I was sitting in an asian boba tea joint, people watching, with my friend as we began to talk about all kinds of crap...
There were some women that were peacocking there...(peacocking definition: an individual that flairs or spices up their wardrobe in an attempt to get more attention)
So these women appeared to want some attention...between their sparkling shoes, lavish reflective surfaces, long straight hair, tiny little frames....damn...this is getting hot...so..yeah...my friend and I began to talk about stress and the need for more and our need to show and want more.
Let's be clear...there is nothing wrong with wanting more out of life...aiming for goals...aiming for the "better" in our lifetimes...we all do it.
PSYCH!SENSE question: Does our drive for more material things create stress and sadness?
Now the buddhists would say yes...they would say our attachment to things is what creates pain and sadness. let's open this up a bit more.
You buy your first car...an old clunker with bucket seats, duct tape all over the leather...the weird clanking noise under the hood, that smell that you never really got out....
why are we okay with this? because it's our first car!! of course it's okay...because we always tell ourselves...i'll get something better later. Now for many times- functional reasons...our clunker dies and you end up getting a new car.
But now you have a nice car..but it's not *enough for you...you see the shiny black thing pass you by on the freeway and suddenly we want more...
Here's the thing...we will not be able to have everything we want. Lets be real. We will never have everything we want...if that were the case I would have my private island, my terminal of fighter jets, a room full of play things to fulfill all my wildest fantasies...(hahah...you know what I mean....yeah...lego blocks..that would be cool) and a beautiful wife.
This is where stress and sadness is from. Our drive for more and our eventual realization that we cannot have it all creates stress in our lives. Read that again! Our drive for the next best thing, our drive for more and more and more creates stress because of our inability to realize them all.
Right now...many people have a picture of a car or thing that they have as a goal. Again this is not bad...but you work your butt off...you push and stress...do over time hours...sell your kidney, your first born and other random stuff...and in time you get it. But what happens when you get it? in time you grow bored with it and want the next best thing. SO the cycle starts all over again...all over again and with it the stress of that new goal.
Now yes...many would say this is normal...and it is...but as always allow me to challenge you...instead of aiming for bigger material goals and in turn the creation of stress...why not allow yourself the challenge of putting love and soul into the things you already have? because stress is good...it forces mental resiliency and discipline...it also creates a sense of purpose and goal orientation in life...but just consider for a moment why this type of stress and mental toughness and resiliency cannot be put towards something intangible, something not material. Like love, your partner, your children, your family, your old clunker, your own personal issues. Life would be that more amazing if we had the drive to put so much work and attention into the things in our lives that are already there.... instead of that new 15000 sq ft home or streamline turbo twin engine plane.
Consider wi how much of your new goal is meant for peacocking as oppose to function.
Reference:
Kugelmann - In stress: Nature and history of engineered grief.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
87. It's how big?
This idea was brought to me in conversation with one of my best good buds.
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it with women and big engagement/wedding rings?
As I write this I hope that many of my female readers will put their opinion on here. My friend tells me that at his work place a younger woman had just gotten engaged...as she's talking about her proposal she shows the office her ring. An older woman takes a gander and is floored! her response, "Damn...I need to get a bigger one" (hmm..I feel like I should insert a joke here).
I ask my buddy about this and he tells me, "ya know...it goes back to tradition...back in the day a man went to the family's home and would give livestock in exchange for their woman's hand."
I ask one of my co-workers and she tells me, "it just goes back because we like jewelry." and I say, "that's it?" and she says, "yup.......and the bigger it is the more he loves us."
hahahah...imagine that..the bigger the ring...the more you love your woman..
so the question is...if you had the choice between a HUGE cubic zirconian (sp?) and a small diamond ring, which would you prefer?
the real one or the fake one? Her response was, "well..it depends on how fake it looks and who knows it's fake?"
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that a woman has a huge ring as like men imagine having ya know...schlongs. We have this imaginary belief that the bigger our *thang is, the more worth of a man we are. The bigger ring a woman has, the more love and better man she has.
I suppose if a woman could get a bigger ring...she would. How many of us guys, if told there was a breakthrough product...
not talking about extenze...stupid ass thing that doesn't even work..or that cream...or that suction pump thing...but it did feel good...or those collagen injection shots, at least those kinda worked but then it wasn't quite even enough and one side was droopy...I mean, come on...am I really still talking about this..)
...anyways...if a guy was given an opportunity to make himself bigger would he take it? ha! i'm sure he would.
See...men have kind of a cheating thing...we wear pants all day. By doing this we can say anything we want, buff up our shoulders, raise our chest pound on it and pronounce loudly, "I have a HUGE BEEFSTICK" and no one would know other than his partner. But women can't do this...they wear it in public all day...they can't lie about it's size.
GOing back to the question...although big rings and huge ding dongs may represent some grand gesture of being *worth more...are they really? We all know the answer to this...but few are willing to admit it...no
"it's not the size that counts..." it's the symbol of it that means more....the representtation of it. A bigger ring does not mean he loves you more or that you are worth more...a big ol' *third leg doesn't mean that you are more of a man or that you are stronger than any other man...it probably just means you have back problems. You must be willing to get over the idea of bigger size as being better...
(unless you're hung like a baby's arm holding an apple)
PSYCH!SENSE question...what is it with women and big engagement/wedding rings?
As I write this I hope that many of my female readers will put their opinion on here. My friend tells me that at his work place a younger woman had just gotten engaged...as she's talking about her proposal she shows the office her ring. An older woman takes a gander and is floored! her response, "Damn...I need to get a bigger one" (hmm..I feel like I should insert a joke here).
I ask my buddy about this and he tells me, "ya know...it goes back to tradition...back in the day a man went to the family's home and would give livestock in exchange for their woman's hand."
I ask one of my co-workers and she tells me, "it just goes back because we like jewelry." and I say, "that's it?" and she says, "yup.......and the bigger it is the more he loves us."
hahahah...imagine that..the bigger the ring...the more you love your woman..
so the question is...if you had the choice between a HUGE cubic zirconian (sp?) and a small diamond ring, which would you prefer?
the real one or the fake one? Her response was, "well..it depends on how fake it looks and who knows it's fake?"
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that a woman has a huge ring as like men imagine having ya know...schlongs. We have this imaginary belief that the bigger our *thang is, the more worth of a man we are. The bigger ring a woman has, the more love and better man she has.
I suppose if a woman could get a bigger ring...she would. How many of us guys, if told there was a breakthrough product...
not talking about extenze...stupid ass thing that doesn't even work..or that cream...or that suction pump thing...but it did feel good...or those collagen injection shots, at least those kinda worked but then it wasn't quite even enough and one side was droopy...I mean, come on...am I really still talking about this..)
...anyways...if a guy was given an opportunity to make himself bigger would he take it? ha! i'm sure he would.
See...men have kind of a cheating thing...we wear pants all day. By doing this we can say anything we want, buff up our shoulders, raise our chest pound on it and pronounce loudly, "I have a HUGE BEEFSTICK" and no one would know other than his partner. But women can't do this...they wear it in public all day...they can't lie about it's size.
GOing back to the question...although big rings and huge ding dongs may represent some grand gesture of being *worth more...are they really? We all know the answer to this...but few are willing to admit it...no
"it's not the size that counts..." it's the symbol of it that means more....the representtation of it. A bigger ring does not mean he loves you more or that you are worth more...a big ol' *third leg doesn't mean that you are more of a man or that you are stronger than any other man...it probably just means you have back problems. You must be willing to get over the idea of bigger size as being better...
(unless you're hung like a baby's arm holding an apple)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
86. Laundry list
Right now think about what you should be doing...come on...think about it! that stack of paperwork to fill out...the next patient, customer or client coming in soon...your laundry to be put away...your scheduled butt scratching session....
I mention this because how many of us really have the time to do nothing...or perhaps a blog...
We find ourselves constantly running around...you ever find yourself pushing yourself to finish an everlasting list of things to do? It can be hard...you end up pushing yourself so hard to the point of stress and sometimes frustration with something that you really have no clue what it is...we find ourselves hardly ever celebrating the little things in life because there is always "the next thing to do".
Although it may be different and close to impossible my PSYCH!SENSE philosophers, I push for all of you to find your place in the day to pull your mind away.
Here's why hobbies work: 2 reasons!
one they allow you to vent out frustrations and daily things that begin to eat at you...
two is that they allow you to not think about your daily crap.
think of it this way....
We walk around daily...at times we even have to run, usually from angry husbands that see the smile face on my butt as I jump out the window...but as we stay on our feet all day you have to sit down eventually that allows your feet and legs to rest a bit. In our daily lives we are so full of "laundry lists" from dropping kids at school, drving to work...dealing with drama there...going home and cooking....then going to bed and rinse and repeat the next day...
allowing yourself time every day to sit and do nothing is like resting your feet or legs...you must be willing to sit in emptyness or in a place where you don't have to think...for any of you that play instruments...when you practice or try to learn something new you have to focus sooo much on the material you cannot allow your mind to sit anywhere else...this is a break from the daily routine....
This is why meditation....when you can master it, works sooooo well...they have learned to let their mind go blank...
SEX!!! yes...wake up...when you are having great, good, ol' booty bumping action you you forget about all the crap that goes on around you...you focus so much on the friction...the rhythm...and the enjoyment of the love between the two (or three, giggidy) of you. Granted orgasm does help...but more...our minds are pulled away from the drama, stress and pain that we see and feel everyday.
The point?
find your blank mind. learn an instrument so that you have to focus so much on it you cant focus on anything else...paint or draw because you must try and focus on the image...some love exercise....it picks up endorphins....but you can "run" out the pain..and gay, like tom cruise.
I mention this because how many of us really have the time to do nothing...or perhaps a blog...
We find ourselves constantly running around...you ever find yourself pushing yourself to finish an everlasting list of things to do? It can be hard...you end up pushing yourself so hard to the point of stress and sometimes frustration with something that you really have no clue what it is...we find ourselves hardly ever celebrating the little things in life because there is always "the next thing to do".
Although it may be different and close to impossible my PSYCH!SENSE philosophers, I push for all of you to find your place in the day to pull your mind away.
Here's why hobbies work: 2 reasons!
one they allow you to vent out frustrations and daily things that begin to eat at you...
two is that they allow you to not think about your daily crap.
think of it this way....
We walk around daily...at times we even have to run, usually from angry husbands that see the smile face on my butt as I jump out the window...but as we stay on our feet all day you have to sit down eventually that allows your feet and legs to rest a bit. In our daily lives we are so full of "laundry lists" from dropping kids at school, drving to work...dealing with drama there...going home and cooking....then going to bed and rinse and repeat the next day...
allowing yourself time every day to sit and do nothing is like resting your feet or legs...you must be willing to sit in emptyness or in a place where you don't have to think...for any of you that play instruments...when you practice or try to learn something new you have to focus sooo much on the material you cannot allow your mind to sit anywhere else...this is a break from the daily routine....
This is why meditation....when you can master it, works sooooo well...they have learned to let their mind go blank...
SEX!!! yes...wake up...when you are having great, good, ol' booty bumping action you you forget about all the crap that goes on around you...you focus so much on the friction...the rhythm...and the enjoyment of the love between the two (or three, giggidy) of you. Granted orgasm does help...but more...our minds are pulled away from the drama, stress and pain that we see and feel everyday.
The point?
find your blank mind. learn an instrument so that you have to focus so much on it you cant focus on anything else...paint or draw because you must try and focus on the image...some love exercise....it picks up endorphins....but you can "run" out the pain..and gay, like tom cruise.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
85. Butter Face
Urban Dictionary: butter face butter face - 59 definitions - n. A girl who is hot, except for her (but her, butter) face.
Now you make sure to read my blog called, "Can you hear me now" in order to understand why physical attraction is important at times. This blog topic was submitted to me by a reader...she writes:
"Dear Sexy, Amazing and not at all weird Blog guy,
When I met my man he was sexy and I found myself really attracted to him. He would make me feel even better as he would be very gentlemanly (not as sexy as you..but close) and would treat me right (not as great as you could). When we broke up (because I wanted to try my chances with you) I started going out on dates more (because you turned me down because of your superior intellect and education) and when I would go out, most of the guys I met were not very handsome. They were smart, witty and we could talk about anything, but they didn't turn me on physically (because lets face it they weren't as hot as you). I asked my girlfriends about this (giggidy) and they said that all initial attraction is based on how cute he is. What do you think about this (and will you please pole dance for me later)."
***the views expressed in this letter are real and were that of an actual person. Wording and phrases have been added to protect the identity of one and enhance the sexiness of another.
PSYCH!SENSE question...Is physical attractiveness the key to dating initially?
now lets think about this one...be real!!! When you're single you girl/guy friends will try and hook you up with someone they know, a friend, cousin, sister, sexy grandma...what is the first thing you say? come on....
you say, "what do they look like?" or some variation of it. (except for maybe a minor few)
Even when your friends goes out on a date with someone...one of the first things you ask your friend was, "what does he look like?" "is he cute?"
we want to know what the person looks like and if they are attractive. Now yes...biologically and I believe evolutionary we tend to aim for those that are most physically attractive. Why? the more pretty/handsome a person is, the expected healthy-ness of their genes are to be passed on to our children. We need someone that is somewhat attractive as a way to ensure our children will be healthy. It's biological peeps....
Attraction = good genes ----> healthy kids
that is the extent of the my mathematical prowess.
But what about all the other things I wrote about in the other blog (emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection)? They do exist...they do but is our attractive based on the initial bite.
One of my co-workers tells me, "if you have something workable in looks...it's cool...maybe homeboy needs a haircut or a new wardrobe and I can get with him..." aparently to her, they have to be someone *cute..."workable" (I don't truly understand that concept yet) and the other three connections will only add to his workableness.
A friend at Cafe Roulee told me that initially physical connection and attraction is key. She said that she would want to be able to take him home...and yeah...you know...get all giggidy with it...but she is a "Ni Su Bah Poh"..so whatever. She even said her fiance right now had to be somewhat attractive for her to be willing to be with him initially...now it doesn't matter so much now because she's grown to love him for other reasons...but at first it did matter.
Here's an example:
Back in the day we had Jordan shoes...remember those? I mean the classic high top ones. Oh yeah...the ones you save up all summer for and when you finally buy them...that bully two grade levels higher jack me for them and then kicks me in the nuts with them later that afternoon...yeah...those ones.
Now lets say later that day I start a revolt against him and gather up all the third graders to beat him up. I get the shoes back...By this point...they are dusty...kinda dirty...but the worse part is that he had stepped in a massive piece of shit earlier that day with them.
As I look at them...I think to myself...well look at all the other thngs about them...they are jordans! they are popular! they are expensive! but damn..they look like shit.
A part of me would think...I can clean them and break the dried piece of shit off them...now they will always be stained...always have the dark stain where the giant piece of shit was...but that's okay because all the other things will make up for it.
What if I couldn't take the piece of shit off? what if the shit he stepped in was mutative and would never be taken off? would it still be worth to wear them?
It's an awkward example...but do we understand it? When you first meet someone physical attractiveness does play a key to things. If you had gone to a swap meet and picked up a pair of jordans like this...would you be willing to take them home with the massive piece of mutative shit that doesn't come off? I would think not despite all the other things about them.
The silver lining?
One who lives a psychological life will try and see past the shit. They will go out with someone on many dates trying to see if the connection on other levels will out do the one that is not working. The psychological life will try and wear the shoes despte what they have on them in an effort to feel the comfort of fit.
This style of life is not easy...it is very difficult...you must be willing to put one of your connections (in this example physical) to the side in order to try and let another connection outweigh it. We must see past the initial...which I encourage all people to do. Challenge yourself to go out on a date with someone that is fugly..perhaps it will challenge your sense of self identity...it will challenge your own views of what you find pretty. It will force you to see things and people in amazing new ways outside of the superficial...I dare you!
There is no right or wrong to this...like most of my blogs...but two things that I would want the PSYCH!SENSE philosophers to comment on is this:
Is physical attractiveness the key to relationships/dating initially?
Can you really, really, see past the piece of shit for something to connect in other ways? ---would you date someone that was absolutely tore up from the floor up if everything else in their life was amazing...intellectual, emotional, spiritual.....and had oogles of money, money, money ...(j/k about the last one)
Now you make sure to read my blog called, "Can you hear me now" in order to understand why physical attraction is important at times. This blog topic was submitted to me by a reader...she writes:
"Dear Sexy, Amazing and not at all weird Blog guy,
When I met my man he was sexy and I found myself really attracted to him. He would make me feel even better as he would be very gentlemanly (not as sexy as you..but close) and would treat me right (not as great as you could). When we broke up (because I wanted to try my chances with you) I started going out on dates more (because you turned me down because of your superior intellect and education) and when I would go out, most of the guys I met were not very handsome. They were smart, witty and we could talk about anything, but they didn't turn me on physically (because lets face it they weren't as hot as you). I asked my girlfriends about this (giggidy) and they said that all initial attraction is based on how cute he is. What do you think about this (and will you please pole dance for me later)."
***the views expressed in this letter are real and were that of an actual person. Wording and phrases have been added to protect the identity of one and enhance the sexiness of another.
PSYCH!SENSE question...Is physical attractiveness the key to dating initially?
now lets think about this one...be real!!! When you're single you girl/guy friends will try and hook you up with someone they know, a friend, cousin, sister, sexy grandma...what is the first thing you say? come on....
you say, "what do they look like?" or some variation of it. (except for maybe a minor few)
Even when your friends goes out on a date with someone...one of the first things you ask your friend was, "what does he look like?" "is he cute?"
we want to know what the person looks like and if they are attractive. Now yes...biologically and I believe evolutionary we tend to aim for those that are most physically attractive. Why? the more pretty/handsome a person is, the expected healthy-ness of their genes are to be passed on to our children. We need someone that is somewhat attractive as a way to ensure our children will be healthy. It's biological peeps....
Attraction = good genes ----> healthy kids
that is the extent of the my mathematical prowess.
But what about all the other things I wrote about in the other blog (emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection)? They do exist...they do but is our attractive based on the initial bite.
One of my co-workers tells me, "if you have something workable in looks...it's cool...maybe homeboy needs a haircut or a new wardrobe and I can get with him..." aparently to her, they have to be someone *cute..."workable" (I don't truly understand that concept yet) and the other three connections will only add to his workableness.
A friend at Cafe Roulee told me that initially physical connection and attraction is key. She said that she would want to be able to take him home...and yeah...you know...get all giggidy with it...but she is a "Ni Su Bah Poh"..so whatever. She even said her fiance right now had to be somewhat attractive for her to be willing to be with him initially...now it doesn't matter so much now because she's grown to love him for other reasons...but at first it did matter.
Here's an example:
Back in the day we had Jordan shoes...remember those? I mean the classic high top ones. Oh yeah...the ones you save up all summer for and when you finally buy them...that bully two grade levels higher jack me for them and then kicks me in the nuts with them later that afternoon...yeah...those ones.
Now lets say later that day I start a revolt against him and gather up all the third graders to beat him up. I get the shoes back...By this point...they are dusty...kinda dirty...but the worse part is that he had stepped in a massive piece of shit earlier that day with them.
As I look at them...I think to myself...well look at all the other thngs about them...they are jordans! they are popular! they are expensive! but damn..they look like shit.
A part of me would think...I can clean them and break the dried piece of shit off them...now they will always be stained...always have the dark stain where the giant piece of shit was...but that's okay because all the other things will make up for it.
What if I couldn't take the piece of shit off? what if the shit he stepped in was mutative and would never be taken off? would it still be worth to wear them?
It's an awkward example...but do we understand it? When you first meet someone physical attractiveness does play a key to things. If you had gone to a swap meet and picked up a pair of jordans like this...would you be willing to take them home with the massive piece of mutative shit that doesn't come off? I would think not despite all the other things about them.
The silver lining?
One who lives a psychological life will try and see past the shit. They will go out with someone on many dates trying to see if the connection on other levels will out do the one that is not working. The psychological life will try and wear the shoes despte what they have on them in an effort to feel the comfort of fit.
This style of life is not easy...it is very difficult...you must be willing to put one of your connections (in this example physical) to the side in order to try and let another connection outweigh it. We must see past the initial...which I encourage all people to do. Challenge yourself to go out on a date with someone that is fugly..perhaps it will challenge your sense of self identity...it will challenge your own views of what you find pretty. It will force you to see things and people in amazing new ways outside of the superficial...I dare you!
There is no right or wrong to this...like most of my blogs...but two things that I would want the PSYCH!SENSE philosophers to comment on is this:
Is physical attractiveness the key to relationships/dating initially?
Can you really, really, see past the piece of shit for something to connect in other ways? ---would you date someone that was absolutely tore up from the floor up if everything else in their life was amazing...intellectual, emotional, spiritual.....and had oogles of money, money, money ...(j/k about the last one)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
84. Two is better than one?
Can you love more than one person at a time? Now the simple answer is yes..but the more complicated, gray (grey?) area is ...YES and NO.
Who's your favorite? bert or ernie? (sesame street)
homer simpson or peter griffin?
pepsi or coke?
Me or Me?
as you can see the ideas of loving and feeling the connection to two things can exist..now of course this doesn't answer the question:
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can I be in love with more than one person?
This idea was summitted to me by one of my readers who asked me about relationships...(HA! people actually ask for my opinion...ha!!) anways...she had told me that she loves her husband but when they separated she fell for another guy...perhaps it was his massive....ya know..his giants huge....socks. And we know what they say about guys with big socks right? yeah...big penis. So she tells me that she loves both of her men. WIth her husband she had built a family...a home...a life...and after they separated...she found solace in another man (with a giant sock) who she wanted to be with.
THis is the dilemma...does she love them both? yes! Perhaps the life she has built with one is a type of love that is grounded in investment, experience, life, and consistency...where her other man is grounded in possibilities, potential, and new life.
Perhaps this is the difference...marriage many times has the strength to last because of their:
Investment (the time put into someone)
Experience (we have memories..like that one time we tried to smuggle illegal prescription viagara over the border)
Life (we have kids together...lets try and not screw them up too badly...dammit too late!!!)
Consistency (it's dress up as a rodeo clown or bull night...because it's wednesday)
We think of these things and can see how the opposite also fits our attention and love:
Possibilities (the new things that could happen...you start working out more...you start loving more fully...as if regenerated...you end up *finishing like 8 times in a night compared to maybe once a week with your husband/wife)
Potential (having this new feeling and experience reminds me that i'm alive..almost as if starting new)
New Life (I am now a person that is a happier (in a new way) and brighter when I see this new person...they make me feel more alive)
Consider this metaphor...When I go to hometown buffet I know what to expect...and some of us know exactly what's on the menu right? friday night is fish...wednesday night is ribs...etc...we grow to love it because we can expect and see what's there...it's comfortable, it's consistent, it's known, it's there....
but then...BAM!!! in walks the sexy Asian buffet house down the block...OH baby...fish night every night? oh yeah..you know what i'm talking about...they have some of the same choices at hometown buffet but with a slightly different taste and smels...hahahha...this is disgusting...hahaha....but your eye raises...you get curious..you go and find out that damn..."vanilla was nice...but I'd rather have some south east asian rice" ... you get the idea...
you then have two choices: you can invest time into Asian Buffet and start to learn their calendar and food choices potentially learning that you can't stand Crab night (hahah sick) and in turn slowly lose track of hometown buffet's schedule because you spend too much time at the other...or...you can continue to focus on what you know has been there and stay true to the original. Big question. gross answers.
REFERENCES:
the "vanilla nice...to asian rice" are lyrics from GetOuttm...cdbaby them...or myspace...or facebook...song is called Asian Girls.
Who's your favorite? bert or ernie? (sesame street)
homer simpson or peter griffin?
pepsi or coke?
Me or Me?
as you can see the ideas of loving and feeling the connection to two things can exist..now of course this doesn't answer the question:
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can I be in love with more than one person?
This idea was summitted to me by one of my readers who asked me about relationships...(HA! people actually ask for my opinion...ha!!) anways...she had told me that she loves her husband but when they separated she fell for another guy...perhaps it was his massive....ya know..his giants huge....socks. And we know what they say about guys with big socks right? yeah...big penis. So she tells me that she loves both of her men. WIth her husband she had built a family...a home...a life...and after they separated...she found solace in another man (with a giant sock) who she wanted to be with.
THis is the dilemma...does she love them both? yes! Perhaps the life she has built with one is a type of love that is grounded in investment, experience, life, and consistency...where her other man is grounded in possibilities, potential, and new life.
Perhaps this is the difference...marriage many times has the strength to last because of their:
Investment (the time put into someone)
Experience (we have memories..like that one time we tried to smuggle illegal prescription viagara over the border)
Life (we have kids together...lets try and not screw them up too badly...dammit too late!!!)
Consistency (it's dress up as a rodeo clown or bull night...because it's wednesday)
We think of these things and can see how the opposite also fits our attention and love:
Possibilities (the new things that could happen...you start working out more...you start loving more fully...as if regenerated...you end up *finishing like 8 times in a night compared to maybe once a week with your husband/wife)
Potential (having this new feeling and experience reminds me that i'm alive..almost as if starting new)
New Life (I am now a person that is a happier (in a new way) and brighter when I see this new person...they make me feel more alive)
Consider this metaphor...When I go to hometown buffet I know what to expect...and some of us know exactly what's on the menu right? friday night is fish...wednesday night is ribs...etc...we grow to love it because we can expect and see what's there...it's comfortable, it's consistent, it's known, it's there....
but then...BAM!!! in walks the sexy Asian buffet house down the block...OH baby...fish night every night? oh yeah..you know what i'm talking about...they have some of the same choices at hometown buffet but with a slightly different taste and smels...hahahha...this is disgusting...hahaha....but your eye raises...you get curious..you go and find out that damn..."vanilla was nice...but I'd rather have some south east asian rice" ... you get the idea...
you then have two choices: you can invest time into Asian Buffet and start to learn their calendar and food choices potentially learning that you can't stand Crab night (hahah sick) and in turn slowly lose track of hometown buffet's schedule because you spend too much time at the other...or...you can continue to focus on what you know has been there and stay true to the original. Big question. gross answers.
REFERENCES:
the "vanilla nice...to asian rice" are lyrics from GetOuttm...cdbaby them...or myspace...or facebook...song is called Asian Girls.
82. Who are you?
I think I was just driving along one day when I came upon this idea...oh wait I remember now...it was when I had left a patient's house and he was telling me about having different personalities with different people. SO here we are...
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can you have the same personality with different groups of friends?
So the breakdown is this...I realize that we must have a certain sense of courtesy and professionalism at work and around maybe porn shops...but what about your friends?
Pushing that aside think about your groups of friends...you have those from the neighborhood, those from high school, from college, from bars, from where ever you met them...do you change who you are as a person when you are around those groups?
I had one woman who said, "I'm the same around all my friends..I go out and be me...I party with everyone!....even my mom" hahahah...that's hilarious...PSYCH!SENSE would tell me that she has the ability to be that much more individual than others. Perhaps her ability to stay uniquely her is because she's older? or has cut through all the crap of life by being just her.
For example, I know people that will say whatever they want, do what they like in front of friends as well as in front of parents...now i'm not talking about full frontal nudity..but...maybe they would? The next question would go to the idea of being courteous to other people in life.
My mind goes to one of my friends where we always get together to eat Korean BBQ...now I could do that will all my friends...but our relationship has been built upon the backs of slave serving korean waitresses that bring us loads of meat...see my point? this is our relationship to one another...trying bbq places. I suppose based upon the relationship and context to which you know the person...your personality and ideas too change. I suppose I challenge you ...and me....to take the time to try and find the same personality with everyone...
PSYCH!SENSE question...Can you have the same personality with different groups of friends?
So the breakdown is this...I realize that we must have a certain sense of courtesy and professionalism at work and around maybe porn shops...but what about your friends?
Pushing that aside think about your groups of friends...you have those from the neighborhood, those from high school, from college, from bars, from where ever you met them...do you change who you are as a person when you are around those groups?
I had one woman who said, "I'm the same around all my friends..I go out and be me...I party with everyone!....even my mom" hahahah...that's hilarious...PSYCH!SENSE would tell me that she has the ability to be that much more individual than others. Perhaps her ability to stay uniquely her is because she's older? or has cut through all the crap of life by being just her.
For example, I know people that will say whatever they want, do what they like in front of friends as well as in front of parents...now i'm not talking about full frontal nudity..but...maybe they would? The next question would go to the idea of being courteous to other people in life.
My mind goes to one of my friends where we always get together to eat Korean BBQ...now I could do that will all my friends...but our relationship has been built upon the backs of slave serving korean waitresses that bring us loads of meat...see my point? this is our relationship to one another...trying bbq places. I suppose based upon the relationship and context to which you know the person...your personality and ideas too change. I suppose I challenge you ...and me....to take the time to try and find the same personality with everyone...
Monday, April 12, 2010
83. BFF to BPF (totally made up BPF)
soooo...here we go....best friend forever to best partner forever (again totally made that up)
I once knew a girl that said, "once you're in the friend zone with a girl..it's over." Haven't we guys heard that too? "damn kid don't get in the friend zone or else it's not going to happen!!!" Seriously! getting into the friend zone with your hot friend is like becoming her gay pal accessory...you just aint gonna get any. THe most you'll end up getting is maybe a little nipple action/shot when she's trying on clothes or maybe in a drunken stupor she falls on you and bam...full frontal impact with you...hhahah...we've all had that experience..(too bad it was with a 12 year old cousin)....
anyways...
I've met two people lately...one of them at cafe roule (free advertising!) who told me that her boyfriend of many years now was first her BFF. Apparently..they had grown soooo close and so tight with one another that one night..it happened...he moved from the BFF to the BPF (I'll work on the letters).
Another friend of mine had told me that her BFF was around so much during her stressful times that it was easy to want and embrace him fully...So I suppose the question changes a bit...does being the BFF turn into the greatest way to meet someone?
Yet another person has told me...once they become your friend they become less attractive...sexually. As in that friend (that is a girl) you made starts losing her intimate partner appeal. She begins to change form and not be as attractive as when you first met her...they lose their attraction (does that make sense...i'll pretend it does)SO this gentleman tells me that he finds it hard to see them as anything more than just a friend....
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it is only in these intimate relationships with others that we can truly be ourselves...when a person is able to know all of your crap and be okay with it, that is love. Whether it starts out with friendship, club hook up or that one night at your friend's sexy grandma's house- Our ability to feel connected and held by someone is much stronger of love than is the traditional standard of "make sure she's knows you want it because she makes you a friend" We must be willing to give ourselves complete to another and sometimes...friends are the way to do that first.
Perhaps the hidden secret to having a lasting relationship is our ability to tolerate our friendships and allow them to bloom as oppose to aiming for the quick hook up...
Now i'm not saying that the traditional way to a partner's heart doesn't work...you walk up to a lady at a club and say, "damn baby..your pants must be a mirror cuz I can see myself in them"....or perhaps, "I love what you're wearing...but it'd look better on my bedroom floor"
you get the idea...this does work...but perhaps the secret to lasting and "forever" ones are those that begin once foundation has been created.
I once knew a girl that said, "once you're in the friend zone with a girl..it's over." Haven't we guys heard that too? "damn kid don't get in the friend zone or else it's not going to happen!!!" Seriously! getting into the friend zone with your hot friend is like becoming her gay pal accessory...you just aint gonna get any. THe most you'll end up getting is maybe a little nipple action/shot when she's trying on clothes or maybe in a drunken stupor she falls on you and bam...full frontal impact with you...hhahah...we've all had that experience..(too bad it was with a 12 year old cousin)....
anyways...
I've met two people lately...one of them at cafe roule (free advertising!) who told me that her boyfriend of many years now was first her BFF. Apparently..they had grown soooo close and so tight with one another that one night..it happened...he moved from the BFF to the BPF (I'll work on the letters).
Another friend of mine had told me that her BFF was around so much during her stressful times that it was easy to want and embrace him fully...So I suppose the question changes a bit...does being the BFF turn into the greatest way to meet someone?
Yet another person has told me...once they become your friend they become less attractive...sexually. As in that friend (that is a girl) you made starts losing her intimate partner appeal. She begins to change form and not be as attractive as when you first met her...they lose their attraction (does that make sense...i'll pretend it does)SO this gentleman tells me that he finds it hard to see them as anything more than just a friend....
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that it is only in these intimate relationships with others that we can truly be ourselves...when a person is able to know all of your crap and be okay with it, that is love. Whether it starts out with friendship, club hook up or that one night at your friend's sexy grandma's house- Our ability to feel connected and held by someone is much stronger of love than is the traditional standard of "make sure she's knows you want it because she makes you a friend" We must be willing to give ourselves complete to another and sometimes...friends are the way to do that first.
Perhaps the hidden secret to having a lasting relationship is our ability to tolerate our friendships and allow them to bloom as oppose to aiming for the quick hook up...
Now i'm not saying that the traditional way to a partner's heart doesn't work...you walk up to a lady at a club and say, "damn baby..your pants must be a mirror cuz I can see myself in them"....or perhaps, "I love what you're wearing...but it'd look better on my bedroom floor"
you get the idea...this does work...but perhaps the secret to lasting and "forever" ones are those that begin once foundation has been created.
Friday, April 9, 2010
81. Mission Accomplished
This is a blog first!!!! I was recently sent a request about a situation with one of my readers. I think this is an amazing idea!!! So I will also open up this possibility to others...I encourage you to ask questions that I can blog about it and that the readers can then respond to help with whatever is going on. Brilliant...here's the question....modified of course!
she writes:
Dear sexy guy,
why is it that with your superior intellect and education you do not know what a plethora is...
j/k
anyways:
"Us wives are acused of nagging from time to time. Is it considered nagging when the husband isn't keeping up with his chores and you the wife has to constantly bring them up to the husbands attention? For example I cleaned out the girls baby clothes. It filled a huge trash bag. This isnt stuff that they are ever going to wear again. I asked him to please put them up in the attic. The bag is to heavy for me to carry up the stairs. THAT WAS 2 WEEKS AGO! They have been sitting on the kitchen floor. He has even stepped over it a couple of times. And he never remembers to take out the trash I have to remind him the night before and sometimes he still forgets. Maybe we wouldnt nag if the men would take care of business. What do you think?"
WE ALL HAVE MISSIONS...(as marine corps memories flood me)
Let's be real here...yes it is nagging. It is, plain and simple. I want to try and think about this past the question though. We must all be willing to look past the problem, as images of that movie with robin williams pops up in my head...the one where he's a doctor?...nvm...anyways...it sounds as if he is not respecting your home in a way that YOU find it necessary to do so. He goes to work...and you stay at home taking care of the kids...cleaning...cooking..etc..but he leaves daily without showing you the love that you need to feel from him in regards to the things that you need. Lets talk about the masculine energy....
Men will find themselves in the "do mode" often. They are totally focused, intent on getting a task done. They will do whatever it takes for mission accomplishment. They are sooooo intent on getting it done that questions...breaks...jokes are just not going to be responded to...it's like when they are really into a game or movie...you cannot break them because they are absolutely focused on the butts of other players..I mean...the game and score...in fact they zombified!! except if you strip down and show them the goods. Because let me real again...we're guys. Anyways...
He is so focused on his life mission...this is good. He makes money for the family...his priority is go to work..come home...play with the kids...then play with the wife (you're welcome).....your mission may be to clean up the house, make sure the kids are good, and in this case..organize the house with the trash being thrown out and the clothes being stored away.
Here's the thing...his mission and your mission do match in some ways...but not in all ways (which is okay). He is not reflecting enough on his need to think about your purpose as his wife. In other words....
Lets say it's dinner time. Your mission and goal is to make a plate of food. His mission and goal is to eat the food. As you are cooking though you try and reach up to get a big bowl to mix things into but you can't reach it.
you have two choices:
You can get a chair to stand up and reach it...
or he can come over and grab it for you...
if you go with number one you have to expend some effort...yes...you have to do it in order to accomplish your mission and in turn his...
if you go with number two he will have to understand that he must do it for your mission and his mission to be complete...
I would try and make sure that he understands how important it is for him to reflect and focus on some of the things that are part of your mission and goals. Also...check yourself with him as well...are you being reflective to what is important in his mission and goal? perhaps taking out the trash isn't part of his plan...but perhaps if you held out the "goods" for a few hours ...or perhaps put yourself on a stick for him to follow as you stroll out to the trash can he would get the point. HA!
she writes:
Dear sexy guy,
why is it that with your superior intellect and education you do not know what a plethora is...
j/k
anyways:
"Us wives are acused of nagging from time to time. Is it considered nagging when the husband isn't keeping up with his chores and you the wife has to constantly bring them up to the husbands attention? For example I cleaned out the girls baby clothes. It filled a huge trash bag. This isnt stuff that they are ever going to wear again. I asked him to please put them up in the attic. The bag is to heavy for me to carry up the stairs. THAT WAS 2 WEEKS AGO! They have been sitting on the kitchen floor. He has even stepped over it a couple of times. And he never remembers to take out the trash I have to remind him the night before and sometimes he still forgets. Maybe we wouldnt nag if the men would take care of business. What do you think?"
WE ALL HAVE MISSIONS...(as marine corps memories flood me)
Let's be real here...yes it is nagging. It is, plain and simple. I want to try and think about this past the question though. We must all be willing to look past the problem, as images of that movie with robin williams pops up in my head...the one where he's a doctor?...nvm...anyways...it sounds as if he is not respecting your home in a way that YOU find it necessary to do so. He goes to work...and you stay at home taking care of the kids...cleaning...cooking..etc..but he leaves daily without showing you the love that you need to feel from him in regards to the things that you need. Lets talk about the masculine energy....
Men will find themselves in the "do mode" often. They are totally focused, intent on getting a task done. They will do whatever it takes for mission accomplishment. They are sooooo intent on getting it done that questions...breaks...jokes are just not going to be responded to...it's like when they are really into a game or movie...you cannot break them because they are absolutely focused on the butts of other players..I mean...the game and score...in fact they zombified!! except if you strip down and show them the goods. Because let me real again...we're guys. Anyways...
He is so focused on his life mission...this is good. He makes money for the family...his priority is go to work..come home...play with the kids...then play with the wife (you're welcome).....your mission may be to clean up the house, make sure the kids are good, and in this case..organize the house with the trash being thrown out and the clothes being stored away.
Here's the thing...his mission and your mission do match in some ways...but not in all ways (which is okay). He is not reflecting enough on his need to think about your purpose as his wife. In other words....
Lets say it's dinner time. Your mission and goal is to make a plate of food. His mission and goal is to eat the food. As you are cooking though you try and reach up to get a big bowl to mix things into but you can't reach it.
you have two choices:
You can get a chair to stand up and reach it...
or he can come over and grab it for you...
if you go with number one you have to expend some effort...yes...you have to do it in order to accomplish your mission and in turn his...
if you go with number two he will have to understand that he must do it for your mission and his mission to be complete...
I would try and make sure that he understands how important it is for him to reflect and focus on some of the things that are part of your mission and goals. Also...check yourself with him as well...are you being reflective to what is important in his mission and goal? perhaps taking out the trash isn't part of his plan...but perhaps if you held out the "goods" for a few hours ...or perhaps put yourself on a stick for him to follow as you stroll out to the trash can he would get the point. HA!
Monday, April 5, 2010
80. "But you gotta have friends..."
I've found myself in so many places meeting new people and taking the time to connect with so many others and in my quest I've made only a few good friends. Now i'm not complaining..I figure that's less people to help move or lend money to. But I mention it because come to think of it...how many of us make new friends? I MEAN REAL FRIENDS! now sure...definition will be up for grabs..all of you can stew with it...
for the sake of this blog..i'll call friends someone that you would invite to your home to play taboo or scattergories on a nice summer night while drinking a few fuzzy navels and furry shoes, extra furry...(what?!? yes, they exist!)
PSYCH!SENSE question? As you get older...do you find yourself making fewer new close friends?
I realize as we are growing up we find ourselves in situations where we travel around...schools, jobs, traveling...all these things are done while we are younger. Usually on our own we seek out others in a way to build relationships and company. As you get older though, new priorities take place...family, career stability, housemaking...pole dancing clientelle...
One gentleman at the coffee shop said that he has no need to actually make new friends...he told us that as he's gotten older he's become more selective...more picky with those he acquiants himself with. This was interesting to me because I can relate...I have some good friends that I talk to often and although they appear annoying to those who have not met them before...I love them....but If i had met someone like them today...I would get annoyed as well.
Here's an example: I have a buddy that cheats on her boyfriend...UGH!!! I do not condone it...and she knows it too...but I've known her for about...uh...10 years and so I in a way kinda brush it off...but if I were to meet her today I would absolutely try to avoid friendship with someone like that. Get it? (that may be a different topic)
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we change. Check this out people (i'm working on a theory here) our cells/body biological cells actually take about ohhh 7 years to fully die off and create a new one in response...what does this mean? this means that every 7 years...we've replaced all our old cells...perhaps with this experience...with this change in biological construct we change in flavor and taste. Our tastes become more refined...more keen. Perhaps this is why older people enjoy classical music, Jazz, wine and "tastier" food because our bodies have adapted into stronger sense (another topic to write about later)....anyways....
I had someone in the coffee shop as well called "art girl" (actually I named her that because she draws amazingly well)...so she stated that as she works at a computer all day she actually feels the drive and need to go out and socialize more. Imagine that!!! less interaction forces us to want to make new friends? (on a side note she does not use facebook or myspace which could warrant the question...if she did use them would she feel less inclined for social interaction?)
Another gentleman pointed out that when he takes his elderly father out to even Homie Depot (for my latin friends)..his father will make it a point to introduce and strike up conversation with anyone in the store...as if he feeds off of it...as if he needs it. I LOVE THAT! Although...seriously...I think many, many, old people do that. Why???? probably as one gentleman pointed out...back in the day...when you had friends over to entertain at home..they were usually those that you worked with at the office...they learned to socialize without the use of a computer screen.
how many of my readers can actually say they are best friends with every person at their worksite? although...if I worked at disneyland..that would be cool...i'd totally have a disney cast party where people would have to come dressed up...imagine that! haha...I would totally have snow white passed out at the door as pooh bear mixes cocktails, the beast does the macarena and captain hook playing pin the tail on eeyore
for the sake of this blog..i'll call friends someone that you would invite to your home to play taboo or scattergories on a nice summer night while drinking a few fuzzy navels and furry shoes, extra furry...(what?!? yes, they exist!)
PSYCH!SENSE question? As you get older...do you find yourself making fewer new close friends?
I realize as we are growing up we find ourselves in situations where we travel around...schools, jobs, traveling...all these things are done while we are younger. Usually on our own we seek out others in a way to build relationships and company. As you get older though, new priorities take place...family, career stability, housemaking...pole dancing clientelle...
One gentleman at the coffee shop said that he has no need to actually make new friends...he told us that as he's gotten older he's become more selective...more picky with those he acquiants himself with. This was interesting to me because I can relate...I have some good friends that I talk to often and although they appear annoying to those who have not met them before...I love them....but If i had met someone like them today...I would get annoyed as well.
Here's an example: I have a buddy that cheats on her boyfriend...UGH!!! I do not condone it...and she knows it too...but I've known her for about...uh...10 years and so I in a way kinda brush it off...but if I were to meet her today I would absolutely try to avoid friendship with someone like that. Get it? (that may be a different topic)
PSYCH!SENSE tells me that we change. Check this out people (i'm working on a theory here) our cells/body biological cells actually take about ohhh 7 years to fully die off and create a new one in response...what does this mean? this means that every 7 years...we've replaced all our old cells...perhaps with this experience...with this change in biological construct we change in flavor and taste. Our tastes become more refined...more keen. Perhaps this is why older people enjoy classical music, Jazz, wine and "tastier" food because our bodies have adapted into stronger sense (another topic to write about later)....anyways....
I had someone in the coffee shop as well called "art girl" (actually I named her that because she draws amazingly well)...so she stated that as she works at a computer all day she actually feels the drive and need to go out and socialize more. Imagine that!!! less interaction forces us to want to make new friends? (on a side note she does not use facebook or myspace which could warrant the question...if she did use them would she feel less inclined for social interaction?)
Another gentleman pointed out that when he takes his elderly father out to even Homie Depot (for my latin friends)..his father will make it a point to introduce and strike up conversation with anyone in the store...as if he feeds off of it...as if he needs it. I LOVE THAT! Although...seriously...I think many, many, old people do that. Why???? probably as one gentleman pointed out...back in the day...when you had friends over to entertain at home..they were usually those that you worked with at the office...they learned to socialize without the use of a computer screen.
how many of my readers can actually say they are best friends with every person at their worksite? although...if I worked at disneyland..that would be cool...i'd totally have a disney cast party where people would have to come dressed up...imagine that! haha...I would totally have snow white passed out at the door as pooh bear mixes cocktails, the beast does the macarena and captain hook playing pin the tail on eeyore
Sunday, April 4, 2010
79. Are we all Mr. Grinch?
I was out at the local coffee shop "Cafe Roule"...if only they will give me a free cup of tea because of advertising....oh wait...that leads right into my next topic. GREED!!..SELFISHNESS!!...yes yes yes...
PSYCH!SENSE question...are all the friends you have made because of your initial selfishness?
think about it...are all your friendships based on the idea of getting something from them? Now I realize it's not as simple as that...but more I question our intentions with other people. Think about it...think of a friend right now...think of someone that you met and made a friend of and think if you initially met them because they gave you something...me for example...I paid for her "services" over and over again, many times a week resulting in her becoming one of my best friends and me her best customer!! kidding...kinda...anyways
Let me give you a real example...I once had a friend in high school that knew taekwondo. Here's the interesting thing...when I met him I had seen him practicing one day and because of this I wanted to be his friend...although I didn't know it at the time. The reason I wanted to get to know him was because I felt I could teach him something...he fed into my ego...in exchange..maybe he learned new moves, new techniques...or whatever...
When you take up a new hobby...lets say...archery...you join a club and try and make friends with others as a way to learn from them...learn how to do things with your bow...this is your selfish need...in turn perhaps they get the feeling of "i'm helping someone...i'm a good person..." or "ha! i'm the man...I taught you something..." this is their selfish need.
Just like when you go out and want to hit on a really hot girl...you hit and make friends with her ugly friend as a way to get in! I know, I know...horrible..
Some of us guys hang out with really, really hot opposite sex friends...from them we get the feeling of them "being with us" despite them not "being with us", we get the feeling of "check me out random guys in the street..she's with me"...we get an ego boost...perhaps women get the feeling of protection or having good company (because they aren't as shallow as we are).
Now i'm not saying that we keep our friends for those reasons...but it is interesting to think that our relationships are founded by the selfishness in ourselves..the idea of "what can I get from them?" Over time that does change though...it does...we begin to see the wonderful connection above the level of "what can they do for me.." we begin to appreciate their company, the relationship, the feeling of being close to someone...
I suppose I would challenge people of the world to truly consider their ability to meet new friends without the intention of getting something from them...but out of the intention of meeting someone new...although isn't that selfish as well? I truly don't know...
Ultimately I can try and make new friends of strangers with the intention of selflessness...but geez...does anyone think that's possible?
p.s.
If any of you know a massage therapist willing to be a friend with selflessness intent...boy o' boy I could use it!!!!
PSYCH!SENSE question...are all the friends you have made because of your initial selfishness?
think about it...are all your friendships based on the idea of getting something from them? Now I realize it's not as simple as that...but more I question our intentions with other people. Think about it...think of a friend right now...think of someone that you met and made a friend of and think if you initially met them because they gave you something...me for example...I paid for her "services" over and over again, many times a week resulting in her becoming one of my best friends and me her best customer!! kidding...kinda...anyways
Let me give you a real example...I once had a friend in high school that knew taekwondo. Here's the interesting thing...when I met him I had seen him practicing one day and because of this I wanted to be his friend...although I didn't know it at the time. The reason I wanted to get to know him was because I felt I could teach him something...he fed into my ego...in exchange..maybe he learned new moves, new techniques...or whatever...
When you take up a new hobby...lets say...archery...you join a club and try and make friends with others as a way to learn from them...learn how to do things with your bow...this is your selfish need...in turn perhaps they get the feeling of "i'm helping someone...i'm a good person..." or "ha! i'm the man...I taught you something..." this is their selfish need.
Just like when you go out and want to hit on a really hot girl...you hit and make friends with her ugly friend as a way to get in! I know, I know...horrible..
Some of us guys hang out with really, really hot opposite sex friends...from them we get the feeling of them "being with us" despite them not "being with us", we get the feeling of "check me out random guys in the street..she's with me"...we get an ego boost...perhaps women get the feeling of protection or having good company (because they aren't as shallow as we are).
Now i'm not saying that we keep our friends for those reasons...but it is interesting to think that our relationships are founded by the selfishness in ourselves..the idea of "what can I get from them?" Over time that does change though...it does...we begin to see the wonderful connection above the level of "what can they do for me.." we begin to appreciate their company, the relationship, the feeling of being close to someone...
I suppose I would challenge people of the world to truly consider their ability to meet new friends without the intention of getting something from them...but out of the intention of meeting someone new...although isn't that selfish as well? I truly don't know...
Ultimately I can try and make new friends of strangers with the intention of selflessness...but geez...does anyone think that's possible?
p.s.
If any of you know a massage therapist willing to be a friend with selflessness intent...boy o' boy I could use it!!!!
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