85. Butter Face

Urban Dictionary: butter face butter face - 59 definitions - n. A girl who is hot, except for her (but her, butter) face.

Now you make sure to read my blog called, "Can you hear me now" in order to understand why physical attraction is important at times. This blog topic was submitted to me by a reader...she writes:

"Dear Sexy, Amazing and not at all weird Blog guy,

When I met my man he was sexy and I found myself really attracted to him. He would make me feel even better as he would be very gentlemanly (not as sexy as you..but close) and would treat me right (not as great as you could). When we broke up (because I wanted to try my chances with you) I started going out on dates more (because you turned me down because of your superior intellect and education) and when I would go out, most of the guys I met were not very handsome. They were smart, witty and we could talk about anything, but they didn't turn me on physically (because lets face it they weren't as hot as you). I asked my girlfriends about this (giggidy) and they said that all initial attraction is based on how cute he is. What do you think about this (and will you please pole dance for me later)."

***the views expressed in this letter are real and were that of an actual person. Wording and phrases have been added to protect the identity of one and enhance the sexiness of another.

PSYCH!SENSE question...Is physical attractiveness the key to dating initially?

now lets think about this one...be real!!! When you're single you girl/guy friends will try and hook you up with someone they know, a friend, cousin, sister, sexy grandma...what is the first thing you say? come on....

you say, "what do they look like?" or some variation of it. (except for maybe a minor few)

Even when your friends goes out on a date with someone...one of the first things you ask your friend was, "what does he look like?" "is he cute?"

we want to know what the person looks like and if they are attractive. Now yes...biologically and I believe evolutionary we tend to aim for those that are most physically attractive. Why? the more pretty/handsome a person is, the expected healthy-ness of their genes are to be passed on to our children. We need someone that is somewhat attractive as a way to ensure our children will be healthy. It's biological peeps....

Attraction = good genes ----> healthy kids

that is the extent of the my mathematical prowess.

But what about all the other things I wrote about in the other blog (emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection)? They do exist...they do but is our attractive based on the initial bite.

One of my co-workers tells me, "if you have something workable in looks...it's cool...maybe homeboy needs a haircut or a new wardrobe and I can get with him..." aparently to her, they have to be someone *cute..."workable" (I don't truly understand that concept yet) and the other three connections will only add to his workableness.

A friend at Cafe Roulee told me that initially physical connection and attraction is key. She said that she would want to be able to take him home...and yeah...you know...get all giggidy with it...but she is a "Ni Su Bah Poh"..so whatever. She even said her fiance right now had to be somewhat attractive for her to be willing to be with him initially...now it doesn't matter so much now because she's grown to love him for other reasons...but at first it did matter.

Here's an example:

Back in the day we had Jordan shoes...remember those? I mean the classic high top ones. Oh yeah...the ones you save up all summer for and when you finally buy them...that bully two grade levels higher jack me for them and then kicks me in the nuts with them later that afternoon...yeah...those ones.

Now lets say later that day I start a revolt against him and gather up all the third graders to beat him up. I get the shoes back...By this point...they are dusty...kinda dirty...but the worse part is that he had stepped in a massive piece of shit earlier that day with them.

As I look at them...I think to myself...well look at all the other thngs about them...they are jordans! they are popular! they are expensive! but damn..they look like shit.

A part of me would think...I can clean them and break the dried piece of shit off them...now they will always be stained...always have the dark stain where the giant piece of shit was...but that's okay because all the other things will make up for it.

What if I couldn't take the piece of shit off? what if the shit he stepped in was mutative and would never be taken off? would it still be worth to wear them?

It's an awkward example...but do we understand it? When you first meet someone physical attractiveness does play a key to things. If you had gone to a swap meet and picked up a pair of jordans like this...would you be willing to take them home with the massive piece of mutative shit that doesn't come off? I would think not despite all the other things about them.

The silver lining?

One who lives a psychological life will try and see past the shit. They will go out with someone on many dates trying to see if the connection on other levels will out do the one that is not working. The psychological life will try and wear the shoes despte what they have on them in an effort to feel the comfort of fit.

This style of life is not easy...it is very difficult...you must be willing to put one of your connections (in this example physical) to the side in order to try and let another connection outweigh it. We must see past the initial...which I encourage all people to do. Challenge yourself to go out on a date with someone that is fugly..perhaps it will challenge your sense of self identity...it will challenge your own views of what you find pretty. It will force you to see things and people in amazing new ways outside of the superficial...I dare you!

There is no right or wrong to this...like most of my blogs...but two things that I would want the PSYCH!SENSE philosophers to comment on is this:

Is physical attractiveness the key to relationships/dating initially?

Can you really, really, see past the piece of shit for something to connect in other ways? ---would you date someone that was absolutely tore up from the floor up if everything else in their life was amazing...intellectual, emotional, spiritual.....and had oogles of money, money, money ...(j/k about the last one)