I've found myself in so many places meeting new people and taking the time to connect with so many others and in my quest I've made only a few good friends. Now i'm not complaining..I figure that's less people to help move or lend money to. But I mention it because come to think of it...how many of us make new friends? I MEAN REAL FRIENDS! now sure...definition will be up for grabs..all of you can stew with it...
for the sake of this blog..i'll call friends someone that you would invite to your home to play taboo or scattergories on a nice summer night while drinking a few fuzzy navels and furry shoes, extra furry...(what?!? yes, they exist!)
PSYCH!SENSE question? As you get older...do you find yourself making fewer new close friends?
I realize as we are growing up we find ourselves in situations where we travel around...schools, jobs, traveling...all these things are done while we are younger. Usually on our own we seek out others in a way to build relationships and company. As you get older though, new priorities take place...family, career stability, housemaking...pole dancing clientelle...
One gentleman at the coffee shop said that he has no need to actually make new friends...he told us that as he's gotten older he's become more selective...more picky with those he acquiants himself with. This was interesting to me because I can relate...I have some good friends that I talk to often and although they appear annoying to those who have not met them before...I love them....but If i had met someone like them today...I would get annoyed as well.
Here's an example: I have a buddy that cheats on her boyfriend...UGH!!! I do not condone it...and she knows it too...but I've known her for about...uh...10 years and so I in a way kinda brush it off...but if I were to meet her today I would absolutely try to avoid friendship with someone like that. Get it? (that may be a different topic)
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we change. Check this out people (i'm working on a theory here) our cells/body biological cells actually take about ohhh 7 years to fully die off and create a new one in response...what does this mean? this means that every 7 years...we've replaced all our old cells...perhaps with this experience...with this change in biological construct we change in flavor and taste. Our tastes become more refined...more keen. Perhaps this is why older people enjoy classical music, Jazz, wine and "tastier" food because our bodies have adapted into stronger sense (another topic to write about later)....anyways....
I had someone in the coffee shop as well called "art girl" (actually I named her that because she draws amazingly well)...so she stated that as she works at a computer all day she actually feels the drive and need to go out and socialize more. Imagine that!!! less interaction forces us to want to make new friends? (on a side note she does not use facebook or myspace which could warrant the question...if she did use them would she feel less inclined for social interaction?)
Another gentleman pointed out that when he takes his elderly father out to even Homie Depot (for my latin friends)..his father will make it a point to introduce and strike up conversation with anyone in the store...as if he feeds off of it...as if he needs it. I LOVE THAT! Although...seriously...I think many, many, old people do that. Why???? probably as one gentleman pointed out...back in the day...when you had friends over to entertain at home..they were usually those that you worked with at the office...they learned to socialize without the use of a computer screen.
how many of my readers can actually say they are best friends with every person at their worksite? although...if I worked at disneyland..that would be cool...i'd totally have a disney cast party where people would have to come dressed up...imagine that! haha...I would totally have snow white passed out at the door as pooh bear mixes cocktails, the beast does the macarena and captain hook playing pin the tail on eeyore
Thats the main reason we want to move back to
ReplyDeleteCA. Well besides missing my sis. We are still close friends with people we grew up with. And now that everyone is getting married and having kids we feel like we are missing out :( We have lived here almost 5 yrs and honestly we have only made 2 real friends.I mean real friends. And we have tried I swear everyone I meet Im like oh we should hang out. But its not the same. Maybe it is true that the older we get the pickier we get.
I can truly say, I have some good friends that are indeed my coworkers. We have a good group and enjoy each other's company. We get together outside of work at happy hour,kids birthday parties, baptism, baby showers, weddings and other events that come up in each other's lives..I think it is an excuse to just have a good time...I am truly blessed to have a great group of friends at work. Our lunch hours are the BOMB!!!!!This is my third work location/site that I have made a group of friends that I still see and plan events with. I am pretty lucky and maybe that is why I enjoy going to work sometimes...lol...
ReplyDeletePerfectly said Rosa...that is a great example. Many of us want to make friends...try to make friends...are open to experiences of new friends...but others...well..don't care. Or ...don't want to make new friends because they are happy where they are. Perhaps though...maybe it is time to move back to CA!! ..yay!
ReplyDeleteANON! you are quite the refreshing spirit. It's soooo nice to think that you are able to go out with these coworkers...I LOVE THAT! your coworkers are your friends. Can you give us an idea of ages here? perhaps in the companies you have worked at they have been a younger crowd? or maybe..your personality anon brings out the wonderful bonding from everyone else? whatever you are doing..keep at it!
I have worked in same Department but different job positions....and as for the age ranges they have been from 32-48years of age.....both male and female, married and unmarried, and divorced......Thank you :)
ReplyDeletei think it has to do with your situation and exposure to new people... you are exposed to new people more often in your youth - school for example. you finish 1 school year, then start another with new classmates to meet or you join clubs while in school that gives you a bunch of people with similar interests to meet and bond with. and then if you end up in the "working world" scenario where you work to pay the mortgage and support your family, well, your time outside the home becomes limited and you have less opportunities to meet new people. you don't have the time to invest in the few new people you do meet, so you give that energy to maintaining the relationships you already have.
ReplyDeleteNow here is an interesting idea. We put energy into the relationships we have and by doing that we try and hold the meaningfulness of them. I enjoy thinking about our ability to sustain and hold meaningful relationships with others...I only wish to provide another possible idea for others to consider doing themselves...for instance...why not take your good/best good friend/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend out with you to make new friends? I think rosa said it well...she tried and it didn't work...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, speaking of friendships, you should respond to my emails and invitations to brunch dog!!! =D
ReplyDeleteSecond, and more to the point, as we get older, our sense of who we are tends to be more static, rigid. In our youth, it is generally easy to like people because both parties have plastic identities. There is a mutual shaping going on. However, if I'm not mistaken, we also tended to have a new Best Friend Forever every week.
For better or worse, I also suspect the more solidified sense of self we have as we get older is false, an illusion. But regardless, the more 'well defined' your sense of self, the more criteria there will be for others to meet in order for you to consider them to be a friend.
pwned....you are absolutely right. I will call you today!
ReplyDeleteYour second point is very interesting. The idea of shaping...the understanding that there is some molding that occurs as we're young. I suppose I answer the question with a question (cheesy..I know)...why do we have to be more statis, rigid when we're older? anyone care to answer that one? why is it that we have to be "stuck" in our ways? why not allow the molding and flexibility to continue as you age?
Well... my brother used to say this about me...when we'd go out and do any number of things together like dinner,movies,stores ect.. he'd say after I may have encountered people along the way " so, mik another potential friend??" because he was and is the complete opposite of me. He's fine not having any real friends or contact with people. Me, while I am very fortunate to have several long term friendships one over 35 yrs! I enjoy good and lively conversation anyway I can get it..within reason of course. As far as new friendships as I've gotten older. ABSOLUTELY!!! I've also made some decent friend connections just in the last few months and am so happy I did. I'm a better person for knowing them. I believe that to continue to grow mentally and intellectually that we need fresh encounters and experiences. It's when we refuse to allow ourselves the adventure of new friendships and new and exciting adventures that we begin to become stale and reclusive... I dunno, life would be pretty boring if we never ventured beyond our comfort zone. There's a whole world full of people out there to learn from...just sayin'...!
ReplyDeleteI LOVED THAT LINE....LOVED IT! "you milk another potential friend"
ReplyDeleteThese are the big questions right...Should we become stuck in our ways..stuck in our habits where we have certain standards for those that want to be around us? It's a good point...build discipline in our lives as a way to be healthy..or we can be flexible in our lives and opinion allowing the potential "milking" of new experiences....what type of person are you?
what the f**k you talking about ???? YOU're HILArious... the line is " MIK, ANOTHER POTENTIAL FRIEND" Mik , is my nickname short for mickie... too funny bratha!!
ReplyDeletehahahah....doh! I suppose i'm just used to my bad typing that i assumed everyone made typos...
ReplyDelete