To my dearest girl

25 College Street

My dearest Girl,

This moment I have set myself to copy some verses out fair.  I cannot proceed with any degree of content.  I must write you a line or two and see if that will assist in dismissing you from my Mind for ever so short a time.  Upon my Soul I can think of nothing else - The time is passed when I had power to advise and warn you again[s]t the unpromising morning of my Life - My love has made me selfish.  I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my Life seems to stop there - I see no further.  You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving - I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you.  I should be afraid to separate myself far from you.  My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change?  My love, will it?  I have no limit now to my love - You note came in just here - I cannot be happier away from you - 'T is richer than an Argosy of Pearles.  Do not threat me even in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion - I have shudder'd at it - I shudder no more - I could be martyr'd for my Religion - Love is my religion - I could die for that - I could die for you.  My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet - You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist: and yet I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often "to reason against the reasons of my Love."  I can do that no more - the pain would be too great - My Love is selfish - I cannot breathe without you.

Yours for ever
John Keats

136. Just Smile

Shall we start with the loud grunting? how about skin tight clothing? Oh I know the buckets of sweat pouring down? How tired you end up feeling afterward? The hard breathing and ultimately crappy feeling you get when you're done! no no no i'm not talking about sex people...I'm talking about a gym.

There is so much material to write about at gyms that I really don't know where to start. So I've found myself going to the gym a lot more...probably because I've had trouble sleeping at night...so since I'm up anyways...I might as well go work out.

Psych!sense question. When you go to the gym do you focus more on yourself...or more on others?

Everyone has this funeral look on their face...seriously...all tense and held in the strongest bearing...it's sad.

In fact if we take a quick impromptu survey...I wonder if the women who go to gyms look at themselves more or the other women? I also wonder the same with men. If anyone want to coin in on that one hit the "philosophize" button and let me know your sex and which you look at more (yourself or others)...anyways...

I feel as if many of them, feel as I do. "I'm not strong enough...I don't look 'good' enough...I don't lift as much as s/he does...I can't grunt that loud..."

Whereas others may feel as if the gym is "me" time. It is time to focus on yourself and shut out the world for the next hour or so.

People will just stare into the mirrors holding their own eye sight and staring, oggling, or cursing their body. The range of emotions from anger, disappointment and frustration to the personal experience of success and triumph.

PSYCH!SENSE says, the most dominant form of biological information gathering is visual processing. If we see it, we then are more likely to believe it. The difficulty with this is that many of us go to the gym...do some leg or arm exercises and psychologically want to see the difference as soon as we're done. Even though we know it doesn't work like that...a part of us expects to see it.

We may even convince ourselves that there is a difference in that second...yet when we see someone that is just the bit more slender, toned, cut, blah blah blah...we suddenly feel not good enough again. sigh. I know I've been subject to this. Despite some of my readers not agreeing with me...you have had your moments as well ;)

What's interesting is that what has helped me continue going was not the drive for the perfect body...but instead just smiling at myself. Yes yes yes...weird! I know! but what I have been doing is simply looking in the mirror and smiling at my image.

What effect does this have? Like I said, visual cortex is the most dominant form of information gaterhing...my smiling in the mirror as my checks are red, my gut falling out of my speedo workout thong, and sweat dripping off my unmentionables just makes me laugh. I smile and suddenly realize that all is okay. My smiling at myself tells me to relax and be happy...life is too good and too short to let it bring you down.

So smile my good readers...smile, live long and prosper (was that just a star trek references...sigh...totally nerding out).

135. Online Dating

So because I tell myself that I need to get back on the horse with women and stop spazzing out, I joined a few dating sites. Yep. Good times. So a few interesting things have developed.


Number 1. I have discovered that dating sites are a more effective way of getting turned down faster and more often. Good times

Number 2. I have also discovered that in trying to attract women, the "asshole" approach in profiles works in the number of responses. SERIOUSLY!




For example: the old profile I had up said somethign along the lines of, "College educated, able to talk about a variety of things and is willing to try and make you smile with the random useless information I contain"

The number of responses: 1 out of 60 sent out (estimates)

the "asshole" profile instead read: "I can outsmart you...I am so freakin brilliant that I will read your mind and everything about you before you even know it :) Yes I can read minds. I can feel where you are coming from and hear you out...OH NO! "a guy that is willing to listen to you and learn who you really are"...what a shame!

The number of responses: 10 out of 52 sent out (estimates)



Another example: the old profile up said something else along the lines of, "I am extremely hard working, I do have a lot going on but enjoy my daily work and enjoy the benefits I get from it. I hope to find someone that is open to experiences and willing to enjoy life with me"

The number of responses: 1 out of 60 sent out (same profile as above)

the "asshole" profile instead read: "between my three private offices, my university teaching, my psychological assessments for state and government agencies, my medication and hospital contract work, a book being published....I'll probably force you not to pay for the first date, buy you pretty things, and demand we take trips everywhere, as we travel, but be strong enough to let you pick up the tab if you want to...Still believe in romance while being secure enough to let the woman of my life do what she wants...I'm such a punk!!"

The number of responses: 10 out of 52 sent out (same profile as the second example)



So although my "experiment" is still going on...I'm slowly beginning to notice a trend. Very, very interesting. I suppose the pick-up artist patient I had a while back ago was right...treat them badly, act cocky and they will swoon for your every embrace. ...sigh

Where is the love? ya know? Don't we just miss the feelings of being in love? the feelings of relying and knowing that for that moment they are all that matter to us. The fact that they begin to evolve...our love begins to take on new meaning in our lives...

As an old patient once told me...."the world has a new way to spin...it spins around Helen." Or as George Bernard Shaw says, "love is when we are overestimating the differences of one woman over another" hahaha...

You are able to list all the bad things you can't stand about them...and simply toss that aside and focus intently on all the things you do like about them...Thank you Chaucer "Love is blind."

Ever notice how when you're in love...their car in a structure full of cars...is truly different from everyone elses car....how their wine glass is truly special among everyone elses at the dinner table.

You feel absolute joy when things are goign well...and mood swings and despair when they are sad and down...."Anything s/he likes...I like....to fight the world, she but need ask me to"

When did you last love?




Reference: Fisher, H. "Why We Love"

134. S.I.T.

What in the world is S.I.T.?!?!?

oh come on! it's soooo obvious? how about now? now? ...geez...

Now yes...what I'm about to write really, really, really is prejudice!...sorry...Guilty! ..right here.

JUST FYI....do not read if you don't feel like getting frazzled a bit...

okay you've been warned!



So I've decided in this moment to say that "SIT" stands for "slut in training"
What does that mean? Holloween just passed. YAY! everyone get all dressed up? get yo' hair and nails did all holloween style?

How many freakin vampires were there? SIGH...good ol' Happy Tooth decay and Skankwear day!

Imagine this if you will.

You are driving down the road...pulling into your driveway, a burger king...whatever...when you look up and see the the skimpiest outfit you've ever seen. Oh you know what i'm talking about...a two piece swimsuit that just covers the nipples....a bottom that is more like a thong and a couple pieces of toilet paper at their feet...what are they supposed to be?

The little mermaid.

NOw I understand this...I do...we all want to be our favorite characters and such...but why would you dress up your 5,6,7,8,9 etc....year old in that kind of wear!??!?!

How many mother's and father's allowed their children to dress in the skimpiest, sluttiest, most revealing clothing ever just in the name of holloween? I don't get it. Parents have such an effect on their children...SUCH AN EFFECT...everything you let them get away with...they will..not because they are trying to manipulate you...but because you let them. This 5 year old two piece wearing baby will is learning that it's okay to dress to openly.

Granted, I understand that it was a holiday...I get it. The question remains though...why o' why does a 5 year old wear booty thongs?

Someone give me some psychobabbo sense on that one!

133. Hidden Code

"I know I drink. It's really normal for me now. But as I've started to drink more at home and when I'm out with my friends I've slowly began to develop a craving for it. Is that normal? I think I sometimes need it to help ease me down or help me think a bit more clear...that's something I'm not sure everyone experiences right?"

Dear Anonymous...

let me tell you something about "normal". To put it simply...normal is a setting on my dryer.

That's all.

Often times when people ask me, "is this normal? am I normal?" that is their hidden code for "am I okay?"

When they say, "is it normal to fantasize about (blah) (blah)" we need to hear that as, "am I okay to fantasize about (blah) (blah)"

The rule I hold to when talking about addiction/disorder is when something is interrupting with your daily functioning. Now, this "daily functioning" measuring stick can be a friend, family member, support person or just your own gut.

Let's break it down (realistically):

I can understand having a beer to help ease us down a bit. Having 4 or 5 beers to do it....too much

I can understand wanting to feel happy and relaxed. Always having to drink to achieve it...too much

I can understand having a drink at a party with friends. Having a drink and then groping his mother while having his dad watch....too much

I can understand gently grinding on the fine little thang at the club. Not realizing it's a guy dressed as a girl that you went home with that one time and kept the lights off only to realize the mistake the next morning...too much

All jokes aside- I want to applaud you. It takes a lot to actually ask this kind of question openly. Thank you for trusting me with it. The simple fact is that you are askign which means that either your gut or someone in your support network noticed it.

Here's what you do:

Take the time to re-evaluate your behaviors
Learn, learn, learn (read material and information related to alcohol addiction)
Consider going to a group just to get information


visit these sites for any additional help you may feel you need.

www.aa.org
http://alanonla.org/html2/index.html

132. Opposites

"So you wrote about opposites in your last blog and how you have to watch for signs. i gues i'm thinking if life is always going to have opposites? like if it will always make you choose between things or if it ever gives you a straight answer- unlike you! lol

Long time reader, first time writter"


Now we're talking reader. Now we're talking!!! What an amazing question... psychological but more philosophical question. Now this will be interesting to write about...why re-invent the wheel. For the answer to this I will turn to Dr. Carl Jung.

In his book, "Man and his Symbols" he writes this:

"The sad truth is that man's real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end."


We all need challenges. You need strife and difficulty to build your own resiliency (the ability to overcome a challenge or stress) and ability to overcome...it is necessary for sound mental health. These characterisitcs are like muscles. You have to work them for them to get stronger...the heavier weight you give yourself, the bigger and stronger the muscle will grow. So bring on the opposities, bring on the challenge- it gives me a chance to grow stronger ;)

THANKS!

I'd like to first off thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog. Coming up to me...stopping me...calling me....writing me...it truly means so much to me. I am thankful for all of you.

Keep Philosophizing!

131. Dis' or Dat'

"This may be abit random PSYCH! but like, y is it that you like always have choices? I can imagine the joke already bout that. As in like I feel like im always stuck between chosing things. Sometimes its good stuff and bad stuff or between two girls or like going to a party or not. Sometimes like right now i guess im writing bout being stuck between two jobs. I dont know which is better. Can you tell me? one has more hours less money but is something im interested in and the other has more money but it kinda sucks. What would you do? something you love for less or something thats just okay for more? :) Jake"


Hi jake!

I totally get what you mean by the holding of opposites! I totally know it....it could be something like trying to figure out if you should hang out with the boys tonight or stay in with the gal...buy the car with better gas mileage or the better looking german one....scratch your butt or pick your nose....stick with missionary position or switch into the full-slammin' pastrami sandwich handglider....the old one dollar bill with two strippers in front of you dilemma......ahhhh...choices.

It so wonderful that you are writing about the very topic that I read about this weekend. No joke. Very very very cool. SO check it out...here is your PSYCH!SENSE words of the day...the "TRANSCENDENT FUNCTION"......now...what the hell is that?

IT IS A VERY DEEP AND UNCONCIOUS DIVISION...but for the sake of simplicity and for readers not to get bored of me...lets describe it like this.

this function is from a doctor named Carl Jung. It is the opposition of two really, really, really strong opposites in the mind...Now...Jung says that in the holding of the tensions...in the holding of two opposites (in this case your two jobs)...in the tension and the tug o'war that is going on...a third "thing" (usually the answer) will always come out. It will point to one side...or often it will provide a new option all together to answer you... THis is the transcendent function. This is your answer.


TRUE STORY!
A long time ago ...I was in Santa Barbara (I live in Los Angeles by the way) talking to some friends and generally shooting the crap...I had began to talk to them about a gal that I knew only in passing in LA and how I knew she was working a "tic tac throw" game that night in LA while I was up in SB....

....eventhough I thought I couldn't get her...no way could I build the courage to talk to her and ask her out when I got back (because if she said no, I thought it would break me)...I was stuck...do I talk to her...or not? In fact, I had been thinking about her so much, without even knowing her...I knew nothing about her....TOTAL STALKERISH STYLE! I KNOW! but I knew that she was everywhere I looked...oh you know..."every song sings of her...every voice is hers...every car passing is probably hers" blah, blah, blah, yeah...I had it bad...

So the choice? Well...like I said I was in Santa Barbara at a bar and grill for lunch when on the television screen, only now do I recall this, what flashed on screen was a ferris wheel. This was my transcendent function...this was my sign, my symbol, my telling me the choice I had to make.......what did I do?

I drove my "transcendent function ass" back down to LA that very minute...

4 hours and 26 minutes later (traffic doesn't stop in LA even when you get a transcendent function...sigh) I was at the carnival to try and hit on the love of my life...I left from Santa Barbara area and drove down to talk to her rehearsing my lines and what I would say to her when I got there........what happened?
....
....
....
....
....
....
My transcendent function ass got a piece of ass....LOL....as I hear some of my readers laughing...not that night mind you...but by holding the two choices (talk to her or not) the answer came to me. I then ran with that answer and started an amazing yet far too short relationship with her.


the old' ace of base song, "I SAW THE SIGN...And it opened up my eyes..." The answer will come...hold the tension...hold the polarities...hold the ends...

also known as: "something's gotta give" hold the two choices...listen to the world...wait for divine intervention...breathe and wait...your answer will come. Have faith that you will know which is better for you.

Poem

Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten


Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life.

Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder.

Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all die. So do we.

And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.

Think what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

~ Robert Fulghum ~

130. Swingin' My Stick

"Do guys have to settle down? Why can't they simply live free and frollic?

can i man wonder the rest of his life and just having girlfriends? Does a man always have to settle down...i feel like im not meant for marriage...just random girlfriends or random sex"


Often times when people ask me questions in generalities I like to challenge them to make it personal. The real question then becomes:

"Do I have to settle down? Why can't I simply live free and frollic?" notice how in his question he actually wrote, "can i man wonder the..." he was already asking from his perspective...the ol' freudian slip...anyways...

Notice how this simple change will almost create a different feeling and one that is a bit more "in your face" with an answer. This is important for everyone. Our ability to take something, make it personal, chew on it and mold it into something new and different. With that said...

I once wrote about the idea about "levels of men". First off, there is nothing wrong with wanting to live free and frollic. Remember...nothing you feel or experience is bad....only what you do with it...and how it affects others.

No, you do not have to settle down. This is your journey. I will speak from my own experience. I wrote about "levels of men" before and the idea that we must be willing to look at ourselves and decide the "level of man" you want to be.

For example, What Tiger Woods did "on the animal man scope" is not wrong. He was being the animal man. He is doing what evolution has taught him to do...screw, screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.

So if that's the animal man...what's the other type? (I'M GLAD I ASKED MYSELF)

There are the spiritual men and the animal men. You can see the difference here. The animal will do what he feels and play and frollic...the spiritual man will instead rise above his instinct and be a different level of man. Granted, many of our women want us to ravage them and tear into them...they want to feel the animal man...but often times it takes the spiritual man to get them to that point.

The spiritual man will invest in something more than physical lust and drive...he will make his body and cravings his slave and resist the urge to break the bond that he has developed with the woman of his life...it is about investment and restraint

The animal man is about living through natural drives and pushes. The one that punches first and asks later...the gun tottin, heavy bearded, strong handed man who gives no care to others than his own drives and desires.

The spiritual man is different. He is the balance of animal and spirit. He is the one that strives for more of a connection, more of a hold with someone. He will pop you in the face and kick you in the groin if you mess with him or his family. He will kiss you lightly in them morning and have you screamin' in the evening ;)

The spiritual male is the one that suffers through the pain of controlling his urges...he does not easily give into cravings...he lets them pain him knowing that what he gets in return is true spirituality, self control and love...control your urges...do not be enslaved by them...He is a different level of man. A different level of person. The balance between animal and spirit.

This is the balance though, you must be willing to balance out your spiritual man and animal man. Live the spiritual life, and when you are with your love...."tear into that pootang!!!" Be the animal. This is the balance. If you do not find balance for your animal he will break loose on the first piece of jungle-swingin'-booty-tang that walks by.

Control your animal...ravage your woman...love hard...live the soulful existence...bare the pain...feel the sweet suffering...

and until you find the woman of your life...screw, screw, swing big sticks, play golf and screw.