"I know I drink. It's really normal for me now. But as I've started to drink more at home and when I'm out with my friends I've slowly began to develop a craving for it. Is that normal? I think I sometimes need it to help ease me down or help me think a bit more clear...that's something I'm not sure everyone experiences right?"
Dear Anonymous...
let me tell you something about "normal". To put it simply...normal is a setting on my dryer.
That's all.
Often times when people ask me, "is this normal? am I normal?" that is their hidden code for "am I okay?"
When they say, "is it normal to fantasize about (blah) (blah)" we need to hear that as, "am I okay to fantasize about (blah) (blah)"
The rule I hold to when talking about addiction/disorder is when something is interrupting with your daily functioning. Now, this "daily functioning" measuring stick can be a friend, family member, support person or just your own gut.
Let's break it down (realistically):
I can understand having a beer to help ease us down a bit. Having 4 or 5 beers to do it....too much
I can understand wanting to feel happy and relaxed. Always having to drink to achieve it...too much
I can understand having a drink at a party with friends. Having a drink and then groping his mother while having his dad watch....too much
I can understand gently grinding on the fine little thang at the club. Not realizing it's a guy dressed as a girl that you went home with that one time and kept the lights off only to realize the mistake the next morning...too much
All jokes aside- I want to applaud you. It takes a lot to actually ask this kind of question openly. Thank you for trusting me with it. The simple fact is that you are askign which means that either your gut or someone in your support network noticed it.
Here's what you do:
Take the time to re-evaluate your behaviors
Learn, learn, learn (read material and information related to alcohol addiction)
Consider going to a group just to get information
visit these sites for any additional help you may feel you need.
www.aa.org
http://alanonla.org/html2/index.html
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
132. Opposites
"So you wrote about opposites in your last blog and how you have to watch for signs. i gues i'm thinking if life is always going to have opposites? like if it will always make you choose between things or if it ever gives you a straight answer- unlike you! lol
Long time reader, first time writter"
Now we're talking reader. Now we're talking!!! What an amazing question... psychological but more philosophical question. Now this will be interesting to write about...why re-invent the wheel. For the answer to this I will turn to Dr. Carl Jung.
In his book, "Man and his Symbols" he writes this:
"The sad truth is that man's real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end."
We all need challenges. You need strife and difficulty to build your own resiliency (the ability to overcome a challenge or stress) and ability to overcome...it is necessary for sound mental health. These characterisitcs are like muscles. You have to work them for them to get stronger...the heavier weight you give yourself, the bigger and stronger the muscle will grow. So bring on the opposities, bring on the challenge- it gives me a chance to grow stronger ;)
Long time reader, first time writter"
Now we're talking reader. Now we're talking!!! What an amazing question... psychological but more philosophical question. Now this will be interesting to write about...why re-invent the wheel. For the answer to this I will turn to Dr. Carl Jung.
In his book, "Man and his Symbols" he writes this:
"The sad truth is that man's real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end."
We all need challenges. You need strife and difficulty to build your own resiliency (the ability to overcome a challenge or stress) and ability to overcome...it is necessary for sound mental health. These characterisitcs are like muscles. You have to work them for them to get stronger...the heavier weight you give yourself, the bigger and stronger the muscle will grow. So bring on the opposities, bring on the challenge- it gives me a chance to grow stronger ;)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
THANKS!
I'd like to first off thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog. Coming up to me...stopping me...calling me....writing me...it truly means so much to me. I am thankful for all of you.
Keep Philosophizing!
Keep Philosophizing!
Friday, October 8, 2010
131. Dis' or Dat'
"This may be abit random PSYCH! but like, y is it that you like always have choices? I can imagine the joke already bout that. As in like I feel like im always stuck between chosing things. Sometimes its good stuff and bad stuff or between two girls or like going to a party or not. Sometimes like right now i guess im writing bout being stuck between two jobs. I dont know which is better. Can you tell me? one has more hours less money but is something im interested in and the other has more money but it kinda sucks. What would you do? something you love for less or something thats just okay for more? :) Jake"
Hi jake!
I totally get what you mean by the holding of opposites! I totally know it....it could be something like trying to figure out if you should hang out with the boys tonight or stay in with the gal...buy the car with better gas mileage or the better looking german one....scratch your butt or pick your nose....stick with missionary position or switch into the full-slammin' pastrami sandwich handglider....the old one dollar bill with two strippers in front of you dilemma......ahhhh...choices.
It so wonderful that you are writing about the very topic that I read about this weekend. No joke. Very very very cool. SO check it out...here is your PSYCH!SENSE words of the day...the "TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION"......now...what the hell is that?
IT IS A VERY DEEP AND UNCONCIOUS DIVISION...but for the sake of simplicity and for readers not to get bored of me...lets describe it like this.
this function is from a doctor named Carl Jung. It is the opposition of two really, really, really strong opposites in the mind...Now...Jung says that in the holding of the tensions...in the holding of two opposites (in this case your two jobs)...in the tension and the tug o'war that is going on...a third "thing" (usually the answer) will always come out. It will point to one side...or often it will provide a new option all together to answer you... THis is the transcendent function. This is your answer.
TRUE STORY!
A long time ago ...I was in Santa Barbara (I live in Los Angeles by the way) talking to some friends and generally shooting the crap...I had began to talk to them about a gal that I knew only in passing in LA and how I knew she was working a "tic tac throw" game that night in LA while I was up in SB....
....eventhough I thought I couldn't get her...no way could I build the courage to talk to her and ask her out when I got back (because if she said no, I thought it would break me)...I was stuck...do I talk to her...or not? In fact, I had been thinking about her so much, without even knowing her...I knew nothing about her....TOTAL STALKERISH STYLE! I KNOW! but I knew that she was everywhere I looked...oh you know..."every song sings of her...every voice is hers...every car passing is probably hers" blah, blah, blah, yeah...I had it bad...
So the choice? Well...like I said I was in Santa Barbara at a bar and grill for lunch when on the television screen, only now do I recall this, what flashed on screen was a ferris wheel. This was my transcendent function...this was my sign, my symbol, my telling me the choice I had to make.......what did I do?
I drove my "transcendent function ass" back down to LA that very minute...
4 hours and 26 minutes later (traffic doesn't stop in LA even when you get a transcendent function...sigh) I was at the carnival to try and hit on the love of my life...I left from Santa Barbara area and drove down to talk to her rehearsing my lines and what I would say to her when I got there........what happened?
....
....
....
....
....
....
My transcendent function ass got a piece of ass....LOL....as I hear some of my readers laughing...not that night mind you...but by holding the two choices (talk to her or not) the answer came to me. I then ran with that answer and started an amazing yet far too short relationship with her.
the old' ace of base song, "I SAW THE SIGN...And it opened up my eyes..." The answer will come...hold the tension...hold the polarities...hold the ends...
also known as: "something's gotta give" hold the two choices...listen to the world...wait for divine intervention...breathe and wait...your answer will come. Have faith that you will know which is better for you.
Hi jake!
I totally get what you mean by the holding of opposites! I totally know it....it could be something like trying to figure out if you should hang out with the boys tonight or stay in with the gal...buy the car with better gas mileage or the better looking german one....scratch your butt or pick your nose....stick with missionary position or switch into the full-slammin' pastrami sandwich handglider....the old one dollar bill with two strippers in front of you dilemma......ahhhh...choices.
It so wonderful that you are writing about the very topic that I read about this weekend. No joke. Very very very cool. SO check it out...here is your PSYCH!SENSE words of the day...the "TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION"......now...what the hell is that?
IT IS A VERY DEEP AND UNCONCIOUS DIVISION...but for the sake of simplicity and for readers not to get bored of me...lets describe it like this.
this function is from a doctor named Carl Jung. It is the opposition of two really, really, really strong opposites in the mind...Now...Jung says that in the holding of the tensions...in the holding of two opposites (in this case your two jobs)...in the tension and the tug o'war that is going on...a third "thing" (usually the answer) will always come out. It will point to one side...or often it will provide a new option all together to answer you... THis is the transcendent function. This is your answer.
TRUE STORY!
A long time ago ...I was in Santa Barbara (I live in Los Angeles by the way) talking to some friends and generally shooting the crap...I had began to talk to them about a gal that I knew only in passing in LA and how I knew she was working a "tic tac throw" game that night in LA while I was up in SB....
....eventhough I thought I couldn't get her...no way could I build the courage to talk to her and ask her out when I got back (because if she said no, I thought it would break me)...I was stuck...do I talk to her...or not? In fact, I had been thinking about her so much, without even knowing her...I knew nothing about her....TOTAL STALKERISH STYLE! I KNOW! but I knew that she was everywhere I looked...oh you know..."every song sings of her...every voice is hers...every car passing is probably hers" blah, blah, blah, yeah...I had it bad...
So the choice? Well...like I said I was in Santa Barbara at a bar and grill for lunch when on the television screen, only now do I recall this, what flashed on screen was a ferris wheel. This was my transcendent function...this was my sign, my symbol, my telling me the choice I had to make.......what did I do?
I drove my "transcendent function ass" back down to LA that very minute...
4 hours and 26 minutes later (traffic doesn't stop in LA even when you get a transcendent function...sigh) I was at the carnival to try and hit on the love of my life...I left from Santa Barbara area and drove down to talk to her rehearsing my lines and what I would say to her when I got there........what happened?
....
....
....
....
....
....
My transcendent function ass got a piece of ass....LOL....as I hear some of my readers laughing...not that night mind you...but by holding the two choices (talk to her or not) the answer came to me. I then ran with that answer and started an amazing yet far too short relationship with her.
the old' ace of base song, "I SAW THE SIGN...And it opened up my eyes..." The answer will come...hold the tension...hold the polarities...hold the ends...
also known as: "something's gotta give" hold the two choices...listen to the world...wait for divine intervention...breathe and wait...your answer will come. Have faith that you will know which is better for you.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Poem
Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all die. So do we.
And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.
Think what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
~ Robert Fulghum ~
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all die. So do we.
And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.
Think what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
~ Robert Fulghum ~
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
130. Swingin' My Stick
"Do guys have to settle down? Why can't they simply live free and frollic?
can i man wonder the rest of his life and just having girlfriends? Does a man always have to settle down...i feel like im not meant for marriage...just random girlfriends or random sex"
Often times when people ask me questions in generalities I like to challenge them to make it personal. The real question then becomes:
"Do I have to settle down? Why can't I simply live free and frollic?" notice how in his question he actually wrote, "can i man wonder the..." he was already asking from his perspective...the ol' freudian slip...anyways...
Notice how this simple change will almost create a different feeling and one that is a bit more "in your face" with an answer. This is important for everyone. Our ability to take something, make it personal, chew on it and mold it into something new and different. With that said...
I once wrote about the idea about "levels of men". First off, there is nothing wrong with wanting to live free and frollic. Remember...nothing you feel or experience is bad....only what you do with it...and how it affects others.
No, you do not have to settle down. This is your journey. I will speak from my own experience. I wrote about "levels of men" before and the idea that we must be willing to look at ourselves and decide the "level of man" you want to be.
For example, What Tiger Woods did "on the animal man scope" is not wrong. He was being the animal man. He is doing what evolution has taught him to do...screw, screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
So if that's the animal man...what's the other type? (I'M GLAD I ASKED MYSELF)
There are the spiritual men and the animal men. You can see the difference here. The animal will do what he feels and play and frollic...the spiritual man will instead rise above his instinct and be a different level of man. Granted, many of our women want us to ravage them and tear into them...they want to feel the animal man...but often times it takes the spiritual man to get them to that point.
The spiritual man will invest in something more than physical lust and drive...he will make his body and cravings his slave and resist the urge to break the bond that he has developed with the woman of his life...it is about investment and restraint
The animal man is about living through natural drives and pushes. The one that punches first and asks later...the gun tottin, heavy bearded, strong handed man who gives no care to others than his own drives and desires.
The spiritual man is different. He is the balance of animal and spirit. He is the one that strives for more of a connection, more of a hold with someone. He will pop you in the face and kick you in the groin if you mess with him or his family. He will kiss you lightly in them morning and have you screamin' in the evening ;)
The spiritual male is the one that suffers through the pain of controlling his urges...he does not easily give into cravings...he lets them pain him knowing that what he gets in return is true spirituality, self control and love...control your urges...do not be enslaved by them...He is a different level of man. A different level of person. The balance between animal and spirit.
This is the balance though, you must be willing to balance out your spiritual man and animal man. Live the spiritual life, and when you are with your love...."tear into that pootang!!!" Be the animal. This is the balance. If you do not find balance for your animal he will break loose on the first piece of jungle-swingin'-booty-tang that walks by.
Control your animal...ravage your woman...love hard...live the soulful existence...bare the pain...feel the sweet suffering...
and until you find the woman of your life...screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
can i man wonder the rest of his life and just having girlfriends? Does a man always have to settle down...i feel like im not meant for marriage...just random girlfriends or random sex"
Often times when people ask me questions in generalities I like to challenge them to make it personal. The real question then becomes:
"Do I have to settle down? Why can't I simply live free and frollic?" notice how in his question he actually wrote, "can i man wonder the..." he was already asking from his perspective...the ol' freudian slip...anyways...
Notice how this simple change will almost create a different feeling and one that is a bit more "in your face" with an answer. This is important for everyone. Our ability to take something, make it personal, chew on it and mold it into something new and different. With that said...
I once wrote about the idea about "levels of men". First off, there is nothing wrong with wanting to live free and frollic. Remember...nothing you feel or experience is bad....only what you do with it...and how it affects others.
No, you do not have to settle down. This is your journey. I will speak from my own experience. I wrote about "levels of men" before and the idea that we must be willing to look at ourselves and decide the "level of man" you want to be.
For example, What Tiger Woods did "on the animal man scope" is not wrong. He was being the animal man. He is doing what evolution has taught him to do...screw, screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
So if that's the animal man...what's the other type? (I'M GLAD I ASKED MYSELF)
There are the spiritual men and the animal men. You can see the difference here. The animal will do what he feels and play and frollic...the spiritual man will instead rise above his instinct and be a different level of man. Granted, many of our women want us to ravage them and tear into them...they want to feel the animal man...but often times it takes the spiritual man to get them to that point.
The spiritual man will invest in something more than physical lust and drive...he will make his body and cravings his slave and resist the urge to break the bond that he has developed with the woman of his life...it is about investment and restraint
The animal man is about living through natural drives and pushes. The one that punches first and asks later...the gun tottin, heavy bearded, strong handed man who gives no care to others than his own drives and desires.
The spiritual man is different. He is the balance of animal and spirit. He is the one that strives for more of a connection, more of a hold with someone. He will pop you in the face and kick you in the groin if you mess with him or his family. He will kiss you lightly in them morning and have you screamin' in the evening ;)
The spiritual male is the one that suffers through the pain of controlling his urges...he does not easily give into cravings...he lets them pain him knowing that what he gets in return is true spirituality, self control and love...control your urges...do not be enslaved by them...He is a different level of man. A different level of person. The balance between animal and spirit.
This is the balance though, you must be willing to balance out your spiritual man and animal man. Live the spiritual life, and when you are with your love...."tear into that pootang!!!" Be the animal. This is the balance. If you do not find balance for your animal he will break loose on the first piece of jungle-swingin'-booty-tang that walks by.
Control your animal...ravage your woman...love hard...live the soulful existence...bare the pain...feel the sweet suffering...
and until you find the woman of your life...screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
129. Don't take it personally...no wait...do!
"I read through your writing and it sometimes seems very deep and open but at other times very dry, course and often out in left field. You always refer to being single, sex, and pole dancing. I guess I'm just wondering how you are as a person
Just a passerby"
What an amazing question? heheh...I love how very open and straight you were. I truly feel like you totally hit me on the head...me being a nail...or perhaps a different head :) oh and yes...I do refer to sex a lot! Let me open by saying this.
I love life.
Now don't get me wrong...loving life doesn't mean I am always happy, optimistic and open...instead I simply live my emotions. I think about what i'm feeling throughout the day and truly consider my feelings and how my actions affect others. I take things at face value but also consider the underlying foundation and meaning. We must be willing to take what the world/soul/others/etc give to us and what it is doing for us.
I turn events into experiences, I personalize the world around me...I look for the flying bird at my window...I notice the guy picking his nose in the car next to me...I stare at the hot coffee shop patrons...not because I'm trying to get some (not all the time anyways)...but because I'm trying to feel out the world as it presents things to me. I don't blow up the world with my feelings or express them on open forums (facebook crap)...but instead work through, self talk and find the meaning in things.
This is why I find myself more happier than not. Why i'm smiling and touching the voice of the world in ways that many don't care to. In my work with patients I help them get through their COWs (crisis of the week) but also, I like to focus on the bigger picture and message in life. I like to help people see the world as a place open to experience, free from too much judgment and that is filled with laughter and smiles- it exists...let yourself see it.
When was the last time someone made you smile? truly, truly made you laugh until your stomach hurt? or even reminded you that there are really good people out there? I like to try and fill that role...I like meeting, talking and associating with others that feel the same and believe that sex jokes, laughing at ourselves, stumbling on untied shoe strings, falling off of bikes and picking your nose daily will lead to that happier world.
So laugh it off...play it off...accept the criticism...piss on a bush...lick a toad...pick your nose...make sex jokes...wear something smelly...pick on your friends...fall off a bike...give money to the homeless...work lively...find meaning in a glue stick...look at the sprinklers giving life to grass...taste something slow...look for understanding in all things...pole dance in a library...don't interpret...do and do not assume...wrestle in chocolate pudding and licorice g-strings....and screw, screw, screw, screw (with the love of your life)!
"In order to love everything, in order to pity everything, human and extra-human, living and non-living, you must feel everything within yourself, you must personalize everything. For everything that it loves, everything that it pities, love personalizes...we only love- that which is like ourselves...it is love itself...that reveals these resemblances to us...Love personalizes all that it loves. Only by personalizing it can we fall in love with an idea." -Miguel de Unamuno
"Loving is a way of knowing, and for loving to know, it must personify. Personifying is thus a way of knowing, especially knowing what is invisible, hidden in the heart." -Hillman
Just a passerby"
What an amazing question? heheh...I love how very open and straight you were. I truly feel like you totally hit me on the head...me being a nail...or perhaps a different head :) oh and yes...I do refer to sex a lot! Let me open by saying this.
I love life.
Now don't get me wrong...loving life doesn't mean I am always happy, optimistic and open...instead I simply live my emotions. I think about what i'm feeling throughout the day and truly consider my feelings and how my actions affect others. I take things at face value but also consider the underlying foundation and meaning. We must be willing to take what the world/soul/others/etc give to us and what it is doing for us.
I turn events into experiences, I personalize the world around me...I look for the flying bird at my window...I notice the guy picking his nose in the car next to me...I stare at the hot coffee shop patrons...not because I'm trying to get some (not all the time anyways)...but because I'm trying to feel out the world as it presents things to me. I don't blow up the world with my feelings or express them on open forums (facebook crap)...but instead work through, self talk and find the meaning in things.
This is why I find myself more happier than not. Why i'm smiling and touching the voice of the world in ways that many don't care to. In my work with patients I help them get through their COWs (crisis of the week) but also, I like to focus on the bigger picture and message in life. I like to help people see the world as a place open to experience, free from too much judgment and that is filled with laughter and smiles- it exists...let yourself see it.
When was the last time someone made you smile? truly, truly made you laugh until your stomach hurt? or even reminded you that there are really good people out there? I like to try and fill that role...I like meeting, talking and associating with others that feel the same and believe that sex jokes, laughing at ourselves, stumbling on untied shoe strings, falling off of bikes and picking your nose daily will lead to that happier world.
So laugh it off...play it off...accept the criticism...piss on a bush...lick a toad...pick your nose...make sex jokes...wear something smelly...pick on your friends...fall off a bike...give money to the homeless...work lively...find meaning in a glue stick...look at the sprinklers giving life to grass...taste something slow...look for understanding in all things...pole dance in a library...don't interpret...do and do not assume...wrestle in chocolate pudding and licorice g-strings....and screw, screw, screw, screw (with the love of your life)!
"In order to love everything, in order to pity everything, human and extra-human, living and non-living, you must feel everything within yourself, you must personalize everything. For everything that it loves, everything that it pities, love personalizes...we only love- that which is like ourselves...it is love itself...that reveals these resemblances to us...Love personalizes all that it loves. Only by personalizing it can we fall in love with an idea." -Miguel de Unamuno
"Loving is a way of knowing, and for loving to know, it must personify. Personifying is thus a way of knowing, especially knowing what is invisible, hidden in the heart." -Hillman
Monday, September 13, 2010
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128. I don't exist
"Dear Sexy Blogger man,
Let me first start by saying how sexy you are :) I love how you write and can feel how much you really care about others. Here's what's going on in my life. I've been dating the same guy for about 2 months. It's going really, really good. My only problem is that he is always on his phone when were together. I spoke to myself about what you may say and first approached him about it and spoke to him. His response was, 'well I'm still with you' I kinda accepted that because he is. I just don't feel like it's right. I feel almost annoyed and frustrated because I don't have his full attention, am I just being sensitive? What is going on with me?
-Charles"
....ya know charles...sigh...when you opened up with "how sexy you are" I could feel myself start to smile because I thought, "bam!!! the whole point of this blog was to meet sexy, smart women..." then I read you had a boyfriend and I sank a bit...then I read your name was Charles....DAMMIT! Not that you were hitting on me...but I realized right there...I send off a gay vibe. Dammit. Not that it matters...other then me not being gay....lets move on
I have to admit, I am in this same boat with you. I used to be the one on the phone trying to work, read emails, reply to others...etc...sigh. It was horrible because often times I was with friends that found it rude.
PSYCH!SENSE question: is it rude to be playing on your phone when you're with company
I will start with this. Yes and No. I say yes because often times our physical presence isn't enough for two people to be with one another. Imagine you and your girl (or guy in this case) are going at it...BAM BAM BAM then you ask, "are you liking it?" and she says, "oh yeah I am...do you think I should take a salsa classes?"
See it? random! She is not in the moment...she may be physically with you but not completely with you. You are right to feel annoyed and frustrated because he should be giving you the time you deserve. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that when someone is playing on their phone...they would rather be doing "that" than being with you. Can you hear the argument??? "but I'm with him/her...so I'm doing both...what's the big deal?" Remember mr. miyagi from the original karate kid? he said,
"Daniel san, street...walk left side road- safe....walk right side road- safe....walk middle sooner or later - *SQUEEEK just like grape" If you do something, do it with your whole heart...do it full souled do it and experience it with your all. Trying to spread yourself across the world and conversations will stretch you out making you weaker and not completely present for anyone. If someone is willing to sit with you and give you their whole and all attention...give it back. They deserve it.
I would tell him again how frustrated you are and if he needs to check his phone let him know that he can check it once every hour or so just quickly ...but that's it. No full on chatting, no messaging or writing emails...
You may be sensitive....but so what? The only real thing in life is how we feel...what we experience from an individual perspective.
Let me first start by saying how sexy you are :) I love how you write and can feel how much you really care about others. Here's what's going on in my life. I've been dating the same guy for about 2 months. It's going really, really good. My only problem is that he is always on his phone when were together. I spoke to myself about what you may say and first approached him about it and spoke to him. His response was, 'well I'm still with you' I kinda accepted that because he is. I just don't feel like it's right. I feel almost annoyed and frustrated because I don't have his full attention, am I just being sensitive? What is going on with me?
-Charles"
....ya know charles...sigh...when you opened up with "how sexy you are" I could feel myself start to smile because I thought, "bam!!! the whole point of this blog was to meet sexy, smart women..." then I read you had a boyfriend and I sank a bit...then I read your name was Charles....DAMMIT! Not that you were hitting on me...but I realized right there...I send off a gay vibe. Dammit. Not that it matters...other then me not being gay....lets move on
I have to admit, I am in this same boat with you. I used to be the one on the phone trying to work, read emails, reply to others...etc...sigh. It was horrible because often times I was with friends that found it rude.
PSYCH!SENSE question: is it rude to be playing on your phone when you're with company
I will start with this. Yes and No. I say yes because often times our physical presence isn't enough for two people to be with one another. Imagine you and your girl (or guy in this case) are going at it...BAM BAM BAM then you ask, "are you liking it?" and she says, "oh yeah I am...do you think I should take a salsa classes?"
See it? random! She is not in the moment...she may be physically with you but not completely with you. You are right to feel annoyed and frustrated because he should be giving you the time you deserve. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that when someone is playing on their phone...they would rather be doing "that" than being with you. Can you hear the argument??? "but I'm with him/her...so I'm doing both...what's the big deal?" Remember mr. miyagi from the original karate kid? he said,
"Daniel san, street...walk left side road- safe....walk right side road- safe....walk middle sooner or later - *SQUEEEK just like grape" If you do something, do it with your whole heart...do it full souled do it and experience it with your all. Trying to spread yourself across the world and conversations will stretch you out making you weaker and not completely present for anyone. If someone is willing to sit with you and give you their whole and all attention...give it back. They deserve it.
I would tell him again how frustrated you are and if he needs to check his phone let him know that he can check it once every hour or so just quickly ...but that's it. No full on chatting, no messaging or writing emails...
You may be sensitive....but so what? The only real thing in life is how we feel...what we experience from an individual perspective.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
127. THAT's what you think of me?!?!?!
This topic was presented to me by GetOutTm (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Get-Out-TM/233690253864)
but to be honest it was reinforced by my general streak lately...although let's be honest...we've all been there before.
Now...
There is a time when your friends/neighbors/porn store operator tell you, "hey...I know someone perfect for you!!!"
what happens next? well they talk all about the other person (but let's be honest for the most part we just want to know how they look)...anyways...they start telling you..."yeah man...she's....(fill in the blank)" often times they totally hype her up.
So you go on the date and when you go you see them and right there...right in that moment you realize what?
You realize what your friends opinion of you is. HAAHHAHAAH.....
lets say you see the blind date and they are just a freakin FUGLY mix of crap, whip cream and crap cream sauce.
The first thought in your head? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?"
now every so often you get the friend that hooks you up with someone just absolutely outside your league and world...you see them and know..."OH DAMN...this isn't going to work..but at least for one night I got something hot to look at"
and what is that date thinking? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?!"
PSYCH!SENSE says that often times our friends are truly a great way to measure not only how they feel about you...but often times, how they see you matching with others. "HUH?" what I mean is that we must consider that our friends match us many times based off of what they feel is the image that we give to them. So blame them? yes a bit...but blame yourself? OH HELL YEAH. Next time you start to go off on the friend...truly think about the type of image and person you have put into their head in the first place :)
you get the point right...it's a funny blog about the best way to find your friend's opinion of you. Now go forth readers! share your opinions of one another!
but to be honest it was reinforced by my general streak lately...although let's be honest...we've all been there before.
Now...
There is a time when your friends/neighbors/porn store operator tell you, "hey...I know someone perfect for you!!!"
what happens next? well they talk all about the other person (but let's be honest for the most part we just want to know how they look)...anyways...they start telling you..."yeah man...she's....(fill in the blank)" often times they totally hype her up.
So you go on the date and when you go you see them and right there...right in that moment you realize what?
You realize what your friends opinion of you is. HAAHHAHAAH.....
lets say you see the blind date and they are just a freakin FUGLY mix of crap, whip cream and crap cream sauce.
The first thought in your head? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?"
now every so often you get the friend that hooks you up with someone just absolutely outside your league and world...you see them and know..."OH DAMN...this isn't going to work..but at least for one night I got something hot to look at"
and what is that date thinking? "WTF was s/he thinking to do that to me?!?!?!"
PSYCH!SENSE says that often times our friends are truly a great way to measure not only how they feel about you...but often times, how they see you matching with others. "HUH?" what I mean is that we must consider that our friends match us many times based off of what they feel is the image that we give to them. So blame them? yes a bit...but blame yourself? OH HELL YEAH. Next time you start to go off on the friend...truly think about the type of image and person you have put into their head in the first place :)
you get the point right...it's a funny blog about the best way to find your friend's opinion of you. Now go forth readers! share your opinions of one another!
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