PSYCH!SENSE question: When the person you are eating with eats faster than you, do you speed up to keep up with them...or slow down to have them notice.
Ever go out on a date where s/he just eats like..super duper fast? Like you're talking and suddenly you look at their food and bam...it's almost gone. WTF?
Or maybe you go out on a date and are so busy trying to perk yourself up...you talk a lot...you talk big...you make yourself known to them...but while they are listening..they are busy eating as well...what happens? the more you talk the more food they eat while listening...
Now sure..maybe they're hungry...maybe they had been waiting and their stomach was growling and so they begin to scarf it down...or maybe...just maybe...their food was priority over your company.
what do you do? do you speed up? do you playfully tell them "wow...I gotta keep up with you!"
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that those who eat incredibly fast may not care about your company at the time. It is not a priority...they do not notice the relationship and time spent together but are instead focused on self satisfaction and self fulfillment.
The thing is that many times they may not even notice they do it...perhaps they have always been used to eating fast and so others have always just ate faster to keep up with them...they enabled them (allowed it to happen despite their own feelings or behavior).
PSYCH!SENSE also tells me, that if we are the type to actually speed up to match them are we doing it because that is who we are...we do things to make others happy...we are doing it because we are trying to accommodate to them! are we used to trying to make others happy at the cost of our own normal behavior and actions!!
geez...how many of us are guilty of that one? doing things to make someone else happy?...eek...at some point we all have right...like that one time I touched that little kid at Chuck e cheese...wait..what?
Remember it's okay to give to others...and be accommodating...and to do things for others that make them happy....or enable them...but you must be willing to find the balance between your own comfort and happiness and their comfort and happiness...next time s/he is eating fast...try and point it out comfortably, if it bothers you, so that you two can find the balance...
like I said before, maybe they don't even know they are eating fast. Do you have the balls (or ovaries) to call them on their crap every so often for your own sake of personality and habit?
Also...next time you eat with someone...try and notice how you eat in comparison to them...do you two match without thought...are you eating faster...do you find yourself wanting to eat faster but held back by the amount of food on their plate...do you speed up or slow down?
Well, you're fully aware that I have five siblings. You didn't eat fast, you didn't eat. Simple as that haha
ReplyDeleteWe don't really chat much when we eat. It was kind of amusing to see when my Sister-in-law first joined the family and watched us eat. She is the kind of person who mingles all the time and so is usually the last one, by far, to finish eating.
A prime example of the power of family and culture conditioning. You don't eat fast...you don't eat. Perfectly said Philosoraptor. So my quesiton for you...now that you're older is it the same way? or have you adopted a new way to eat?
ReplyDeleteI find myself continuing to do it now. Probably because dinner with the entire family is still a very common occurence. And if I'm by myself... why am I slowing down? I have shit to do.
ReplyDeleteBut on the flipside, my nieces are completely oblivious to this quick eating - a trait we blame on their mother. The older one spent more time with my mom and by that, more time with us so she does eat quicker while her younger sister will stop and jump around and basically have to be reminded to eat.
That is the interesting part right there!!! "..why am I slowing down? I have shit to do." I wonder again...if you eat as if on a mission...is your life reflective of that dyna? as in...is your life..a rush and mission to get shit done and move on?
ReplyDeleteI think so. I'm sure you can relate being a veteran.
ReplyDeleteBut I can't post about it more. I got shit to do
Sometimes it is not about you (the company). Sometimes when we arrive to eat or drink and the food has taken a while to arrive, we are f'ing starved. To make matters worse, some prefer hot food at a temperature that is...near hot/warm, and though it may be rude, the other person is usually talking (and not eating) or scarfing down the food (which was an agreement we we decided on earlier ...to "meet for dinner"). This may be the difference in meeting in a bar. new question, are you apt to question my if i am killing my drink at at a quicker pace than you/the rest of our party? Let's flip it around, why are you taking so long to eat?
ReplyDeleteIt'd be pretty messed up if you make a comment on their speed of food intake don't you think? Even if it's said playfully. If you notice it, is it really necessary to point it out? I guess if it gets to the point where it bothers you maybe something can be said further down the road. But if you notice that they are in fact eating a hell of a lot faster than you, what's the rush to speed up? It's not a competition. Regardless you should always eat at your own pace.
ReplyDeleteIf it takes you yyyyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrssss to eat a meal, and if you're conscious of it, maybe it'd be common courtesy to let them know ahead of time so that they're not completely shocked at your pace. Just a thought. But I think it is a good idea to really pay attention to how you eat. If you notice a pattern or speed, depending on how fast or slow, then we could all be courteous to our company (whether it be friend or date or whomever) and forewarn them
maybe they are eating fast in order to move past the niceties of the "date" before gettin' down to business
ReplyDeleteor because they did not want to eat with you, but figured "hey, it's a free meal, i'll eat quick"
@anon...great great great point. It becomes like a verbal contract. "meet for dinner" i'm not a lawyer..but you're right ...when we meet for dinner the expectation is for us to eat...to scarf it down and yes...at a reasonable temperature..which makes it that much more enjoyable. Here is the challenge again. If you are invited to dinner why scarf it down if your date is not willing to? in other words...why not find the balance between you scarfing and them talking. I challenge the philosophers to say something. To talk about something with their partner and tell them..."Hey! i'm gonna beat you!" playfully of course...
ReplyDelete@gaby...what if it is a competition!!!! what if I tell myself, "no way! i'm totally eating my salisbury steak fast thatn you" j/k...haha...where do you get salisbury steak anyones nowadays? I think you have a great point about speed...I would simply say, if you notice it, and if it bothers us...we should be willing to say something.
PSYCH!SENSE. If you notice them rushing through..and you consciously decide "i'm gonna eat my regular pace" when s/he finishes they will look at your empty plate and simply sit there. Here is the idea. Does that mean that in other situations..you will notice them doing something "wrong" and not say anything because you do not speed up or tell them anything? what does your inability to keep up/slow down/say something tell you about conflict resolution in your relationship later down the line? If you say nothign at dinner..perhaps you'll say nothing in problems later in life...if you try and play catch up you may be one to enable bad behavior in life later...if you slow down purposely perhaps you are passive aggressive and do things just to "teach them a lesson." although it is a stretched..our ability to say something and catch others is also our psyche. GEEZ...this comment was a blog in itself.