99. Feed My Need

There are times when you are walking along and someone says, "hey, nice outfit" and you realize 1. if you're a guy, we don't wear "outfits" and 2. if they are telling that to you and you are a guy..you're probably gay...or they are (don't know which you're better with).

PSYCH!SENSE question: Do you need to be complimented by others?

Now I wrote like...2 or 3 blogs to this effect early in my blogging career where I was trying to discuss the use of compliments as a way to feel better about ourselves. I suppose this can be to awaken the topic.

In my usual asking of people I came across various opinions and ideas about the use of compliments. One of my lady friends told me, "we like compliments as a reassurement..." I feel as if it reminds us that we are doing well. I guess that's why men and women always ask and want to know..."how does it feel?" hahaha...you know when we ask that one.

PSYCH!SENSE tells me she gave an interesting point. Compliments are not necessary but...are nice. It is more the reassurement of something that we crave than the actual compliment.

When asking a good buddy of mine he tells me something interesting as well...he says something along the lines of the lasting effect of things. We tend to remember the bad things people tell us rather than the good things. Isn't that something? This is where parenting comes into play.

Often times when we are raised in a home where you were not given enough credit...where you were never "good enough" you will always feel like the compliment is not enough or is not real. It takes parents a loooong time to give a straight compliment because they've never learned how to do it before becuase of their parents. THis is also why it's hard for us to take compliments from the loves of our lives...we can't take them from our partners because they are so close to us....they are like us and our parents.

..now many of you are headed to that path. Do not cycle the pattern. Give true compliments...not layered ones...

how many of you have heard this before: "I really like the way you did your hair today...but....why didn't you put it this other way"

"I really like your outfit...but...you look like a slut"

How many of you give what I like to call "off compliments?" you say something nice and then give the bad? That is not right.

Parents will do this..they train us to be hard on ourselves without even knowing. So that the rest of your life when people give you a compliment you may think, "oh you're just saying that" "that's not true..." "you just want to get laid" (sometimes tue) or even, "you have to say that" hahah..how many of you are guilty that when your partner gives you a compliment you don't accept it...but will accept it from a complete stranger? KNOCK* KNOCK* that is not right.

they will not accept it. In fact, if you are guilty of these off compliments, it may be difficult for you to just give a straight compliment.

PSYCH!SENSE tells us that if we cannot give a straight compliment "your hair looks great today" "your ass is all kinds of wonderful ga-dunk-a-dunk"....it is because you have this worry of them being "better than you" or..."why should I compliment them if I never get complimented?"

Some of my readers can understand this...they give a compliment and it's hard because it makes them feel "less than" the person they gave a compliment to. trust me for those of you this is...you are not less than- You are more than because of your ability to be honest and true with someone.

You must be willing to get past your wall. Give compliments (not off ones) and accept them without question (believe them). Love yourself and know that you are worth the world. Challenge yourself to give compliments to others daily...set a goal and aim to achieve it...you will find your own life that much more richer.

I think i've gone way off topic...uhm...because I lost my chain of thought I will simply give the readers their homework.

Give compliments to others daily...not off compliments. "I like that shirt", "Great make up today" etc..."you are the best I've ever had!!!!"