.  You will learn that you are not what has happened to you, you are what you choose to become.  You will make mistakes.  You will jack up.  Accept that.  You will hurt people.  You will stain people.  This is important...you need to make mistakes because even if you know nothing at all...at least you know what things are not.  That is the power of mistakes.

Learn to develop a self reflecting attitude.  See that all things that occur, all the pain and anger we feel originates from us.  The most horrible thing about this is that many of you have seen and felt anger and irritation in others but continue to insist that you have not casted the first stone.  That you are without blame.  Think of any relationship break up you've been in.  It is tragic that we continue to feed and blame rather than reflect and accept that it starts in us.

I believe this is where emptiness and senselessness comes from.  A lack of direction, care for self and laziness to explore the inner world of our minds.  Accept you.  Accept your story.  See the world not just through thinking and logic, but through emotion and feeling.  Through an understanding of your emotional lens and the color it adds.

Bring yourself together.   Know that you have pain and darkness.  That you carry a dark side that must be accepted as openly as your light.  It is the collection and binding of wholes that makes us complete.  It is the conversation between our light and dark sides that matters.  Continued growth, pain and joy.

Learn to stand alone because the bigger the crowd...the less important an individual becomes.  The quieter they sound in the uproar of the many.

Keep breathing.

-Love is friendship set to music.

pollock

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Some people say they see a turkey wattle (fleshy red stuff).  

What do I see?  

Turkey Fight Club.

First rule of Turkey Fight Club, no one gobbles about Turkey Fight Club.

238. Check your temperature

Q.  I am really curious about the opinions of my first dates.  What gives?  Like I wanna know what they think of me.  Is that bad?

A.  Why do the opinions of others matter so much to us?  Why is it that after a first date we want to know what they think about us?  After we meet our partner's parents for the first time, what they think of us.  

I believe that opinions matter because we want to know how the world sees us.  If we feel the same way or....if we exhibit the same qualities and things that others see.

I can believe that I am a stud, who is kind, sensitive and giving.  But that may only exist in my head...I am not reflecting enough...considering enough...looking at myself enough if others and all those around me say otherwise.  

Think of a thermometer.  I naturally run hot.  Sometimes I feel hot even though the thermometer says it's 59 degrees.  Am I wrong?  is it right?  Do I  automatically tell myself "oh it says it's 59 degrees therefore I'm cold, not hot anymore."  No!  I feel, what I feel.  I consider the temperature and my own feelings.  

The opinions of others should be seen as a thermometer.  It supports and gives me a general sense of the area but will not always match my feelings- and it doesn't have to.

I believe we are looking for congruence.  We want to know that who and what we project match what others see.  Now, I agree that the opinion of others shouldn't matter and that we shouldn't "care" what they see.  But I believe it's okay to hear the opinion about others...problems occur when you try to match, become, or take on their opinion.  When you base yourself on what they believe you should be...have to be.  When you do whatever you can to be accepted by them.  

Also...when you say, "is that bad" I hear you asking me "am I normal"  and the truth is.....yes!

I want to know what people think of me too.  If my "dating" profile matches the "real" me.  If my thermometer matches what I'm feeling...If the curtains match the drapes....wait...is that a correct metaphor?  Anyways...it is absolutely normal to wonder what others think of us....just don't base who you are on it.

You can check your thermometer and dress for cold weather, but always be ready for the sun to come out.

-What I want to be reincarnated as.

237. Hero/Villain

"...the hero is only as good as the villain..." -Cejile

If you don't have a good villain...then the hero isn't that good...just look at batman.  What makes him good is that he has a variety of villains that are really good.

Joker, Penguin, Catwoman, Two-face.

All great villains....

now take superman.  Who does he have?

Lex Luthor?  a rich guy?

Dammit.  I will not turn this into a "which is better" blog because I really like Superman better...but anyways.

The importance in this is to consider what makes a good villain.  A good villain is the guy that can "beat" the hero.  They are the ones that are all those qualities that the hero doesn't have.  The villain represents the darkside of the hero.  Think of Luke and Darth Vader.  They represent the shadow side, the side that the hero fights against.  They are us...backwards and upside down.

We all have these qualities in us.  We all have the "dark" side in us.  The side that we hide and fight against.  Try to suppress...try to push down.  I'm here to tell you that you will not always win.  Sorry.  It's a fact.  The villain/darkside will win at times.  You will cheat, steal, lie, rob and sabotage.  That is the darkside winning.  It will happen.  Sorry.

Sidebar!

When I was a little boy watching batman cartoons.  I remember seeing the episode and watching how he would take out the random burglars without trouble.  Although, the Joker wasn't in every episode, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that the Joker was "out there".  You know what I mean?  The joker was waiting for batman and cooking up a scheme somewhere in Gotham eventhough he wasn't even mentioned.

I would watch the episode thinking, "oh...his archnemesis is Joker! and I'm sure in this episode he'll come out for that epic last battle."  But as we all know now...he doesn't really have that big epic battle.  If he does, Joker ends up in jail and in one week he's back out on the streets and batman has to do it all over again.

The point is that even though Joker wasn't in every episode, I treated him as if he were.  I constantly was waiting for him.  On the lookout...expecting and suspicious.

When it comes to your own villain...your own self...you don't let it go unseen and unnoticed.  Continue checking.  Continue fighting.  Continue pushing.  Everyday you walk out of your house...know that you wear your cape.  Know that you are going into battle and that every day you are alive, the fight has already began.  All we can continue doing is staying the path and being true.  Saving, protecting and loving who we are.  The villain keeps our true selves and gifts hostage.  He robs us of our positivity and joy in who we are.  You have a responsibility to save yourself, to give to yourself.  To be your own hero.  Appreciating and accepting our gifts while utilizing our powers to push ourselves higher.

Fly high.  Mask and cape optional.

-Date Night.