60. True Job

You ever wonder what you were meant to do? but like..think about it..like what were you MEANT to be growing up? besides a princess..although I know some guys friends that became queens...that's neither here nor there...anyways....think about it.

Some of us have hobbies that show this..consider...uh..John Travolta...he's a pilot..outside of acting..and loves it. Doctors who are in rockbands on the side...we all take up the side hobby as a release...or even...a calling to what we should be doing. Consider my friend Michele...she was meant to be a porn star or even I who was meant to be a pole dancer.

You get the idea...take the time to find your fantasy and do it..fly the plane...become the rock star...be the valet driver...as for me...this is why I have a portable pole in the car.

59. True Psychology

I don't know if i've written on this before but allow me to rewrite it...as I have been sitting in reverie at this here coffee shop.

Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from psychology. He would be better advised to put away his scholar's gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart through the world. There, in the horrors of prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals, in drab suburban pubs, in brothels and gambling-hells, in the salons of the elegant, the Stock Exchanges, Socialist meetings, churches, revivalist gatherings and ecstatic sects, through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in hos own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with real knowledge of the human soul.

Baristas, bartenders and barbers are the true perveyors of the world's mind. They see us day in and day out in early morning wake ups...through the darkest nights of drinking splurges and through our ritual of haircuts...how graciously unseen they are...they hold the keys to our world of psychology...just ask.

58. The female role

I hear so many women come into my office and talk to me about their roles in the home. "I have to cook...make his meals...go shopping...slave over a stove and make sure he's taken care of."

I'm sure I will get crap for this one...I will reflect to my mother on this one. She would tell me...

"you know mijo..it is the responsiblity of the woman to cook...she is responsible for his life...she has all the control of his life in a single meal...how is that considered a bad role? he must trust that she is putting goodness into his life, into his body, into his soul and mind...she is responsible for making sure he is good..." Sit with that people...in the end...the woman is in charge of your life..cherish her..and women..never put down your role..if that is the one you are in. We sometimes get so caught up in the "demeaning aspect" of serving...but honestly...what the hell is demeaning about serving? to be in service of one because they are in service of you.

She has access to the private and deep areas of his life...he must trust that she is watching out for him...that she is in charge and wants only the best for him.

The next time you piss of your woman...remember what she has access to...food and stuff (bobbet sp?).

57. Dig your nails in...

When you first meet a clt/patient/sex partner...many therapists would argue that they challenge you. People will challenge you so that they can push you away. It is known that a clt will usually give you a hard time to see how much you can take and how much you want to connect with them. What this means is that you are pushed intially to see how much you want it...they test you. Although this is the very generic and queite honestly...the straightforward belief...I would question if that is what they are doing...

This totally goes against the grain..and in fact I have not developed it completely myself...but the fact remains that...I feel that it's growing pains. When you meet a new pt/clt/sex partner for the first time...they drive their nails into you so that they leave some of themselves in you so that you can communicate better. What this means is that every person you meet is ultimately a connection waiting to happen and when they dig their nails into you...you are meant to accept and blend their nails (emotional/spritual/etc energy) with yoru own. This allows you to communciate with one another. For those of you who have seen avatar...remember the scene where he is wrestling with the bird thing? it's hard...it sucks...it does not want to connect with him...but my thought is that it is trying to dig it's nails into you so that you and he can speak the same language. Not a pushing away..but a growing pain with one another.

They are not testing you...they are trying to dig their life and soulful energy into you and blend ...

"shaken not stirred.."

56. Ugly Feet

Now...psychologically..the parts of our body that are out of mind and sight...are said to represent the emotional and psychological nature of the person....so here you are.

You walk into a club..find the hottest little thang in there...you know what i'm talking about...the tight booty...the curviness..the ribbling...whatever...the soft skin...etc...they are the epitomy of yumminess. Now if you are so fortunate as to take them home (or have them take you home) you begin to get down with them...start to get hot and steamy...and as you are slowing working your way down...their feet are jacked up.

You all know what i'm talking about...the stubby toe...the chipped nails..the dry calloused feet that remind you of your vienna sausages and if you're really lucky...sausages topped with pudding.

Now we've been there!! hot everything and jacked up feet...could you do it? As we all know...wearing sandals is privilege...not a right (just like spandex or banana hammocks). anyways...Dr. Stephens (? from the university of missouri) would argue that the feet are the pathway to seduction...the start of sexual intimacy...why? i'm glad you questioned that last statement...for those of you who do not know...foot sense in the motor cortex of the brain are next door neighbors to the gentalia reflex and sensors in our bodies...huh? in other words...why do you think the ladies (and men) enjoy foot rubs so much? it's because it stimulates in other ways baby...look it up!

anyways..PSYCH!SENSE ...perhaps a person feet...those things furthest away from our insight and mind provide detail to the small things that they hold. Pay attention to detais...

p.s. manicures are not a privilege they are just right.

55. What's worse?

this will be quick and easy...what's worse? psychological embarrasment or physical embarassment...the answer? well...depends on the person and the age to which we are addressing...I have found that those of an older generation find that psychological embarrasment is far worse than anything physical....but the younger cats say that phsycial embarrassment is scarier...why? becuase they feel they wear their "something" on their sleeve. There is this idea that the older you get...the more psychological you become....

Death of the hero...and birth of the soul. I make reference to this often...PSYCH!SENSE of the attributes of life and age. As we grow older...we stop caring about the physical so much when we try and work for the mental and psychological strength and power.

ideas?

54. Being average...

The only way a medication is approved for use by the FDA is when it marginally outperforms the control. it does not have to work...it only has to work "marginally" better than the control. WTF is that? what does this mean? This means that being average is freakin awesome.

Now before I get into it...lets define average. It means neither here nor there...it means in the middle it even means you're more likely to fit into a pair of jeans.

Consider it? if you're average as we have all learned from commercial...things are more likely to work for you. You'll most likely find that pair of jeans (because manufacturers make more of them) you're most likely to respond to medications...you're most likely to marry young, divorce earlier and then get remarried again. Good times if you ask me. The problem? how do you stand out in the field of grass?

the comical...remember that the tallest blade of grass in the field of life...is always the one to get cut down first.

live on high achievers....life on!

53. Business suit or rags?

As I go back to the idea of stereotyping and initial reactions I came to question...Would you be more willing to accept advice from someone in a suit or someone in...well...rags? Now I hate to put it so blatant...consider if you were to walk into a doctor's office and at the helm you see a man in rags...that smells bad and looks like...yeah. anyways...I would also question how people make a connection to what people want from others. I had an interesting conversation with some people that claim that they want someone who is successful...fancy car..good suit because they konw what it is to succeed. The local barista on the other hand said that she would prefer to take the advice of a "homeless" guy becuase he most like knows exactly what got him to that place...meaning! he is more likely to steer you clear...away from the decisions he made. isn't this interesting? not that I have to say that to try and capture you into the statement...how often have we se an angel in disguise...jesus in a tortilla? help can come from all avenues if you allow your soul to join with the soul of the world. The become one with the life that we live and are part of...the next time you run into someone you think is...different...perhaps you should try and consider their different opinion.

52. Fancy Cars?

Now as I have written about before in the tattoo rant...I question the background and rationale for fancy cars. Many take it as a sign of success...luxury...I instead question the rationale for wanting to show the world how successful you are. Is there any need and drive to show others how good you look? how fancy and sexy you have become by showing other what you're worth? I had one person once tell me, "I know you make good money...why do you drive that kind of car?"...my response was along the lines..."why does the the car I drive show the value of who i am?" what do you guys think? How much of driving a fancy car is for the sake of others?...compared to the sake of your own feelings and mental health?

51. N.U.T.s

Hold on to your N.U.T.s!

Here's a topic men rarely discuss. Self esteem. Which is why I'm typing about it. Does that make me a man? Not really. Okay, first thought. There's a difference between insecurity and self esteem. Everyone is insecure and if they say they're not, they're really insecure. Anything someone has to announce usually means the opposite. Anyway, I don't like my nose. My grandmother used to say I have a strawberry nose and that if I sat in the bathroom squeezing it, it would get thin. I spent many hours in the dark squeezing my nose as a kid. We all have these stories. But self esteem runs deeper. It has to do with worth and how much you value yourself. Although physical features may attribute to self esteem, I think at the core it starts from childhood and how you were raised. Parents are supposed to exercise your "worth" muscle. If you were spoiled and enabled, your self esteem was hindered. Value is earned. This is why you see a lot of beautiful people with low self esteem. Or if you didn't get praised, your esteem lacked development and you end up filling that void with overtime at work, Louis Vutton handbags, or desperately trying to find the perfect partner, which means you're very lonely. Or settle, which means you're very lonely.


Quick story. When I was ten I wanted to build this model airplane. It was one of those really elaborate models that wives hated because their husbands would display them all over the living room like they were Picassos. Or maybe that was just the 80's. There were a lot of man toys in the 80's. Remember the fancy remote control cars adults would race on the weekends. Anyway, after begging my dad he finally gave me twenty bucks to buy it. I ran across the street and handed my neighbor, a miserable beer chugging racist wife beater running a hobby shop out of his garage, the cash. I don't remember him handing me the box. All I remember is the alcohol on his breath and him mumbling "no refunds". My dad looked at the model and told me there was no way I could build this. I was determined to prove him wrong. So as my dad read the Times, or maybe he was clipping his toe nails on it, I was frantically assembling a million pieces of Balsa wood. Three hours later, nothing but a pile of Popsicle sticks in my lap. My airplane looked more like a frisbee. Then to top it off my dad tells me I wasted his money. My worth was minimized that day. You get the point.


Of course, any kind of abuse where something was taken from you, parents fighting, negativity in the house, can all contribute to one's opinion of what they're worth. And childhood isn't the only thing that molds your esteem. Remember when Chad stole your skateboard everyday after school for a year, Heather called you a dorkface as you were trying to sit next to her at lunch, Erine made fun of your pecker in the locker room, and that really quick night you lost your virginity?


So why don't we talk about self esteem as adults? I think we're too busy covering it up with a career, wife, and kids. I think as men get wrapped up in what we think being a "man" is, we lose ourselves. I think instead of building esteem, we begin to cover it up. There's a thin line between riding a motorcycle because it truly excites you and you're good at it or because you're trying to prove something. No one knows except you. If it brings you worth, you are building esteem. If you're trying to be sexy, you are hiding. Sell the bike and help your son build a model plane.


Talking about our self esteem also means we have to be vulnerable, which a lot of guys aren't comfortable doing because they may feel like they're less of a "man". How many guys do you know that sit around a poker table and talk about how they can improve their self esteem?


But here's the deal. If your self esteem is low, it will be difficult for to hold on to your N.U.T.s, as Wayne M. Levine would say. N.U.T. stands for non-negotiable unalterable terms. These are non-negotiable terms that define who you are. For example, one might be "I do what I believe is in the best interest of my kids, even if they disagree". Or "I do not indulge in my addictions". "Or I will be faithful". Women aren't attracted to a man without N.U.T.s. This is because women will not trust you anymore. Once there is no trust, there is no relationship because trust is the foundations of any relationship.


How did we go from self esteem to nuts? I have no idea. I'm a notorious bird walker. But men, hold on to them and if you don't have any, grow a pair. Parents, praise your children and give them exercises that build their worth, not toys and cute clothes. And women, get some therapy. You're all fucking crazy.


Joke.


Kinda.

(...John you're awesome)