Dear Abby oops I meant PSYCH!,
I have not had the best luck with men lately. They either tell me, "let's be friends, let's just hook up or stop calling me." I don't get it. I'm intelligent, funny and I know that I'm decent looking, well that's what my friends tell me. I find guys but sometimes they just are not what I want in my life. What can I do to attract and keep a boyfriend?
....ahhhhhhhhh.....the questions of relationships...sigh...I can give you advice but most likely you'll end up like me...single, lonely but yet still amazingly sexy. But let's talk about this anyways...also...you may get some answers as well from my other blog "can you hear me now?"
there are a few things to keep in mind here. Values and Needs and Drives.
Value: When I say value I'm talking about your own person. What do you hold dear to yourself. For example, I myself value integrity (the ability to do the right thing when no one is watching), or courage (the ability to do the right thing when no one is doing the right thing)....it's things that you hold true and try to follow yourself. You must explore your own boundaries, lines and things that you hold dear.
For example, I value honesty. As I practice it I must not sacrifice this for the sake of another..now yes we all know this...but truly how many of you have given up something you value for the sake of a booty call? be real. PSYCH!SENSE tells us that we tend to try and match the other person's personality as much as possible...but instead of giving up your own values..find where your values and theirs overlap. Yes sacrifices must be made at times but not values. DO NOT give up your value...because if you are willng to give up your values how much of a value were they in the first place...and if you are willing to give them up for him...imagine what else he can take from you.
Needs: This was told to me by my friend when she was looking for a guy. She told me that you must be willing to list the qualities that you want in another person, if the person you are dating can meet 80% of them...that's a keeper.
Here's a for example list:
Dancer
Book smart
Taller than me
Third leg
Half Japanese Half Mexican with all the girth
Makes me laugh
Holds me tightly
Kisses me randomly
I wake up sore ;)
etc...but be careful with this list. If the guy you meet isn't very ...uhm...open or considerate of perspective (most likely because he hasn't been reading this blog enough...or hasn't worked out his issues yet) he may get offended that you are dating based off a list. Is this wrong? yes and no...yes because your partner should be more than a list of 20 characteristics (that surprisingly match me) your list should be an outline ultimately checking to see if the 4 levels of connection (see my blog on "can you hear me now") exist. No, because you must have a working outline of the things that matter to you. No exceptions. Be strong enough to acknowledge what you need in your life and strong enough to ask for it. What do you deserve? everything you want! (although it doesn't always work out that way)
Drives: Finally you must be doing these things everyday! or close to. Refer to Dr. Henry Murray regarding personality drives if you want more information. But we all must do these things daily and find a partner that can help us do the things on here that we are not doing daily. HUH?
in other words, read the list, find what you do daily and find a partner that can help you do the rest....and vice versa too!!! you should be fulfilling their needs, values and drives as they are fulfilling yours.
Abasement To surrender and submit to others, accept blame and punishment. To enjoy pain and misfortune.
Achievement To accomplish difficult tasks, overcoming obstacles and becoming expert.
Affiliation To be close and loyal to another person, pleasing them and winning their friendship and attention.
Aggression To forcefully overcome an opponent, controlling, taking revenge or punishing them.
Autonomy To break free from constraints, resisting coercion and dominating authority. To be irresponsible and independent.
Counteraction To make up for failure by trying again, seeking pridefully to overcome obstacles.
Defendance To defend oneself against attack or blame, hiding any failure of the self.
Deference To admire a superior person, praising them and yielding to them and following their rules.
Dominance To control one's environment, controlling other people through command or subtle persuasion.
Exhibition To impress others through one's actions and words, even if these are shocking.
Harm avoidance To escape or avoid pain, injury and death.
Infavoidance To avoid being humiliated or embarrassed.
Nurturance To help the helpless, feeding them and keeping them from danger.
Order To make things clean, neat and tidy.
Play To have fun, laugh and relax, enjoying oneself.
Rejection To separate oneself from a negatively viewed object or person, excluding or abandoning it.
Sentience To seek out and enjoy sensual experiences.
Sex To form relationship that lead to sexual intercourse.
Succourance To have one's needs satisfied by someone or something. Includes being loved, nursed, helped, forgiven and consoled.
Understanding To be curious, ask questions and find answers.
p.s. if all this doesn't work...I can sell you my friend's password to porn sites...ahh...I value honesty...it's my password. I can also make a suggestion to just be their friend, screw them or just stop calling them all together.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
97. But I'm a Movie Star
SO this one has been done before in many different areas but I throw my opinion into the mix now. I went to go see Iron Man 2 this weekend. So there I go getting all nerd with it as I start to talk about avengers...buy the IMAX ($18.00!!!!!...wtf? I should have gotten a bucket of popcorn for that price..oh wait...the popcorn and soda came up to $16.00 nevermind....sigh) ticket.
So as I sit down, there is a couple right next to me. what does the guy do? talk through the whole movie!!
okay...PSYCH!SENSE question...If someone is talking through the movie do you give them the ol' flat tire? (you know..the noise...shhhhhhh) Do you tell them to SHUT UP! but also..why is it that they talk during movies in the first place?
This one is hard to do...because I haven't done the research yet, but let me present my opinion.
Now when I was 5,6,7...15 I found myself always trying to talk to others around me about the movie. WHy? because I was so involved in the movie that nothing else existed. Meaning, the movie I was watching...geez...I might as well have been in it. Why do you think we enjoyed playing games about those movies right afterward? Right? when I was growing up...I would watch power rangers..then run outside and yell, "GO GO POWER RANGERS!" then I would always claim to be the red ranger (jason)...just until the white one came out (tommy)...
anyways, during the show I would kinda talk to others around me...friends, stuffed animals, my imaginary friends...I would tell them, "check this out! oh no...wait..why don't you call out your dinosaur"
Can't you all remember that? talking to the television as if it could hear you...how fun..how playful...it was "childish" as memories of my yelling at the lakers on tv flood my head.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our engagement/absolute engagement into a movie creates the connection and full attention into it. In other words, someone talking to the movie is so engaged with it...they are actually part of it. Quite the experience. I would also start to think about their childhood experience...were they paid enough attention to? The habits and psychological gestures we make as adults were created out of our lack of somehting in our childhood, often- not always.
This is different from those that will sit in a movie like Iron Man then turn to their partner and start talking loudly (or on the phone) about a magazine article entitled "exfoliating the fungus out" (yes I've heard this conversation before...and no you don't want to know). These people who talk about random other things during the movie are doing a few different things...not engaging with the movie, lacking courtesy to others and being arrogant in their lack of respect and acknowledgment of others.
See the difference? engaging with a movie....engaging with something else at a movie.
So as I sit down, there is a couple right next to me. what does the guy do? talk through the whole movie!!
okay...PSYCH!SENSE question...If someone is talking through the movie do you give them the ol' flat tire? (you know..the noise...shhhhhhh) Do you tell them to SHUT UP! but also..why is it that they talk during movies in the first place?
This one is hard to do...because I haven't done the research yet, but let me present my opinion.
Now when I was 5,6,7...15 I found myself always trying to talk to others around me about the movie. WHy? because I was so involved in the movie that nothing else existed. Meaning, the movie I was watching...geez...I might as well have been in it. Why do you think we enjoyed playing games about those movies right afterward? Right? when I was growing up...I would watch power rangers..then run outside and yell, "GO GO POWER RANGERS!" then I would always claim to be the red ranger (jason)...just until the white one came out (tommy)...
anyways, during the show I would kinda talk to others around me...friends, stuffed animals, my imaginary friends...I would tell them, "check this out! oh no...wait..why don't you call out your dinosaur"
Can't you all remember that? talking to the television as if it could hear you...how fun..how playful...it was "childish" as memories of my yelling at the lakers on tv flood my head.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that our engagement/absolute engagement into a movie creates the connection and full attention into it. In other words, someone talking to the movie is so engaged with it...they are actually part of it. Quite the experience. I would also start to think about their childhood experience...were they paid enough attention to? The habits and psychological gestures we make as adults were created out of our lack of somehting in our childhood, often- not always.
This is different from those that will sit in a movie like Iron Man then turn to their partner and start talking loudly (or on the phone) about a magazine article entitled "exfoliating the fungus out" (yes I've heard this conversation before...and no you don't want to know). These people who talk about random other things during the movie are doing a few different things...not engaging with the movie, lacking courtesy to others and being arrogant in their lack of respect and acknowledgment of others.
See the difference? engaging with a movie....engaging with something else at a movie.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
96. Fill Your Jugs
Let's just jump right into it!
PSYCH!SENSE question...is the best way to get over an ex through meeting someone new?
We've all been there...your heart gets broken..but not just broken but...like stampeded on, picked up, chewed on, ripped into pieces and then spat on. OHHH YES it hurts. When we break up with a person it has to do with a piece of us that is no longer there. It hurts because we allow that person to embed with the part of us that is truly vulnerable and in turn truly hidden from others.
When we meet someone we have our baggage and carry with us the scars of our family, our past relationships and emotional turmoils. This new person fills in those scars and creates in us a sense of happiness and completeness. We've felt it before right? When you're with that person you just FEEL right...the day is brighter and the nights are that much more beautiful. hahah...right? when every love song is about you two? when every single romantic movie is "just like her and me". Where every call or text you get, you're hoping it's from them? haha. PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it's because we have become more whole and more complete...imagine that! we feel the birds singing when we become emotionally stable with another!!!
Here is the question though. Why is it that this emotional "stable-ness" can only exist when you are in the presence of another? As I was asking others, they told me that the only way they can truly get over him/her is by finding a new one to fill their place. WHAT?!?!? Now yes, having the connection and feeling the emotional completeness is important...we enjoy it better when we are together...
For a raunchy example...imagine the times you and your partner are totally going at it...bam bam bam...bam bam bam...bam bam SLIP!....what's the first thing you say? "PUT IT BACK IN!" lol...it just fits. Or less...when us men try and put on a magnum and realize..."damn...there's enough room in the condom for three fingers still...." (I had to use myself as an example)...anyways....you reach for the normal one because it fits.
The point of all these sick sexual references? well..nothing really...it's just meant for shock and laughs...but honestly..it's meant more for the concept that instead of simply building emotional support on our own, we tend to need someone to fill that gap. THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!
The challenge for the readers? How many of you have found yourself wanting to build strong emotional independance? probably a lot. You must first be willing to build a stable foundation for yourself before you try and give it away to someone else. If you have less emotional stability than your partner does...his/her emotional stability will overpower yours and you will become lost in him/her and dependent on him/her.
THIS IS BAD! We've seen it with friends right? they meet a guy or girl and suddenly they change, they become different, they alter and end up being more like their partner than their own self...they have taken up more of their partner's personality than their own...this is normal...yes...but where is the balance?
Think of it like two buckets of paint. If you have a cup of blue paint, and your partner has a five gallon bottle of yellow what happens when you mix them? You end up with a color that is all yellow and MAYBE has a bit of blue..but for the most part it's yellow. If you come in with 2 gallons of blue paint and your partner with 5 gallons of yellow paint then what happens? You end up with a bit of a different color...a nice mix. Ultimately though...when you come in with 5 gallons of blue and they come in with 5 gallons of yellow what do you get? YOU GET GREEN! a whole new color that is composed beautifully and equally. When you are both mixed together...you change with one another equally and in a way that is a wonderful mix of two.
Aim for this! Build your own emotional strength so that when you're ready to mix you have an equal emotional share to play with, and you do not become eaten up by him/her. You instead become a part of the new color that has been created.
Fill your Jugs
PSYCH!SENSE question...is the best way to get over an ex through meeting someone new?
We've all been there...your heart gets broken..but not just broken but...like stampeded on, picked up, chewed on, ripped into pieces and then spat on. OHHH YES it hurts. When we break up with a person it has to do with a piece of us that is no longer there. It hurts because we allow that person to embed with the part of us that is truly vulnerable and in turn truly hidden from others.
When we meet someone we have our baggage and carry with us the scars of our family, our past relationships and emotional turmoils. This new person fills in those scars and creates in us a sense of happiness and completeness. We've felt it before right? When you're with that person you just FEEL right...the day is brighter and the nights are that much more beautiful. hahah...right? when every love song is about you two? when every single romantic movie is "just like her and me". Where every call or text you get, you're hoping it's from them? haha. PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it's because we have become more whole and more complete...imagine that! we feel the birds singing when we become emotionally stable with another!!!
Here is the question though. Why is it that this emotional "stable-ness" can only exist when you are in the presence of another? As I was asking others, they told me that the only way they can truly get over him/her is by finding a new one to fill their place. WHAT?!?!? Now yes, having the connection and feeling the emotional completeness is important...we enjoy it better when we are together...
For a raunchy example...imagine the times you and your partner are totally going at it...bam bam bam...bam bam bam...bam bam SLIP!....what's the first thing you say? "PUT IT BACK IN!" lol...it just fits. Or less...when us men try and put on a magnum and realize..."damn...there's enough room in the condom for three fingers still...." (I had to use myself as an example)...anyways....you reach for the normal one because it fits.
The point of all these sick sexual references? well..nothing really...it's just meant for shock and laughs...but honestly..it's meant more for the concept that instead of simply building emotional support on our own, we tend to need someone to fill that gap. THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!
The challenge for the readers? How many of you have found yourself wanting to build strong emotional independance? probably a lot. You must first be willing to build a stable foundation for yourself before you try and give it away to someone else. If you have less emotional stability than your partner does...his/her emotional stability will overpower yours and you will become lost in him/her and dependent on him/her.
THIS IS BAD! We've seen it with friends right? they meet a guy or girl and suddenly they change, they become different, they alter and end up being more like their partner than their own self...they have taken up more of their partner's personality than their own...this is normal...yes...but where is the balance?
Think of it like two buckets of paint. If you have a cup of blue paint, and your partner has a five gallon bottle of yellow what happens when you mix them? You end up with a color that is all yellow and MAYBE has a bit of blue..but for the most part it's yellow. If you come in with 2 gallons of blue paint and your partner with 5 gallons of yellow paint then what happens? You end up with a bit of a different color...a nice mix. Ultimately though...when you come in with 5 gallons of blue and they come in with 5 gallons of yellow what do you get? YOU GET GREEN! a whole new color that is composed beautifully and equally. When you are both mixed together...you change with one another equally and in a way that is a wonderful mix of two.
Aim for this! Build your own emotional strength so that when you're ready to mix you have an equal emotional share to play with, and you do not become eaten up by him/her. You instead become a part of the new color that has been created.
Fill your Jugs
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
95. My Secret Identity
Now we all have different lives...we have our home life, our night life, our day job life and if you're like me, your porn career.
I mention this because many of us have heard the idea of "never bring your work home with you" and this is true...to a point. I feel as if parts of work and other lives we have, can be mixed with one another creating a better person...what do you mean?
take for instance a porn star. Most likely...over the course of some years they've probably learned a trick or two that when he comes home to you...well..ya know..Boom Chicka Wawa (meant to be porn music). He can have someone doing a cleveland steamer, brown logger, dirty sanchez, hot tamale, with a little danza slap and a side of a rolling burnout, seedy sam and rosy palmer before you even hit the pillow.
or take the coffee shop owner...who after work instead of going home directly will try a new type of coffee shop...perhaps Cafe Roule (where the girls are as fun as coffee...dark but nice...that was a bad joke, geez...I must be tired or something). so if the new coffee shop owner would take the time to explore other coffee shops they would be doing research into what makes these other ones successful.
Food staff and customer service have a similar trait...they have the built in/learned ability to keep and hold conversation with anyone. They are personable...That's an amazing talent right there...sometimes no matter how UGH you feel...if you find a really good customer service person..they can brighten your day. They do it natural at times...it just pops out.
Our jobs have created skills in us that others hardly notice. If you work it right you can use those skills to help others and at the same time make great changes in peoples' lives and can enrich your job.
It is when you absolutely shut off your job from coming home with you that you end up building stress and resentment. People take pictures of their kids to work with them because it's a reminder why you do what you do, it's helps to keep you on task, and in a way you are unconsciously blending your home and work together to make it better.
If you're a doctor you give slight medical advice (although not allowed) to a stranger when you're off duty. If you're into insurance, when you go home you try and help a friend do that work so they don't get screwed. Maybe you work in an office but have to work with people all day, so you exhibit courtesy and organization to others, if you're a dentist and someone asks for an opinion you consider offering it. Allow parts of your job to come out- recognize what you can offer to the world who doesn't hold your job. It is only through this that you can be happier with life and work and ultimately happier with what you do.
I mention this because many of us have heard the idea of "never bring your work home with you" and this is true...to a point. I feel as if parts of work and other lives we have, can be mixed with one another creating a better person...what do you mean?
take for instance a porn star. Most likely...over the course of some years they've probably learned a trick or two that when he comes home to you...well..ya know..Boom Chicka Wawa (meant to be porn music). He can have someone doing a cleveland steamer, brown logger, dirty sanchez, hot tamale, with a little danza slap and a side of a rolling burnout, seedy sam and rosy palmer before you even hit the pillow.
or take the coffee shop owner...who after work instead of going home directly will try a new type of coffee shop...perhaps Cafe Roule (where the girls are as fun as coffee...dark but nice...that was a bad joke, geez...I must be tired or something). so if the new coffee shop owner would take the time to explore other coffee shops they would be doing research into what makes these other ones successful.
Food staff and customer service have a similar trait...they have the built in/learned ability to keep and hold conversation with anyone. They are personable...That's an amazing talent right there...sometimes no matter how UGH you feel...if you find a really good customer service person..they can brighten your day. They do it natural at times...it just pops out.
Our jobs have created skills in us that others hardly notice. If you work it right you can use those skills to help others and at the same time make great changes in peoples' lives and can enrich your job.
It is when you absolutely shut off your job from coming home with you that you end up building stress and resentment. People take pictures of their kids to work with them because it's a reminder why you do what you do, it's helps to keep you on task, and in a way you are unconsciously blending your home and work together to make it better.
If you're a doctor you give slight medical advice (although not allowed) to a stranger when you're off duty. If you're into insurance, when you go home you try and help a friend do that work so they don't get screwed. Maybe you work in an office but have to work with people all day, so you exhibit courtesy and organization to others, if you're a dentist and someone asks for an opinion you consider offering it. Allow parts of your job to come out- recognize what you can offer to the world who doesn't hold your job. It is only through this that you can be happier with life and work and ultimately happier with what you do.
Monday, May 3, 2010
94. Octopus Style
How many people have you loved in your life time? Now i'm not talking about friends, or family or even elementary school yard love...but totally loved? if done correctly...not many.
Can you still feel the love of your first boyfriend or girlfriend? think about it...dig into your mind and try and remember the good things about your first love...you can feel them right? but at the same time you can feel the pain they left in us when they/we broke up. They stand in our minds because this was a time of transition...it was a time when we were developing and growing and our minds have that person as part of our development, puberty of not...ohhh...no wonder I can remember my grandfather putting me on his knee(?) so often. gross.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Do you believe that there is just one love for you out there?
Remember when that curly hair, frankenstein looking, acne ridden, nose picking bed wetter who broke your heart? you feel it...and for days/weeks/months later you feel so bad that all you can think about is..."i'll never find another one again!!...ill be lonely forever!!...i'm gonna sleep with his dad just to piss him off (maybe not that extreme...unless your from the show 'the hills' in which case go f-yourself...what was I talking about...)" ..we've all been there...the intense pain that they brought us but only because of the intense love we once felt for them.
Many people I have been talking to have told me, "TRUE love...you only get once or twice...the rest are just practice..."
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that for man...our ability to want full term and deep committment and relationship are hard...too hard...because we always have to spread the seed and strive for the "better" thing...or in many guys cases...the "easy" thing. /sigh. How stupid can we be? the drive for more and more only leads to more stress gents...read my blog on that one...as like other posts I only challenge you to consider going against your instincts...I challenge you to be with your woman...fully and wholly...completely and unafraid. Go against instinct...(p.s. it's hard)
OH NO ladies you are not off the hook...they strive for relationship and communication. So they will many times force themselves to be in relationships with guys that are just horrible..just plain stupid for them simply because the woman feels as if she can help the "bad boy" "guide him right" "live off his excitement" and drive for life...just until she realizes..."oh snap...you really do suck and everyone around me was right." I challenge you with the opposite, consider what your friends are telling you, consider their opinion and take the time to step back for, if only moments, and think about him and your relationship or are you just with him because people are telling you not to and you want to "fix" him.
ultimately, our growth will occur on deeper levels with those we spend more time with. We will blossom into more complete people when we find one to share our stories with, our lives with and our love with. The difficulty is not always having the luck to find that one person to whom we can have it with. Is there more than one person out there for you? yes but it depends.
Can you still feel the love of your first boyfriend or girlfriend? think about it...dig into your mind and try and remember the good things about your first love...you can feel them right? but at the same time you can feel the pain they left in us when they/we broke up. They stand in our minds because this was a time of transition...it was a time when we were developing and growing and our minds have that person as part of our development, puberty of not...ohhh...no wonder I can remember my grandfather putting me on his knee(?) so often. gross.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Do you believe that there is just one love for you out there?
Remember when that curly hair, frankenstein looking, acne ridden, nose picking bed wetter who broke your heart? you feel it...and for days/weeks/months later you feel so bad that all you can think about is..."i'll never find another one again!!...ill be lonely forever!!...i'm gonna sleep with his dad just to piss him off (maybe not that extreme...unless your from the show 'the hills' in which case go f-yourself...what was I talking about...)" ..we've all been there...the intense pain that they brought us but only because of the intense love we once felt for them.
Many people I have been talking to have told me, "TRUE love...you only get once or twice...the rest are just practice..."
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that for man...our ability to want full term and deep committment and relationship are hard...too hard...because we always have to spread the seed and strive for the "better" thing...or in many guys cases...the "easy" thing. /sigh. How stupid can we be? the drive for more and more only leads to more stress gents...read my blog on that one...as like other posts I only challenge you to consider going against your instincts...I challenge you to be with your woman...fully and wholly...completely and unafraid. Go against instinct...(p.s. it's hard)
OH NO ladies you are not off the hook...they strive for relationship and communication. So they will many times force themselves to be in relationships with guys that are just horrible..just plain stupid for them simply because the woman feels as if she can help the "bad boy" "guide him right" "live off his excitement" and drive for life...just until she realizes..."oh snap...you really do suck and everyone around me was right." I challenge you with the opposite, consider what your friends are telling you, consider their opinion and take the time to step back for, if only moments, and think about him and your relationship or are you just with him because people are telling you not to and you want to "fix" him.
ultimately, our growth will occur on deeper levels with those we spend more time with. We will blossom into more complete people when we find one to share our stories with, our lives with and our love with. The difficulty is not always having the luck to find that one person to whom we can have it with. Is there more than one person out there for you? yes but it depends.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
93. I'd hit that...but she's my friend
The next question is the idea of having opposite sex friends.
PSYCH!SENSE question...can we have opposite sex friends?
Now there are levels of friends...See my blog on types of friends...
Many of the men i've spoken to about this say "NO" they cannot have opposite sex friends. Many times, the only way they can do it is if their friend is absolutely not of physical interest to the guy...if the guy does not feel physical attraction to her then perhaps it can work out...difficulty is that many guys claim the ability to have friendship with women but I feel that they really harbor the drive to screw them.
Come on gents...lets be real...we all kinda feel it...just not as strongly as others at times...but we have this sense of "I wonder...." right? we wonder what it would be like...plus there is the biological sense of spreading the seed, dominance...blah blah blah...i'll get into that another time. When we are single many times we make friends with women because of the potential to "HIT THAT" Few peeps can make a friend with someone else because of the potential for deep connection...
haha...how many guys would say, "Man I really want to damn!..walk up to that girl...sit her down next to her and totally have a deep conversation with her..." (unless you're me...no wonder...) most would say, "i'm gonna walk right up to her and say WHATEVER it takes to tap that ass..." it's sad but true.
...I once had a girlfriend that truly cared for and when I was in Iraq fighting for the good ol' red, white and blue...she ended up cheating on me- with my best friend at the time. UGH! I know. I got back and she told me that she wanted to be friends since she was with my best friend now and she still felt connected to me...I told her, "get lost bitch, you cum gurgling walking sperm bank" (what do you expect I was in the Marine Corps for 7 years..and I just got back from war...she's lucky I didn't go all serial killer on her). I cut them both out of my life (not literally). Years later after no communication...I got an invitation to their wedding...did I go? many of my readers would not have gone...but I did. Why? Well one...free booze and food...and two I started to see the power of psychology and the power of peace and happiness...I told myself...if she was going to cheat on me, i'm glad she did it with the man she'd end up marrying.
When I used to compete in martial arts...I hated losing...like we all do..but what made me feel better was to think...if I lose to someone...it better be the guy that wins the whole damn competition...
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that friendship, deep ones anyways, are about the ability to have mutual service to one another. I have my best friends because I know...I could call them and ask for 30 bucks and they would say, "I'll be there to drop it off in an hour..." For them, they know that they can call me and say, "dude...I got a random girl pregnant" and I would say, "get me my surgical knife..." ......KIDDING!!!! it's the shock factor readers...JUST KIDDING! why would I want to cut my friend because he got a girl pregnant...geez.
I challenge my readers to question the roles of friends in your life. THere are levels of friendship....there are!!! I've had people that I tried to make best friends with, tried to incorporate with and have lifelong connections with only to discover that they secretly were jealous and starting personal investigation into my life history, criminal record and credentials...instead of retaliation my relationship now with them is simple "hi" and "bye".
There are too many people in world to hold anger with...you can simply learn to change your role in their life and their role in yours. AGAIN! it's about mutuality and respect...do not friend a girl...if you plan on getting in her pants..(unless thats all you want)...do not friend a person under the fake idea of friendship only to attack them afterward...you will end up lonely and feeling empty. Only a certain few can have friends with the opposite sex that can be platonic...only few can do this. When you think of your friends or acquantances (sp?) consider what they do for you and what you do for them.
There is nothing wrong with harboring feelings sexual or whatever towards another person...but it may be wrong to act on every feeling you get that could be detrimental to their life, your own life or your happy relationship. Sure...sometimes it's worth it...but be very careful with that. Many of you i'm sure have friends of the opposite sex and if you're a guy perhaps friends that you wouldn't mind seeing/hearing her "O" face...it's okay to have these fantasies...but at the cost of what you have...make sure it's worth it. Learn to appreciate you already have...learn to feel the love that you two hold in a way that is beyond the physical...sure it's hard...and damn near impossible...but so what...man up
PSYCH!SENSE question...can we have opposite sex friends?
Now there are levels of friends...See my blog on types of friends...
Many of the men i've spoken to about this say "NO" they cannot have opposite sex friends. Many times, the only way they can do it is if their friend is absolutely not of physical interest to the guy...if the guy does not feel physical attraction to her then perhaps it can work out...difficulty is that many guys claim the ability to have friendship with women but I feel that they really harbor the drive to screw them.
Come on gents...lets be real...we all kinda feel it...just not as strongly as others at times...but we have this sense of "I wonder...." right? we wonder what it would be like...plus there is the biological sense of spreading the seed, dominance...blah blah blah...i'll get into that another time. When we are single many times we make friends with women because of the potential to "HIT THAT" Few peeps can make a friend with someone else because of the potential for deep connection...
haha...how many guys would say, "Man I really want to damn!..walk up to that girl...sit her down next to her and totally have a deep conversation with her..." (unless you're me...no wonder...) most would say, "i'm gonna walk right up to her and say WHATEVER it takes to tap that ass..." it's sad but true.
...I once had a girlfriend that truly cared for and when I was in Iraq fighting for the good ol' red, white and blue...she ended up cheating on me- with my best friend at the time. UGH! I know. I got back and she told me that she wanted to be friends since she was with my best friend now and she still felt connected to me...I told her, "get lost bitch, you cum gurgling walking sperm bank" (what do you expect I was in the Marine Corps for 7 years..and I just got back from war...she's lucky I didn't go all serial killer on her). I cut them both out of my life (not literally). Years later after no communication...I got an invitation to their wedding...did I go? many of my readers would not have gone...but I did. Why? Well one...free booze and food...and two I started to see the power of psychology and the power of peace and happiness...I told myself...if she was going to cheat on me, i'm glad she did it with the man she'd end up marrying.
When I used to compete in martial arts...I hated losing...like we all do..but what made me feel better was to think...if I lose to someone...it better be the guy that wins the whole damn competition...
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that friendship, deep ones anyways, are about the ability to have mutual service to one another. I have my best friends because I know...I could call them and ask for 30 bucks and they would say, "I'll be there to drop it off in an hour..." For them, they know that they can call me and say, "dude...I got a random girl pregnant" and I would say, "get me my surgical knife..." ......KIDDING!!!! it's the shock factor readers...JUST KIDDING! why would I want to cut my friend because he got a girl pregnant...geez.
I challenge my readers to question the roles of friends in your life. THere are levels of friendship....there are!!! I've had people that I tried to make best friends with, tried to incorporate with and have lifelong connections with only to discover that they secretly were jealous and starting personal investigation into my life history, criminal record and credentials...instead of retaliation my relationship now with them is simple "hi" and "bye".
There are too many people in world to hold anger with...you can simply learn to change your role in their life and their role in yours. AGAIN! it's about mutuality and respect...do not friend a girl...if you plan on getting in her pants..(unless thats all you want)...do not friend a person under the fake idea of friendship only to attack them afterward...you will end up lonely and feeling empty. Only a certain few can have friends with the opposite sex that can be platonic...only few can do this. When you think of your friends or acquantances (sp?) consider what they do for you and what you do for them.
There is nothing wrong with harboring feelings sexual or whatever towards another person...but it may be wrong to act on every feeling you get that could be detrimental to their life, your own life or your happy relationship. Sure...sometimes it's worth it...but be very careful with that. Many of you i'm sure have friends of the opposite sex and if you're a guy perhaps friends that you wouldn't mind seeing/hearing her "O" face...it's okay to have these fantasies...but at the cost of what you have...make sure it's worth it. Learn to appreciate you already have...learn to feel the love that you two hold in a way that is beyond the physical...sure it's hard...and damn near impossible...but so what...man up
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
92. My Ex/Best-Friend
I've gotten quite the opposite responses on this one. So I throw it out to the readers who try and keep up with my PSYCH!SENSE stuff. Here is the question:
PSYCH!SENSE question: Can you be friends with your ex?
Lets say you have been with your ex b/f or ex g/f for 2 years or so...you guys have a huge break up but it was done out of mutuality (if that exists). Meaning...you didn't want him/her and she didn't want you either. They suddenly pull out the "lets be friends card" ...we've probably all heard that one...or given it to someone...or written a song about it...but I bring it up because if the person who gets that card is not ready for it...damn...the one giving it should have just said, "hey you piece of horse manure, grass eating donkey ball licking sucky sucky five dollar son of a bitch....help me move today"
When the one receiving this message to be friends is not ready for it...it can be heart wretching...why? because it hurts us.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me exactly what one of my philosophers told me..."when someone is that close to you that they learn and know things about you that your friends don't know...you are vulnerable...when they leave...you are left hurting and with scars."
I agree, with a different example...When you build a relationship they know so much about you...they begin to fill the scars and holes in your soul and heart with their own energy and love. They "complete" you (austin powers). When they leave, those holes and scars are left empty again. and sex was probably awesome.
Time passes and they want to be friends again...but our scars and holes remember the joy that it once had to be with that person...but ultimately the pain they created as well.
I've heard mixed answers on this one. Many women say that they can continue to have the ex as a friend...but many guys will say the opposite. Women want to prolong the emotional support from anyone...they want the ability to bounce between friends in their life journey who can provide help in any way possible. Men I feel do not have this type of feeling. Men instead have the ability to break ties with people, although it hurts, in order to self preserve themselves. I'm not saying that the two roles cannot interchange but I am saying that a majority of the gender think this way (yes it is a generalization!).
Here is PSYCH! opinion. In fact I think I read this somewhere too...but whatever..i'll take credit for it until someone corrects me...
I've had a girlfriend that was still friends with her ex...now at first it was difficult for me because I always thought to myself..."FUCK! he just wants to wreck that piece o' booty..." but because I pride myself on being a PSYCH!SENSE philosopher I try and consider perspectives and alternative opinions. THis is what helped me. I told myself..."she once loved this person..and still does but in a different way...and despite their break up she will keep him close and choose what part to keep close to her heart...instead of getting pissed off...I realized that for the time being...she chooses me...completely and fully...if she is connected like this to her ex...imagine how amazingly loving and beautiful she can be when she is with me."
...the fact is that we must be willing to acknowledge that a woman will keep the parts of things she wants in her life...and discard the rest. If she still holds connection to her ex...but chooses you to be her world...how lucky are you?
I once had a patient tell me about her boyfriend that always wore a watch that his ex gave him when they were together but later broke up. Mind you that he never spoke to her after they broke up but...he did wear her watch because he liked it and my patient found it hard to accept that he still had a piece of her. I can remember telling my patient..."it sounds as if he's a smart man....he chooses the things he likes and discards the things he doesn't...and right now...he chooses you completely." They ended up getting married.
This is my next challenge to the readers...how emotionally stable are you? although being a friend with an ex is difficult...many times...impossible...what level of friendship and what level of connection do you want to have with this person? I'd like to think that someone who is trying to be stronger and a more balanced person could try and fill a role or a part of their ex's life...if that ex can do the same for you...can your ex fill a role or part in your own life as well...if not? then why be friends?
You must be willing to be honest with youself and respectful to what your own soul is telling you. Be honest with yourself..if it's too hard for you...don't do it. You may not be ready...you may need years upon years to get over her...If you can find a place to try and be part of their life...try it. Just remember this isn't for everyone as it can also be seen as torture if you too it too soon. Find your line and walk it...lean over your edge but don't cross it.
or
when they say, "can we be friends?" you can just say, "FUCK YOU!"
PSYCH!SENSE question: Can you be friends with your ex?
Lets say you have been with your ex b/f or ex g/f for 2 years or so...you guys have a huge break up but it was done out of mutuality (if that exists). Meaning...you didn't want him/her and she didn't want you either. They suddenly pull out the "lets be friends card" ...we've probably all heard that one...or given it to someone...or written a song about it...but I bring it up because if the person who gets that card is not ready for it...damn...the one giving it should have just said, "hey you piece of horse manure, grass eating donkey ball licking sucky sucky five dollar son of a bitch....help me move today"
When the one receiving this message to be friends is not ready for it...it can be heart wretching...why? because it hurts us.
PSYCH!SENSE tells me exactly what one of my philosophers told me..."when someone is that close to you that they learn and know things about you that your friends don't know...you are vulnerable...when they leave...you are left hurting and with scars."
I agree, with a different example...When you build a relationship they know so much about you...they begin to fill the scars and holes in your soul and heart with their own energy and love. They "complete" you (austin powers). When they leave, those holes and scars are left empty again. and sex was probably awesome.
Time passes and they want to be friends again...but our scars and holes remember the joy that it once had to be with that person...but ultimately the pain they created as well.
I've heard mixed answers on this one. Many women say that they can continue to have the ex as a friend...but many guys will say the opposite. Women want to prolong the emotional support from anyone...they want the ability to bounce between friends in their life journey who can provide help in any way possible. Men I feel do not have this type of feeling. Men instead have the ability to break ties with people, although it hurts, in order to self preserve themselves. I'm not saying that the two roles cannot interchange but I am saying that a majority of the gender think this way (yes it is a generalization!).
Here is PSYCH! opinion. In fact I think I read this somewhere too...but whatever..i'll take credit for it until someone corrects me...
I've had a girlfriend that was still friends with her ex...now at first it was difficult for me because I always thought to myself..."FUCK! he just wants to wreck that piece o' booty..." but because I pride myself on being a PSYCH!SENSE philosopher I try and consider perspectives and alternative opinions. THis is what helped me. I told myself..."she once loved this person..and still does but in a different way...and despite their break up she will keep him close and choose what part to keep close to her heart...instead of getting pissed off...I realized that for the time being...she chooses me...completely and fully...if she is connected like this to her ex...imagine how amazingly loving and beautiful she can be when she is with me."
...the fact is that we must be willing to acknowledge that a woman will keep the parts of things she wants in her life...and discard the rest. If she still holds connection to her ex...but chooses you to be her world...how lucky are you?
I once had a patient tell me about her boyfriend that always wore a watch that his ex gave him when they were together but later broke up. Mind you that he never spoke to her after they broke up but...he did wear her watch because he liked it and my patient found it hard to accept that he still had a piece of her. I can remember telling my patient..."it sounds as if he's a smart man....he chooses the things he likes and discards the things he doesn't...and right now...he chooses you completely." They ended up getting married.
This is my next challenge to the readers...how emotionally stable are you? although being a friend with an ex is difficult...many times...impossible...what level of friendship and what level of connection do you want to have with this person? I'd like to think that someone who is trying to be stronger and a more balanced person could try and fill a role or a part of their ex's life...if that ex can do the same for you...can your ex fill a role or part in your own life as well...if not? then why be friends?
You must be willing to be honest with youself and respectful to what your own soul is telling you. Be honest with yourself..if it's too hard for you...don't do it. You may not be ready...you may need years upon years to get over her...If you can find a place to try and be part of their life...try it. Just remember this isn't for everyone as it can also be seen as torture if you too it too soon. Find your line and walk it...lean over your edge but don't cross it.
or
when they say, "can we be friends?" you can just say, "FUCK YOU!"
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
91. Partner or Prostitute
To PSYCH!SENSE writer, I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months now. We still have the heat and chemistry and still fuck like bunny rabbits. I really love this woman and I know she loves me but she is getting expensive! When we go out I end up taking out my wallet, when she gets a food craving, I end up taking out my wallet, when we go to the mall and she sees something she likes, you get the idea. I mean I know in the beginning it's my job to do it, but as she gets paid more than me and does not like for me to make her something to eat at home- what can I do? Using your language, can the next PSYCH!SENSE question be, "when should your girlfriend start to pick up the bill for things?"
p.s. what does the word PSYCH!SENSE mean by the way? is that some sort of psychological term?
p.s.s. I love the way you smell (this is the only thing I may or may not have added)
Now this is a really good question...the answer? when you tell her to start doing it. Ta da!
also! actually I made up the word PSYCH!SENSE. It's supposed to be my made up word for when I start to feel the deeper answer to psychology. It's my Spidey-sense, you know...when in danger spiderman's spidey-sense buzzes to warn him...my PSYCH!SENSE is used when I start buzzing about interpretation or understanding...
on to the question:
We are absolutely in a very interesting time in life. We have women that are independent, make their own money, have their own things yet will throw up their "traditional" card when it's convenient. "Pay the tab, kill the pig, open my door"....if not then they complain "there are no good men out there!" despite their ever growing drive to hook up with the tatoo, cheating S.O.B. who treats them like crap and "save the bad boy" instead of dating the sexy blog guy...I mean the nice guy. ugh...i'll blog about that another day.
Dont worry ladies...guys have a similar card...it's called the baby card. We are tough and strong and want to be in charge...but "goo goo ga ga take care of me" :( I will also blog about this later.
so anyways...women I feel are torn between the idea of wanting to be traditional and their "modern" independent beliefs. In your case, I don't know if she foots the bill ever but I would start to question your roles...think about it!
You guys go out and you pay, she may sleep over wake up and say, "i'm hungry...take me to denny's" ...you said you "fuck like bunny rabbits" so I would start to question your role...is she your prostitute?
I don't mean to be rude..but if the most you are getting from her is sex...you could probably save yourself some money by going to those sexy asian massage places...like the one on Colorado and Eagle Rock...oh yeah...they treat you well..they know what makes a man happy...anyways...
What can also bug us guys is the idea that many times women will play the "traditional" card when it suits them best. She may not realize that she is doing that...which means...it comes off to us guys as her expecting us to do it.
Trust me, sometimes the hardest part and most annoying is that they begin to expect it. They will not make an attempt...they will not reach for the purse but when the bill comes they are halfway out the door while you pay. Many times if she would at least be willing to reach for her purse that can help us feel better. In fact, it's the attempt or willingness ladies!
Like having a roommate! You buy all the food but they eat it all and don't put out any money. If you guys split the electricity, they end up leaving their computer on all day and all the lights on..but insist on splitting the bill down the center. They fill up the trash bag but will wait for you to take it out. must be real nice!
so here you are:
On intimacy: Intimacy is when two people consciously choose to serve one another.
This means both make a conscious attempt to understand what the other is experiencing and doing. They must be willing to serve you in exchange...not sexually because in that scenario both are being served...but truly consider what your partner is doing in service to you. What does she do for you? If you are paying all the time, she must be willing to understand that it is a partnership and dance that you both must be open to.
On investment: A clear representation of Investment is the active redirection of resources/assets (emotional and physical) to creating benefits in the future for both. In other words, "I'm giving this to you and us because I want us"
How much is she investing in your relationship, physically and emotionally, and how is she showing you that she feels a future? This is why buying a dog or cat together can be stressful because it means you two are making a committment to take care of it and invest equally into it. Even little things as her paying for the bill every so often can be an indicator of her investment in your relationship.
On courtesy and being a lady or gentleman: The conscious attempt to make others around you as comfortable as possible. In other words, "what more can I do to make you feel better?"
Your partner must be willing to question their actions in relation to yours. They must think about your needs as well...for example:
THIS IS THE MORE PG EXAMPLE (DON'T READ THE NEXT EXAMPLE IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY SENSITIVE)
If you are eating together at home and they pick up your dirty plates and take them/wash them. They are being courteous to you.
THIS IS TOTALLY GROSS EXAMPLE...DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SEXUAL IMAGE!
like when you are totally going at it from behind and right before you pop you pull out and finish on her back(we know that's happened)...it's courtesy to clean her up.
You must be willing to speak up to her, express your concerns clearly and be honest with your feelings. If it is bugging you that much...approach her with it. DONT BACK DOWN! Depending on her reaction to your approach you'll know what type of woman she is and if she is willing to take her game and your relationship to the deeper level. Who knows you may find out that she is a money hungry girl that is used to guys taking care of her and all her needs, which is okay if you want that.
Also consider how that can change your relationship and your own feelings as well. We guys do have this weird macho thing about paying for the bill..if she started to pay for the bill more would you feel less of a man? ouch! you may...but that isn't bad...it's just something that you have to work through.
Let me add this one tid bit from personal experience. I usually pick up the bill until she is willing to say, "No I got this one"...and kinda fights me for it. I find that this and most guys would agree, that this is extremely sexy...that tells me that she is willing to invest into us and although I will not expect her to pay for all the things to come...her making this gesture tells me how much of a higher level woman she is. This symbolic act is an example of her willingness to invest in us, her courtesy and respect for me pickign up past tabs, and her willingness to show me she is invested for a future together.
p.s. what does the word PSYCH!SENSE mean by the way? is that some sort of psychological term?
p.s.s. I love the way you smell (this is the only thing I may or may not have added)
Now this is a really good question...the answer? when you tell her to start doing it. Ta da!
also! actually I made up the word PSYCH!SENSE. It's supposed to be my made up word for when I start to feel the deeper answer to psychology. It's my Spidey-sense, you know...when in danger spiderman's spidey-sense buzzes to warn him...my PSYCH!SENSE is used when I start buzzing about interpretation or understanding...
on to the question:
We are absolutely in a very interesting time in life. We have women that are independent, make their own money, have their own things yet will throw up their "traditional" card when it's convenient. "Pay the tab, kill the pig, open my door"....if not then they complain "there are no good men out there!" despite their ever growing drive to hook up with the tatoo, cheating S.O.B. who treats them like crap and "save the bad boy" instead of dating the sexy blog guy...I mean the nice guy. ugh...i'll blog about that another day.
Dont worry ladies...guys have a similar card...it's called the baby card. We are tough and strong and want to be in charge...but "goo goo ga ga take care of me" :( I will also blog about this later.
so anyways...women I feel are torn between the idea of wanting to be traditional and their "modern" independent beliefs. In your case, I don't know if she foots the bill ever but I would start to question your roles...think about it!
You guys go out and you pay, she may sleep over wake up and say, "i'm hungry...take me to denny's" ...you said you "fuck like bunny rabbits" so I would start to question your role...is she your prostitute?
I don't mean to be rude..but if the most you are getting from her is sex...you could probably save yourself some money by going to those sexy asian massage places...like the one on Colorado and Eagle Rock...oh yeah...they treat you well..they know what makes a man happy...anyways...
What can also bug us guys is the idea that many times women will play the "traditional" card when it suits them best. She may not realize that she is doing that...which means...it comes off to us guys as her expecting us to do it.
Trust me, sometimes the hardest part and most annoying is that they begin to expect it. They will not make an attempt...they will not reach for the purse but when the bill comes they are halfway out the door while you pay. Many times if she would at least be willing to reach for her purse that can help us feel better. In fact, it's the attempt or willingness ladies!
Like having a roommate! You buy all the food but they eat it all and don't put out any money. If you guys split the electricity, they end up leaving their computer on all day and all the lights on..but insist on splitting the bill down the center. They fill up the trash bag but will wait for you to take it out. must be real nice!
so here you are:
On intimacy: Intimacy is when two people consciously choose to serve one another.
This means both make a conscious attempt to understand what the other is experiencing and doing. They must be willing to serve you in exchange...not sexually because in that scenario both are being served...but truly consider what your partner is doing in service to you. What does she do for you? If you are paying all the time, she must be willing to understand that it is a partnership and dance that you both must be open to.
On investment: A clear representation of Investment is the active redirection of resources/assets (emotional and physical) to creating benefits in the future for both. In other words, "I'm giving this to you and us because I want us"
How much is she investing in your relationship, physically and emotionally, and how is she showing you that she feels a future? This is why buying a dog or cat together can be stressful because it means you two are making a committment to take care of it and invest equally into it. Even little things as her paying for the bill every so often can be an indicator of her investment in your relationship.
On courtesy and being a lady or gentleman: The conscious attempt to make others around you as comfortable as possible. In other words, "what more can I do to make you feel better?"
Your partner must be willing to question their actions in relation to yours. They must think about your needs as well...for example:
THIS IS THE MORE PG EXAMPLE (DON'T READ THE NEXT EXAMPLE IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY SENSITIVE)
If you are eating together at home and they pick up your dirty plates and take them/wash them. They are being courteous to you.
THIS IS TOTALLY GROSS EXAMPLE...DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SEXUAL IMAGE!
like when you are totally going at it from behind and right before you pop you pull out and finish on her back(we know that's happened)...it's courtesy to clean her up.
You must be willing to speak up to her, express your concerns clearly and be honest with your feelings. If it is bugging you that much...approach her with it. DONT BACK DOWN! Depending on her reaction to your approach you'll know what type of woman she is and if she is willing to take her game and your relationship to the deeper level. Who knows you may find out that she is a money hungry girl that is used to guys taking care of her and all her needs, which is okay if you want that.
Also consider how that can change your relationship and your own feelings as well. We guys do have this weird macho thing about paying for the bill..if she started to pay for the bill more would you feel less of a man? ouch! you may...but that isn't bad...it's just something that you have to work through.
Let me add this one tid bit from personal experience. I usually pick up the bill until she is willing to say, "No I got this one"...and kinda fights me for it. I find that this and most guys would agree, that this is extremely sexy...that tells me that she is willing to invest into us and although I will not expect her to pay for all the things to come...her making this gesture tells me how much of a higher level woman she is. This symbolic act is an example of her willingness to invest in us, her courtesy and respect for me pickign up past tabs, and her willingness to show me she is invested for a future together.
Monday, April 26, 2010
90. Kinkos girl, Mail man, Pool boy, Babysitter
Crushes!
We've all had them. yes, yes, yes...that one or in my case 18 million crushes that are in our lives. It could be that guy at work..you know the one...that one guy with the beach blond hair and green eyes...the copy girl who you think about all day just because she gave you that little smile that for some reason filled you up.
Ever notice how you act around them? Think about it...you see them and suddenly, us guys stand up a bit more straight...you ladies perk up the two ladies and stick out the lovely lady lump...but when you see them you can FEEL their energy. Almost magnetic there is just something right...something that just draws you into them...some sort of invisible male or female essence that you just can't help but breathe into your own life. Ever notice how with a simply hello...a simple compliment from them your day just seems that much better?
Now i'm not talking about infatuation (inappropriate aggression, overly engaged, fanatic over them, stalking them, following them, etc...the crazy stuff)...i'm talking about just the types of crushes we have, like the one I have with my female orthodontist or male guitar teacher (god he's sexy...j/k about me being gay ..not kidding about him being sexy) but I do wonder about the type of amazing warmth and exhiliration (sp?) you get from just being around them.
PSYCH!SENSE question...do we need to have crushes? and if so...do we act on them?
Here is what I tell my patients and clients all the time. I tell them, "it's important that you surround youself with those that are successful and want the best for themselves...because they will in turn expect that from you."
It's true! if you surround youself with good people that are hard working and successful you will want that for yourself and in turn they will expect that from you...they challenge you to be the very best because they only want that for themselves. Have we all not heard that saying, "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." ...well if you haven't...now you have.
If you hang out with gang members all the time, but you're not in the gang...you are affilitated by association...you kinda become one because of the people you hang out with.
If you hang out with the girls at school that are known for going behind the bleachers and satisfying the football team...most likely, even if you are not one of them...you'll be seen as one of them lollipop gaggers...
Let me use a random waitress as an example. Lets say at my local bar there is a waitress that I find myself aboslutely attracted to..maybe it's her hair...or her curves...or the way her voice sounds...or just her essence or energy....whatever....what will I do before I go to this place? I'm going to pick myself up...probably shower despite it not being wednesday...lay on the designer jeans and put on loads of cologne...I may even go as far as doing some push ups before seeing her...why? because I want to impress her...but more I want her to see me at my best.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that...crushes drive us to be our best. It's not that we want/need to screw them (although sometimes that's the case) but more we kinda want their energy..we want them to want us in return..they bring out the best in us. We are attracted to them because they make us better people. They make us feel good about ourselves if only they would smile that cute little smile at us.
The next question...should we do anything about them? should we come out to our crushes and tell them? here is a difficult one. I don't have the answer for you...but for the sake my of PSYCH!SENSE I will create a challenge for the Philosophers.
We at times will not come out to others with our crushes because of our embarrassment or self esteem. If they reject us...then the image that we have of them is almost shattered. The ideal thing that we think they are is then seen as "evil" and "mean" because they reject us. This is my challenge...i'm not saying go out and break up a marriage if your crush is married...or even break up a relationship because of your selfish need to tell them...but instead I challenge you to focus on what it is about them that draws you in...what is it about this person that just sucks you in...
here are your two options:
1. You come out and tell them that you think their ass looks great in those jeans and you want to go out with them...at the potential cost of your ideal image and at the cost of your self esteem a bit (if they reject you)... or they say yes and move on from there...read my blog entitled, "Can you hear me now?" for connection to someone.
2. You simply do nothing about it and learn to enjoy and relish in their energy without saying anything. Consider this..sometimes the image and sexy, sexy imagination you have with them is actually better than the real life thing. I feel like we've all been there right? You see a hot little thing..move in on them...actually get them and realize..."WTF?!?! what the hell was I thinking!!"...eeek...like soooooooooooooooo many of my relationships...
Find you crush psych!sense philosophers...find your crush...let them create a more confident and stronger you...
p.s.
I do not intend to suggest that self confidence and self esteem is only built from crushes...but instead I suggest that they can remind us of how wonderful we all are but forget to remember at times.
We've all had them. yes, yes, yes...that one or in my case 18 million crushes that are in our lives. It could be that guy at work..you know the one...that one guy with the beach blond hair and green eyes...the copy girl who you think about all day just because she gave you that little smile that for some reason filled you up.
Ever notice how you act around them? Think about it...you see them and suddenly, us guys stand up a bit more straight...you ladies perk up the two ladies and stick out the lovely lady lump...but when you see them you can FEEL their energy. Almost magnetic there is just something right...something that just draws you into them...some sort of invisible male or female essence that you just can't help but breathe into your own life. Ever notice how with a simply hello...a simple compliment from them your day just seems that much better?
Now i'm not talking about infatuation (inappropriate aggression, overly engaged, fanatic over them, stalking them, following them, etc...the crazy stuff)...i'm talking about just the types of crushes we have, like the one I have with my female orthodontist or male guitar teacher (god he's sexy...j/k about me being gay ..not kidding about him being sexy) but I do wonder about the type of amazing warmth and exhiliration (sp?) you get from just being around them.
PSYCH!SENSE question...do we need to have crushes? and if so...do we act on them?
Here is what I tell my patients and clients all the time. I tell them, "it's important that you surround youself with those that are successful and want the best for themselves...because they will in turn expect that from you."
It's true! if you surround youself with good people that are hard working and successful you will want that for yourself and in turn they will expect that from you...they challenge you to be the very best because they only want that for themselves. Have we all not heard that saying, "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." ...well if you haven't...now you have.
If you hang out with gang members all the time, but you're not in the gang...you are affilitated by association...you kinda become one because of the people you hang out with.
If you hang out with the girls at school that are known for going behind the bleachers and satisfying the football team...most likely, even if you are not one of them...you'll be seen as one of them lollipop gaggers...
Let me use a random waitress as an example. Lets say at my local bar there is a waitress that I find myself aboslutely attracted to..maybe it's her hair...or her curves...or the way her voice sounds...or just her essence or energy....whatever....what will I do before I go to this place? I'm going to pick myself up...probably shower despite it not being wednesday...lay on the designer jeans and put on loads of cologne...I may even go as far as doing some push ups before seeing her...why? because I want to impress her...but more I want her to see me at my best.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that...crushes drive us to be our best. It's not that we want/need to screw them (although sometimes that's the case) but more we kinda want their energy..we want them to want us in return..they bring out the best in us. We are attracted to them because they make us better people. They make us feel good about ourselves if only they would smile that cute little smile at us.
The next question...should we do anything about them? should we come out to our crushes and tell them? here is a difficult one. I don't have the answer for you...but for the sake my of PSYCH!SENSE I will create a challenge for the Philosophers.
We at times will not come out to others with our crushes because of our embarrassment or self esteem. If they reject us...then the image that we have of them is almost shattered. The ideal thing that we think they are is then seen as "evil" and "mean" because they reject us. This is my challenge...i'm not saying go out and break up a marriage if your crush is married...or even break up a relationship because of your selfish need to tell them...but instead I challenge you to focus on what it is about them that draws you in...what is it about this person that just sucks you in...
here are your two options:
1. You come out and tell them that you think their ass looks great in those jeans and you want to go out with them...at the potential cost of your ideal image and at the cost of your self esteem a bit (if they reject you)... or they say yes and move on from there...read my blog entitled, "Can you hear me now?" for connection to someone.
2. You simply do nothing about it and learn to enjoy and relish in their energy without saying anything. Consider this..sometimes the image and sexy, sexy imagination you have with them is actually better than the real life thing. I feel like we've all been there right? You see a hot little thing..move in on them...actually get them and realize..."WTF?!?! what the hell was I thinking!!"...eeek...like soooooooooooooooo many of my relationships...
Find you crush psych!sense philosophers...find your crush...let them create a more confident and stronger you...
p.s.
I do not intend to suggest that self confidence and self esteem is only built from crushes...but instead I suggest that they can remind us of how wonderful we all are but forget to remember at times.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
89. I do you, you do me, you do me- while you do he
This one is kinda hard to explain in wirting but I will do my very best to try and explain it. This was done at a random group meeting at:
Cafe Roule (where the staff is half as good as the coffee!...wait...what?)
anyways...here is what we spoke about. Before you go on reader you must think about your answer to these two questions:...it's kinda a survey
READ THESE BELOW BEFORE YOU READ MORE....GIVE YOUR ANSWERS!
_____________________________________________
1. Are you okay with having your partner imagine someone else when you're having sex?
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: YES or NO (IF YOU ANSWER...'IT DEPENDS' THAT'S A YES ANSWER)
If you are having sex with your partner and when you finish your partner rolls over and says, "hey _____ when we were having sex right now I imagined you as ____"
for example: Hey Robert, when we were having sex right now I imagined you as Brad Pitt
is this okay for you? here are the rules though. It cannot be with someone familiar...meaing a best friend, or close relative...lets say it's with an actor
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you be okay with your partner imagining that s/he is doing someone else at times?
-------------------
2. Would you rather have your partner say, "Hey ______ I kinda have fallen in love with my friend ______ , I'm not going to sleep with ________ because I still want to be with you."
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: I would rather have him physically sleep with someone over emotionally fall for someone
For example: "Hey Jessica I kinda have fallen in love with my friend Maria, I'm not going to sleep with Maria because I still want to be with you"
or would you rather them say, "Hey _____ I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with __________, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over."
For exampe: "Hey Jessica I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with Maria, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over"
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you rather your partner emotionally cheat on you or physically cheat on you?
-----------------------------
think about it...
think about it...
think about it...
seriously...think about it...
DO NOT READ THE ANSWERS BELOW UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHICH TWO YOU WOULD CHOOSE
OKAY!!! so here are the answers....
I asked 15 people in a group and of the answers- here is what I found...which I didn't think I would find
--------------------
YES, it's okay to imagine another person while having sex
I'd rather my partner emotionally cheat on me than physically cheat
VERSUS
No to imagine another person while we're having sex
I'd rather my partner physically cheat on me than emotionally cheat on me
---------------------
in other words...those that said yes to imagine another also said i'd rather them emotionally cheat than physically cheat....
wild right? there were exceptions of course..2 peole had mixed answers which I can get into later...but amazing to think how the emotional people felt similar in both cases when those who were not as emotional felt another way...yes, yes, yes...we all know that but try and see where your answers fall in and match
Here was the reasoning from the group:
those who answered the top one said, "I do it all the time...sometimes when you have a lot of sex with your partner things kinda die down..so you think of someone else to keep it going...it's okay because you're with him/her but at times...not all the time...you let your head run off to brad pitt or angelina jolie....it's normal"
they also said,
"I'd rather my b/f or g/f emotionally fall for someone else and not do anything about it..because I feel as if they respect our relationship and me. Because of our relationship they will not physically do anything despite having a crush on someone...it's about having respect for eachother"
Here was the reasoning from the second group:
"when we're having sex...I need to know that he's mentally attached to me...I need to know that he is having sex with me and not an image or fantasy of another woman...our intimate time is with one another..not an actress or actor."
They also said,
"I'd rather them get drunk and in a drunken stupor have sex with someone than emotionally fall for someone else....if there is emotion attached they are more likely to leave...if it was just a fuck...then i'll give them crap for it...but we could move on."
Ultimately, those that said it's okay to imagine another person in bed were males and males would prefer for their woman to emotionally fall for another first rather than sleep with them.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that this is normal for guys...guys tend to be less emotional and as such will often allow their minds to wander to other women...it's in our biology...its in our evolution...men were designed to plant seeds and continue the generations...we are screwing machines..yes, I know..gross..but get over it..we have a drive to screw anything that walks if in the right circumstances and yes, I can hear some of my philosophers screaming...not all guys will mess around physically (we can talk about what a higher level man does though...he doesn't get caught...kidding)
men tend to be more physical and less emotional. It's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...this is why men develop bigger muscles and physically mature faster than women...we had to back in the day in order to "kill pig and feed family."
women being more emotional would find it harder to hear that her man is thinking of another and would also find it hard to hear that he is fallign for another woman emotionally despite his not doing anything with her. It's as if the female focus is on relationship, communication and stability. The female essence wants her partner full focused and gravitated towads her. She will dedicate herself to family, love, partnership and ass kicking of any woman who tries to take her man....women are absolutely amazing that way...full of love and dedication for the one she loves...
women tend to be more emotional and less physical. Again, it's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...that's why you can have deep conversations about life and the world at age 12 while we are still picking our noses trying to keep up with you.
Last PSYCH!SENSE point:
We men tend to be "in the world" what does that mean Blog guy? look at our biology..our ding dongs are in the world...if naked you see our junk...we are part of the outside physical world whereas women have their biology inside their body. They are more "on the inside" as their sexual organs are inside. get it? men are "in the world" as our thangs hang out and women are more emotional and internally based as their sexual organs are inside themselves and not in the world.
gentlemen...if you have a good partner....be good to them and they will open the world to you.
ladies....if you have a good partner...take care of them and allow them to enter your world...and screw them all the time :)
Cafe Roule (where the staff is half as good as the coffee!...wait...what?)
anyways...here is what we spoke about. Before you go on reader you must think about your answer to these two questions:...it's kinda a survey
READ THESE BELOW BEFORE YOU READ MORE....GIVE YOUR ANSWERS!
_____________________________________________
1. Are you okay with having your partner imagine someone else when you're having sex?
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: YES or NO (IF YOU ANSWER...'IT DEPENDS' THAT'S A YES ANSWER)
If you are having sex with your partner and when you finish your partner rolls over and says, "hey _____ when we were having sex right now I imagined you as ____"
for example: Hey Robert, when we were having sex right now I imagined you as Brad Pitt
is this okay for you? here are the rules though. It cannot be with someone familiar...meaing a best friend, or close relative...lets say it's with an actor
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you be okay with your partner imagining that s/he is doing someone else at times?
-------------------
2. Would you rather have your partner say, "Hey ______ I kinda have fallen in love with my friend ______ , I'm not going to sleep with ________ because I still want to be with you."
POSSIBLE ANSWERS: I would rather have him physically sleep with someone over emotionally fall for someone
For example: "Hey Jessica I kinda have fallen in love with my friend Maria, I'm not going to sleep with Maria because I still want to be with you"
or would you rather them say, "Hey _____ I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with __________, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over."
For exampe: "Hey Jessica I got really really trashed that night a week ago and had sex with Maria, but i'll never talk to her again and it's over"
PSYCH!SENSE question...would you rather your partner emotionally cheat on you or physically cheat on you?
-----------------------------
think about it...
think about it...
think about it...
seriously...think about it...
DO NOT READ THE ANSWERS BELOW UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHICH TWO YOU WOULD CHOOSE
OKAY!!! so here are the answers....
I asked 15 people in a group and of the answers- here is what I found...which I didn't think I would find
--------------------
YES, it's okay to imagine another person while having sex
I'd rather my partner emotionally cheat on me than physically cheat
VERSUS
No to imagine another person while we're having sex
I'd rather my partner physically cheat on me than emotionally cheat on me
---------------------
in other words...those that said yes to imagine another also said i'd rather them emotionally cheat than physically cheat....
wild right? there were exceptions of course..2 peole had mixed answers which I can get into later...but amazing to think how the emotional people felt similar in both cases when those who were not as emotional felt another way...yes, yes, yes...we all know that but try and see where your answers fall in and match
Here was the reasoning from the group:
those who answered the top one said, "I do it all the time...sometimes when you have a lot of sex with your partner things kinda die down..so you think of someone else to keep it going...it's okay because you're with him/her but at times...not all the time...you let your head run off to brad pitt or angelina jolie....it's normal"
they also said,
"I'd rather my b/f or g/f emotionally fall for someone else and not do anything about it..because I feel as if they respect our relationship and me. Because of our relationship they will not physically do anything despite having a crush on someone...it's about having respect for eachother"
Here was the reasoning from the second group:
"when we're having sex...I need to know that he's mentally attached to me...I need to know that he is having sex with me and not an image or fantasy of another woman...our intimate time is with one another..not an actress or actor."
They also said,
"I'd rather them get drunk and in a drunken stupor have sex with someone than emotionally fall for someone else....if there is emotion attached they are more likely to leave...if it was just a fuck...then i'll give them crap for it...but we could move on."
Ultimately, those that said it's okay to imagine another person in bed were males and males would prefer for their woman to emotionally fall for another first rather than sleep with them.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that this is normal for guys...guys tend to be less emotional and as such will often allow their minds to wander to other women...it's in our biology...its in our evolution...men were designed to plant seeds and continue the generations...we are screwing machines..yes, I know..gross..but get over it..we have a drive to screw anything that walks if in the right circumstances and yes, I can hear some of my philosophers screaming...not all guys will mess around physically (we can talk about what a higher level man does though...he doesn't get caught...kidding)
men tend to be more physical and less emotional. It's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...this is why men develop bigger muscles and physically mature faster than women...we had to back in the day in order to "kill pig and feed family."
women being more emotional would find it harder to hear that her man is thinking of another and would also find it hard to hear that he is fallign for another woman emotionally despite his not doing anything with her. It's as if the female focus is on relationship, communication and stability. The female essence wants her partner full focused and gravitated towads her. She will dedicate herself to family, love, partnership and ass kicking of any woman who tries to take her man....women are absolutely amazing that way...full of love and dedication for the one she loves...
women tend to be more emotional and less physical. Again, it's not a bad thing its just biology and our evolution...that's why you can have deep conversations about life and the world at age 12 while we are still picking our noses trying to keep up with you.
Last PSYCH!SENSE point:
We men tend to be "in the world" what does that mean Blog guy? look at our biology..our ding dongs are in the world...if naked you see our junk...we are part of the outside physical world whereas women have their biology inside their body. They are more "on the inside" as their sexual organs are inside. get it? men are "in the world" as our thangs hang out and women are more emotional and internally based as their sexual organs are inside themselves and not in the world.
gentlemen...if you have a good partner....be good to them and they will open the world to you.
ladies....if you have a good partner...take care of them and allow them to enter your world...and screw them all the time :)
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