51. N.U.T.s

Hold on to your N.U.T.s!

Here's a topic men rarely discuss. Self esteem. Which is why I'm typing about it. Does that make me a man? Not really. Okay, first thought. There's a difference between insecurity and self esteem. Everyone is insecure and if they say they're not, they're really insecure. Anything someone has to announce usually means the opposite. Anyway, I don't like my nose. My grandmother used to say I have a strawberry nose and that if I sat in the bathroom squeezing it, it would get thin. I spent many hours in the dark squeezing my nose as a kid. We all have these stories. But self esteem runs deeper. It has to do with worth and how much you value yourself. Although physical features may attribute to self esteem, I think at the core it starts from childhood and how you were raised. Parents are supposed to exercise your "worth" muscle. If you were spoiled and enabled, your self esteem was hindered. Value is earned. This is why you see a lot of beautiful people with low self esteem. Or if you didn't get praised, your esteem lacked development and you end up filling that void with overtime at work, Louis Vutton handbags, or desperately trying to find the perfect partner, which means you're very lonely. Or settle, which means you're very lonely.


Quick story. When I was ten I wanted to build this model airplane. It was one of those really elaborate models that wives hated because their husbands would display them all over the living room like they were Picassos. Or maybe that was just the 80's. There were a lot of man toys in the 80's. Remember the fancy remote control cars adults would race on the weekends. Anyway, after begging my dad he finally gave me twenty bucks to buy it. I ran across the street and handed my neighbor, a miserable beer chugging racist wife beater running a hobby shop out of his garage, the cash. I don't remember him handing me the box. All I remember is the alcohol on his breath and him mumbling "no refunds". My dad looked at the model and told me there was no way I could build this. I was determined to prove him wrong. So as my dad read the Times, or maybe he was clipping his toe nails on it, I was frantically assembling a million pieces of Balsa wood. Three hours later, nothing but a pile of Popsicle sticks in my lap. My airplane looked more like a frisbee. Then to top it off my dad tells me I wasted his money. My worth was minimized that day. You get the point.


Of course, any kind of abuse where something was taken from you, parents fighting, negativity in the house, can all contribute to one's opinion of what they're worth. And childhood isn't the only thing that molds your esteem. Remember when Chad stole your skateboard everyday after school for a year, Heather called you a dorkface as you were trying to sit next to her at lunch, Erine made fun of your pecker in the locker room, and that really quick night you lost your virginity?


So why don't we talk about self esteem as adults? I think we're too busy covering it up with a career, wife, and kids. I think as men get wrapped up in what we think being a "man" is, we lose ourselves. I think instead of building esteem, we begin to cover it up. There's a thin line between riding a motorcycle because it truly excites you and you're good at it or because you're trying to prove something. No one knows except you. If it brings you worth, you are building esteem. If you're trying to be sexy, you are hiding. Sell the bike and help your son build a model plane.


Talking about our self esteem also means we have to be vulnerable, which a lot of guys aren't comfortable doing because they may feel like they're less of a "man". How many guys do you know that sit around a poker table and talk about how they can improve their self esteem?


But here's the deal. If your self esteem is low, it will be difficult for to hold on to your N.U.T.s, as Wayne M. Levine would say. N.U.T. stands for non-negotiable unalterable terms. These are non-negotiable terms that define who you are. For example, one might be "I do what I believe is in the best interest of my kids, even if they disagree". Or "I do not indulge in my addictions". "Or I will be faithful". Women aren't attracted to a man without N.U.T.s. This is because women will not trust you anymore. Once there is no trust, there is no relationship because trust is the foundations of any relationship.


How did we go from self esteem to nuts? I have no idea. I'm a notorious bird walker. But men, hold on to them and if you don't have any, grow a pair. Parents, praise your children and give them exercises that build their worth, not toys and cute clothes. And women, get some therapy. You're all fucking crazy.


Joke.


Kinda.

(...John you're awesome)