"What if you don't know how s/he makes you feel? What if he have these
mixed messages we're trying to decipher and not really know where we
stand? It is possible that while with your partner you are vibing,
getting all the right signals, and everything is there. Once apart, s/he
is not as attentive so you're confused but you've idolized this person
as potentially being the perfect mate because of all of the qualities
they possess and those qualities having to be everything on your "list."
How can you find out without compromising your happiness? Or simply,
what if you don't want to get rid of the idea of that person?"
If you don't know how s/he makes you feel...then ask yourself again. What you're telling me is that you are feeling confused...you feel the connection, the jolt, the joy, the soul of your partner when together but then feel the disconnection, the break down and the loss when they are apart from you.
Here's a few things, relationships should be a connection of two lives, a partnering of who we are and what we bring...it is an active and open sharing of our gifts with them- not for them. If you've "idolized" them...then you have just shat on yourself. When you "idolize" them you are automatically diminishing yourself. Be on the winner's platform with them...not the footstool that lifts them onto the pedestal.
If you idolize them and make them a super hero when with them...does that mean when you are apart you become the "damsel in distress" waiting for them to come save you again?
Remember that your feelings should not be based on them. I believe that too many people base their feelings on those of their partners. This is wrong. You are your own person. You have your own colors, shades of gray and shapes- you are art.
With that being said, I challenge you to find your own feelings that are separate from your partner's. If you feel that s/he is "not as attentive" it is your responsibility to call him/her out on it and express how you feel. Explain how you feel when they are away and what it does to you. S/he may not know that they do that to you and a simple conversation could open up your relationship.
What if after calling him/her out as you suggest, s/he says to you "I like you, but I'm just not sure I am in a good place right now." I know idolizing someone isn't the greatest thing to do, but when you find EXACTLY what you are looking for in a mate and they give you some cop out like the one stated above, what is one to do? Do you continue to pursue to show that person you are not giving up on them that easily? If you do pursue, what if you just end up pushing them away?
ReplyDeleteI read something somewhere and it said something along the lines of "you get three loves in your life: one who is completely bad for and to you, one who YOU fall in love with and your feelings aren't returned, and the one that you don't see coming." What's your view on "true loves?"
When you say "pursue" I hear that as "convince".
ReplyDeleteIf you have to convince someone to be with you right now...how will that relationship look like later...
You have to try and find your truth, your real self. Your real self is the one without him/her. If you have to spend who you are to try and convince him/her to "see" that, you are living for them....not you. Living for you requires that you put your needs first and the fact is...you don't need him/her.
I'm going to address true loves in a later post....so just wait for it :)