224. Lost

A man was lost in the woods.  He soon came upon a guide who unbeknownst to him, was lost himself.  

The man goes to the guide and asks, “can you show me the way out of the woods?”  

The guide looking at the man says, “no, I cannot, for you see I am lost as well.”  

The man stares blankly at the guide seemingly waiting for more and responds saying, “then what do we do?”  

The guide tells him, “I do not know…but I do know that I can show you deeper into the woods…show you the riverbeds and deep trees…the way the sun rises in the morning dew and how the moon kisses the night sky and if we’re lucky, maybe we can find a way out…together.”

...I believe we all crave the "answer".  I believe we look at fortune cookies and hold a small grain of hope that it will tell us about life...tell us something that we can hold on to.  Something to give us direction.  We go to fortune tellers, psychics, therapists and mentors wanting to know...needing to know.  It helps us feel less small...less lost.  I also believe that people are not looking for the meaning of life as they are looking for ways to experience being more alive.  But that's the beauty of it all...instead of feeling lost...without direction...know that having no or little direction is being alive.  It's the risk and openness that can bring you the feeling of being alive...

I believe that people get so caught up in the struggle to build outer value and social placement that they lose touch with the inner rapture necessary for growth and self worth.  They are afraid of being without (fill in the blank).  

Be lost! Be without direction.  Just be.  Someone who is without direction, without a fortune cookie to direct them isn't lost...they are someone on a journey.  A wandering soul.  

You are not lost.  You are exploring. You are learning. You are breathing and don't need a crystal ball to tell you which path to take out of the woods.

223. Guilt vs. Shame

Guilt is a knowing and acknowledgement of what we did that affected another.  We feel a soft aching...a pain that we can recognize in our thoughts and emotions.  Guilt is a knowing that we did something that we don't necessarily feel was right or good.  It occurs naturally as a way to help us connect and feel what the other is feeling.  We can apologize for it and make peace with it.

Shame is different.  Shame sucks.  Shame is an inherent belief and false knowing that we are broken.  It is when we find something so unrelatable in us...something so ugly in us that we think of it as a part of us that cannot be fixed.  Something unbearably painful about us...a deep secret sometimes...a manufacturers defect...a fault that cannot be forgiven.  This is shame...and it is deep.

I believe that we all have both of these things in us...secrets that we hold...guilty conscious or shameful beliefs about ourselves that we have held on to for days, weeks...lifetimes.  Letting them trick us into thinking that we're not "good".

Be free philosophers.  In learning to be free, you have to be willing to free them up...give them up.  You have let them live in your life for years...you have let them take up residence popping up every so often from the basement of your soulful heart.  When you let them out...when you speak them and share them with another, you will feel a lightness...you will feel an ease...you will no longer hide.  Write them, share them with a friend, bring them to light because that is what will free you...your act of bringing them to light with lighten you up.

See the light.  Cliche but true.

222. And what of heart, he asked me...

I miss the sound of your heart beat.  I would place my ear against your chest and could hear the soft beat that lifted me and helped my soul breathe.  It reminded me that you were real...reminded me that the sweet rhythm I heard and felt was more than just my projection...more than my opinion.  It woke me up...the soft pound woke me up from what I thought I knew about you.  For one moment, all that existed was me and your heart...I felt so close to your life...closer than ever before.  A single beat....sigh*...a beat that was the warmth in my wintered existence.  All that existed was your heart beat...and the most important thing in the world for that brief moment was that it didn't stop.  It couldn't stop.  I didn't want it to stop.  I needed it to keep going...I was addicted to your soft beat...I needed it...how could something have the kind of power?  How could it remind me that you were something so real...yet so fragile. I miss the sound of your heart beat. So very much. I couldn't feel mine during those times because my heart beat didn't matter...because for all I cared...during that moment...your heart beat was more important than mine...

Appreciate and breathe them in.  Find the soft lines in their face...see how they smile...smell their skin and map out every part of their body so that you can draw it out of memory.  Seduce her mind and her body will follow.  Speak to her soul and she will fall into your arms.  Whisper poetry into her ear and listen for her to rhyme with you.  Foreplay starts from the moment you wake up, soft motions, playful fun, and deep filling of her scent.  Make her smile.  Make her sigh. Make her giggle.  Make her fight.  Make her bite.  Make her want to eat you up because you want taste her as well.  Meet her where she wants to be held and she will squeeze life into you....I promise.

221. "No Andrews Allowed" (joke from simpsons)

I remember when I was growing up...we lived in the streets...hotels and motels...couches and a variety of other places.  I can tell you though...anywhere I lived, I had a club house. 

Living in the city is hard for tree houses though.  I think childhood movies made me think that tree houses could be built anywhere...but being homeless made it difficult to do that.  Instead I built forts, club houses, a hideout or would even climb under a bed and drape the blankets or sheet over while I hid and played for hours.  I was safe.  I was in a different world.  It felt inpenetrable.  I was always a member of my clubhouse.  Always accepted.

I think for adults we need to find our treehouse.  Too many adults feel disconnected and not a part of their own that they seek it out through others...they seek it out externally.  Fancy toys, sleeping around, being a "yes" man, attacking others....I believe that we need to find our own membership.  We need to accept ourselves. 

Yes, you're not a child anymore but all that means is that the way our treehouse looks is different, but the energy we felt from it can be found.  I believe we need to find safe places...places where we can be us...where we feel like we're in a different world and can just be "naked" and play.  Places where we can breathe and just be. 

I'm older now and use my treehouse often.  It's important. It allows my world of fantasy and reverie.  My childhood treehouse has turned into my adulthood batcave.  Same energy, same stories and fantasies, different title.  Always a member. Founder. Participant. I select who comes in.  I set the password. 

Find your treehouse...or batcave.

-My corner office.  My treehouse. 

Get here

-Who will be with you when you see this?

220. Spel check

These blogs come out dirty.  Unchecked and often unfiltered.  Inappropirate and rude....at times.

If you're the type that is too busy focusing on, and finding typos and incorrect sentence structure...kindly go fuck yourself :)

What?  I said, "kindly"

People that focus on the structure, grammar and spelling are missing the message.  They are too busy resisting and looking for the "bad" that they can't pick up the process....

"but psych! your message would be better received if it was written better..." -anonymous

This is partly why I wear jeans and t-shirts to work.  I went to therapy school, have a few pieces of paper that say I read a few more books than other people...sat with a variety of supervisors and clinics and I can tell you...what I wear and the few mis-spelled words should be the least of people's problems.  Don't disregard the beautiful gift because it's wrapped in newspaper.  Don't dismiss the lotus flower because it grows in mud. 

Get out of your head...stop spell checking the world, stop finding ways to get one up on people, stop trying to find mistakes in all things to feel better, stop defending, stop glancing and start seeing. 

Go deeper (hey yo!) than spell check.

219. "Give it to me baby...ah huh...ah huh"

The title is an old Offspring song...but nevermind that....

Giving is more than the offering of objects (money, moving a friend with your truck, lending) it is the process of offering who you are.  I think we just imagine it to be in the form of objects because it's easier to think of it that way but that's not completely true.

First off...some background...why do we give?  I think it's important to give because it is the recognition and understanding that we all posses the same basic goodness.  I give to a homeless man because on a heart level despite his possible "bad stuff"...despite any scars he carries...I give because I know he has good and is made up of the same stuff as I am.

Now...what is generosity....I believe that it is based in knowing what you are capable of giving.  This does NOT only mean objects.  It means love, support, care and openness. 

It means running late but staying with someone who is clearly in pain....it is seeing a low bank account but still offering a loan to a friend who is in dire need...it is not knowing what to say to a friend in need, but just holding their hand...

You see...being generous is the world providing us with the oppotunity to offer ourselves.  We do it not for the boost we will get...or the attention it will gain...we do it because we recognize the need to be a person...the need to offer ourselves to the other.  To be in service.  I believe that there is no greater calling than to be in service of the other. 

This is important....the act of giving and the act of thinking of the other, instead of yourself, provides a natural perkiness...a natural feeling of happy.  In giving to others, you are focused on them, pulling away from what is going on with you.  In giving, we reconnect with our own goodness and find inspiration for your journey.  Life is less difficult when you practice giving.  It is the sharing of your gifts and your sharing of who you are.  This pulls you out of your own head...out of your own stuff. 

Now readers...I'm not saying become superheroes and fight evil at every turn...although that would be cool.  I'm saying that you need to be present with the world and offer help when the opportunity arises.  Picking up some trash on your way to work...giving money to a charity...letting someone else go before you...

Give.  Get it? 


err...I meant.....give it!

218. Take your best guess

When we look at expectation, I believe that two things come into play...hope and fear.  Ever get that call from the girl or boy friend and they say, "we need to talk..."

yeah...your heart jumps into your throat.  How about when you have your annual review at work?  You sit there hoping that you will get a raise (hope)...or perhaps that you will not (fear)...

But this is understandable...we hope for pleasure and will pull away from possible pain...or we do a psychological prepping for pain by focusing on the fear (the bad news) so that when it happens we have been prepped and it will not hurt as much.  More than that, when we hold on to anything, this is a way to hold on to ourselves...a way to feel safe and understanding of the situation...

Imagine a piece of pie...yum.  We see it and may fall into desiring to have it...or....you may distance yourself from it because you're on a diet...again.  You may ignore...grab it and chomp it down...whatever your reaction, you move from a place of fear or hope.

Even the cute girl or boy at the bar counter. We see them and fall into the fear of rejection and dont' talk to them....or into hope that they will give us their number and go talk to them.

The problem then is not the hope or fear...it is the expectation and projection that we do.  What does that mean?  that means that when a situation arises, we will throw our expectations onto the situation...we will throw our "best guess" at what will happen.  We become fortune tellers.  Trying to read the future of the expectation.  Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. 

What do you do?  You need to stop layering "me" and "my opinions" and expectations on situations as they arise.  Pull out of your head...pull out of the fear and hope and just allow things to come to you as they come.  If you hear your girl or boy say "we need to talk..." don't etch your expectation in stone.  Expectations should be written in chalk, not sharpie.  Take them as they come...not as you want them to come.  Be open. Flexible.  Willing to "roll with it" as it comes. 

If you always solidify your expectations out of hope or fear, you will get frustrated or move to defense whenever things come up...when you can relax with whatever comes up without coloring it with our projections and opinions of what will happen, then there is nothing to worry about...nothing to become concerned with.

Nothing to guess at.