I was sitting in an asian boba tea joint, people watching, with my friend as we began to talk about all kinds of crap...
There were some women that were peacocking there...(peacocking definition: an individual that flairs or spices up their wardrobe in an attempt to get more attention)
So these women appeared to want some attention...between their sparkling shoes, lavish reflective surfaces, long straight hair, tiny little frames....damn...this is getting hot...so..yeah...my friend and I began to talk about stress and the need for more and our need to show and want more.
Let's be clear...there is nothing wrong with wanting more out of life...aiming for goals...aiming for the "better" in our lifetimes...we all do it.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Does our drive for more material things create stress and sadness?
Now the buddhists would say yes...they would say our attachment to things is what creates pain and sadness. let's open this up a bit more.
You buy your first car...an old clunker with bucket seats, duct tape all over the leather...the weird clanking noise under the hood, that smell that you never really got out....
why are we okay with this? because it's our first car!! of course it's okay...because we always tell ourselves...i'll get something better later. Now for many times- functional reasons...our clunker dies and you end up getting a new car.
But now you have a nice car..but it's not *enough for you...you see the shiny black thing pass you by on the freeway and suddenly we want more...
Here's the thing...we will not be able to have everything we want. Lets be real. We will never have everything we want...if that were the case I would have my private island, my terminal of fighter jets, a room full of play things to fulfill all my wildest fantasies...(hahah...you know what I mean....yeah...lego blocks..that would be cool) and a beautiful wife.
This is where stress and sadness is from. Our drive for more and our eventual realization that we cannot have it all creates stress in our lives. Read that again! Our drive for the next best thing, our drive for more and more and more creates stress because of our inability to realize them all.
Right now...many people have a picture of a car or thing that they have as a goal. Again this is not bad...but you work your butt off...you push and stress...do over time hours...sell your kidney, your first born and other random stuff...and in time you get it. But what happens when you get it? in time you grow bored with it and want the next best thing. SO the cycle starts all over again...all over again and with it the stress of that new goal.
Now yes...many would say this is normal...and it is...but as always allow me to challenge you...instead of aiming for bigger material goals and in turn the creation of stress...why not allow yourself the challenge of putting love and soul into the things you already have? because stress is good...it forces mental resiliency and discipline...it also creates a sense of purpose and goal orientation in life...but just consider for a moment why this type of stress and mental toughness and resiliency cannot be put towards something intangible, something not material. Like love, your partner, your children, your family, your old clunker, your own personal issues. Life would be that more amazing if we had the drive to put so much work and attention into the things in our lives that are already there.... instead of that new 15000 sq ft home or streamline turbo twin engine plane.
Consider wi how much of your new goal is meant for peacocking as oppose to function.
Reference:
Kugelmann - In stress: Nature and history of engineered grief.
Good point Psych!
ReplyDeleteMy Soop-Sense reminds of people who like to live above their means...buying a car or house they cannot afford because they want something big and fancy because they are made to believe it will make them happy. but when they can't pay the bills, they are far more stressed than happy.
think of the example of 6 dudes living in a 1-bedroom apartment in glendale. they are in cramp quarters, not the kind of place a lady friend would want to go back to (unless she's into public displays- gigitty) but at least all 6 guys are cruising around in beamers and mercedes (though they are likely prior salvages, so at least cheaper than retail or resale)
- it becomes a matter of "peacocking" and establishing a perception of having more
Your post and Soop's got me thinking: desire is normal and healthy, but somehow most of us get caught up chasing after illusory or fleeting things that, ultimately, do not fulfill desire. So maybe its time to examine not only what our objects of desire are, but how they have come to symbolize for us fulfillment of desire and liberation from stress.
ReplyDeleteFor example: i want to be happy and successful and attractive. So i buy a car. Why the hell did I do that? The car doesn't bring me the success that I want; it is merely a symbol of success, a phantom that I've been mislead (or allowed myself to be mislead) to think is the real thing.
Lord knows I catch myself doing this all the time, lusting after things that will satisfy my hunger for being happy and stress free, and then finding myself with less money and more stress.
So I guess I agree with the Buddhist stance, but I'd want to rephrase the equation: Mistaking material objects for actual happiness leads to disappointment and disillusionment (both of which are great teachers, if only I would listened to them!). Instead, I should question each object of desire that comes before me: How will you bring me happiness? How will you lift me above turmoil and stress? I think when we really interrogate these material objects, we find their answers are inadequate to the desire we've attached to them. Is that what the Buddhists mean: that its not the material things themselves but the value we invest in them that causes pain?
@juanton...dude! you're absolutely right...read my blog #22 "Price of a Porshe" I suppose the guy will just say, "hey baby, lets go to your house and get giggidy" but...what if she lives with her parents? yeah..that would be interesting..at least you'd have breakfast in the morning when you got up.
ReplyDelete@Davey: hey buddy...you absolutely hit it on the head. Our drive for more "fulfillment" leads to empty-ness. I feel as if you have given a great "how-to" guide in your response. We must be willing to examine how, a fancy car, material object, or that street corner hussy will make us feel. Always see past the object my philosohphers