Crushes!
We've all had them. yes, yes, yes...that one or in my case 18 million crushes that are in our lives. It could be that guy at work..you know the one...that one guy with the beach blond hair and green eyes...the copy girl who you think about all day just because she gave you that little smile that for some reason filled you up.
Ever notice how you act around them? Think about it...you see them and suddenly, us guys stand up a bit more straight...you ladies perk up the two ladies and stick out the lovely lady lump...but when you see them you can FEEL their energy. Almost magnetic there is just something right...something that just draws you into them...some sort of invisible male or female essence that you just can't help but breathe into your own life. Ever notice how with a simply hello...a simple compliment from them your day just seems that much better?
Now i'm not talking about infatuation (inappropriate aggression, overly engaged, fanatic over them, stalking them, following them, etc...the crazy stuff)...i'm talking about just the types of crushes we have, like the one I have with my female orthodontist or male guitar teacher (god he's sexy...j/k about me being gay ..not kidding about him being sexy) but I do wonder about the type of amazing warmth and exhiliration (sp?) you get from just being around them.
PSYCH!SENSE question...do we need to have crushes? and if so...do we act on them?
Here is what I tell my patients and clients all the time. I tell them, "it's important that you surround youself with those that are successful and want the best for themselves...because they will in turn expect that from you."
It's true! if you surround youself with good people that are hard working and successful you will want that for yourself and in turn they will expect that from you...they challenge you to be the very best because they only want that for themselves. Have we all not heard that saying, "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." ...well if you haven't...now you have.
If you hang out with gang members all the time, but you're not in the gang...you are affilitated by association...you kinda become one because of the people you hang out with.
If you hang out with the girls at school that are known for going behind the bleachers and satisfying the football team...most likely, even if you are not one of them...you'll be seen as one of them lollipop gaggers...
Let me use a random waitress as an example. Lets say at my local bar there is a waitress that I find myself aboslutely attracted to..maybe it's her hair...or her curves...or the way her voice sounds...or just her essence or energy....whatever....what will I do before I go to this place? I'm going to pick myself up...probably shower despite it not being wednesday...lay on the designer jeans and put on loads of cologne...I may even go as far as doing some push ups before seeing her...why? because I want to impress her...but more I want her to see me at my best.
PSYCH!SENSE tells us that...crushes drive us to be our best. It's not that we want/need to screw them (although sometimes that's the case) but more we kinda want their energy..we want them to want us in return..they bring out the best in us. We are attracted to them because they make us better people. They make us feel good about ourselves if only they would smile that cute little smile at us.
The next question...should we do anything about them? should we come out to our crushes and tell them? here is a difficult one. I don't have the answer for you...but for the sake my of PSYCH!SENSE I will create a challenge for the Philosophers.
We at times will not come out to others with our crushes because of our embarrassment or self esteem. If they reject us...then the image that we have of them is almost shattered. The ideal thing that we think they are is then seen as "evil" and "mean" because they reject us. This is my challenge...i'm not saying go out and break up a marriage if your crush is married...or even break up a relationship because of your selfish need to tell them...but instead I challenge you to focus on what it is about them that draws you in...what is it about this person that just sucks you in...
here are your two options:
1. You come out and tell them that you think their ass looks great in those jeans and you want to go out with them...at the potential cost of your ideal image and at the cost of your self esteem a bit (if they reject you)... or they say yes and move on from there...read my blog entitled, "Can you hear me now?" for connection to someone.
2. You simply do nothing about it and learn to enjoy and relish in their energy without saying anything. Consider this..sometimes the image and sexy, sexy imagination you have with them is actually better than the real life thing. I feel like we've all been there right? You see a hot little thing..move in on them...actually get them and realize..."WTF?!?! what the hell was I thinking!!"...eeek...like soooooooooooooooo many of my relationships...
Find you crush psych!sense philosophers...find your crush...let them create a more confident and stronger you...
p.s.
I do not intend to suggest that self confidence and self esteem is only built from crushes...but instead I suggest that they can remind us of how wonderful we all are but forget to remember at times.
As adults, can't we just quit the game playing and admiring from afar? Why is it that we can't just approach someone that we are genuinely interested in and be like, "hey my name is so and so and I would really like to get to know you because I think we could have something great." I understand that rejection is a bad mutha crusher, but isn't being upfront with someone a lot better than playing the guessing game with yourself as to whether or not your crush could hopefully maybe feel anything remotely close to what you feel? I feel you on what you mean by them being something we need to remind us of how wonderful we really are but guessing games are no fun either.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Gaby...having the courage to approach someone to express your feelings can be very self encouraging...it helps us be true to our feelings...and i'm all about that, but do it with caution people..especially if you bruise easily (inside). Let me also say, our ability to admire from afar can also be empowering...our ability to work on ourselves through the image of them can be an amazing motivation.
ReplyDeletei think its all good in the neighborhood to act on a crush if both parties are single, but when your in a relationship or married etc.. then the whole "self-control" & "i'm an adult" thing comes into play. most of the time crushes are fun and are meant 2 b left alone because like Psych! said once you get to know the person on another level its like what was i thinkn!!! should of left that shit alone!!!...they r good for reminding us to perk up and let others see u b your best!
ReplyDeleteso what anon is saying that you shouldn't act on every single crush? Hmm..now that's interesting to think that we may end up learning something about the person that is just plain ol' stanky.
ReplyDeletejust because the girl/guy at the bar is trying to earn some tips, you get a crush on them?
ReplyDeleteawwww
@Juanton: although that may be one perspective to take...which in reality may be the only one to take...why not consider the fact that there are some customers that s/he will actually end up having a crush on in return...why cant that be me? or you?
ReplyDeletespread it like herpes...positivity