189. Time to look stupid

The most powerful tool we posses as humans is our capacity to love.  Period.  I don’t care how much money you make or how brilliant you are.  If you don’t love big, you are small.  Think about the people that affected you the most in your life.  Your family, parents, siblings, teachers, coaches, mentors, friends?  Their love for you is what grabbed your spine.  You’ve changed because of their love.  It’s what made you want to be better.  We die for love.  It’s been this way since the beginning of time, before social pressure and fear of looking stupid.
  
We know this kind of love is valuable because when we lose it, nothing matters.  Nothing.  Your problems, accomplishments, dreams, are meaningless.  You lack focus and those things become a tiny blur.  If you’re recently mourning a death or an expired relationship, you know what I’m talking about.  Love is lost and it’s crushing.  Without love, we are puppets.  But here’s the thing.  We have the ability to love over and over again, deeper and deeper.  I believe we under use this ability.  You know how people say we only use like 10 percent of our brain?  I believe it’s the same with our hearts.  Fear prevents us from loving fully.   Many have been burned so bad, they turn that faucet off.  I understand that.  But then you’re not living your full potential.  You are in fight or flight mode, protecting yourself instead of living your truth.  You are hiding.  Not living.  To live means to love.  That’s what living means, uniquely exercising the greatest power we have.  Maybe you’re not happy because you are not choosing to exercise that muscle.

You can’t love fully without being transparent and vulnerable.  Although we all have the ability to love, NO ONE on this planet can love the way you love.  Our love is unique, each person loves differently and that’s what makes us beautiful.  So if you’re going to love, fucking love.  Love with everything you’ve got.  Love fearlessly.  Yes, you may get hurt.  Chances are, you will.  But if you don’t fully commit, you will never know your potential and the affect you can have on another.  Many don’t love because they are angry. They have resentment.  They hold grudges.  Then it’s time to forgive.  Because the act of forgiving is actually loving.
  
I try to practice love in every aspect of my life, with my clients, friends, family, the barista at Starbucks, and it’s difficult.  Fear creeps up.  I feel stupid.  But I will not allow something stupid as me feeling stupid to prevent the greatest power I posses.  You’re on this planet once.    What’s stupid is you allowing your insecurities / ego block your greatest gift.
  
Love until you feel stupid.

Then push past that.

And love until you feel powerful.

Because if you do, you will.

And it will change everything.

188. Holding you back

I came upon this and it made me stop.  Many times we are faced with something that causes a great amount of anxiety and stress.  It can be something as strong as a broken relationship to something like stepping in gum or an upcoming test in school.  Anxiety forces us to stop.  It forces us to feel like running and hiding...an avoiding of "IT" ...we become afraid of "IT".

This is normal though.  we are wired to want to run away from anxiety and run away from things that create fear. The problem with stress is that we then grow to fear it.  Instead of facing our anxiety and stress...we become afraid of it...so afraid of it that we instead compromise our truth, ourselves and our souls in order to avoid it.  We let fear scare us.  We do not change, we do not move, we do not grow.  Fear stunts you.  We do whatever it takes to avoid it even if it means lying to ourselves or others.  

I believe therefore, like Stephen King, that honesty and belief in self is then the opposite of fear.  To then face fear, I believe you must be willing to change.  You must be willing to face that which scares you...that which evokes fear....you cannot stop fear...but you can use it to help you grow. 

187. Philosopher

I think this is an amazing compilation of poetry.  Although the content is that of depression...he has turned his depression into art...his darkness into light for other...his pain into understanding...take a read.


http://thechronicaldepressed.blogspot.com/

186.

185. Another reason to love coffee

Are You a Carrot, An Egg, or a Coffee Bean?

Anonymous

PSYCH!

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. 

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. 

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. 

The daughter then asked. "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity—boiling water—but each reacted differently. 

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. 

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. 

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?" 

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? 

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? 

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. 

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another lever? 

How do you handle Adversity? Are you a Carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

184. Truth

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

-Emerson

Our ability to stand out while silent.  Our gifts kept within. Our spirits highlighted underneath a darkened sky.  This is the internal truth that we all hold.  We know the answers to what we all ask ourselves because it's held within.  

Living your truth is the ability to be honest with what has happened.  Drawing from your experience and life.  Our ability to speak the truth means to be able to draw from our core and be willing to face the falling dominoes.  There is a wonderful pain associated with living your truth and speaking from your core.  But that is the growth.  That is the sweet burn that hints and symbolizes strength.  

What else to do than just push the first domino down?

183. Talk it out

"What if you don't know how s/he makes you feel? What if he have these mixed messages we're trying to decipher and not really know where we stand? It is possible that while with your partner you are vibing, getting all the right signals, and everything is there. Once apart, s/he is not as attentive so you're confused but you've idolized this person as potentially being the perfect mate because of all of the qualities they possess and those qualities having to be everything on your "list." How can you find out without compromising your happiness? Or simply, what if you don't want to get rid of the idea of that person?"

If you don't know how s/he makes you feel...then ask yourself again.  What you're telling me is that you are feeling confused...you feel the connection, the jolt, the joy, the soul of your partner when together but then feel the disconnection, the break down and the loss when they are apart from you. 

Here's a few things, relationships should be a connection of two lives, a partnering of who we are and what we bring...it is an active and open sharing of our gifts with them- not for them.  If you've "idolized" them...then you have just shat on yourself.  When you "idolize" them you are automatically diminishing yourself.  Be on the winner's platform with them...not the footstool that lifts them onto the pedestal. 

If you idolize them and make them a super hero when with them...does that mean when you are apart you become the "damsel in distress" waiting for them to come save you again? 

Remember that your feelings should not be based on them.  I believe that too many people base their feelings on those of their partners.  This is wrong.  You are your own person.  You have your own colors, shades of gray and shapes- you are art.

With that being said, I challenge you to find your own feelings that are separate from your partner's.  If you feel that s/he is "not as attentive" it is your responsibility to call him/her out on it and express how you feel.  Explain how you feel when they are away and what it does to you.  S/he may not know that they do that to you and a simple conversation could open up your relationship.

182. Healthy/Unhealthy

First, I believe there are two types of love: healthy and unhealthy. Unhealthy love is being powerless, selfish and enabling. It has no boundaries. Unhealthy love is unconditional and yet contingent. It is immature, irresponsible and dependent. Unhealthy love is urgent. There is a desperation behind it which produces manipulation and compromise of self. Unhealthy love is a pissing contest, a tug of war, a mute silence and a kick stand. It is obvious. Unhealthy love promotes the false self and stunts growth. It is a drug.  You base your feelings and emotion on those of the other...you seek their health over your own, which is sweet but when it costs you your own- wrong.

Healthy love is a choice. It is something you decide to give as a gift. It has conditions that shape the self and strengthen the other. Healthy love is feeling powerful and independent. It is grilled cheese and vegetable soup on a rainy day but not every day. Healthy love is patient, kind and accepting. Healthy love requires a tremendous amount of responsibility which involves communication on all levels and constant reflection. It is building trust, having faith and holding a commitment. Healthy love promotes growth and two strong containers. Healthy love is rare. It also comes down to choosing to give of yourself as a choice.  As you must be willing to give to the other, you must be willing to give to yourself.  Healthy love does not only apply to your partner, it applies to how you give to yourself that which you try and give to your partner. 

Angry
Added- Psych!

181. Alive

The five seconds after a crushing CrossFit WOD.  A life changing conversation.  Make up sex.  Heights.  The company of a beautiful woman.  Swimming in the ocean.  Revelations about self.  Giving birth to an idea.  That moment when they kiss you back.  Running down hill.  The first sip of hot strong coffee in the morning.  A broken heart.  Writing.
These are some of the things that make me feel alive.

What are yours?

The difference between feeling good and feeling alive is fear.  We are not afraid of things that make us feel good.  A safe job, a comfortable relationship, twenty minutes on a treadmill.  These things don’t require much effort.  We are not afraid of them.  But if you want to feel alive, there must be an element of fear.  We might get injured.  We might lose money.  We might be rejected, labeled, or fired.  We might be wrong.  But with risk comes reward.  Feeling good is not enough.  It keeps us trapped in a bubble.  Good falls on our lap.  Alive doesn’t.  If we want to feel alive, we must chase it or we will start to feel dead.
   
The monotony of your daily life combined with the pressures from work and relationships can put you in an emotional coffin.  If you want to break out, you must seek what pumps your heart.  From the moment you wake up to the second you fall asleep.  Little things, big things, it doesn’t matter.  It’s not about the activity.  It’s about the process of facing your fears.  Ask that girl out.  Stand up to your boss.  Publish a book.  Start a blog.  Pick up a guitar.  Eat something you wouldn’t.  Go somewhere foreign.  Get out of your comfort zone.  Explore your edges.  Turn your dial from good to alive.  This stretch will change your life.  Shatter the fishbowl you live in.  If you’re content with good, content is all you’ll ever be.  

180. Asking the wrong question

You’re Asking the Wrong Question

 

Instead of asking yourself how you feel about him/her.  Ask yourself how he/she makes you feel.  When you focus on what you like about someone, you are letting them off the hook.  This question allows fantasy.  If you flip it and ask how they make you feel, suddenly you’re snapped back into realty.  They are up at bat.  Are they striking out or hitting home runs?
I think we focus too much on what we want and not enough on what we deserve.  We deserve to feel invincible and beautiful.  Does this person make you feel this way?  No?  Then why are you with them?  Sex, comfort, or a label is not enough.  Life is too fucking short.  Relationships are too fucking hard.
The way someone makes you feel is the gift of the relationship.  Read that again.  The gift is not that you’re in one.  What’s left after the dust settles, “dust” being the initial attraction, is the nectar - how the person makes us feel.  If the answer to that question is shitty, well we don’t need anyone to make us feel that.  We do an excellent job of that on our own.
So if you’re going to invest in a relationship, because that’s what you’re doing, INVESTING, look for someone who makes you feel a way that no one else on the planet can make you feel.  That is of value.  If that person makes you feel like many others can, including yourself, that’s like investing in stock you know is bad.  So if you don’t profit (find happiness), don’t be surprised.

Love it