We often strive to be the "best person" we can be...the person that is "whole" and "complete"...the person who is above all, good. Yet we all carry things that we are embarrassed or ashamed of... little secrets that we've never told anyone, sad stories, trauma or cracks within our lives, we'll call these our shadow. Your shadow is what you carry around and notice within other people. It is that thing where our worries live, our pain resides and haunts us. Remember cheating on your girl/boyfriend? remember hurting someone? bullying another? stealing? lying? That is our shadow.
The problem is that most people try and repress/hide the shadow. They refuse to allow it to come out usually because of fear. As painful as these past memories are of we've done or had done to us- they are in itself a gain- because what is "inferior", "hidden", or what I deem as "worthless" belongs to you as your shadow and it gives me substance and mass. How can I be substantial if I fail to cast a shadow? Just like star wars, you must have a dark side also if you are to be whole; and inasmuch as you know that you walk with a shadow you can start to accept yourself as human like any other.
When you acknowledge your true self, good and bad, when you live your truth and form one with your shadow, you become free. You've become whole in your ability to be honest and true, continually searching for your wholeness. This aligning leads to honesty, honesty leads to growth and growth leads to freedom. Allow yourself to be free.
-Psych!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
163. Closure
Many believe they need to close a chapter before opening a new one. They see closure as a cleansing, a washing away, and they don’t allow themselves to move on until what is preventing them from moving on has completely dissolved. But if that’s the case, wouldn’t closure stunt growth? Not allowing yourself to push forward until you have let go of the past becomes a dam, a missed fallen domino piece, quicksand. According to this definition, closure will keep you closed.
I believe closure is having the ability to transition, walking after that crippling event or relationship. Closure then is courage. Closure is not allowing what happened to have power over you, determine who you are, or how you want to live your life. That piece of your story contributed to your journey. It is polish. Not tarnish. Closure doesn’t have to mean forgetting about or erasing memories.
The events that have happened to us, the relationships we have been through, they are valuable. To hope they didn’t happen or push them away is not closure. That is denial. Closure means to accept, learn from, but most importantly begin again. Closure means to walk and it is a bridge, not a door
I believe closure is having the ability to transition, walking after that crippling event or relationship. Closure then is courage. Closure is not allowing what happened to have power over you, determine who you are, or how you want to live your life. That piece of your story contributed to your journey. It is polish. Not tarnish. Closure doesn’t have to mean forgetting about or erasing memories.
The events that have happened to us, the relationships we have been through, they are valuable. To hope they didn’t happen or push them away is not closure. That is denial. Closure means to accept, learn from, but most importantly begin again. Closure means to walk and it is a bridge, not a door
162
I think about where I've been in the last year and reflect on the loneliness i feel now. It's sprung (sprang?) on me strongly with it's talons out and I don't know why. I know I miss her. her ability to accept me as whole and who I am not only built me, but made me feel invincible. The quiet intimate places we went, the ability to share my secrets and have her trust and hold them. More than anything, I miss the rituals, I miss the breakfast, the coffee, the daily things that she would always tell me made her happy. I think about this last relationship and cant help but remember how she made me feel like superman (because batman sucks :)
Your relationships must breathe invincible. She has to make you feel stronger than "the other" more powerful than "the other" like you are her world...when they can do this to you...well...let me take that back...because we don't see relationships as they are...but as we are...finding the right person will allow you to feel that much more whole...our life sidekicks (partners) can help us breathe in the sweet nectar of life...they fill us with a sweetness and help us fly.
Thank you for reminding me how sweet life tastes...
Your relationships must breathe invincible. She has to make you feel stronger than "the other" more powerful than "the other" like you are her world...when they can do this to you...well...let me take that back...because we don't see relationships as they are...but as we are...finding the right person will allow you to feel that much more whole...our life sidekicks (partners) can help us breathe in the sweet nectar of life...they fill us with a sweetness and help us fly.
Thank you for reminding me how sweet life tastes...
Monday, March 26, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
160.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
159.
I, I can't promise you
that I won't let you down
And I, I can't promise you
that I will be the only one around
when your hope falls down
But we're young, open flowers in the windy fields
of this war-torn world
And love, this city breathes the plague
of loving things more than their creators
I ran away
I could not take the burden of both me and you
It was too fast
Casting love on me as if it were a spell I could not break
When it was a promise I could not make
But what if I was wrong?
But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight
And now this land means less and less to me
without you breathing through its trees
At every turn the water runs away from me
and the halo disappears
and the hole when you're not near
So what if I was wrong?
But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight
So hold on to what you believed in the light
that I won't let you down
And I, I can't promise you
that I will be the only one around
when your hope falls down
But we're young, open flowers in the windy fields
of this war-torn world
And love, this city breathes the plague
of loving things more than their creators
I ran away
I could not take the burden of both me and you
It was too fast
Casting love on me as if it were a spell I could not break
When it was a promise I could not make
But what if I was wrong?
But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight
And now this land means less and less to me
without you breathing through its trees
At every turn the water runs away from me
and the halo disappears
and the hole when you're not near
So what if I was wrong?
But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight
So hold on to what you believed in the light
Monday, March 12, 2012
Friday, June 10, 2011
158. Porcupine
Fable of the porcupine
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the warmth that came from the others. This way they were able to survive. Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The real moral of the story......LEARN TO LIVE WITH THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE.
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the warmth that came from the others. This way they were able to survive. Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The real moral of the story......LEARN TO LIVE WITH THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
157. More relationship stuff?!?!?
I've been reflecting a lot on relationships lately, as you can guess from my last blog. I've gotten a few different email reactions from it and thought I would take some time to further emphasize the idea of relationships. It ultimately comes down to your own personal growth when you're with another person. Your partner acts as a thermometer for you to measure your own personality with. You must know that you are your own person that is not dependent on another to provide happiness/anger. Your partner is not responsible to make you happy. We must try and switch our minds into the understanding that we as individuals grow outside of our loves.
This is a miracle and curse. As you are with your partners, you are transforming...you are enlarging and growing. But the catch is that this growth and transformation only comes from suffering. Stop and consider the times you have learned a lesson. Most likely, it came at the cost of conflict, loss, sadness, and anger.
This is the problem with relationships or even marriage. Many believe that marriage is an amazing, beautiful, "butterfly in stomach", flowers blooming and sweet scents throughout the rest of our lives...but the fact is that relationships/marriage have NOTHING to do with being happy :) seriously. It has nothing to do with being happy- it has to do with being transformed. Happiness is only a side-effect of your transformation...when your transformation is realized it is a magnificent experience. But you have to give in. You have to yield/submit. You have to give in. Lose the arm wrestling match, submit to the transformation of being with the other. Only when you own your flaws and actively use your partner as a person to walk the journey with, do you find your transformation and happiness.
This is a miracle and curse. As you are with your partners, you are transforming...you are enlarging and growing. But the catch is that this growth and transformation only comes from suffering. Stop and consider the times you have learned a lesson. Most likely, it came at the cost of conflict, loss, sadness, and anger.
This is the problem with relationships or even marriage. Many believe that marriage is an amazing, beautiful, "butterfly in stomach", flowers blooming and sweet scents throughout the rest of our lives...but the fact is that relationships/marriage have NOTHING to do with being happy :) seriously. It has nothing to do with being happy- it has to do with being transformed. Happiness is only a side-effect of your transformation...when your transformation is realized it is a magnificent experience. But you have to give in. You have to yield/submit. You have to give in. Lose the arm wrestling match, submit to the transformation of being with the other. Only when you own your flaws and actively use your partner as a person to walk the journey with, do you find your transformation and happiness.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
156. Relationships...to ourselves
I want to take some time to talk a little about relationships. There is a little secret about them...I know! Come closer....closer.....closer! DAMMIT! your eye ball should be touching the screen!
:)
I written about this before but I want to drive this home to all of you readers out there that are in relationships or are wanting to be in one or hmmm...just masturbate a lot :)
A marriage, a relationship, a lover, a partner, a girlfriend, a boyfriend are a guarantee of nothing certain. We feel that having a relationship gives us that sense of not being lonely, that sense of having someone there, that sense of being close to and in line with another...but what I want you to take into consideration is that the quality of all of our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves. READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN!
"the quality of all of our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves"
What the hell does that mean!?!? it means that in order to have a wonderful relationship, it is each person's personal responsibility to fix themselves and see where they are individually jacked up. It is not your partner's fault for how you feel....READ THAT ONE AGAIN!
The best thing that can be done for our relationships with others and with the higher level and deeper soulful connection with another is to create a deeper relationship to ourselves. We must make our inner hurt/trauma/pain/love more conscious.
I believe that many go into relationships because they feel that the "other" person will somehow "fix" them. The fact is that the only thing a relationship does is show you your own flaws....it is then your responsibility and individual calling to work on yourself. Our partners are mirrors for our issues.
This is the problem and the solution. We need relationships to help mirror where we are all messed up but at the same time must be willing to accept that our partners are not necessarily the ones making us angry, we are angry as a reaction to seeing them do something against our values...we are angry at ourselves when we see our own issues in our partners.
This is why love is hard. Love is hard because it forces an opening of our inner soul and working to a world that we often don't want to see. No one wants to see how really jacked up and screwed up they are...this is why the opposite of love is not hate, but the opposite of love is fear.
People often times do not commit in relationships because they fear what they will see...they fear having to face their own crap and having to face their own issues. This is what I see in relationships...the health and hope of any intimate relationship will depend on each party's willingness to assume responsibility for that relationship to one's own unconscious shit!
Ghandi once said, "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave." falling in love is easy...but truly LOVING another person is heroic. If we really love our partner, we have heroically taken on the responsibility for our own growth, our own journey, our own individuation to be better. If you don't know your issues....do this. Think back to your last argument...be honest with yourself and think about what really PISSED YOU OFF. What really did your partner do that upset you...you have to be willing to admit that they may have done something...but ultimately, you were the one that felt reactive to his/her/their actions.
This is the hard part...you must be willing to acknowledge that they will reflect your issues. Own your feelings and be real. Every argument is a chance for you to grow...a chance for you to see your shortfalls...take a moment to own it and work on it.
Think of it like this...your relationship should be like an airplane flight. You both get on going somewhere and for the flight that you are on...you sit next to one another...that's it. You are still different, you are still two different people...you will still eat different meals, use the bathroom at different times...but for that flight you are on...you share a common goal.
Love is about facing your fear and traveling. It is about sitting next to a person on a flight, not having them carry you on their back. It is about holding their hand willingly, not hand-cuffing yourself to them. It's about you ordering the chicken and them having the fish but eating at the same times...you must grow on your own. You must find where you are jacked up....fly with them....
:)
I written about this before but I want to drive this home to all of you readers out there that are in relationships or are wanting to be in one or hmmm...just masturbate a lot :)
A marriage, a relationship, a lover, a partner, a girlfriend, a boyfriend are a guarantee of nothing certain. We feel that having a relationship gives us that sense of not being lonely, that sense of having someone there, that sense of being close to and in line with another...but what I want you to take into consideration is that the quality of all of our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves. READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN!
"the quality of all of our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves"
What the hell does that mean!?!? it means that in order to have a wonderful relationship, it is each person's personal responsibility to fix themselves and see where they are individually jacked up. It is not your partner's fault for how you feel....READ THAT ONE AGAIN!
The best thing that can be done for our relationships with others and with the higher level and deeper soulful connection with another is to create a deeper relationship to ourselves. We must make our inner hurt/trauma/pain/love more conscious.
I believe that many go into relationships because they feel that the "other" person will somehow "fix" them. The fact is that the only thing a relationship does is show you your own flaws....it is then your responsibility and individual calling to work on yourself. Our partners are mirrors for our issues.
This is the problem and the solution. We need relationships to help mirror where we are all messed up but at the same time must be willing to accept that our partners are not necessarily the ones making us angry, we are angry as a reaction to seeing them do something against our values...we are angry at ourselves when we see our own issues in our partners.
This is why love is hard. Love is hard because it forces an opening of our inner soul and working to a world that we often don't want to see. No one wants to see how really jacked up and screwed up they are...this is why the opposite of love is not hate, but the opposite of love is fear.
People often times do not commit in relationships because they fear what they will see...they fear having to face their own crap and having to face their own issues. This is what I see in relationships...the health and hope of any intimate relationship will depend on each party's willingness to assume responsibility for that relationship to one's own unconscious shit!
Ghandi once said, "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave." falling in love is easy...but truly LOVING another person is heroic. If we really love our partner, we have heroically taken on the responsibility for our own growth, our own journey, our own individuation to be better. If you don't know your issues....do this. Think back to your last argument...be honest with yourself and think about what really PISSED YOU OFF. What really did your partner do that upset you...you have to be willing to admit that they may have done something...but ultimately, you were the one that felt reactive to his/her/their actions.
This is the hard part...you must be willing to acknowledge that they will reflect your issues. Own your feelings and be real. Every argument is a chance for you to grow...a chance for you to see your shortfalls...take a moment to own it and work on it.
Think of it like this...your relationship should be like an airplane flight. You both get on going somewhere and for the flight that you are on...you sit next to one another...that's it. You are still different, you are still two different people...you will still eat different meals, use the bathroom at different times...but for that flight you are on...you share a common goal.
Love is about facing your fear and traveling. It is about sitting next to a person on a flight, not having them carry you on their back. It is about holding their hand willingly, not hand-cuffing yourself to them. It's about you ordering the chicken and them having the fish but eating at the same times...you must grow on your own. You must find where you are jacked up....fly with them....
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